How Are We Still Alive?
by Nairo Xana and Jemmi
Summary: The Akatsuki have somehow arrived in La Jolla, California, into a house with a hyperactive goth, a timid girl, and a girl with a rather colorful vocabulary, what could go wrong? Or rather, what couldn't? Doesn't suck. Rated T for swearing
1. Arrivals and Interrogations

**Author's Note:**

**We know the Akatsuki members would have killed the OCs right away. But if they did that, we wouldn't have a story. We hate OOCness as much as anyone, but for the sake of having a plot, it must be done. If you've got a problem with that, hit the back button right now.**

**Claire: Hello again, everyone! I suppose people are probably wondering why they're getting an alert on a story that's already, in theory, finished. If it works that way…I'm not even sure it does…But if anyone who has already read this is reading it again, we would like to explain. **

**Our writing styles tend to change very often. And by change I mostly mean improve. It bugs the hell out of us that when we re-read the first few chapters and cringed at how much they sucked. I personally get very bothered when the writing in a story isn't that good, and I tend to give up on them unless people with more patience than me tough it out and tell me it's good. **

**So this is mostly for the people who have not ever read anything about this story before: the first four chapters of this story are not the original version. We are reposting it so hopefully you continue reading, because we like having readers. Makes us feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)**

**We also want you to enjoy what other people have told us is a really good story, and you can't do that if you give up on reading it. **

**So when the level of writing drops after Chapter 5, please don't get discouraged. It should go up again.**

**I…sound…really whiny here…Ehh…oh well, this stuff needs to be said. **

**Leah: I can't believe how much we've improved since we started this story…wow…**

**Eva: Yeah. I'm basically gonna say what Claire said, but just a bit simpler. Originally, the first four chapters of this fanfiction were, we **_**thought**_**, decent. But as we kept writing, we got better at writing, but the first chapters remained suckish. It was bugging us a lot, and we think, turning a lot of people away from our story, even though it gets a LOT better as you get farther into it. So we (as in Leah and Claire—I'm insanely sick right now and couldn't go to Leah's house to help XP), re-wrote the first four chapters.**

**Claire: I did say that….anyway, this is **_**1 of 4 revised chapters**_

Chapter 1:

The barking woke her immediately. Claire sighed, smashing her head crankily against the pillows before propping herself up. She brushed a few floppy strands of her shoulder-length red hair out of her faced and jerked her head to the left, scowling.

"Leah."

No response.

"LEAH!" Claire called again, getting more pissed off by the second as her housemate's dog continued to yap volumes that a small white dog should not be capable of one floor below.

The mass of tangled brown locks remained splayed over Leah's arm and head, making her look like a hundred-year-old mop. She was just about as useful as one too.

Claire grumbled and shifted her gaze to the right, towards the third person in the room.

"Eva."

Yet another corpse-like response.

"Damn it Eva, listen to me! I know you aren't asleep!"

"I _am_ asleep. That's what people do when it's two in the morning," Eva protested.

"Bullshit. Make Durham shut up."

"Do it yourself."

"Arg…why are you all so lazy…?" Claire complained hypocritically. She got up anyway, dragging her feet one in front of the other as she went towards the door. She kicked Eva's sleeping bag as she passed.

Claire emerged into the hallway sulkily and trudged towards the stairs. The stairs offered no help to someone as tired as she, as they made her ideally straight descent downward a mere illusion. The moronic architect must have decided that the three story house had needed MORE room than it already had, and had achieved this by artistically providing two sharp turns that confined them to a corner adjacent to the large front door.

She had just managed to clunk down to the foot of the second turn, almost within range to yell at the stupid howling dog and scare him into silence. However, the yell that broke the staccato barks of the beast in the next few seconds was not her own; the voice belonged to a man.

"Shut up!" A sharp thump and a whimper followed, and Durham was quiet. Claire's eyes widened and her heart pounded as she glimpsed several humanoid shadows moving in the living room. She gasped and whirled around, tripping over her own feet as rushed back Leah's room.

The two of them were thankfully already up, saving Claire the trouble of wasting precious time on it herself. By their horrified expressions, she had guessed they had heard the intruder too. They were silent, waiting, praying for more silence to tell them they were all hallucinating.

No such luck.

"Tobi," another voice commanded, echoing loudly despite the dozens of feet of space and drywall between them, "Search the building—if anyone's there, bring them back here."

The three girls did not even dare to blink. Eva leaped out of her sleeping bag and forced herself to fit underneath Leah's bed. Claire hastily followed. Leah also scampered out from under her covers and flopped to the floor, joining her friends as they quaked in fear.

A man walked into the room—or at least it seemed to be a man—they could only see the shadow of him, barely lit by the dim light of the moon streaming in from a small window at the end of the hall. A long cape hung on his frame as his shadow's face panned the room. He walked over to the bed, reaching underneath and scooping up the girls' legs in one swift movement. They screamed and kicked but Tobi didn't flinch or loosen his grip in the slightest.

He dragged them all the way to the living room deposited them on the floor in front of eight other figures, all of them standing out of the glow from the lamp on the glass coffee table so the three could not see them. They did not move, paralyzed by fear and the awful weight of the knowledge that all resistance attempts would be futile.

The three friends huddled together, whimpering. "Who are you?" Claire asked quietly, though she already knew.

"What the hell…" Leah squeaked to herself.

"Are you gonna kill us?" Eva questioned. Unlike the other two, her terror did not show in her voice. Her tone was contrarily numb.

One of the men surrounding them shifted so he was out of the shadows. Though only half of him shown, they recognized his blue skin and appearance somewhat akin to that of a shark. "Probably," he answered honestly.

Eva started laughing.

The tense atmosphere fluctuated briefly. The whole group—Leah, Claire, Tobi, and the other figures shrouded in darkness—all glanced at her curiously.

"Why the fuck are you laughing?" one of the men growled, his slick silver hair glinting as he too shifted into the reach of the lamp's rays.

Eva quickly stopped laughing and turned her gaze to her feet, though an idiotic grin was still plastered on her face. "I laugh in bad situations," she mumbled.

Leah bravely tried to save her friend by adding, "It's a mental disorder, she can't control it."

"No it's—" Eva began to defend herself, but the figure that had commanded Tobi cut her off.

"Just tell us where we are," he demanded impatiently.

"Um…La Jolla…"

None of the intruders said anything.

"Earth?" Claire offered.

Still more silence.

"Here," said the three girls simultaneously.

The leader of the Akatsuki picked a different topic. "Who are you?"

"Eva."

"Claire."

"Leah. And the white fluff ball in the corner of the room, who apparently just got smacked, is my dog, Durham."

There were faint murmurs amidst the group, with an air of skepticism and irritation clearly present. It quickly dissipated and all twelve pairs of ears idle.

"My foot is asleep," Eva pointed out.

"Which one?" Claire responded, the questioned tinted slightly with sarcasm.

"The left one," she said thoughtfully.

"Bathe in the wit of my comrade," Claire scoffed, holding her arms toward Eva as if she were Vanna White.

Eva glared at her, finally catching on.

"These guys are criminals; we need to show them respect…they're not exactly our friends…" Leah whispered, nudging Eva in the side.

"Can I _please_ kill them?" Kisame asked, getting impatient.

"Fuck yes!" Hidan agreed eagerly.

Itachi turned to Pein questioningly.

"No!" Tobi piped up before he had a chance to reply.

"Why not?" Kakuzu glared at him.

"Well…," he stammered, "Leah's hot…"

"But Claire's a kiss up bitch—we can kill her, right?" Hidan asked hopefully.

"How am I a kiss up bitch, you man-whore?" Claire inquired. This set Hidan off. He and Claire continued their 'colorful' argument while the others ignored erupted into their own scuffle about who was going to die, and when.

"No!" Kisame protested. "If we're gonna kill anyone it might as well be Eva—that idiotic twit's pissing me off!"

"Ha! What an accomplishment," Deidara butted in.

The argument escalated as eventually everyone was pulled in. Soon there was shouting and threats. Durham, distressed by all the panic, started barking again, hopping and biting at the heels of the Akatsuki members.

Pein stepped in, holding up his hand in a request for silence, his face contorted by his comrades' triflings. The result was immediate. He spoke to Deidara. "Take Tobi and interrogate Leah. Hidan and Kakuzu, you're in charge of Claire. Itachi, Kisame, you have…Eva," he said, giving Eva a carefully neutral look. "Question them until they crack, get whatever information you can. And I forbid you from physically harming them…for the time being."

Deidara and Tobi nodded and took Leah into the kitchen; she went with them without a fuss, though she gave apprehensive looks to her two friends. Hidan and Claire glared at each other as Kakuzu led them into the nearest room. Eva was pushed into the backyard by Kisame and Itachi slowly followed after slid the glass door closed behind them.

Pein turned to Blue and Zetsu. "Search the rest of the property. See if you can find anything useful pertaining to our location."

"Why are we wasting out time on this? Shouldn't we be trying to capture the jinchurikki?" Blue asked Pein.

Pein shook his head, "I'm not sure of where La Jolla is, or if it even exists. And either way I don't know how we can get back to the hideout, or any familiar territory. It's possible that those girls can provide us useful information."

"I see…" Blue did what she was told and began to search the house along with Zetsu and Pein.

xXx

Despite the fact that Deidara and Tobi were the ones meant to interrogate her, Leah led the way into the kitchen and they followed, observing the surroundings curiously. She walked to the edge of the white-countered island that stood in the middle of the room and leaned against it, facing a large glass table. Deidara spun one of the chairs around roughly and sat facing her. Tobi stood for a second, and then decided to imitate him, almost knocking the chair over as he tried to turn it.

"So…" Leah said after a moment's silence.

"Well, we should get down to business," Deidara sighed.

"Deidara-senpai," Tobi whispered.

"Hm?"

"What are we supposed to ask her?"

Deidara blinked. "I dunno, un."

"So…" Leah said again, calling their attention back to her after it had been momentarily lost.

Deidara sighed again, resting his chin on his hands that were crossed over the chair's back. "Where are we?"

"We're in La Jolla."

"Be more specific."

"California—the United States of America—North America—Earth."

"What do you know about us?"

Leah paused. She hardly wanted to lie, but would it really be wise to let them know that they had their own show and…with that…a fan base? She decided it wouldn't be. "Only what I've learned tonight. So not much."

"What do you think we should do now?" Deidara asked her abruptly. Tobi and Leah stared at him, somewhat confused by his out-of-place question.

"What do you mean?" she said slowly

"Well…should we leave and go out into your world? I can only assume we're on a completely different world if you've never heard of the Akatsuki, un," he clarified. "Or…should we stay here until we find out how we got here and how to go back? And while we're on that topic, should we kill you? Should we keep you as hostages? Should we trust what you say and do what you want us to for the sake of our survival?"

"Um…"

"Well?" Deidara prompted. "I want your honest answer."

"Well you should probably stay here—I don't think the rest of the world would be very accommodating to you. I'm of course, against killing us for very obvious reasons…and being a hostage doesn't really seem like it'd be very enjoyable either, and this is our world so we do know how to get around in it and stuff…so I'd say you guys just kind of trust us…to a certain extent."

"You're too honest. That could get you into some trouble, un."

"I know…"

Silence.

"So…" Leah began again.

XxX

At the other side of the house, Claire was sitting against the bed, glaring up at the two standing in front of her. She was really only glaring at Hidan, but she didn't want Kakuzu to feel awkward, so just to be accommodating, she shifted her eyes between them every few seconds.

"Little bitch…" Hidan muttered. He spoke so quietly that this would have gone undetected if Claire had not switched her stony stare to him a fraction of a second before.

"Could you repeat the question officer, I couldn't quite hear you?" she said, grinning innocently. Obviously she had forgotten she was in a room with two of the most dangerous people you could ever possibly meet—or couldn't for that matter, seeing as they didn't exist—and was choosing to obey her argumentative nature.

"Just tell us where the fuck we are—and none of this 'La Hoola' shit either. I don't buy it," Hidan sneered.

"Well if you don't believe it, that's your problem. It's the truth, even if you're too stubborn to see it."

Hidan started to reply, but Kakuzu cut him off, "What country is this 'La Jolla' in?"

"The United States."

"No, I meant is it the Fire Country or the Water Country…?"

"The United States," Claire repeated.

"Listen you bitch, if you don't answer the fucking question—"

"—I did answer the fucking question, keep your shirt on! Oh wait, you can't can you? You aren't wearing a fucking shirt! And don't call me a bitch again you man-whore."

"I'll call you whatever the fuck I like!"

"Oh you will, will you? Fucking asshole…"

"SHUT UP YOU FUCKING BITCH!"

"NO YOU SHUT UP!"

"GO TO FUCKING HELL!"

"I'LL SEE YOU THERE, WON'T I?"

"KAKUZU, STAND OVER THERE, I'M SACRIFICING THIS FUCKING BITCH!" Hidan roared, shoving Kakuzu aside. "I hope Jashin likes the ornery ones…"

"Wait a second, Leader said _not_ to kill them!" he argued, sounding slightly panicked. He moved back to the spot Hidan had pushed him away from. Hidan fumed, but merely stood there, looking murderous. Claire stuck out her tongue at him triumphantly. Hidan lost his brief accumulation of composure and dived at her, ready to claw her eyes out with his bare hands.

xXx

Blue paused and stood up, abandoning the bookcase she had been searching for…whatever it was that Pein had wanted her to find. "See if you can find anything" wasn't exactly helpful. She thought she could hear muffled screams and possible profanity coming from the floor below…She supposed Hidan's interrogation wasn't going well. She shrugged and turned back, searching the next shelf down.

XxX

Eva sat cross-legged on the concrete several feet in front of the sliding glass door that lead to outside. Her blond hair hung limply around her face, the blue tips in it were illuminated just enough to be seen by the pale moonlight. She was too lazy to take off her black eyeliner before she went to bed each night, and so it was smeared below her eyes. She took a moment to wipe it away, though the effort was blind so she had no idea how it turned out. Her baggy pants kept her reasonably warm, but her arms got goose bumps from the too-early-to-be-awake weather. She tapped her black nails on the concrete impatiently as Itachi and Kisame found lawn chairs to sit in.

Itachi's red eyes shone unnaturally in the dark atmosphere and it sent shivers of fear down her spine, which she promptly ignored. She could barely see Kisame at all, as they had closed the curtains behind the door, so the only light was from the moon and even that was mostly obscured by the eucalyptus trees in the backyard. She waited for them to begin.

"Where are we?" Itachi asked.

She spoke simply and calmly, like she was bored with the whole situation. "La Jolla."

"I have no idea what that is," Kisame growled.

"It's a city in the United States."

"What country?" Kisame continued.

"The United States is a country."

"Lying to us is only going to give us a reason to hurt you." Eva could tell he was smiling.

"I'm not lying," she calmly insisted.

"Then perhaps you don't understand the question. When we say country, we mean like Fire Country, Earth Country, things like that." He was very clearly patronizing her, and it ticked Eva off to no end.

"I know what you meant by the question, but judging by how poorly you and your group fit into our society, it appears you are from another dimension. Different dimensions have different countries," she sneered, giving the last sentence a particularly strong coating of sarcasm.

"Are you a ninja?" Itachi changed the subject. He figured they might as well move on to a different topic and wear her down a bit more before getting to more complex or guarded subjects.

"No; no one here is."

"Can anyone here use ninjutsu?" Kisame questioned.

"Depends what you mean by ninjutsu."

Itachi stood up and turned to face an empty expanse of concrete before making several hand signs and bring his fingers to his mouth, "Katon Ryuuka no Jutsu!" A large ball of fire appeared out of thin air. It lingered for a few seconds, than disappeared into the atmosphere.

Despite having seen it many times on the anime, the real thing absolutely terrified Eva, and she screamed in her thoughts, though she managed to keep the external sound down to a gulp. "No…nothing like that," she whispered, her words a bit shakier than she had intended.

xXx

This interrogation seemed to be full of holes. Holes being long, empty silences. Leah wasn't much of a talker in the first place, and hardly found her capture by dangerous criminals to be the time to start. But it appeared the Akatsuki members before her were not so great at conversing with others either. Tobi was obviously an idiot, so no surprise here. Deidara must have been used to Sasori being in command. Or wasn't big on interrogation. Whatever the case, anything any of them said seemed to have to start and end with at least three seconds of quiet, not counting the odd shouting noises coming from across the house.

Deidara studied was currently studying Leah's face. "You have a pointy nose," he pointed out.

Leah blinked; she hated her nose. She quickly cast her gaze downward to let the curtain of her long brown hair hide said ski slope.

"Okee, I have a question!" Tobi piped up suddenly. Leah and Deidara both looked at him.

"Er...ok?" Leah mumbled swallowing her blush, for he seemed to be waiting for confirmation. This was definitely not how interrogations were supposed go.

"Do you know…how to get out of here?"

"TOBI!" Deidara shouted, smacking him on the back of his head.

"Ouch…what did I say?" he mumbled, rubbing the injured area. Then he added under his breath so only he could hear, "And you got my hair wet…"

"You aren't supposed to—!" he looked around at Leah, who was eyeing them both curiously. "Uhmmmm…excuse us for a second."

Deidara grabbed the back of Tobi's coat and pulled him out of the kitchen and into the family room, seemingly unaware that they could be easily heard from the kitchen, due to the _lack of a door_.

"We're supposed to be interrogating her, not asking for advice! You're undermining the whole system of…of…power…and stuff, un!" Deidara whispered angrily.

"Um…I'm sorry?" Tobi whimpered uncertainly. Leah, unnoticed by either of them, scooted over to the other side of the island, peeking around the wall to look at them.

"I can…hear you…you know…"

They both turned and looked at her.

XxX

Books, papers, and a number of other objects that had previously been resting on the shelves built into the wall now lay on the floor. The bed was aligned crookedly against the wall, and a lamp on the stand in the corner had been upended so it was now rolling oddly around on the wooden surface. Claire stood in one corner, Kakuzu holding Hidan's arms behind him in another. All three of them were panting.

Despite her habit of picking fights with anyone who pissed her off, regardless of them being murderous criminals, Claire was still not stupid enough to just stand in one spot when being attack, thus the destruction of this room. Kakuzu was starting to lose his patience with her as well as Hidan, and was having trouble not killing her himself.

"Okay…let's just…continue the interrogation, shall we?" he said through gritted teeth. Claire and Hidan continued to glare at each other, but Claire huffily sat down again, crossing her arms and legs.

"What's the question?" she muttered.

"We'll ask the questions, thank you," Kakuzu said.

"I know, what is the question?" she repeated.

"How can you not want to kill her?!" Hidan asked incredulously. Kakuzu ignored him.

"You've already told us you aren't from the Fire Country, so—"

"—What, you believe her? She's a lying bitch!"

"Let's say we're being hypothetical then!"

"Right, fine, whatever…"

"Hm. You aren't from the Fire Country, are you an ally of Konoha?"

Claire sighed impatiently. "There is no Konoha here! There is no Fire Country. IT'S THE UNITED STATES." She paused. "Of America," she added for good measure.

"THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS THE UNITED STATES OF…WHATEVER IT WAS!" Hidan shouted.

"THEN WHERE THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, THE VOID?!"

Hidan spluttered angrily, not knowing exactly how to reply to this. "…You're a bitch!" he said again.

"And you're a man-whore! We've been through this already."

"WHY DO YOU KEEP FUCKING CALLING ME A MAN-WHORE!"

"BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MAN-WHORE. YOU—AREN'T—WEARING—A—SHIRT!"

xXx

There really didn't seem to be anything worth investigating in this house. The only thing they really had was _furniture_. How boring. Zetsu wandered through an exceptionally dull room on the third floor full of nothing but beige couches and a TV. There was also a coffee table with some magazines and coasters on it. Zetsu picked up one of the coasters and examined it.

"_Do you think this is edible_?"

"I dunno. It looks stale."

_"…You're probably right_." He put it back down and left to find a more interesting room. Or at least one with better snacks.

XxX

"No! Nonononono! Please don't do that!" Eva pleaded, eyeing the kunai that was being held inches from her face.

"Then tell us the truth," Itachi said calmly.

"Goddamn it I AM!" she yelled. The kunai moved closer. "What answer do you want then if you don't like the one I'm giving you?! I'll gladly repeat it if you get that _thing_ away from me!"

"Just tell us if there is some kind of plot against the Akatsuki. Are you allied with Konoha, or the Sand? Are they rallying troops or something? _Why_ are we here in this _La Jolla_ place?" Itachi said. His voice was still mostly calm, but slightly louder. He had discovered it was a habit he had picked up when he was forced to converse with…people of lesser intelligence, such as Eva.

"There isn't, I'm not, no, and I DON'T KNOW!" she said, getting more panicky and frustrated by the second. "NO DON'T! DON'T CUT OFF MY HAIR!" she added hysterically, as Kisame moved the kunai ever closer to her blue-tipped blonde hair.

Itachi sighed. This was getting nowhere.


	2. Guidelines and Bunk Beds

Author's Note: 

**Claire: **_**2 of 4 revised chapters**_

Leah: More editing and changing stuff… 

**Eva: As I'm re-reading these…I realize that I get stupider as the story progresses -.-;;;;;;**

Chapter 2:

Why did people even make book cases anymore? They rarely seemed to hold books. Finding another one in the next room she was searching, Blue grumbled with irritation as she pushed aside an assortment of videos, scraps of paper, and small, useless figurines and snow globes. There were a few books hidden amongst all the clutter, but there were quite a few more on the desk that hadn't quite made it. Bored with search, she picked one up and flipped through it.

It wasn't really a book, more like a map, or rather a collection of maps. The entire page was filled with a large grid, over orange, green, and blue colored blobs. Many wavy lines weaved through and across the straight lines of the grid. They all had weird labels on them, ending in things such as "Street" and "Court" and "Avenue". You would think once you found the place, it would be obvious that it was a street or court, and you wouldn't need to label it. She was about to close it, when she noticed a small black label at the top in the right hand corner. It said "La Jolla".

The three girls the others had been sent to interrogate had mentioned a place called La Jolla. She had thought they had obviously been lying, but…This odd book didn't look like some kind of preconceived plan to throw them off. The girls had seemed genuinely surprised to see them. Blue closed the book and hurried out of the room to find Pein.

She found him standing in the hall, staring at the baseboards between the carpet and the wall.

"Hey, Pein, I found this—what are you doing?" she asked. He started and looked up at her.

"I was…on my way back down. There's nothing here."

Secretly, she thought he was just slacking off and just letting she and Zetsu do the work, but mentioning the strange book seemed to be more important.

"Right…anyway I found this book…" she found the page and showed him, pointing to the two black words in the corner.

"It looks kind of like a map…I suppose this means it _is_ a real place," he mumbled, more to himself than Blue.

They heard footsteps and Zetsu came ambling down the stairs. He walked over to them and stood there. They both looked at him expectantly. "I found nothing," he said simply.

"…All right," said Pein, "Zetsu, you go get Hidan and Kakuzu. Blue, get Deidara and Tobi. Bring the hostages too. Meet back…in the first room."

xXx

Tobi slumped in his chair, looking solemn. Or at least, that's what he would look like if you could see his face. He was ignored by the other two, the silence still filling in for the words. Leah stared at Deidara. Deidara stared at Leah.

"You guys are kind of bad at interrogations," she said.

Deidara frowned. "Should that really be your problem, un?"

Leah raised her eyebrows at him.

He frowned again. "Fine, I gave up anyway. This is pointless."

Tobi looked up. "Um…Deidara-senpai, I don't really think we're allowed to—"

He stopped talking as Blue walked in.

"Leader wants to talk to us all," she said simply, turning and leaving without waiting for them to follow, which they did after exchange curious glances with each other.

XxX

One of the shelves was now unhinged from the wall, spilling even more papers and books onto the floor. The lamp had ceased rolling due to its being smashed into several dozen pieces in another game of 'trash the room escaping the murderer'.

"I'm starting to have some concerns for my safety," Claire said, no longer grinning, but still stupid enough to use sarcasm.

"Oh, really? Have we finally knocked some fucking sense into you, bitch?" Hidan sneered.

Claire rolled her eyes. "Manwhoresayswhat?" she said quickly.

Hidan looked at her as if she were speaking nonsense. "What?"

Claire laughed openly, and Kakuzu, despite his growing agitation, snickered. This caused a fresh spurt of anger from Hidan and he lunged at her again. She darted away from the door where she had been standing while Hidan continued to crash towards it. All of them were unaware that it had opened, and he crashed into Zetsu. Hidan got up, muttering what seemed like every swear word he knew under his breath and turning a little red in the face.

Zetsu, who seemed to be incapable of embarrassment merely coughed and said, "Leader has called a meeting." He waited for the three of them to pass him, all still glaring at each other.

xXx

Pein opened the sliding door, causing it to squeak slightly in protest. "Itachi, Kisame…"

Kisame quickly removed the kunai from beneath Eva's hair and hid it behind his back so Pein would not think he was disobeying his order not to harm the captives. The move was hardly inconspicuous, and Pein noticed, but made no comment on it. "What is it?" Kisame asked.

"I'm calling a meeting," he said simply before turning back into the living room. Itachi and Kisame followed without questioning him. Eva decided to stay back a bit. She was not eager to lose her hair that had _just_ been saved by Pein's intrusion by invading Kisame or Itachi's 'personal space bubbles' or something like that.

XxX

Pein sat on the large white couch, a fire place not too far away, Durham at his side, and the dog was very content at the fact that Pein was absent-mindedly stroking him. Eva gave a snort of laughter; sadly her brief self-composure in the face of danger had faded now that she was among her friends again. Once again, all eyes turned on her.

"_The Godfather_," she explained. This was only met with more blank stares from the Akatsuki. She hung her head as her cheeks grew red. "Yeah, you wouldn't get it."

"Right," Deidara drawled, "Moving on…?"

"These three girls gave us the information that we were in a place called La Jolla. Normally, none of us would take _their _word for it, but we have proof. Blue, bring up the book."

She rolled her eyes as she brought the object up to him. She almost pointed out to him that she was not his own personal bitch and he could get it himself, but decided against it. No point in starting a fuss and she didn't even have the energy to be arguing right now. He took the book from her and folded it back to show them the page. The girls looked up to see what it was, but were puzzled once they realized it was just an atlas. The Akatsuki members, however, peered at it for a few seconds before responding.

"…It's a map?" asked Tobi.

"Yes. A map of La Jolla," Leader clarified.

"And your point is…?" Hidan led off.

"The other information the hostages have given us is most likely accurate—we are indeed in a different world. That being said, what information did each of you get? Kakuzu and Hidan?"

"We found out that the country is the United States of America and they are not allies of Konoha," Kakuzu answered calmly.

"And that Claire is a FUCKING BITCH THAT DOESN'T KNOW WHEN TO SHUT THE HELL UP!" Hidan yelled into her ear.

"So says the whore…" Claire answered quietly, leaning away from him and rubbing said ear with her index finger.

Leader cut them off before another 'colorful' argument could erupt. "Kisame, Itachi?"

"We also determined the location, which is consistent with the information Kakuzu and Hidan obtained. Also, there are no ninjas and there is no ninjutsu," Itachi answered in his usual monotone.

"Could you please be less enthusiastic? All that cheerfulness is irritating," Eva whined sarcastically. Itachi shifted his gaze over to her without turning his head. The motion was enough to get her to shut up and look at her feet again.

"Deidara, Tobi, what did you learn?" the Akatsuki leader continued, ignoring the side conversations.

"Only the location, un," Deidara replied, a hint of shame lit his words.

"They couldn't think of any more questions," Leah clarified.

Pein raised an eyebrow at his subordinates skeptically.

"So what are we going to do with them?" Zetsu asked, using a tone almost as lifeless as Itachi's.

"I don't think they've quite outlived their usefulness. They could be an asset because of their knowledge of this world," Blue mused.

"I'm not all too keen on trusting them…" Kisame grumbled.

"I actually asked Leah's opinion on this and she said not to kill them, not to hold them hostage, to trust their information and treat them more or less as mental equals…with the exception of Eva, un," Deidara said quietly, counting off the reasons on his painted fingers. Eva sent a glare at Leah, who merely smiled.

"Why would you ask a hostage their opinion on what to do with them?"

"Oh, sorry. How many questions did you come up with again, fish boy?"

"Don't start with me blondie…."

"Stop getting off topic," Itachi cut in. They both shut up immediately, "We need to decide what to do with the captives as soon as possible."

"Well—" Pein started, but Claire cut him off impatiently.

"—Okay, first thing, stop talking about us like we aren't here. That's bad manners. Naughty. Second thing—what you're talking about? _You_ guys are in _our _world. Not the other way around. We should be in charge of you. So shut up, Mr. Bossy Ego Pants. Yeah that was really stupid of me…but it needed to be said!" Claire tried to give off the impression of authority, but it sort of failed. Everyone stared at her silently, mostly due to the fact that she had just interrupted the Akatsuki leader.

"Can I kill her?" Hidan asked after a moment, readying his scythe.

"I vote for that," Kisame said. He too shifted his grip on his weapon.

"But you guys can stay here if you don't kill us. At least until you can figure out how to get home," Leah offered shyly.

"But if we kill them…we get a place to stay anyway," Hidan tempted. Several of the others nodded eagerly at these words.

"Yes…but how are you going to go grocery shopping or get food unless you have an escort? Half of you can't even go out in public without drawing attention and the people out there are not as accepting as us. You guys may be good fighters, but I doubt you could go up against an entire army of trained military…people. They have guns and stuff, which are faster than swords."

"…I'm sure we can manage," Kakuzu said, brushing off her viable protests as if they were nothing.

Eva sighed. "But we don't have your type of food here—you wouldn't know how to prepare anything to eat. Also, wouldn't it be useful to have peoples who are willing to clean and stuff?"

"Willing is an overstatement," Claire murmured.

"If it'll save our lives…damn it, we're willing," she whispered back to Claire angrily.

"That could be useful…" Pein considered.

"What's the catch?" Blue demanded.

"Um…not killing us would be nice…and not destroying our house," she glanced angrily at Kisame, "And not cutting off our hair."

"Is that all?" Leader asked.

Eva briefly consulted Leah and Claire for further negotiations. "Our rooms have to stay our own unless we say someone can come in—we need privacy still," she continued.

Leader nodded. "We'll follow your guidelines unless we see fit to stray from them. Don't give us a reason to do that," he hinted menacingly.

She gulped, but managed to incline her head in a small nod. "Thank you."

"Okay then," Leader said decisively. "There are nine of us here and three of you. We outnumber you, so we will maintain order and you will do what we say."

"That's not what I meant…" Eva pointed out, "We need to have a _bit_ of control here…I didn't mean we would be servants."

"Then what were you planning to be?"

"Good hosts?"

Pein raised another eyebrow. "I guess that's more or less fair. No matter what you call it, the duties are basically the same." Eva was about to protest again, but decided it was useless. "Is there anything else we need to be aware of?"

Leah raised her hand nervously. "I have an older brother and he's probably going to be home anytime now. He probably won't talk to you much, so you can ignore him. He's an idiot, but he provides most of our money, so, yeah."

"Does he…?" Kakuzu said thoughtfully to no one in particular. He had a mischievous glint in his eye.

Deidara cleared his throat. "So what now?"

"I kind of want to change," Eva said, sounding a little embarrassed, looking down at her pajamas—pink bunnies with bloody knives in their heads.

Claire gave her a disbelieving look, "It's four in the morning. We haven't even gone to sleep. You are weird," she said.

"Yeah, um, I'm going to get our guests settled before they eat me," Leah said, glancing at Zetsu nervously.

"I'll help you out with that once I'm done getting changed," Eva offered and ran back upstairs.

"I won't, I'm going back to sleep; good night," Claire stated. She promptly went back into Leah's room, crawled into her sleeping bag and did just that.

_Bitches, they left me alone with them!_ Leah thought. She sighed and gathered Durham in her arms before he attempted to play with any of the Akatsuki members, since this would most likely result in his death. "Well, let's sort out where you're going to sleep. This is an eight bedroom house, and we take up four of them, so that leaves four. You'll have to share," she added nervously.

"You might have to limit that to three for the time being," Kakuzu corrected, remembering the mess that Hidan and Claire had made. He paused. "Weren't you three found in the same room? How do you take up four, even including your brother?"

"Yeah…well, Eva made us all watch 'The Ring' and we were all kinda scared so we all slept in my room," Leah explained, a little embarrassed. "Alright, moving on. I'll see if I can't fix that one bedroom later…All of the couches pull out into beds and we have extra mattresses and blankets in the attic, so I think it'll be fine. The attic can also serve as a room to any one who wants it. Do you want to see the rooms now or is there something else that needs to be done first?" Leah offered, her voice shrinking as small as Hinata's. It was quite obvious that she was scared. Who wouldn't be when in the company of nine known murderous criminals?

"As a matter-of-fact, there is something else. I want to ask some more questions," Leader replied from his seat on the couch. Cruel as it was to exploit her fear, he simply saw it as an increased chance to get information out of her. "How does Claire know about Konoha?"

"What?" Leah inquired timidly, not completely understanding the question.

"She said she wasn't an ally of Konoha. Since this is an 'alternate dimension' and you've already informed us that none of our geographical locations are the same, how did she know about Konoha when none of us mentioned it?"

Leah blinked. She quickly rummaged through her small arsenal of excuses, hoping they wouldn't see through the lie. "Well, he must have asked the question in context. Claire doesn't think much before she answers." This was true for the most part, though she wasn't entirely sure if Kakuzu had even uttered the word 'Konoha' in Claire's presence. She figured there was a good chance he had though, so she went with it.

"I have a feeling that you are hiding very valuable information. You know more about us than you want us to think." Leader pried, trying to get Leah to snap.

Leah swallowed, getting a bit frustrated since that lie should have freed her regardless of whether or not it was true. "I only know what I have observed in the past few hours. I swear I don't know much more about you," her hands were trembling slightly as she held them up in protest. Pein was better at interrogation than Deidara and Tobi, and much more intimidating.

"You're lying."

Leah shook her head. "I wouldn't lie in a potentially dangerous situation."

"How much do you girls know?"

Leah cracked, but only a little. She had to tell them _something_. "I know most of your names and that you're after something called jinchurikkis."

"So you were lying."

"NO! I told you I wouldn't lie in this sort of situation!" she corrected with a panicked voice.

"How do you know about the jinchurikkis?"

"I overheard Blue say something about capturing them. That's all." This was half true. She had heard Blue's comment earlier.

Leader narrowed his unique ringed eyes, studying Leah. He stood up. "That's all for now. Show us where we'll be sleeping," he promptly ordered

Leah let out a sigh of relief once they had turned away and proceeded to show them the various rooms she had mentioned before. They decided to keep it simple by staying in their partner groups as far as sharing rooms went. Itachi and Kisame decided to share one of the guest rooms that had a queen-sized bed and a trundle bed while Deidara and Tobi claimed another guest room that had a bunk bed. Leader and Blue were to get the room that Hidan and Claire had trashed once it was fixed, considering it was the biggest. Hidan and Kakuzu wanted the attic, which was directly above Deidara's and Tobi's room. Zetsu decided to sleep in the living room on the pull out couch. While they were deciding this, Claire had been shut up in Leah's room and Eva had begun to make an early breakfast for all of them. It was still only five in the morning.

xXx

"Should I make French toast or eggs?" Eva pondered under her breath.

"What's French toast?" a voice behind her asked.

She spun around, coming face to face with Kisame. "It's um…toast and…it has sugar on it and stuff…"

He nodded appreciatively. "Sounds good…make that."

She nodded too without really noticing it, reaching her hand up above her to grab the bread.

"You have weird clothes," he said before walking away.

She frowned. They weren't that weird…Well, in the eyes of a ninja they probably were. Her black short-sleeved shirt was adorned with random splotches of red that looked more like blood splatter then anything, while the seams were lined with silver safety-pins. A belt with a skull on it separated the shirt from her black pleated skirt. Her skirt was lined with red lace and her legs were covered in tights; black and red stripes circling down her leg until they met her scuffed combat boots mid-calf. Her blue tips, now clearly visible under the fluorescent light of the kitchen stood out even more against the dark eyeliner and black lipstick she wore. Her spiked-bracelets hung loosely over her fishnet gloves as she stirred together eggs and added milk, cinnamon, and other such ingredients.

A scream came from upstairs. "GET OUT OF MY ROOM, MAN-WHORE!"

Eva sighed. "Claire's up."

"Must be Hidan," Kisame noted absently. He had returned out of boredom a few minutes after she had started cooking.

"They'd be a good match, I might start shipping them," Eva murmured so Kisame couldn't hear. She stopped herself. "I'm talking to an S-class criminal part of the Akatsuki S-ranked criminal…who also happens to be blue…like he's a normal person…that's just weird…"

Kisame narrowed his eyes. "How do you know that?"

"Just a guess. Now, be a dear and make yourself useful—go fetch the people for breakfast," she said in an English accent.

He decided to humor her and went to as she put it, 'fetch the people for breakfast.' "Weird clothes, weird…speech," he muttered as he ambled out of the room. "And knows information…that she shouldn't know…."

"I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!" Another shout, verging on scream, echoed from upstairs.

"BREAKFAST, BITCH!" Hidan yelled back, slamming the door behind him. "AND GOOD MORNING TO YOU TOO!"

Eva smiled, stacking the still-sizzling pieces of toast onto a plate. Slowly, the Akatsuki members reconvened from their various positions around the house in the kitchen. They settled around the large glass dining table, eventually joined by a nervous Leah and an irritable looking Claire. The sky grew lighter and the moon beams gradually turned to sun. They illuminated the kitchen, and as the stack of toast grew, what would soon be a new daily routine slowly formed.


	3. Skulls and Michael Jackson

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: **_**3 of 4 revised chapters**_

**Leah: I have nothing to say…Jason's an idiot?**

**Eva: I like French Toast. And I'm going to talk in a British accent the rest of the night and completely piss off my mom! Yay! XD**

Chapter 3:

Eva passed out the French toast, giving three pieces to all of the Akatsuki members. Claire decided to take two since she wasn't a huge fan of French toast, and Leah refused to eat any at all. The girls finally changed her mind after several minutes of pestering by convincing her that "anorexia is bad".

Durham waited eagerly under the table for someone to drop some food. Eva finally sat down to eat her own two pieces when the door slammed open on its hinges, followed by a softer, more subtle closing of the door. A tall, blonde man walked into the kitchen, apparently with the intentions of getting food. He did a double-take when he saw the scene of black cloaks gathered around the table. "What…the…hell?"

"Hi Jason," Leah greeted from her position on the counter. It was a bit of a squeeze trying to fit twelve people at one table, so she and her friends were on the counter seeing as they weren't on the best of terms with the Akatsuki right now anyway.

He gaped at them taking in the scene skeptically with each of his different colored eyes. "Three seventeen year old—"

"I'm sixteen," Eva corrected. He ignored her.

"Three _seventeen_ year old girls have—" He did a quick head count. "—eight older guys at my house, at five in the morning…holy shit the apocalypse is here. Hit the bunker we're all gonna die."

Hidan snorted. "I wish."

Jason ignored it. "I…I think I'm just gonna go upstairs and finish my medical journals…yuck." He turned around, walking back towards the door. He paused as he was exiting the kitchen. "But first…I want toast." He piled a couple of pieces onto a paper towel and backed out of the room, giving each of them a goodbye as he did so. "Just 'cause I don't know your names…" he pointed to each of the Akatsuki members, "goodbye Sharky, Pink-Eye, Cinnabun-Face, Mr. Skellington, Oreo, Creepy Piercing Guy, Chippendale Runaway, Flower-Girl," he motioned to Blue. "Other Flower-Girl." Deidara glared at him. "And goodbye Doormat," he looked at an embarrassed Leah, "Scary Hyperactive Goth Girl," he motioned towards a scowling Eva, "and Bitch," he looked towards Claire, who stuck her tongue out at him before returning to her toast.

"I take it that was your brother," Leader said rationally.

"Yeah…he's an idiot; do what we do and pretend he doesn't exist," Leah sighed.

Suddenly Jason rushed down the stairs and poked his head in again briefly, looking at the kitchen table, "Okay, just making sure that I'm not going crazy."

Eva practically fell out of her chair laughing. "Oreo…Pink-eye…Creepy Piercing Guy, Cinnabun-Face…I LOVE—"

Slap.

Eva glared at Leah, who shrugged. "You needed it."

Eva continued her glare, piling even _more_ powdered-sugar on her already-hit-by-a-blizzard-would-you-like-some-toast-with-that-sugar-French toast.

While Oreo, Pink-eye, Creepy Piercing Guy, and Cinnabun-Face were glaring at her, she ignored them and started eating so fast that it looked as though she were swallowing it whole. She sprinted upstairs to presumably brush her teeth, judging by the sounds of running water and scratching bristles. A few minutes later a door slammed, followed by a blasting of Concrete Blonde's new CD.

Leah sighed. "I'll go tell her to shut it up." She hopped down to the tile floor and over to the stairs.

"No way! You are _not_ going to leave me alone with these people!" Claire yelled accusingly, catching up to Leah once she was half-way up to the second story. Not seeing the point in two people going to do one person's job, Leah stopped and returned to the kitchen.

"Yeah…she's got it covered…" Leah muttered as she hoisted herself back up to the counter.

"I can see why your brother calls you Doormat," Kisame said, snickering.

Several silent minutes passed and the music was still playing.

"So…" Deidara said casually, trying to break the silence.

"So…" Leah answered.

"Um…"

"Yeah…"

"Un…I mean, um…"

Leah giggled. Then sighed again, growing bored of the silence. She twisted around and grabbed a pen from the countertop. She started etching out a swirly pattern on her arm.

Deidara was watching her progress. After a few seconds, he spoke. "You an artist?" he asked, sounding mildly surprised.

"Um…yeah, I guess." She had to stop herself from mocking Deidara by adding an 'un' to the end of her sentence.

He watched in silence for a few more minutes as the creation slowly spread over her lower arm, quite resembling a grape vine. "Pretty good, un."

She smiled nervously as a reply, then turned back to her arm.

The music was still blasting; possibly it was even louder then before, so Kisame stood up, not bothering to clear his plate or push in his chair, storming up the stairs.

"I told you already, I'm not turning it off!" Eva shouted.

Claire answered, "Are you _trying_ to make enemies in the Akatsuki?"

"No but _you're_ definitely pissing me off right now!"

"I don't even know why I'm trying to make sure they don't kill you!"

Kisame knocked on the door. The yelling stopped.

"Leah?" Eva called, wondering if it was her.

"Kisame," he answered.

He heard a muffled scream.

"Come in!" Claire said.

"NO! Don't!" Eva gasped, then yelled, "Don't come in!"

The door fell off of its hinges as Kisame kicked it. It flew a good foot before it settled down onto the floor. What he saw in that room would take a while to forget.

Eva sat on a low, Japanese-style bed, with a black comforter draped over it nicely. There was a desk in the far corner. Two skulls were resting on it while a third was sitting on the floor next to the shocked Eva. The walls were white, but against one of them stood a black-finished bookshelf. The top shelf had horror and gory movies on it, the one below it had books, and the one below that had vials filled with blood, her black make-up, and rags, presumably used to polish her odd collection of skulls.

"Wow…," Kisame muttered, "wasn't expecting this…"

Claire smiled evilly and picked up the nearest skull. She stroked it like a cat while saying in a thick Transylvanian accent, "Velcome to ze lair…"

Kisame raised an eyebrow at the two of them. "Turn down the music." He left.

"Eva's a creep…her room…Not what I'd expect…" he observed once he was back downstairs.

Leah smiled, a small laugh escaping her lips. "Yeah…Eva's…different."

Upstairs, the music stopped.

"Well…at least that worked," Deidara huffed.

Leah nodded. Claire and Eva proceeded Kisame's return. Eva had substituted her radio for her black iPod, limiting her unbearably loud music to her own ears via earbuds.

Pein frowned. "What is that? Some kind of communication device?"

Eva didn't respond.

Claire yanked the cord out of Eva's left ear. "Someone's talking at you, moron…"

"Oh…what is it?" she asked airily, glancing up at Pein.

"Must I repeat myself?"

She looked towards Claire. "He asked what your iPod was."

"It plays music…wanna listen?" she offered, holding out the other earphone.

"No," he said bluntly, scowling at her impudence.

"Ah…um…okee," she blinked, walking over to the adjoining living room and sitting down on the couch. She replaced the previously absent headphone and picked up a book entitled 'Kissing Coffins' that was sitting on the coffee table in front of her and started reading, oblivious to everyone else.

Leah and Claire exchanged glances.

"I kind of feel like we need to do something…but I don't really know what," Claire mused.

"Yeah…" Leah said unhelpfully.

"You're very unhelpful."

"I know."

Claire gave her a skeptical look, wandering over to the couch to sit next to Eva. "We need to like…get stuff…right?" she said after a couple more moments of silence. Leah paused.

"I guess we do, don't we?" Leah turned to Eva and tapped on the side of her head, causing her to pull her earphone out for the second time that morning and glare at the two of them irritably. "We have to get them stuff."

Eva blinked again. "Ok, how?" she asked.

"Going to the store and _buying_ stuff, perhaps?" Claire said in a patronizing sort of way. Eva scowled.

"I know, but we can't just leave them here! They'll destroy the house and kill people and stuff! Someone has to stay."

"What reason would we have to do any of those things?" said Pein, who had walked up behind the three and was eavesdropping oh-so-rudely on their conversation. "Unless you think the furniture might provoke us."

"Yeah…" Leah said slowly.

"Um…let's go somewhere else," Claire whispered to them, not wanting to be rude, but also wanting to be able to organize something without the interruptions of nine highly dangerous criminals. The three of them got up and left the room, leaving the Akatsuki leader looking slightly miffed.

They crossed the hall to the stairwell, figuring they were far away enough from the kitchen to not be overheard.

"Well, I do agree that someone would have to stay here to make sure they don't destroy the house," Claire reasoned. She paused, and then added, "Not that any of us would really be able to do anything if they went on a destruction spree…since they're crazy murders and all. I guess just to sort of…try to talk them out of it."

They other two nodded.

"Right," Eva agreed. "So…who should stay?"

"I'll stay! I hate shopping," Claire offered.

"I don't think you can stay…in fact…you're likely to be a cause of destruction for the house, since you and Hidan get in screaming fights and all," Leah pointed out reasonably.

"Damn," Claire muttered.

Eva snapped her fingers, seeming to have had an epiphany. "Actually, none of us have to stay. We could have Jason watch them!"

"Yeah, and maybe we could have them watch TV or something so they're distracted or something…They could also learn stuff about our world. They might like that."

They continued the conversation by discussing the details of what they would need to get. They decided that they would need to get 'normal' clothes for everyone, just in case they were forced to go out in public. They also decided to bring along Blue and Itachi—Blue because she was a girl and would be most helpful for picking out clothes, and Itachi, because of his Sharingan, would probably know everyone's clothing sizes and other useful little details.

"Ok, now we just have to tell Jason to watch them and introduce them to the TV," Leah summarized.

"I'll go ask him. Where is he?" asked Eva.

"He said he was going upstairs to type his medical…" Leah trailed off.

"What is it?"

"To type medical journals. On the computer. We have to get rid of the internet. Just in case they…"

The other two shuddered with understanding. Fandom plus Akatsuki would probably equal chaos.

"You should get the modem from his room," Claire said to Eva, "Leah and I will go turn on the news or something."

Eva traveled the rest of the way up the stairs while Claire and Leah went back down to the living room.

xXx

"Jason!" Eva called, knocking loudly on his door.

"_What?!_" came Jason's irritated and slightly muffled reply from behind the door.

"Gotta ask you something!"

"I don't want to go out with you! Now go away!"

Eva rolled her eyes and opened the door anyway. Jason's room was even messier than the one that Claire and Hidan had destroyed several hours ago. It had mounds of clothes piled on the floor and bed, even though the closet looked mysteriously full. The rest of space (the desk and the armoire holding the TV) was littered with medical journals and papers bearing the crest of Jason's hospital.

"Dammit I knew I should have locked the door...That's the last time I'm leaving it unlocked again. Ever," he hissed under his breath. Jason didn't like people in his room, and denied them entry whenever he had the chance. He wasn't really hiding anything; he just liked to piss people off.

"We need to go to the mall. Can you make sure our friends don't blow up the house or something?" She wasn't asking so much as informing.

"Now why would they do that?" he mumbled distractedly.

"They won't really, they're just watching TV. Still, if they do…well if they do I don't suppose there's anything you could do about it, but…yeah. Just…if you hear any loud crashes or bangs…it would be wise to…er…investigate," she finished lamely.

Jason merely grunted in assent, swiveling his chair around and checking something in one of the encyclopedias lying on the desk. Eva took advantage of his distraction and discreetly grabbed the modem sitting on the table. Its little flashing lights winked out when she pulled the cords, and she quickly scurried out of the room before Jason noticed.

XxX

The Akatsuki members were all still sitting around the table, chatting amongst themselves. Claire and Leah wandered into the kitchen, wondering how to direct their attention to the TV.

"You do it. I'm scared of talking to them," Leah said, pushing Claire forward.

"Why are you even here?" Claire narrowed her eyes at Leah disbelievingly. Leah gave a meek shrug, and motioned for her to speak. "Erm…hello people," she said loudly.

They all turned to stare at her. They looked angry for whatever reason. Maybe it was because she had interrupted their very important conversations…or maybe it was just her imagination. Still, for some reason, they looked a bit more intimidating in the daylight.

"Um…do you guys wanna watch TV or something?"

More staring.

"Yeah, let's just watch TV. Tables are for eating. Or sleeping if you're really tired I suppose…That's not the point. Just…TV."

They all followed Claire and Leah into the living room, sitting down on the large black leather couches that faced the TV. Leah picked up the remote and switched it to the news while the others stared blankly. The screen showed a disturbing looking person of questionably gender with a square-ish face and scraggly-looking black hair. All of a sudden Deidara jumped up and pointed at the screen.

"Oh my god it's Orochimaru!" he yelled, aghast.

"What the fuck?!" Hidan said, gaping at the TV. The rest of the Akatsuki started talking animatedly until Claire and Leah managed to get their attention again.

"Hey! HEY!" Claire shouted. They were all quiet. "This is not Orochimaru…or whatever his name is!" She pointed to the accused. "This is Michael Jackson! Completely different person! Well…he is still an eerie-assed little-boy-sexually-harassing-weirdo…but a different one."

There was a collective 'oh' from the group.

"Anyway, you guys wanted to know about our world, and watching the news is the best…fastest…_safest_ way to do so…So, yeah, first step to being normal," Claire said cheerfully. They were all already paying more attention to the TV than her.

"Well that wasn't too hard," Leah said to Claire. Claire scowled at her.

"You didn't do anything. You have no right to say that."

"Sorry…"

"Whatever. We should probably take out the batteries to the remote so they don't go to…erm…_another channel_…"

"Yeah…" Leah said, knowing she meant any number of channels that might be showing _Naruto_. This was extremely unlikely since it was still early in the morning and they probably wouldn't bother with cartoons anyway, but nonetheless, precautionary measures were necessary. "Now we just have to get Blue and Itachi," she added.

They called the two aside, Blue looking slightly curious and Itachi looking bored, as per usual. "Er..." Claire started lamely, uncomfortable under the Uchiha's menacing red stare. "We were going to get supplies…and things…for you all…and we kind of need you to come with us."

Leah and Claire had both been expecting them to object, but were surprised. Blue simply said, "Fine," and Itachi just nodded.

_Yay for agreeable people_, Claire thought, feeling relieved. She turned to Leah, wondering if she was going to contribute to this conversation at all, but Leah only gave her a meaningful look that said she was not. Claire sighed. "Ok, well, no offense but you still don't look normal. Californians—or even Americans—don't wear cloaks. Itachi, Leah's brother has some stuff that you could wear, and some of my stuff would probably fit you, Blue," she said, cringing inwardly at the accidental rhyme.

A few minutes later, Blue and Itachi came down the stairs followed by Eva. Blue was wearing Claire's clothes—a red tank top sitting on top of dark jeans. A rather simple ensemble, but she seemed rather comfortable in it. The same could not be said for the Uchiha. Itachi was looking a bit awkward in Jason's skater clothes. A green _Element_ t-shirt draped around him nicely, though it was a bit large, hung over baggy jeans filled with large pockets. The pockets had kunai-shaped bumps in them, and the girls could only hope they didn't have to go through any metal detectors.

"Well, is this what people here look like?" Blue asked, glancing down at her outfit.

"More or less," Claire answered evasively.

"Yeah…the only problem is…most people don't have red eyes…" Eva said, looking at Itachi and surprising the other two by actually being smart enough to play dumb.

"We could give you sunglasses…some people wear them inside…sometimes. We could pretend you're blind!" Claire said enthusiastically, secretly savoring the irony. Itachi surveyed them all wearily, and then closed his eyes. When he opened them, they had reverted to a more normal shade of black.

"Okay, problem solved," Leah blinked, pretending to be confused about the magical disappearing eye color trick.

Claire picked up a set of keys from a nearby table. "I guess we're ready to go then. I'll drive." Itachi and Blue looked slightly quizzical, not knowing what she could mean by 'drive', but also saying nothing.

Jason slid down the railing and passed the five of them walking into the living room. "Okay you dorks; I'm just here to make sure you don't blow up the house," He paused as he noticed what was on the news. "Wait a minute—are they still talking about F-ing Lindsey Lohan?"

There was no reply, as the Akatsuki members seemed to have been sucked into the void that was the TV.

**Author's Note: Last sentence—not literally. Getting sucked into the TV would be…lame… **

**Eva: Yes. Lame like the dub of Naruto is lame…and stuff…**

**Claire: Like hell. And in case any of you are wondering, yes, I do realize I'm being really lame and boring…**


	4. Preps and Loquats

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: The **_**last of the 4**_** chapters we revised.**

**Leah: Since we wrote this chapter, we have met a person a lot worse than Jenny (you'll see who I'm talking about in a few minutes) We call her Alfred since we hate her so much. Jenny really isn't that bad when compared to Alfred.**

**Claire: Jenny and Alfred are on entirely different levels. I don't know about minutes, but we mention Alfred in the sequel.**

**Eva: But Jenny is still horrible, don't get us wrong. We hate that whore. And we bring in a Jenny because, well, everyone has one of these people in their lives.**

Chapter 4:

After giving the seven Akatsuki members and Jason one last furtive glance, the five of them left the house and locked the door. Eva, Leah, and Claire veered off to the right towards the truck parked in the driveway, but Blue and Itachi passed by it and continued down the street. The two groups noticed the separation and paused, each staring at the other as if to say 'What the heck?'.

"Where are you going?" Itachi asked blandly.

"Where are _you_ going?" Eva countered.

"Aren't we supposed to…go somewhere?" Blue wondered uncertainly.

"What, you want to walk twenty-five miles to the mall? Have fun with that…"

Blue and Itachi exchanged glances. "It'll only take us about half an hour. Why, what are you going to do?"

"We're driving. In a car. You do have cars, don't you?" Claire asked with fake shock, knowing perfectly well that they didn't have cars. Sometimes it was fun to pretend to be stupid.

The Akatsuki members hesitated slightly, but turned around to face the truck. The three girls had christened it 'Big Red' because it was big, and it was red. Those were basically the only distinguishing features about it. It was seven feet up from the ground to the roof, and it was so wide that any of them could have easily lain across the back seat. Finding a parking spot was always a nightmare, but finding the car _in_ the parking spot was cake.

They approached cautiously, and they couldn't really be blamed. Aside from an actual monster truck, this was probably the most intimidating vehicle out there, especially since the two of them had never seen a car before. Even Itachi looked a little uneasy, and the three girls couldn't help smiling a little. Seeing a genocidal murderer freaked out by an inanimate object was a bit far from the norm, after all.

"Who wants to be in the front seat?" Claire asked.

Itachi, still attempting to appear unfazed, casually asked, "What are the benefits of being in the front seat?"

Claire thought for a moment. "If we get in a car crash, you go through the windshield first."

"…I think I prefer the back."

Eva scoffed and hit Claire on the head. "Ignore her, she's being sadistic again. I'll be in the front."

"Stop hitting me, bitch…" Claire mumbled hypocritically. The five of them climbed in and Claire turned on the ignition. Blue and Itachi jumped, looking around for the source of the noise. This was going to be a long trip.

Eva turned around in her seat to face Itachi, Blue and Leah. "Make sure you put on your seatbelts!" she said, grinning cheerfully.

"What's a seatbelt?" asked Blue.

"It's to make sure you don't go through the windshield," Leah said quietly. She pulled her own around to show them and put it into the buckle to demonstrate like a flight attendant. They copied her awkwardly. Except for Itachi, who is never awkward when it comes to copying things.

They reached the freeway without much trouble. Mostly they all looked out the side windows, except for Claire…so they _didn't_, in fact, go through the windshield. Itachi was back to his usual mute self, but Blue occasionally made a comment about how many cars there were, or asked them what the gray stuff on the path was. The rules of the road seemed to confuse her a bit too, especially stoplights.

"But this car is bigger than the rest, can't you just go through and they'll all get out of the way?" she inquired. She was highly puzzled by the fact that they had been in the same spot for over three minutes while other smaller cars whizzed past in a perpendicular direction.

"No, that would be rude, and we'd get in trouble with the police," Leah told her.

"Why don't you just run them over too?"

Claire, Eva, and Leah snickered. "I think you should write the laws around here," Claire grinned. Itachi raised his eyebrows skeptically, but remained silent.

They pulled into the parking lot, and as usual it took them twice as long as it would if they had a car of a reasonable girth to find a spot. Claire was muttering under her breath and cursing about stupid preps taking up for all the space.

"Pardon my ignorance," Blue said, beginning another of the seemingly endless questions she had about this world, "but what's a prep?"

The three of them said nothing for a moment, not sure how to answer.

"A bunch of girls who are basically clones of each other, but people like them because they're considered 'cool' or 'popular'," said Leah.

"And they don't know how to survive without their daddy's credit cards," Eva said. Then she added, "Credit cards are like money."

"I say they're basically like pink cotton balls. They have no substance except for useless fluff—mostly in their heads—and they're pink," Claire stated flatly.

"I see," Blue mumbled, though she didn't seem to understand at all. Eva giggled, agreeing with the comparison.

Inside the large air-conditioned mall, Blue and Itachi were, again, looking around, surprised by the size.

"It's bigger than the hideout," Blue noted.

"Because it has to accommodate all the preps and the air leaking out of their ears," Eva explained.

"So where should we go?" Leah asked.

"Ooh! Let's go to _Hot Topic_!" Eva squealed.

"Eva, _Hot Topic _is mostly a girl's store. Most of our guests are guys," Claire said patronizingly.

Eva pouted. "It has plenty of guys' stuff…."

She was ignored.

"Maybe we should split up to get things done faster," Leah suggested.

"Right…I guess," Claire agreed, a little apprehensive about splitting the groups even smaller when there was the matter of mass murderers to consider. She took the shopping list that Eva had prepared in the car and ripped it in half, handing one half to Leah and keeping the other. "You and Itachi get this stuff, and we'll get the other stuff."

Leah glanced nervously at Itachi, who was more or less ignoring her and looking around at all the oblivious mall-goers.

"Well, good luck!" Eva said brightly, waving to Leah as she pulled Claire and Blue off in the opposite direction.

_Those bitches! They just left me alone with Itachi! Again! Why did I suggest that? Why?_ Leah thought, horrified. He glanced at her. _Shit…_

xXx

Jason leaned over the back of the couch. "So…are you a dude…or a chick?" he asked, staring at the blonde intently.

Deidara glared at him, got up, and moved to the other side of the couch.

"Wait a second, are you going to answer me or not?"

Deidara didn't comment.

"Oh, I get it!" he called across the room. "You're BOTH!"

Deidara looked murderous. He glanced pleadingly at Pein, who was having trouble hiding his smirk, but he shook his head.

"Bastard, un," Deidara muttered.

"Deidara-sempai, no offense or anything, but you do look kinda girly," Tobi said innocently.

"I hate you," Deidara growled.

"B-but Tobi's a good boy."

Deidara ignored him.

Jason snickered, now knowing that Deidara was a guy and just wanting to irritate him, "If you were a girl, I'd totally go out with you."

The artist stood up and walked across the room and into the kitchen. Tobi follow hastily.

"Deidara-sempai, what are you—oh my gosh! Put that chair down!"

XxX

Eva, Claire, and Blue had already managed to purchase more than half of what was on their list. Blue was showing Claire the shoes that she thought would fit the Akatsuki members, as the shoe sizes were different here, and Eva held a few bags that were already filled with nine different outfits. Eva placed a smaller bag of toothbrushes, hairbrushes, and other items such as those inside the larger bag and dumped it on a nearby chair so she could help the girls look for shoes.

"We're so lucky that we came on a sale day and we have all of these gift cards, otherwise this might've cost us a small fortune," Eva laughed. Considering the amount of stuff they had bought, they hadn't spent all that much money, but it was still lucky that they had saved basically all their birthday, Christmas, and other holiday's rewards. Now seemed like a good occasion to use them, since the girls really didn't require this many shoes between the three of them.

Blue smiled suddenly. "Good thing we didn't bring Kakuzu,"

"He's cheap?" Eva pretended to assume, as she was well aware of Kakuzu's issues with money.

"Yeah," Blue nodded, sighing as if remembering an argument with him. "He'd have a seizure if he saw how much we were spending."

xXx

"Do you know if you have, like, some sort of skin disorder? Blue skin isn't natural. I'm a doctor; I know," Jason commented out of boredom.

Kisame ignored him.

Deidara had since then returned to the room—without the chair—and was now trying to keep himself from laughing.

Jason shrugged, and then continued his pestering. "Are you part shark?"

"He gets that a lot, actually," Zetsu's white half noted.

Kisame stiffened. _I really need to kill these bastards. Dammit, why'd I leave Samehada in my room?_

Jason scowled, irritated that no one was answering his perfectly legitimate and reasonable questions. "I'm gonna make toast," he said to no one in particular.

"Why is this 'Paris Hilton' person on your news so much? Is she an important political figure?" Pein asked thoughtfully.

"I wonder what the ransom would be if we kidnapped her…" Kakuzu pondered.

"She's ugly," Deidara added.

Jason snorted and put two pieces of toast in the toaster. Maybe they didn't all have odd skin conditions, but they were just some group of nutters that escaped from a mental hospital. Leave it to his sister and her wacky friends….

XxX

Leah brought several outfits to the cashier. This was the last of their shopping list. Itachi didn't like to waste time, which was fine with Leah, she didn't like shopping much either. Also…the less time she spent with the murderer, the better.

The cashier quickly scanned the items. "Do you have a card?" She asked Leah.

She nodded and handed her a gift card and a membership card that would get them a fifteen percent discount on their purchase. Itachi walked up to Leah and stood there silently. The cashier suddenly blushed and dropped the cards, which slipped behind the keyboard of the computer.

"Oops," she mumbled, turning even redder. Leah resisted the urge to roll her eyes as the girl handed her the bag. Itachi apparently hadn't noticed he was the source of this incident. In fact, as they walked past the other stores, groups of stupid preps were stopping, giggling, and pointing at him, whispering to their friends.

One of the groups had stopped, and a blonde haired, pink clad, girl was bravely walking towards the two. "Oh no…" Leah whispered to herself. She recognized this girl. In fact, Jenny used to be Claire's and Eva's friend too, but she had slowly turned into a prep over the last few years. None of them hung out with her anymore, which was fine with everyone, seeing as her transformation had been one of the worst that could ever occur.

"Leah! Hi! Oh my gosh, long time no see!" she squealed, hugging Leah, who cringed.

_Have I ever told you how much I hate you?_ Leah thought of saying this, but was too shy to actually utter it. "Hi Jenny," Leah replied. Her jaw seemed to creak with effort. She thought of asking why this was the first time Jenny had spoken to her in four years, but she already knew the answer. Besides, this was normal prep behavior, so she decided not to waste her breath.

Getting past her empty and meaningless introductions, she proceeded to her real point in coming over. "So," she said, batting her eyelashes coyly, "Who's your friend?"

_Slut_, Leah thought immediately. Itachi, for whatever reason, still seemed unable to recognize he was being flirted with. He did not recognize this as anything other than an innocent question, and Leah panicked once she realized he was going to reply. Jenny may have been a prep, but Leah and her friends had mentioned the anime from which her companion originated more than once. There was no telling what she might remember.

"My name is Uch—"

"—His name is…" Leah searched her mind for a random name. _Not Bob. Why is it always Bob? _"Alexander," she finished after a moments hesitation, selecting a name from a book she had recently read.

Itachi glared at Leah for interrupting him, who gave him an apologetic look, willing him to get the message.

He paused for a moment, and then nodded understandingly, though what exactly he was understanding besides the fact that Leah didn't want Jenny to know his real name was a mystery to her. Whatever the case, it had him one her side. Leah breathed a sigh of relief.

Jenny hadn't noticed any of this, and was still gazing fondly at Itachi. She flipped her hair in a horribly flirty way. "So…Alexander…wanna go out and do something later?"

"No."

She put her hand on his shoulder. "Aw…why not?"

"Don't touch me." He pushed her hand off of him, still keeping his cool.

_Go Itachi!_ Leah's inner voice cheered at him turning down the Queen of Preps. She made sure to keep an impassive expression on her face.

Jenny blinked, not used to being rejected so point-blank. "But…" She moved toward him again and he backed away, reaching into his pocket for a kunai.

This move didn't escape Leah, who hurriedly tried to get rid of Jenny so she wouldn't end up stabbed. Lovely though that would be, it was also illegal. "Well Jenny, it's been nice seeing you again," she said with a hurried smile, hoping it looked sincere. She began to try to steer Itachi away from Jenny, wanting her to catch that they were leaving.

"Yeah…it _has_ been nice. Actually, it's been so nice…I think I'll hang around you a little bit!" Great, she had realized they were leaving. Only they weren't leaving without her.

"I don't think you should," Itachi said firmly. It wasn't a suggestion, but more of a command.

"Alex…" she whined, putting on her most vulnerable-looking face.

"It's Alexander." His tongue fed out the words as familiarly as if it actually was his real name.

Jenny's posse was still a few dozen feet away. They had been chattering loudly and sipping their smoothies, but after a while they had gotten quiet. They were now watching Leah, Itachi and Jenny intently, wondering why it was taking so long for Jenny to secure her latest prey. Leah took notice of this and resisted the temptation to smile reassuringly at their oh-my-gosh-does-he-know-who-he's-talking-to expressions.

For the first time, Jenny dropped her smile and exchanged it for a scowl. She planted her hands on her hips, glaring at Itachi. "Um, excuse me? What is wrong with you? I'm like, the most popular and hottest girl in school and you are totally rejecting me! The only rational reason I can think of for you not wanting to go out with me is…that you're gay!"

Leah back away several feet from what she thought to be impending doom. Shockingly enough, he did nothing but raise his eyebrows. Neither Leah nor Jenny would have known that his prodigal genius brain had just come up with an idea.

"Sorry to disappoint you," he said coolly, "But I _am_ gay. Here's what I think though: Even if I were straight, I would never be attracted to you. I've only known you for a few minutes and I already find you intolerably vapid. You're self-absorbed and spoiled, craving attention and never happy unless you are surrounded by people who feel sorry for you and do whatever you want. You crave self-assurance from people who you would call friends, but probably all hate you. Your existence is empty and meaningless. It's pathetic," he spat disdainfully in his classic I'm-better-than-you-and-not-afraid-to-say-so tone.

And with that he pushed past the teary-eyed Barbie look-alike. Leah, awed and thankful that someone had finally given Jenny what was coming to her, laughed and followed him, a grin planted permanently on her face.

Blue, Eva, and Claire were waiting for them outside the mall, each holding several very heavy and bulky-looking plastic bags from various stores. Claire and Eva were staring at her, wondering how she could be smiling as she was walking next to Itachi.

"Why are you so happy?" Claire asked wearily, glancing at Itachi, who had reclaimed his 'bored face', and was quite possibly ignoring them all again.

They left the mall and Leah recounted what had happened with Jenny to the other three. All of them, including Blue, laughed.

"She _so _deserved that," Claire said happily, savoring her own imagination of the Jenny-torturing event.

"Yeah, she'll probably be off her crazy boyfriend-obsession for a while. She'll go back to her 'just-learned-that-everyone-hates-me-so-must-go-cut-wrists-ow-that-hurts-must-cut-on-other-side-of-wrist phase'," Eva snickered. Only Claire and Leah laughed at this, since they were the only ones who had known Jenny when she had done this. It had been, as Itachi put it, one of her attempts to get sympathy and attention.

Blue and Itachi fell back, unnoticed by the others. Once they were out of ear-shot, Blue turned to Itachi.

"I can't believe you got rid of her without violence," Blue teased, "I'm impressed Itachi, you've grown!"

He said nothing. She waited a few seconds before asking her next question.

"So…are you gay?"

He glanced at her, a stern look on his face. "No."

Blue nodded. "Right…"

xXx

Jason, having finished his toast, decided to return to pestering his sister's strange houseguests. This time the victim was Kakuzu. "So, are related to Jack Skellington or something? Because the resemblance is remarkable."

"No." Kakuzu answered blandly, watching some report on the war in Iraq.

"A zombie? You don't have very normal skin color either."

No answer.

"Why are you covering so much of your face? People will find you suspicious."

Still no answer.

"You need a shower or something because you smell like cabbage."

Hidan laughed.

Deidara leaned over; just close enough to smell Kakuzu, "You _do_ smell like cabbage," he remarked, sounding amazed.

XxX

Four people generally consumed a lot of food on their own, but thirteen people would eat an exponentially larger amount, so the next stop was the grocery store. They pulled into the parking lot and found a spot in less time than it had taken at the mall parking lot. Unfortunately, Claire accidentally almost ran over the employee gathering carts. He darted inside, abandoning the carts and yelling for the manager about 'monster trucks'. They all pretended it hadn't happened. Screw empathy and mental scarring.

Eva grabbed one of the carts that the employee had left in the middle of the road. "I think we'll need more than one…" Claire pointed out. She grabbed one herself and they headed off. Leah glanced back tentatively, then pushed the rest of the carts off to the side so they wouldn't get run over.

"Should we split up again?" Eva asked, once inside.

"Definitely," Claire said, "We'll take this half of the store, Leah and Itachi, you get the other half…Basically…just get as much food as possible." She gave her cart to Leah as she, Eva, and Blue headed to the far right end of the store.

_They left me with Itachi again…Bitches!_ Leah though bitterly again. Itachi was cool, especially since he had chewed out Jenny, but the brief euphoria and relaxed atmosphere from that event had faded for the most part. So Leah had reverted back to her state of nervousness and panic in his presence. _If I don't do anything, he can't get mad and want to kill me. So I'll just be quiet…_

They walked through the store silently for several minutes, picking random items off the shelves and tossing them into the cart. Several minutes later she stood facing the peanut butter, trying to decide whether to get chunky or smooth, when Itachi suddenly spoke.

"Why are you so quiet?" he asked quizzically, ignoring her as she jumped and accidentally knocked a few jars off the shelf.

_I'm damned if I talk, and I'm damned if I don't_, she thought as she hurriedly picked up one of the jars that was escaping to the jam section. "Because I'm afraid I'll say something stupid and you'll kill me," she answered honestly.

"Well, at least you have more sense than your friends, then," he said. Leah finally gave up on trying to pick chunky or smooth, and just picked up one of each. "And not that I really care…but Zetsu is deathly allergic to peanut butter," he added, as she was about to drop it in the cart. She froze, blinked, and returned them both to the shelf.

xXx

Jason sat on the arm of the couch, next to Zetsu, "Is that plant thing eating your head or something?"

"No," Zetsu's white half replied.

"Is it a hat?"

"No,"

"A scarf?"

"_No, and if you don't shut up, I'll eat you_," his black half snapped.

Jason blinked. "Cannibalism is extremely unhealthy. It stunts your growth."

Zetsu ignored him. Jason ignored his being ignored and switched to a different topic.

"What about your skin? Did you and that sharky guy have a really intense paintball fight with permanent paint or something?"

Despite his irritation, he couldn't deny his white half the curiosity that ensued. "…What is paintball?"

Jason blinked again. "Okay, since you don't know what it is…that couldn't be it…What about football? Are you a rabid football fan or something?"

"What's football?"

Jason slumped against the couch, discouraged. "You guys are all really weird."

XxX

"Okay…we have tons of chips and cookie mix and meat and cheese and all that good stuff…Anything else we need?" Claire asked Eva. Eva glared at her. Claire blinked awkwardly. "What?"

Eva scoffed and gestured her arm around to the dozens of shelves and coolers surrounding them with fruits and vegetables.

"Oh, come on! Do we _really _need those?" Claire asked desperately.

Eva sighed irritably. "Yes! Just because you spend all day pigging out on cookies and ice cream—"

"Ice cream! That's what I forgot!" Claire turned to rush off to the ice cream section but Eva caught her arm.

"_No ice cream!_" she hissed. Claire stood rooted to the spot with her arms crossed, scowling at Eva. Blue stood several feet away from them, wondering why they argued about such strange things. She had no problem with vegetables, or ice cream, and thought both of them were being fairly unreasonable.

"Why don't you just get both?" she asked. She had expected them to realize they had overlooked this simple compromise, and was therefore surprised when Eva rounded on her, still angry.

"Because she'll just lie around all day stuffing her face and then later she'll complain about getting fat!" Eva exclaimed.

"Okay, three things mother. One: That's Jenny who used to stuff her face and then complain, not me. Two: I'm not fat yet! I can still eat ice cream! And three:…I happen to like broccoli," Claire said huffily, counting off her three objections on her fingers.

"Hn," Eva grunted. She turned around and started selecting oranges and piling them up in a small plastic bag.

"She'll compromise. I'm getting my ice cream," Claire said to Blue, heading off towards the freezer.

Blue blinked. They had listened to her…without listening to her…She felt confused. _These people are really strange_, she thought. She also felt that she was being unhelpful, so she turned and awkwardly asked Eva if she needed help.

"I don't really know what you guys usually eat, so you could just pick things you like instead of having us guess," Eva replied thoughtfully, "Or you could just pick things that look the most interesting to try."

Blue did not recognize many of the types of produce, and while she got the ones she did, they weren't numerous, so she tried Eva's suggestion and wandered around looking at various fruits and vegetables. There were two boxes filled with small yellowy-orange fruits. Wondering why they were separated, she looked down at the labels. The one on the left said 'kumquats' and the other said 'loquats'. She thought she might have heard of 'kumquats' before, though she had never seen them, but…

"Eva, what's a loquat?" she asked. Eva turned, holding an over-ripe pear in her hand.

"A what?"

"A loquat," Blue repeated.

"You mean a kumquat?"

"No, a loquat."

"…Maybe it's a low-fat kumquat?"

Just then Claire returned, humming to herself and holding three large tubs of ice cream, all having the word 'chocolate' in the title. She dumped them into the cart unceremoniously, ignoring the disapproving look Eva was giving her.

"Do you know what a loquat is?" Blue questioned Claire.

"You mean a kumquat?"

"No, a loquat," Blue persisted, noting the déjà vu.

Claire paused. "Not a clue. Let's get them."

They met up with Leah and Itachi in line and continued pursuing the 'mystery of the loquat'. But Leah, and even Itachi didn't know. They gave up and had the clerk, whose name tag read 'Brian' ring them up. Brian eyed the two overflowing carts a little fearfully, and hurriedly called over a couple more employees to help with the bags.

Their entire itinerary consisted of turkey, chicken, eggs, rice, bread, corn, tomatoes, cheese, soy sauce, soy beans, wonton wraps, fish, shrimp, mushrooms, six bags of cookie mix, brownies, honey, three tubs of ice cream, oranges, pears, apples, avocado, various different kinds of chips, pretzels, milk, soda, juice, yogurt, cereal, pancake and waffle mix, dried mangos and apricots, grapes, raspberries, watermelon, bagels, Gatorade, broccoli, ramen, soup, popcorn, steak, various muffins (including English), and, finally, loquats. Thank _God_ for sales and membership cards.

Brian's hand shook slightly as he handed Eva the receipt, and he seemed to dumbstruck to even tell them to "Have a nice day!" as was required by the grocery store manual. She grinned cheekily at him and waved, picking up her share of the many bags. Itachi, though quiet and introspective, was still an egotistical guy and took the most bags.

Even with the large girth of 'Big Red', there was not enough room for the clothes, shoes, groceries, and five people in the cab, so they threw all twenty-seven bags in the bed and closed the lid so they wouldn't fly away…or go through the windshield.

Their return to the house four and a half hours later was greeted only by Durham's barking and the sound of the TV. The five of them staggered in, each holding an insane number of bags.

"This is a lot of work," Eva huffed, squeaking as she briefly lost her balance and fell against the wall.

"Jason!" Leah shouted, startling them all, "Come help us with the bags." There was no way she was going to ask any of the Akatsuki to help, but siblings were naturally rude and demanding of each other. Jason grumbled and went out to the truck to get more bags. He gaped as he saw how many were still left.

"Er…we kind of spent a lot…" Eva said, rubbing her neck.

He closed his mouth and shrugged. "I guess it doesn't matter. I'm getting a raise next week anyway. Besides, people are more important than money."

"That's deep," Claire said sarcastically.

"Shut up, bitch."

"You just ruined a very touching moment."

"No, you did." He took half of the bags and trudged towards the door, showing surprising strength for someone so scrawny.

xXx

The next few hours of the day were as long as the previous ones had been, full of screaming, arguing, death threats, _colorful_ death threats, minor explosions, broken furniture, two stitches, and lots of eating. Ninjas eat a lot. And after fixing the room Hidan and Claire had destroyed, everyone was exhausted from the strange and stressful day they had had, and went to bed.

XxX

Jason sat up sleepily and glanced at the clock, which read 12:03. His stomach growled and he looked down at it disapprovingly. _I have weird eating habits_, he thought. He shrugged and got up anyway. _Time for peanut butter_.

He walked down the stairs, each one of his footsteps fell heavily against the carpet due to his sleepiness. He reached the kitchen and pulled the cupboard door open, smacking his lips in the same way that a giraffe chews. He glanced around the shelf, looking for his friend "Mr. Jiffy", but could not see him. Jason frowned slightly and opened his eyes a little wider, pushing several other jars out of the way to see if the object of his pursuit was simply hiding.

xXx

At exactly 12:06 in the morning, a shout rang out in the large house, unheard by everyone on the upper floor. The only person who was jolted awake by the sudden scream was Zetsu, and he smirked to himself, despite the person's obvious anguish.

"WHERE THE HELL IS MY PEANUT BUTTER?!"

**Author's Note:**

**Eva: I forgot how many inside jokes originated with this chapter…. XD**


	5. Red Octopus and Pancake Face

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Feel free to shoot me after reading this. I did write practically all of it, minus a few sentences from Leah and edits from Eva, so it's all my fault :[**

…

**And I'm sorry for the huge amount of description and stuff…ew…words…I know I get impatient when I have to read a lot.**

**Leah: Just so you know (this doesn't have anything to do with the chapter) None of the characters are Mary-Sues. Claire's a bitch, who happens to get lucky hence the reason she's still alive. -**

**Claire: interrupts You're my bestest friend hugs Leah :**

**Leah: -Eva…well…she's just a ditz. As for me, I have no backbone, even though that's probably the reason I'm still alive.**

**Claire: re-reads**

**Wait…**

**Why is Eva still alive?**

**Leah: Because they like her food.**

**Claire: I see.**

**Jason: It's a guy thing.**

**Claire: FUCK OFF JASON! You aren't one of the authors, get out of here. **

**Leah: Ahem, anyways, on with the story.**

Chapter 5:

The early riser of the Akatsuki was not Itachi. It was not Kisame, or Kakuzu, or even Pein. It was Hidan. Most of them figured he had lived in a western time zone most of his life and had never readjusted to life in the East, odd as that was. Now that they were back in the West, no matter what world, his habits had not changed. When he first woke up and was staring at the wooden beams of an attic, he wondered where he was, and if he had been captured. Then he remembered everything about ending up in this very fucked up place where people idolized _Paris Hilton_.

Back at the Akatsuki hideout, while waiting for the others to wake up, he would usually roam the surrounding forest, looking for the occasional ninja or lost drifter to sacrifice. Unfortunately, Pein had specifically forbidden him to kill anyone here, and he had to grudgingly consent, or suffer the consequences.

Hidan sat up and stared down at the floorboards, wondering what to do. He could watch TV…? No, he didn't know how to work it…plus, he didn't know how much more of Lindsey Lohan's latest arrest he could take. He could sharpen his scythe…again…No, he had done that two days ago, and if he sharpened it any more it might become so thin and sharp that it would break. He glanced up at Kakuzu, almost hopefully, feeling extremely bored without seeing any death in the near future. His partner was still asleep though, and it looked as though his hand had detached itself during the night. It was sitting oddly on the floor, still attached by those weird wormy black strings.

_Stupid bastard_, Hidan thought grimly. He stood up slowly and the floorboards creaked in the way that attic floorboards sometimes do. He turned to see if Kakuzu had woken up at the small sound, but the zombie-like man merely grunted and turned over, his hand flopping uselessly as he pulled it to the other side of the bed.

Maybe someone else was up. He would even talk to _Tobi _at this point…Well, maybe not Tobi…but anyone else. Hidan froze halfway down the ladder leading to the third floor. There were people he could wake up without getting in trouble, as long as he didn't kill them. For some reason, they seemed to know to be afraid of the Akatsuki, even though they claimed not to have heard about them before.

He grinned sadistically to himself as he walked down the hall towards Claire's room, wondering what would annoy her the most. He decided to keep it simple. He opened the door and walked over to her bed, his face inches from her ear. He took a deep breath and—

"MORNING BITCH!"

"AAH!" Claire yelped and rolled off the other side of her bed, away from the sound. For a few moments, all was quiet. Claire did not get up, and Hidan vaguely wondered if he had scared her to death, unlikely as it sounded. As a side-thought, he also was curious if scaring people to death instead of impaling them or something counted as a sacrifice.

Suddenly an arm appeared from the other side of the bed, as if it was an undead hand emerging from a grave in some cheesy horror film. The hand took a fistful of sheets and mattress, and as Claire pulled herself up more, and her head appeared. If she had had bed-head before, it was even worse now because of her fall, odd locks flopping over her face. She looked mad enough to chew bricks.

"You…fucking…bastard…You _woke me up_!" she hissed through her teeth.

Hidan grinned innocently. "Again! I woke you up yesterday too, remember?"

"I wasn't asleep! I can't fall asleep after half an hour because—that's not the point! Yesterday didn't matter! But today…I woke up at _two o'clock_ yesterday! I'M FUCKING TIRED!"

"Whoops. Take a nap."

"I CAN'T FALL ASLEEP DURING THE DAY ONCE I'M AWAKE, YOU BASTARD!"

"Oh dear. I see the error in my ways. Forgive me, my lady." He gave her a mock bow. He looked up to give her another gloating smile—and was hit full in the face by a very _heavy_ pillow.

Hidan stumbled and fell down. Maybe only the other two knew not to mess with the Akatsuki, because this bitch was just _stupid_. She stood on the bed, holding another pillow, and looking like an angry buffalo. He got up as she leapt down and smacked him again on the side of the head.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU STUPID BITCH?!" he yelled, cursing himself for leaving his scythe in the attic, two floors away. Claire lunged again, but he ducked and she spun in a sort of retarded pirouette.

"BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU FOR WAKING ME UP!" she screeched. "Even someone as stupid as you should be able to tell when they're being abused!"

She swung the pillow at him again, but this time he was prepared and grabbed it just before it hit him, wrenching it out of her grip and throwing it to the side. The furious girl stood there for a second, looking mildly shocked, but recovered and turned around, grabbing the nearest projectile she could find.

The thing happened to be a koosh. She threw it at him with all her might, but Hidan didn't manage to dodge it quick enough and it clipped his shoulder. He shrunk away from it and eyed it with distaste. "Did you just throw a fucking octopus at me or something?!"

"No, this is an octopus you prick!" She seized a red stuffed octopus from the shelf and threw that next. Claire continued to pelt him with whatever random objects she found lying around her room until the door opened. Eva stood in the doorway, looking panicky.

"What happened? I heard screaming!" she asked breathlessly. Then she looked around the rest of the room and took in the scene. Claire stood with a stuffed bunny raised above her head, while Hidan sat amongst a pile of stuffed animals with his arms raised tentatively in front of his face. Eva exchanged her panicked look with a mocking smile. "Aww, you two are so cute together!" she said in a fake preppy voice.

Claire's scowl deepened. She turned away from Hidan and chucked the bunny at Eva instead. By now, Tobi and Deidara, who were in the next room over, had wandered over to see what all the noise was about.

Tobi saw the bunny on the floor and picked it up. "It's so cute," he said, hugging it to his chest.

Deidara rolled his eyes at the moronic person that was unfortunately his partner. He glanced at Hidan, who had sat up and had the red octopus placed atop his silvery hair. "Fucking bitch tried to drown me in fluff…" he muttered, pulling the ridiculous thing off his head and throwing it to the ground.

"Was this some sort of failed murder attempt?" Deidara questioned him.

"No, I was bored!" Hidan snapped at the blonde.

"That doesn't really answer my question…By the way, Leader is going to be pissed if you woke him up," Deidara smirked at Hidan, pondering what sort of punishment Leader would have in store for him. He figured he might just find out, because a couple seconds later, Pein came down the stairs and walked toward the small group, Durham following at his heels. He did indeed look vexed, and they all knew it was not because of the small white dog.

"Explain," he demanded. Deidara was feeling particularly malicious this morning, partially because he too had been rudely awakened.

"Yeah, golly gee, Hidan, why'd you wake us up?" he asked casually, examining his black nails.

Leader turned his dangerous and creepy-eyed stare to Hidan, who cursed himself inwardly. "Claire was the one yelling!" he protested, pointing accusingly at her.

"Oh funny, I seem to remember waking up and falling off my bed as someone screeched 'MORNING BITCH' in my EAR!" she countered, pointing to said ear.

Leader looked expectantly at Hidan, who looked around nervously, then appeared to give up. "I was bored, what can I say?"

"How mature," Claire muttered.

"Shut up, nobody asked you," Hidan spat at her.

"Actually, I think I agree with her on this one," Pein said. Deidara snickered and Tobi hugged the bunny tighter to him. Eva was standing there fidgeting and looking at her toes.

"I think I'll go make breakfast!" she said brightly, pretending she hadn't noticed the whole situation that just took place. She turned and practically ran to the stairs.

_Oh no you don't_, Claire thought. "I'm going to help her, since I'm up anyway," she said, throwing an angry look at Hidan. "After all, cooking for thirteen people can be _taxing_." She followed Eva down the stairs, leaving Deidara, Tobi, Pein, and a very uncomfortable looking Hidan standing in the hallway.

The Akatsuki leader stared at Hidan for a moment, and Deidara and Tobi watched with interest. Pein seemed to be thinking. Finally, he closed his eyes and said casually, "If you weren't immortal, I would probably kill you. I think I'll let Itachi come up with something instead."

He too, went down the stairs in anticipation of breakfast. Deidara laughed openly once he was gone, "You are _so_ going to get it."

"That's not very nice Deidara-sempai…" Tobi said quietly as the two of them also departed, leaving Hidan alone.

Hidan stared at the red octopus, with its retarded little grin and bulgy head. "Dammit…" he muttered. He kicked it for good measure before leaving the room, deciding to go back to the attic rather than face Deidara again.

xXx

Jason had left for work at six o'clock that morning, but apparently, everyone else had been woken up by Claire and Hidan's most recent argument, for they all came ambling into the kitchen several minutes later. All but Leah, that is, who slept like a hibernating bear. Or even a dead bear for that matter.

Kisame looked around the table, noticing the other absence. "Where's Hidan?" he asked in a bored tone, asking simply to know rather than because he cared.

Deidara snickered again. "He's upstairs, moping, un," he informed them gleefully.

"Moping? I thought he went back to sleep…" Kakuzu murmured. He had reattached his hand before coming down to breakfast.

Eva looked into the dinning room suddenly, where everyone was gathered. "Should I make pancakes or waffles?"

"Pancake and waffle mix are the same," Claire pointed out.

"Well…some people like one more than the other," Eva retorted.

Tobi raised his hand, "I like pancakes!"

"Pancakes it is then. Thank you Tobi, you're a good boy," Eva smiled.

Tobi clapped his hands, "Eva thinks Tobi's a good boy!"

Deidara sighed, clearly irritated by the childish nature of his partner, "Nobody cares, Tobi."

A while later, the table was stacked with pancakes and everyone was chattering animatedly, mostly about Hidan and Claire's most recent argument, having heard it from the still-irked girl herself. But Eva and Claire were still thinking about other questions that they had kept bottled up inside them all day yesterday. Mainly, how had the Akatsuki come to their world, or even come to be real?

Eva leaned toward Claire, whispering, "Do you think we should ask them?"

"I don't know?" Claire shrugged and stuffed some more of her pancakes in her mouth.

"Ask us what?" Zetsu asked, now turning the rest of the Akatsuki's attention on the two girls.

Claire hesitated, but they would have to ask anyway. "We were wondering…how you got here?"

No one spoke, each of them absorbing the question and possibly thinking of how to answer. Eva and Claire watched them expectantly, waiting for one of them to speak. But after several more moments of silence, the air remained filled with quiet tension. Some of the Akatsuki members were frowning down at their pancakes, looking frustrated.

"I…can't…remember…" Tobi said slowly. The rest of them looked up at him, and cautiously nodded in agreement. None of them could remember either.

"This is very strange," Pein mused.

"It must have been a very powerful jutsu to somehow transport us all here _and_ make us forget," Itachi said logically. His words were greeted with more nods, and a couple more seconds of silence. The Akatsuki leader closed his eyes, and they all looked at him expectantly.

"Even if we don't know how we got here," he said slowly, "It shouldn't stop us from getting back. Any way we can. Even if we have to create a new jutsu."

"That could take a couple weeks, maybe months," Kisame reasoned. Eva and Claire had remained quiet this whole time, finding it best not to interrupt. However, at these words, they both cringed a bit.

"Weeks…?" Eva echoed, her eye twitching a bit.

"_Months_…?" Claire gulped, imagining more rude awakenings from Hidan. No one noticed their quiet, dreading remarks though, and continued the conversation.

"However long it takes, it doesn't change the fact that it must be done. We can't stay here forever in this…other world," Pein stated firmly. Everyone realized the truth in this. They all waited for him to continue. He re-opened his eyes and looked at Itachi. "Itachi. We all know you have the most experience and best ability to create a jutsu that will get us back. I'll leave that to you."

The Uchiha nodded.

"What are the rest of us going to do?" Deidara asked.

"Creating jutsus isn't really a team effort," Kisame said, "But Deidara has a point."

"There isn't much else we need to do. All we can do is train and wait. Hopefully some of the details will come back to us as the time passes."

Suddenly the phone rang and everyone jumped, startled out of the somber atmosphere. Claire and Eva both jumped out of their seats and began look for the receiver, while everyone else looked around, alarmed.

"Don't worry it's just a phone!" Eva shouted over the loud ringing, trying to reassure them. It didn't appear to have worked. The word 'phone' was no more familiar.

"I can't find it!" Claire yelled to Eva, wondering why the volume was turned up so high anyway.

"Just put it on speaker then!" Eva called, since Claire was closer to the base.

Claire pressed an orange button on the corner and suddenly Jason's voice blared out from the speaker.

"DUDE! THE MOST AWESOME THING JUST HAPPENED! THIS KID CAME IN THAT GOT HIS ARM BLOWN OFF BY A FIRECRACKER!"

"As a doctor, shouldn't you be concerned rather than, oh, I dunno, _thrilled_?" Claire snapped at him.

"Shut up, whore."

"Actually, I prefer 'bitch'."

"I am concerned, I feel like being insensitive right now."

"Goodbye, Jason," Claire stated tonelessly.

"Hey, what? Don't hang up—"

But Claire had already pushed the button, cutting him off.

Deidara, slightly less apprehensive now that the mysterious noises had ceased, frowned. "I feel a little sensitive about that subject." He glanced at the stitches on his arm.

Kisame snickered. "It's your own damn fault."

"Where did that sound come from?" Zetsu asked, before Deidara could start arguing with Kisame.

"Yeah, I don't see that weird guy around here anywhere, but we heard his voice," Kakuzu said, even looking under the table to check for Jason.

"Was it some sort of transmission device? Like a radio headset that others can hear?" Blue wondered. She had been quieter than usual this morning, and Eva and Claire had assumed she was not a morning person. The phone ringing seemed to have jolted everyone awake who was still remotely sleepy, which was a little unfortunate because it meant they would have to explain complex things like phones.

"Phones…are kind of like radios…except you can use them almost anywhere and you only have to press a button once to talk and once to stop talking," Eva told them.

Okay, so it wasn't that complex. At least they knew what radios were. They all muttered noises of comprehending, and after that the silence returned. Just to have something to do, Claire walked back to the table and started picking up all the plates. Eva and some of the others helped, and some light talking resumed.

"Let's go wake up Leah," Eva said to Claire. Claire nodded and followed her to Eva's room. They stood in front of her bed and wondered how she could have slept through the yelling and screaming that had occurred a few hours ago.

"Lucky bitch," Claire muttered.

"I want to get her back for all those times she sat on me or poked me to wake me up." Eva grinned maliciously, an evil glint in her eye. She ran a few steps to the side of Leah's bed before Claire could stop her and jumped, landing heavily on Leah's legs. She sat there frozen for a few seconds. Leah made a small noise and turned on her side a little, but did not appear to be awake.

"What the hell?" Claire gaped.

"She's still _asleep_?" Eva asked, poking Leah violently in the head.

"Who's still asleep?" said another voice.

Deidara had wandered back upstairs, and was staring curiously at the two conscious girls, and the one unconscious one.

"She slept through all of that?" he asked incredulously. They both nodded.

"And Eva just friggin' jumped on her," Claire added. Deidara looked surprised, and maybe even amazed.

"Bet I could wake her up," he said.

Claire snorted disbelievingly. "She's as asleep as Zetsu is bipolar," she told him.

"Come on, let me try," he urged. Eva and Claire exchanged glances.

"All right…" Eva said hesitantly, "Just don't do anything weird…"

Deidara did not walk up to the bed, but stood a couple feet away, surveying the room silently for a few seconds. Then, before Eva or Claire knew what was happening, he threw something up in the air from his hand. They watched in horror, and as if it were in slow motion as a tiny white bird floated in the air. In a fraction of a second, Deidara had clasped his hands together and yelled, "Katsu!"

It was like witnessing a space shuttle take off. It was blistering hot, and as loud as ten jets rushing by at the same time. A small cloud of fire bloomed outward from the little clay figure as it exploded, though it thankfully did not burn any of them. The force of it, however, knocked Eva and Claire backwards into the wall, and Deidara staggered back a bit, but remained upright. It was all over in a second, and the only evidence that it had been there at all were the slightly blackened posters hanging from the walls and the small charred bits of paper floating lazily to the floor.

The two girls stayed on the floor, opening and closing their mouths like a fish out of water, recovering from the shock of being two feet away from a quite possibly deadly explosion. Deidara, however, merely smiled to himself. "I love art, un," he said simply.

"You _idiot_!" Claire sputtered, aghast. "You could have killed us all! What were you thinking!?"

"I know how to control my explosions, we weren't in any danger, un!"

"Weren't in any danger? How the hell do you—"

But Claire did not finish her comment, noticing that Leah was actually sitting up in bed. She looked around the sooty room through sleepy eyes and turned to Eva. "What 'appened to my room…?" she slurred.

Eva was still gaping. "It _exploded_. Your room _exploded_ and you didn't notice."

Leah blinked. She turned toward the nearest wall and looked at it with curiosity. Then she raised a finger and drew a smiley face in the soot. "Now I have to wash my sheets…" she said, slowly and thoughtfully.

Deidara grinned. "See? I told you I could wake her up." Claire and Eva secretly made decisions to not let Deidara help with anything _ever again_. They also decided to ignore him for now and to worry about the freshly toasted room later.

"Let's get pancakes," Claire muttered, pulling Leah out of the room.

XxX

Hidan was lying on his bed, scowling grumpily at the ceiling like a five year old in a time out. He _would_ kill Claire. He would. The only matter was when. After all, Pein would have to stop protecting these stupid _commoners_ eventually. What the fuck was he playing at anyway? Normally none of them, including the Akatsuki leader himself, would ever hesitate to kill someone.

Maybe Itachi would try to take over as the Akatsuki leader in Pein's moment of weakness. Hidan grinned at the thought; the stupid asshole would deserve it. Then he remembered Itachi was the one who was supposed to be coming up with _his_ punishment, and abruptly stopped smiling. _What the fuck?!_ He couldn't even push his thoughts past these three words while trying to describe the childishness of this situation to himself.

Kakuzu saved him the trouble of further mental struggle when he re-entered the attic a while later—ten, twenty, thirty minutes; whatever. "Pein wants to talk to you," he said simply. Hidan glared at him for a moment, as if it was his fault, but Kakuzu didn't notice. He just sat down on his bed and pulled out a notepad, scribbling on it intently.

"Tch," Hidan said irritably, swinging himself up and stomping over to the ladder. He glowered at Claire's empty room as he passed, but proceeded past it to the stairs. He didn't see the Akatsuki leader at the table, which was visible over the half-wall from the hallway, and figured he must be in the living room next to the kitchen, watching TV again, the lazy bastard.

He turned his head to look and—

_SLAP!_

xXx

Thirty seconds earlier, in another part of the house…

"Eat pancakes," Claire grunted thuggishly to Leah, standing next to her as the silly girl once again tried to refuse breakfast.

"I already had one, and I'm full already," Leah protested, frowning down at the glistening, syrup-coated things.

Claire wondered if this was because of the newest news report on America's growing obesity rate that was drifting over to the dining room table from the living room, where the majority of the Akatsuki was continuing their TV induced trance from yesterday. They had tried a different news station today—one with less pointless celebrity news and more current events—and Claire was starting to regret it. She was still in a bad mood, her lack of sleep already converting itself into grumpiness and yawns.

The sound of heavy footsteps grew steadily louder from across the large first floor of the house. Claire looked up and saw none other than her own personal alarm clock trudging down the stairs. Feeling impulsive, Claire suddenly reached down to Leah's plate and picked up the topmost untouched pancake, ignoring her dislike for sticky goo on her fingers.

Leah looked at her friend nervously, hoping she wasn't about to get a face-full of pancake stuffed in her mouth, but Claire didn't even look down.

"Since you aren't going to eat this…" she implied. Leah felt more confused now, but did not object. Claire seemed distracted now, and didn't notice as Leah slipped out of her chair to join Eva and the others watching TV.

Claire kept her unblinking gaze on Hidan as he crossed through the hall, and with a stroke of luck—for her—he turned his silvery head at just the right moment and—

_SLAP!_

XxX

Hidan stood perfectly still, not opening his eyes and begging himself to wake up from what was turning out to be a _very_ bad nightmare. He felt his cheek growing hotter, and something sticky oozing down his face, but he still did not move. In a few seconds, he would wake up and be in his room at the Akatsuki's latest hideout, with luck, several people to be sacrificed in his near future.

He felt a drop of the sticky stuff drip onto his neck, and still he did not move. Any second now.

Drip.

Just a bit longer.

Drip.

One more second.

Drip.

He heard snickering and forced himself to open his eyes, though still reluctant to believe this was actually happening. He glared at Claire, wanting to run her through with a butter knife a million times over so she could experience pain equivalent to his hatred for her.

"I want you to know that I've forgiven you."

Hidan felt his anger implode. It was replaced by complete unfeeling that can only be brought on by extreme shock. This fucking had to be a dream. A very fucked up dream. No way was this actually happening.

"You have," he said numbly. If he could have thought, he would have been surprised that he could even talk. His subconscious seemed to be working by itself.

"Yes, I have."

"Why is that, I wonder?"

"I have this list of goals, you see. Most people do—a list of things to do before I die, right?"

"Sure."

"One of them was throwing a pancake at someone. And you've helped me achieve it. So I'm not mad at you for waking me up."

"That's good news." He snapped out of his stupor a bit, refocusing his eyes and bringing the blurred scene into sharper detail. Claire smiled in a friendly way, though he was still too brain-dead for it to register.

"I think I'll go take a nap," she said. And with that, she skipped past him and headed back upstairs to her room.

For the first time, Hidan was noticed by one of the others, who had been far away enough that they hadn't heard that entire episode.

"Hidan-sama?" Tobi asked, sounding a bit worried.

"Yeah?"

"You have a…pancake…on your face…Hidan-sama," Tobi said quietly.

Hidan blinked again, and the small movement caused the pancake to slide slowly down and plop squishily to the floor.

"…Never mind, it's gone now," Tobi mumbled.

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: **

**Things That Are True: **

**I cannot fall asleep once I wake up**

**It takes me a very long time to get to sleep**

**I want to throw a pancake at someone (though in reality, preferably not a homicidal maniac)**

**Things That Are NOT True:**

**The fact that I'm still alive. I mean, come on! What the hell am I thinking?**

**Ignoring that though, imagine how FUN it would be to be able to say to someone 'You have a pancake on your face' AND HAVE IT BE TRUE! D**

**Eva: Lol, I love that chapter. Hee hee. **

**Pancake. **


	6. Jambo and The Ring

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: The next chapter will be more doom-ish than this one…fear it…and enjoy the peace while it lasts…**

**And I'm happy! We didn't neglect Zetsu in this chapter! We tend to do that, but not on purpose. We love all the Akatsuki peoples.**

…

**Except I kind of have issues with Kakuzu. That boy scares me. O.o**

**Leah: This was a bitch to write…that is all.**

**Claire: Well said. And it's true. YOU'RE WELCOME.**

**Eva: (agrees completely and totally with Leah)**

Chapter 6:

The rest of the day was oddly uneventful. Claire had gone up to her room and stayed there all day, the only exception being when she briefly reappeared downstairs, grabbing a bag of chips and one of the tubs of ice cream. Eva had rolled her eyes at this, but said nothing. She, Leah, and all of the Akatsuki sat on the couch and watch various boring TV programs until late at night.

They all seemed to be getting even more fidgety as the day progress, growing bored with the war in Iraq, random car crashes, robberies, and Gwen Stefani's new album.

"I want that bitch dead," Kisame growled. Several of the others murmured their assent, irked at not knowing what a 'hollaback girl' was (and even more so when Eva and Leah said they also didn't know).

Hidan, having finally cleaned the unusually thick syrup off his face and out of his hair, sat down and joined the rest of them. He was abnormally quiet too, showing his irritation by squinting angrily at the TV and occasionally kicking the tassels on the carpet.

It was, in short, very dull.

Finally, after dinner and an entire day of doing nothing, they could not take the restlessness any more.

"I can't stand just sitting around here doing nothing!" Deidara shouted, kicking at the leg of the coffee table as he stood up from the couch. "How far are you on that jutsu, Itachi, because if we have to deal with _weeks _of this, I think I'll kill myself!" He ranted.

Itachi looked at the artist, blank expression as usual, "I'm still trying to sort out my thoughts and ideas before I attempt to work at it. We don't want any mistakes."

"Still, there's got to be something more useful the rest of us could be doing," Kakuzu said.

"We could train…" Zetsu offered. The rest of them pondered this suggestion.

"Is there a place where we could train?" Leader suddenly asked Eva.

"Um…" she faltered. Truthfully, there wasn't. The ideal spot for them would probably be a giant concrete room that only they had access to so none of the public could witness them, and they wouldn't burn, blow up, smash, flood, disassemble, destroy, or wreck it. No such place existed.

However, she didn't want to flat out deny it, again, reminding herself that they were dangerous criminals. Now they were antsy dangerous criminals, having nothing to do for two days other than watch specials on Brad Pitt. She supposed it _might_ be remotely possible that they could find a relatively durable place that was mostly out of the way of the public.

"There…might be…I dunno I would have to look into it," she said vaguely.

"Okay," he said.

Eva blinked. "'Okay' what?"

"You can be in charge of finding training grounds."

Eva blinked again, feeling awkward. She had hoped her foggy response would have thrown him off, and they would have just changed the subject or consented to more waiting. She wasn't prepared for…a _task_.

"Well, I—" she started to protest, but he wasn't listening.

"I think Blue and I should accompany you, to make sure the grounds are suitable."

"All right, but—"

"It's too late now, so we'll start tomorrow."

"Wait a second—"

"Make sure you are up before nine."

Pein continued to reel off instructions to both Eva and Blue, ignoring Eva's multiple attempts at interruption. Finally, she gave up and decided to wait until he was finished. When he paused a second longer than he had done between his previous directions, she thought she saw her chance.

"Listen, I—"

"If that's all, I think I'll go to bed now," he finished, turning to leave before Eva could open her mouth again. Apparently, she was stuck with this. She looked around helplessly, hoping one of the other members would suddenly run up to Pein and tell him they were fine with just lounging around, or trying to help Itachi, but it was futile. They were all standing around discussing the prospect of training, a bright one compared to the dullness of the house. Then they all seemed to decide they were tired too, and headed off toward the stairs.

"See you in the morning," Blue said, waving to Eva.

"Wait…does this mean I'm stuck here with the rest of the murderers while you're gone?" Leah asked, once the rest had left. If Eva went off to find training grounds, Leah would be stuck here alone because Jason _and _Claire had to work tomorrow.

Eva looked at her numbly. "When I can't find them a place to practice and they destroy the house, then you can complain."

xXx

Claire set her alarm for six AM on workdays, so she managed to wake up before Hidan this time. She figured he probably wouldn't try again today anyway, since he had gotten in trouble yesterday. She pulled on her black jeans and a dark blue tank top adorned with little bats, selecting a dozen or so black and silver bracelets and a small silver necklace for accessories.

Everyone else was still asleep, and Jason been working the night shift and wasn't back yet, so the house felt pretty empty. She took a muffin from a basket on the counter, and the keys for 'Big Red' on the small table next to the door and left for work at _Hot Topic_.

XxX

Hidan woke up two hours after Claire had left, but did not move. He would stay in his bed until _three_ if he had to, dammit.

xXx

The next person to wake up was Eva, due to her alarm and her unwillingness to sleep in on the day that she was to help Pein and Blue find a training ground. She donned her regular gothic attire; today consisting of her standard combat boots, as well as black and white striped socks, a black and red plaid mini-skirt, and a black shirt with pink (a rather unusual color for Eva) skulls embellishing it.

After putting on her dark make-up, she crept out of her room, noticing the silence and assuming that no one else was awake yet, shrugging, she went downstairs and started making breakfast.

"You're up early," Eva heard someone comment from behind her. She whirled around and almost screamed when she saw Zetsu, having forgotten he slept on the couch in the living room.

"Good morning Zetsu-sama," she gasped after her slight shock wore off, "I'm sorry, did I wake you up?"

"No," his white half said.

"_Yes_," his black half disagreed.

"The smell of bacon woke me up, not her."

"_But she's the cause of the smell, she's making the food_."

Eva cleared her throat and both of him shut up. "It'll just be a few more minutes," she said reassuringly. He nodded and said something about going outside to visit the orange trees.

Eva shuffled the pan a bit and flipped the bacon over. Pein and Blue walked into the kitchen as she was tipping it onto a plate. She was a little surprised at their arrival, thinking it couldn't possibly be nine already. She glanced at the clock on the microwave and noticed with a jolt that it was already 8:52.

_Frick!_ She thought. Claire and Jason were gone, and Leah was still asleep. She needed to wake her up before she left, or else there would be seven crazy destructive criminals unattended in the house. The only problem was how. She was _not_ about to let Deidara incinerate the rest of the room. Pein and Blue watched her pace as they munched on bacon, talking quietly.

"I'll be right back," Eva reassured them, darting up to Leah's room. "Leah!" she shouted, as she grabbed the girl and shook her violently. "Leah, wake up, _NOW_!"

"Go away Durham…" Leah muttered in her sleep. Eva dropped her and scowled.

"I've known you for years, but I've only lived with you for a couple months, and I don't know how the hell to wake you up! What do I have to do, call your mother?" Eva asked the out-like-a-light Leah.

Suddenly, Eva got an idea from her very own sarcasm. She took her cell phone hurriedly out of her pocket and dialed Jason's cell phone number. It rang twice before he picked it up.

"I've been awake for twenty-seven hours, and there's a bulimic emo kid here who won't stop cutting himself; make it quick."

"I need to know how to wake Leah up," Eva told him hurriedly. Jason groaned.

"That's it? Put the phone next to her ear," Jason commanded. Baffled, Eva lowered her cell phone towards the mass of brown hair that covered Leah's left ear and waited. She heard a small sound that sounded like someone knocking on a door, then—

"JAMBO!"

There was a sudden static crackle like microphone feedback as Jason's voice blared out of the phone. Leah yelped and flailed around involuntarily, accidentally jerking herself off the bed in the same way Claire had done the day before. Eva's eyes were wide with shock as she lifted the phone back to her ear.

"Whoops…I just scared Mrs. Frannelly into cardiac arrest. Gotta go," Jason said quickly. "And you better remember to get my peanut butter today," he added, hanging up.

Eva shook her head, deciding not to try to decipher Jason's antics right now. She leaned over the bed to where Leah was still scrambling up from the floor.

"Gotta go find the murderers a hang out spot; don't let them kill anyone, and don't let Deidara blow up any more rooms," Eva told her simply, disappearing the moment she had finished.

XxX

Four hundred and twenty-eight; there were four hundred and twenty-eight checkers on Hidan's pillow case. Now to count the ones on the bedspread…

"One…two…" he began.

xXx

Leah figured it probably _was_ a bad idea to go back to sleep if everyone else was gone, and also she was mentally scarred from the remembrance of 'Jambo' (it was a very trying experience in Africa…). Still, she didn't want to leave her room. Her internal struggle was settled for her though, when several minutes later her stomach began to growl; she swung her legs off the bed and hurried downstairs to see what Eva had made for breakfast.

Leah rejected the bacon that Eva had prepared and settled for a banana. She took her usual spot on the counter as she ate her breakfast; apparently, everyone else was still asleep. She shrugged at the thought…at least they weren't threatening her.

Then the door slammed open and Leah jumped, nearly falling of the counter. Jason walked into the kitchen still wearing his scrubs, which were covered in blood. He looked weary and irritated. "I want peanut butter," he growled.

"We didn't get any," she told him.

"I realize that, but _why_?"

"Because Zetsu's allergic to it."

Jason paused. "Is that the blue one?"

The screen door opened and Zetsu walked in, holding a couple flowers. He noticed them and stood still, feeling he had interrupted something.

"No, that's Zetsu."

Zetsu blinked. "Hello…"

"Are you saying you like him more than me?" Jason asked, pointing to an uncomfortable looking Zetsu.

"Yes, Zetsu's cooler than you," Leah answered truthfully, though she still felt apprehensive about being around a murderer (and a cannibal) and was preparing to leave.

"…I'm flattered," Zetsu's white half said.

"…Right, well, I have to go…brush my hair," she said, getting up.

_You're just leaving because you're scared of him, you're such a wimp_.

Leah glared at nothing, even though she meant to direct it at the most annoying voice in her head. _No, I'm being smart and getting away from the evil people before they kill me, _Leah thought back.

_Tch, think about it. Claire's still alive…and Oreo Face is the nice one. Just talk to them, _the little voice argued.

_Shut up!_ Leah thought angrily.

_Hey, I'm just trying to help you out. One day when you don't stick up for yourself, you'll end up getting in some serious trouble._

_No, you can't get in trouble when you don't do anything to provoke people_, Leah reasoned.

_Hm, I can think of a few examples to contradict your statement. Let's say if you had a boyfriend and he wanted to do __**something**_the voice said meaningfully, _Would you stand up for yourself then and punch him in the face…or somewhere else? _

"SHUT UP NAIRO!" Leah yelled aloud. Zetsu and Jason both looked at her quizzically.

"Who's Nairo?" Zetsu asked.

_See what happens when you don't listen to me? You end up publicly humiliating yourself, _the voice, Nairo, taunted in a sing-song voice.

"Nairo's her imaginary friend," Jason stated in a bored voice.

"I named my inner voice, only it's more like an annoying drone that never shuts up," Leah corrected.

Zetsu nodded, "I understand."

"_I'm in the same situation._"

Jason blinked. "I need some sleep."

He grabbed a couple pieces of bacon and headed up to his room.

xXx

"One thousand eight hundred and two, one thousand eight hundred and—"

"Hidan, _shut up_!"

"Oh, good morning Kakuzu!" Hidan said, surprised, "I didn't know you were awake."

"I've been awake since one thousand four hundred and seventy-eight," Kakuzu muttered.

Hidan ignored him. "I'm hungry, are you hungry? I think I'll go get food. Bye!" he said quickly, disappearing from the attic in the middle of his sentence.

XxX

Eva parked her car, a black Jeep, in a crowded parking lot. "Well, this is option number one." She smiled at Pein, who was sitting in the seat next to her.

They stepped out of the car and were quickly immersed in the salty ocean air and the sound of crashing California waves and the chatter of people.

Blue gave Eva an incredulous glance, "This place is much too crowded."

"Only during the day, but it would be perfect if you're willing to train at night. A lot of open space and no one would be around," Eva reasoned.

"Hm, I don't know, what do you think Leader...Leader?" Blue glanced around then noticed Leader buying hot dog at a nearby stand.

Eva patted her back pocket, "When'd he get my wallet?"

Blue laughed, shaking her head, "I guess he got hungry."

Leader came back a moment later and handed Eva her wallet, minus twenty and some odd dollars.

"This place has potential, but I think we should keep looking," Pein said as he put Eva's twenty in the back pocket of his black jeans.

Eva glared at him.

"Is there something wrong?" Leader asked.

Eva shook her head and turned back to the Jeep. _Thieving bastard,_ she thought. _If he had asked, I would have given him the money…but _no_, he had to _steal_ it…stupid criminals and their stupid habits…_she ranted on in her head for a while like this. She was more embarrassed that he had taken it out of her back pocket without her noticing it at all, even though she knew that he was…well…Leader.

Pein finished his hot dog before joining the two girls in the car.

xXx

The remainder of the Akatsuki members were gathered around the kitchen table, eating the large batch of bacon complimentary of Eva, and the scrambled eggs made by Leah. They finished one by one, and left for the TV, purchasing a pay-per-view horror movie. It was, unfortunately, _The Ring_, so Leah left the room after shoving the dishes into the dishwasher, leaving the pans and such for later. _Must get out of room before the person dies…_she thought to herself, going quickly.

Nairo sighed in her mind, _What's so scary about it anyways?_

_There's a lot of stuff scary about it._

_Not really…people dying in these horror movies is actually pretty funny because of all the fake screaming and stuff._

_Look, _Leah snapped, _I don't want to talk to you about this right now. _She managed somehow, to ignore the rest of Nairo's comments, going up to her room to watch some TV.

XxX

The skate park was just as crowded as the beach had been. The two Akatsuki members both gave Eva skeptical looks, having expressed their dislike for crowded spots, but she tried to dissuade them.

"No one comes here after five o'clock," she assured them. They did not look convinced. Eva sighed. "Look, this place is perfect! There's absolutely nothing to destroy here—it's all concrete. And there's plenty of space…and it's fun to run around the bowls," she added, grinning.

"I still think any place that has this many people during the day could be a problem," Pein said stubbornly.

"But…but…You can kill anyone who sneaks in at night because it's illegal anyway!"

"People sneak in at night?" Blue asked. Eva gulped. She hadn't meant to tell them that, she just wanted to get this job over with quickly.

"Well…no…but if they did you could kill them and it wouldn't be a problem," she insisted.

"We don't want to draw attention to ourselves," Pein said, making it clear that the matter was closed. He headed back toward the car and the other two followed.

xXx

Leah came downstairs several hours later after she was _sure_ the movie was over. Tobi had wedged himself into the corner of the couch and was practically suffocating the stuffed bunny he had abducted from Claire the other day. But the others—Kisame, Deidara, Kakuzu, Hidan, and Zetsu, were sitting there with blank and slightly bored expressions on their faces. Itachi appeared to be meditating or something, because he was sitting in the far corner of the room with his eyes closed and did not look up when Leah re-appeared. She vaguely wondered if he had watched the movie at all.

"I can't believe we paid $3.99 for that…" Kakuzu muttered spitefully.

"It's not even your money!" Hidan gaped at him.

"It's wasteful."

"I th-thought it was scary…" Tobi stuttered, the fear evident in his voice and the manner in which he held the unfortunate stuffed bunny.

Everyone ignored them, still staring at the black and white credits scrolling down the TV screen. After a few minutes, Deidara asked, "So…what should we do now?"

There were some shrugs, and murmurs of indifference.

"Well I'm hungry, un. Where are the chips?" he asked Leah. She jumped at being addressed so suddenly, but managed to point to the pantry behind the bar.

"They should be in there," she said quietly.

"Why are you so quiet…?" he mumbled, getting up and walking over to the closet-like doors.

_Why is your ego bigger than the Asian continent, Barbie?_ Nairo said inside the confinements of Leah's mind.

Leah blinked, actually, he was right. _The Ring _started playing again as the credits finished and she quickly darted up to change the channel while Deidara rummaged around for chips.

But when he backed out from behind the bar, he was not holding a bag of Baked Honey BBQ Lays, but a bottle of Scotch whiskey. "Hey guys," he said, grinning broadly, "Look what I found."

_This is another instance in which your shyness will result in your demise. It's been nice knowing you,_ Nairo remarked.

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: …Oh no they didn't. (snaps like the stupid white girl she is)**

**Yeah we did. **

**SUSPENSE!**

**Leah: Yes this all does have to do with the plot. Also, there is a nagging little voice in the back of my head who I have lovingly named Nairo. Why? Because it's easier than referring to him as 'the annoying nag in the back of my head who is like that devil guy who sits on your shoulder and argues with the angel' so yeah, I named him Nairo. Don't ask how I came up with the name, I just did. He's kinda like 'Inner Sakura'. He says what I wish I could say.**

**Also with the 'Jambo' thing. It's true. 'Jambo' means 'Hello' in Swahili. The story behind it is that I was on vacation with my dad's family in Kenya. My brother and I had to share a room on a safari thing and stuff. One morning we had to get a wake up call before dawn. So this guy came up to our tent and started banging on the wooden post things and he kept saying 'Jambo'. When I opened my eyes, all I saw was a really creepy looking silhouette and the white part of the dude's eyes. I screamed and fell out of bed, my brother and the dude started to laugh…I'm easily scared in the morning. **

**Claire: ...The point is she wakes up when you say 'Jambo!'**

**(I don't think I've ever seen her write so much at one time 0.o)**

**Eva: snickers it is SOOOOO much fun to wake her up like that. But don't take it as me being mean when I say that…she woke me up a little while ago by practically jumping on my back (or at least that's what it felt like in my dream, in real life she only tapped me). Anyway…this is going to be interesting and an amazing chance for us to get some of the characters out of character without them being out of character…since no one knows what they act like drunk. evil smirk**


	7. Moo Wars and Blasphemy

**Authors Note:**

**Leah: Wow, I'm a very un-interesting character…. (which is why we have my inner monolouge, Nairo)**

**Eva: (nods furiously) Yeah…**

**Claire: -is zoned out- **

…

**What? **

**Yeah, I dunno, I usually think of lots of things to say in my author's notes and stuff but I like…forgot them all…it's really hot here…grr…I hate not remembering things…**

**Er…anyway…Leah is freaking out about Nairo and here is what I have to say about it: WE WILL NOT ACCEPT YOUR COMMENTS ABOUT NAIRO UNLESS THEY ARE POSITIVE**

**That's it. **

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." –Benjamin Franklin

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!" –Bruce Aidells

"'Sir, you are drunk!' 'Madam, you are ugly. And in the morning, I will be sober, but you will still be ugly!'" –Winston Churchill

Chapter 7:

Unlike the previous stops, Eva's, Pein's, and Blue's next destination was deserted—and locked. This made sense, since it was the middle of July and school didn't start until September. But it was for this reason that Eva considered her old middle school to be an ideal practice site. The buildings were all made of tan stucco, and the ground was concrete. There were only a few trees and bushes scattered around the grounds, and they could easily be avoided. As long as no one tried to punch through any walls, the school would probably remain more or less in tact.

Pein and Blue looked around the outside curiously, making small observations such as 'there's a lot of space' and 'it's out of the way'. Eva stood next to the Jeep and waited, pleased with herself that they finally seemed to be satisfied.

Until they both hopped over the ten foot-tall fence, that is.

"Are you coming?" Blue asked, looking at Eva expectantly.

"Uh…" Eva craned her neck to look at the top of the school's gate. Then she looked down at her miniskirt. There was no denying it: she was not a ninja. "I think I'll stay here, thanks."

"You're supposed to be our guide," Blue persisted, oblivious to Eva's dilemma.

"The gate's locked."

"So jump."

"I can't."

Blue scrutinized her, perplexed. Pein however, appeared to be getting impatient. He sighed and hopped—or flew, rather—back over the gate.

"Come on," he said, holding his hands at his sides like he was going to give her a piggy-back ride. She stared at him blankly.

Suddenly she made the connection and started protesting. "What?! Are you crazy?! No—I can't—I won't—that's completely undignified and—WAAH!"

Eva yelled and started flailing her arms madly as Pein seized her and threw her over his shoulder, crossing over the boundary for the third time. She gaped at him when he put her down, but he turned around and walked off. Blue snickered, but Eva was still too stunned to give her a silencing glare.

They walked around the empty campus for several minutes, finally deciding that it would be a good backup, but they still wanted to find a place with fewer obstacles. When they circled back around to the front gate, Eva decided not to argue against the piggy back ride, degrading as it was. She felt her face burn with embarrassment as they walked back to the car, and made a mental note to give Pein the most burnt waffles tomorrow for breakfast.

XxX

"Um…" Leah said quietly from her safe position behind the counter in the kitchen. None of the Akatsuki members heard her, as they were all busy getting drinks from the wide variety of booze in the pantry. No one in the household—not even Jason, who was the only one above the legal drinking age—ever touched the stuff. The only reason it was there was because it had been their grandparents' house before Jason had inherited it, and no one had bothered to remove their stash of alcohol.

Now Leah was deeply regretting it.

"Um…" she said again, slightly louder, but still barely audible.

_If you don't stop them now, you'll regret it later on in life_, Nairo chided as Leah continued to stand timidly in the kitchen.

_That's not true, because if I _do_ stand up to them now, they'll kill me and I won't have a 'later on in life'_, Leah argued.

_Need I remind you that Claire is still alive?_

_See? Even you can't argue with that. Just say they aren't allowed to have any. It's yours after all, they should understand._

_They kill people. Last time I checked, killing people wasn't a very understanding thing to do._

_Just _go

_Fine, fine, shut up already! If I die, it's your fault._

_I'll take full credit._

Leah stood up and let Nairo talk for once, "Excuse me, but I don't think you should be drinking that, you look far too young," She said to Deidara, who was pouring the drinks.

"Thanks for you're concern, but where I'm from, I'm old enough, un," Deidara replied.

Once he had finished pouring his drink, Leah took the bottle and began scanning the label on the back.

"Please, don't drink. I've had very bad experiences with drunk people," Leah begged.

Deidara swallowed his drink in one gulp. "Too late," he said with a grin. She looked down at the bottle once again and continued to read. One sentence caught her eye.

'Alcohol content: 75'

_Crap, I'm screwed, _Leah thought.

She looked up at the rest of the group, desperately hoping she could persuade some of the others not to follow Deidara's example, but they were all already on their second and third rounds. The only exception was Tobi, who was standing slightly away from the rest of them, clutching his bunny. Even Itachi, the most responsible of the group, was holding a crystal glass full of some amber colored liquid.

"Itachi-san, are you sure that's a good idea?" Kisame asked nervously, "You know what happened last time…"

Itachi stared at the fish-man. His usually expressionless face was slightly altered as his eyebrows drew together in a slightly annoyed manner. "I'm perfectly capable of handling my own actions," he stated simply. Kisame raised a hand in a dismissive manner and shrugged.

Leah bleakly observed the scene as the seven dangerous criminals continued to deplete the amount of liquor stored in the house.

"Uh…I'm going to go upstairs…there's really nothing I can do…yeah…" Leah said aloud to herself, feeling resigned. Tobi, who apparently was not a drinker and was still standing in the corner, overheard.

"Can Tobi come too?" he squeaked, still holding the bunny. Leah blinked at him.

"Yeah…I guess," she consented meekly.

xXx

Eva drove up to a very large building not far from the school. She unlocked the car and got out; Leader and Blue were, somehow, already at the front door of it. They waited patiently for Eva as she unlocked the door and stepped inside. It was a large gymnasium, filled with basketball hoops and large padded mats along the wall.

"The floor's made of wood," Leader commented. "We wouldn't be able to do many ninjutsu attacks here."

"But taijutsu would be fine, genjutsu too," Eva reasoned, forgetting momentarily that she wasn't supposed to really know about that.

"How do you—" Blue started to ask, but Eva cut her off.

"Anywhoo…what do you think?"

"Well, you're right about the taijutsu and genjutsu being fine here, so maybe we could separate into groups and some of us practice here, and if we want to do ninjutsu, then we could go to that school," Leader reasoned.

Eva nodded gladly, "I'll be happy to drive back and forth."

Blue flinched involuntarily, "It would probably be easier if we just ran there, no offense but cars are bothersome compared to what we're used to …"

"Ah." Eva was a bit surprised at this statement; they had never expressed any dislike towards cars. "Well, um, anyway…"

"Let's go back and tell the other members about it," Blue smiled politely.

"Okay, but I'm kind of hungry," Eva looked at her watch; it was a bit after eleven. "Do you think we could go eat first?"

The other two agreed, admitting their own hunger. They returned to the Jeep, yet again, and Eva drove them to the nearest _Island's_. They walked into the dimly lit room, with its walls painted with tropical backgrounds and fake macaws hanging from metal perches connected to the ceiling. They must have looked fairly out of place, with Pein's face full of metal and Blue's blue hair, the three of them all dressed in their dark semi-gothic clothing. None of them noticed the odd glances they were receiving from the other diners as their slightly perturbed waitress seated them.

Eva ordered a large basket of fries while they waited for the rest of their meals while Blue and Pein spoke in hushed voices about demons and jinchurikis.

XxX

Tobi and Leah both sat on Leah's freshly washed red bedspread. The charred pictures on the walls had not been replaced, and there were still traces of black soot in the creases of the floors and in the tan carpet. There were several bottles of nail polish laid out on the bed in shades of black, red, and purple, and she was currently touching up the shiny coat of onyx on her own nails while Tobi watched. She had offered to do his nails too, knowing it seemed to be part of the Akatsuki dress code, but he had refused to take off his mysterious black gloves.

Leah replaced the cap and held her hand up to examine her work and check for smudges. Satisfied, she blew on her nails so they would dry faster.

"Um…Leah-chan?" Tobi asked, fidgeting with the bunny's ears.

"It's just Leah," she corrected.

"Okay…Leah, then…I have something to tell you…"

"What is it?" Leah asked, her curiosity piqued.

"I kind of…found your art portfolio…"

Leah froze, blushing. She was very insecure about her art. "You did…?"

"Uh-huh…And I showed it to Deidara-sempai…"

Leah blushed an even deeper shade of red and made a sort of strangled squeaking noise. Tobi looked alarmed and started waving his arms frantically.

"No, no! Tobi is a good boy! Tobi just thought they were good…and since Deidara-sempai is an artist too…" he trailed off. Leah still felt very embarrassed, but also a little flattered.

"I understand," she choked out. There were a couple seconds of silence in which Leah's face had the opportunity to turn back to its normal color, then Tobi chuckled quietly.

"He didn't say anything when I showed him, but I think he was too jealous to admit you're a good artist too."

Leah felt herself blush again, but said nothing.

xXx

After lunch, Eva decided since they were out, they might as well stock up on groceries. As they were walking into the store they heard two employee's conversation.

"Did you hear about Harold?" one of them asked.

"The guy who got the carts from the parking lot? I always just called him Crazy Cart Guy…" the other said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, well, he's still in the mental institution. They said he was in the manager's office rambling about giant red cars coming to take over the world."

"Poor bastard…"

Eva couldn't help but to smile, even though she felt a small twinge of guilt. It wasn't _her_ fault after all; Claire was the one who had been driving.

XxX

Leah had grown bored after painting and re-painting her own nails a total of five times, and had finally asked Tobi if he wanted her to paint his toenails instead of his fingernails. He seemed happy with this compromise, and agreed. He chose a sort of radioactive-looking lime green, which seemed to compliment the vibrant orange of his mask. But she had painted about four coats of it and wasn't sure it could get any greener, and was starting to get bored again.

Leah glanced apprehensively in the direction of the stairs, though the view was blocked by several rooms and walls. She was a little guilty about leaving the Akatsuki members downstairs after telling Eva she would keep an eye on them—especially since they were all probably drunk by now.

Though she did not relish the thought, Leah figured she might as well check on them to at least make sure they hadn't turned on the gas on the stove or something. Just a quick check and she would come back upstairs. Plus, she had Tobi with her…though she wasn't sure how helpful he would be.

"I think we should go check on them," she said aloud, "Just for a minute, and then we'll come back up here."

Tobi hesitated. "Okay…"

They should have never left the room.

xXx

"Hey—hey guys," Deidara slurred after his fourth glass of Scotch, "Hey guys—check it out. I have hands on my—on my mouths…I mean mouths on my hands…No wait…Yeah…"

The others nodded and laughed appreciatively.

"You—you think that's weird? I've got blue skin! It's blue! Now that just ain't natural…" Kisame said, pointing to his arm.

"I gotta ask you something—how do you breathe _air_ if you have _gills_," Kakuzu implored.

Kisame frowned at the carpet, his eyes slightly unfocused. "I dunno…"

Just then Leah and Tobi walked in, Leah tentatively checking the dials on the stove. She decided they were all safely off and moved into the living room. "I think you guys have had enough to drink," she said boldly, collecting the various bottles that were still on the table.

"Hey—hey Leah. Hey Leah, guess what?" Deidara asked, not bothering to try to stop her.

"Er…what?" Leah said, turning.

"I've—I've got mouths—on my hands! See? See? Llaaaughhh!" he said, sticking out his tongue and the one on his left hand, shoving it in her face. Leah leaned back to avoid being slimed.

"That's…nice…" she lied, pushing his hand back to him carefully. "We're going to go back upstairs now…right Tobi?"

Tobi nodded and they both started to leave but Deidara suddenly reached up and grabbed both of their arms, pulling them onto the couch. "No, no, no stay down here and party!"

"Deidara-sempai, are you okay?" Tobi asked worriedly.

"You're drunk…" Leah stated the obvious, scooting away from him as much as she could, and wiping her now gooey arm on the couch.

"I'm not as think as you drunk I am, un," he protested.

"Hey…has anyone seen my scythe?" Hidan asked abruptly. He opened a drawer on a small cabinet next to the couch, though it was impossible in every way that it would ever fit in there.

"What's this?" He held up a small cylinder-shaped object. The top had a latticed pattern of small square holes on it and the side had a sort of mural of cows. Kakuzu took it from him and examined it, turning it over and over again.

They all jumped when the thing let out a loud 'Mooooooooo!'. "It's a _cow_!" Hidan gasped with realization. Kakuzu started giggling childishly as he turned it over and back, making it moo repeatedly.

Hidan turned back to the drawer. "What other fun stuff is in here?"

He pulled out a cow-shaped keychain. There was a small white button on its head that differed from the odd cow spots covering the rest of it. He pressed the button curiously and the small creature's nose lit up, and it also let out a long 'Mooooooooo!'.

Itachi, who had apparently been sleeping the whole time, jerked awake at the sound.

"Sleeping on the job, eh Itachi-san?" Kisame grinned, elbowing his comrade in the ribs. Leah gaped in horror, certain that Itachi was mere seconds away from gutting Kisame like a tuna.

"Neh…" Itachi grumbled, rubbing his side. Apparently he was under the influence as well.

"I have a right to sleep, I always do all the work," Itachi drawled, "I mean, just cuz I'm the _prodigy_, whenever there's a problem it's 'Oh! Let's get _Itachi_ to fix it for us! _Itachi_ has no life'. I mean, I do _everything_! What do you guys do? Just…killin' stuff…such a waste. You guys _suck_."

He waved his hands around in a drunken manner the whole time he was talking, finally flinging his arms down to his sides in irritation.

"Whaddabout me? I got that Gaara kid and he was a kazekage and—and everything! _He ate my arm_!" Deidara argued.

"He's still alive…and you got you're arm back anyway."

"Oh yeah, well you're _mean_, un."

"I'm just misunderstood," said Itachi, turning over and apparently going back to sleep.

Hidan and Kakuzu were having moo wars with the moo box and the keychain, and had not noticed any of this. Zetsu, who had not spoken the entire time, finally appeared to get bored with the conversation and went outside. Leah blinked in confusion as he closed the sliding door behind him.

"Wasn't he drinking too?" she asked.

"Yeah…heh heh…you know how—how he's different colors? And they act different and stuff? When he gets drunk…heh heh heh…they switch personalities!" Kisame informed her.

"That's it?"

"Uh huh. Funny isn't it? Ha ha ha…"

"Right…well…I'm really going to leave now," Leah said cautiously, getting up again. And again, Deidara grabbed her arm.

"Nooo, don't leave," he pleaded, suddenly near tears, "You guys—you and Tobi and—and all of you…you're my best friends!" He was now hugging her arm and pulling it down with all his strength, so she fell back on the couch again. "Leah, we artists need to stick together! Sit down." Leah felt herself blush when she realized that he had pulled her onto his lap. She stiffened.

_If you weren't a terrorist, I'd punch you, _Leah thought. She didn't try to leave again; instead she quietly accepted that she wasn't going to get away from the drunken retards until Leader got back. _Crap, what will Leader do to me when he finds out that I let them all get drunk?_ She thought for a minute. _Well, drunken people do tell interesting stories, might as well get a few laughs before I die…_

Suddenly an idea struck her; she positioned herself so she was facing Hidan, "So…what religion do you follow again, Hidan?"

Hidan made the cow moo at Kakuzu before turning towards Leah. "I am…a Buddhist!"

"Buddhist?"

He nodded. "The fat guy with the belly-shirt…or wait…does he even wear a shirt? I don't know—but if you rub it then you get good luck." He started to laugh.

Several of the other Akatsuki members also started laughing heartily at this, as they were at this point, amused by absolutely anything.

Already forgetting the subject, Hidan returned to the moo war with Kakuzu.

Leah rolled her blue eyes, and then looked at blonde artist that still had his arm around her, "So, Deidara, do you remember how you got here?" They would surely come up with a crazy story or two for this question.

Deidara furrowed his brow and closed his eyes for a minute as if he had been asked a difficult algebra problem. "There were two Sound ninjas…and they said something about the Akatsuki being a threat to Orochimaru's plans…or something…and that he had sent other ninja to get rid of the other Akatsuki members. I tried to attack them…But then something happened and the next thing I knew, Kisame was telling that dog over there to shut up…" He pointed at Durham, who lifted his head and looked confused.

Leah blinked. _For a drunken story, that actually sounded…possible_.

"Hey wait; you guys were attacked by Sound guys? So were we!" said Itachi, suddenly awake again. Leah looked at Kisame, who nodded vigorously.

"Yeah, they said that thing about Orochimaru…and…yeah…that was it…" he finished lamely.

"You guys were all attacked by Sound ninjas?" Leah asked. Kakuzu and Hidan took another brief pause from their moo wars and nodded. Tobi scratched his head, apparently thinking.

"I think…that might have happened…I dunno I still can't remember…" Tobi said, sounding frustrated.

Something in Leah's brain clicked. _Everyone else seems to remember…except Tobi…they all remember now because they're drunk?!_ _That's just weird_.

"Hey," Itachi said again, interrupting her thoughts. Leah looked up and noticed he was squinting at her. "I can _see_ you!"

Leah blinked again. "That's…nice…Good for you, Itachi," she said slowly, thinking he was stating the obvious.

"No, no, no, I mean I can really _see_ you! Cuz normally I can't…cuz the Mangekyo Sharingan thingy…but now I can!" he clarified. "Hey, you guys know that song…the one that goes—that goes like '_I can see clearly now the rain has gone…_'"

Kisame nodded and they both started singing. "_I can see all obstacles in my wayyyyy!_"

Leah wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. _Wow_, she thought. _I didn't know Itachi sang in a falsetto. _She sighed and put her face in her hands, hoping this would all end soon.

XxX

Claire stood outside the front door after returning from work. She had been about to put the key in the lock when she thought she heard singing…and it wasn't the usual hard core rock of Marilyn Manson…It was…Johnny Nash?

She shook her head and opened the door, looking around the hallway. The singing was coming from the living room. She walked over cautiously and almost fell over when she saw that it was none other than Uchiha Itachi, the guy who had murdered his entire clan when he was thirteen—not to mention countless others since then—singing 'I Can See Clearly Now' in a joyous and carefree manner.

Kisame was singing too, Hidan and Kakuzu were several feet away on the couch, making a keychain and a small can-shaped container moo at each other, and Leah was apparently a captive of Deidara. Tobi was sitting there innocently, looking slightly out of place.

"What…" Claire started, searching for words. Leah looked up and noticed her for the first time.

"Help me!" she pleaded, indicating to Deidara. She tried to pry herself free from his grip again, but to no avail.

"I told you, Leah, we artists need to stick together!" he said, shaking his head. Claire thought he sounded drunk. Cautiously, she walked around the side of the couch to face Leah.

"What happened…Why are you all…?"

"They found the booze cabinet, now make him let go!" Leah commanded, but Claire ignored her, shocked.

"You let them drink?! Why didn't you stop them! What if they were angry drunks or something and blew up the house?!" Claire all but yelled, pacing back and forth in front of the couch. "And will you two SHUT UP?!" she added to the still-singing Itachi and Kisame, who stopped abruptly.

Leah and Claire ignored them. "But…I'm shy! I can't even get away from one! Help…please?" Leah insisted. Claire sighed.

"Deidara…let go of her, please?" Claire asked him as if she were speaking to a kindergartener.

"No!" Deidara replied as if he was a kindergartener. He hugged Leah tighter, and she gasped.

"Can't…breathe!" she wheezed. Claire scowled. She grabbed Leah's arm with one hand and tried to pry Deidara's hands off with the other.

"Tobi, could you help—AAH!" she yelled and released Leah and Deidara as she was suddenly pulled backwards.

"Claire! You're home!" Hidan exclaimed, hugging her and squashing her lungs in the same way Deidara was doing to Leah.

"Gack—" Claire gasped, "You're crushing my ribs…Crazy fucking priest man!"

Hidan released her, frowning. "You shouldn't say those words, it's a sin! I would know, as a Muslim," he scolded.

"Muslim?" Claire asked, speaking more to Leah than Hidan.

"Drunk, remember? Now, _help!_" Leah ordered, growing frantic.

"Tobi, you have to help me," Claire said to Tobi, who had been sitting in his corner of the couch, trying to look inconspicuous.

"Um…okay…" he said, obviously not wanting to go against Deidara, but still wanting to be a good boy. Together, he and Claire managed to get Leah free. Deidara sniffled, looking hurt.

"We're in the same house, you see her all the time, for God's sake, be a man!" Claire snapped at him.

"You're a Christian too?" Hidan asked excitedly. Claire rolled her eyes.

"I think we should get them up to their rooms," she said to Leah.

"Er…how?" Leah asked, taking a few steps away from Deidara.

"Um…" Claire mumbled. She looked around at the drunken Akatsuki members. "Get a shiny object and hold it in front of their nose?"

"Right…so…motivation?" Leah assumed, ignoring the sarcasm.

Claire shrugged. "I guess. I'll take care of Hidan and Kakuzu, you get Deidara."

"What about Itachi and Kisame?"

Claire hesitated, and then had an idea. "Hey, Itachi, Kisame! You've been requested to sing opera at the Met!"

"Really?" Kisame asked, his fish-eyes wide.

"Yeah, really. You need you're beauty sleep, so go to your room. Tobi will be your escort." She gestured to Tobi, who jumped.

"R-right!" The three of them left.

"Hidan, we got Talmuds and Korans and Bibles for whatever religion you're up to now in your room," she said to Hidan. "And a giant cow," she added to Kakuzu. They left too, leaving Leah and Deidara.

"Um…I need your opinion on this art piece that's in my room, so…yeah…come on." She pulled him off the couch and he followed her up the stairs.

Once at her door, Deidara suddenly latched onto her again. "I'm so happy you're coming to me for advice on your art, it's so thoughtful, un!"

Leah sighed, knowing she would probably have to wait for Claire to return to escape. _I really didn't think this through_, she realized grimly.

XxX

An hour or so later, the Akatsuki members were safely locked in their rooms (Claire having detached Deidara from Leah for a second time…and a third after that). They both went back downstairs to recover from the exhausting work.

"Well, that's finally over," Claire said, flopping down on the couch.

"Yeah," Leah agreed, sitting beside her.

There was silence for a few seconds.

"I don't think we should tell Pein about this…we'll _all_ get in trouble. And we do NOT need a reason for the leader of the Akatsuki to be mad at us," Claire said.

"Yeah, especially because it's my fault," Leah gulped.

They decided on cover stories for why the Akatsuki members were all in their rooms to tell Pein, and then decided to relax and watch TV themselves—though nothing about Paris Hilton or Michael Jackson.

A while later Pein, Blue, and Eva returned, arms laden with fresh groceries (Brian, the cashier from before, had apparently remembered Eva and Blue, but was in for a new shock with Pein and his many piercings). Leah and Claire helped bring in the groceries, pretending nothing was wrong as they explained the absence of the others.

When they finished their false story however, Pein did not appear convinced. "What about Zetsu?" he asked.

_Oh shit_, Claire and Leah thought simultaneously.

"He's…outside," Leah said simply. This was, after all, true. Then the door opened, and it wasn't. Leah and Claire stared at Zetsu as he walked in with horrified looks on their faces.

"What are you looking at?" his white half snapped.

"_No need to be rude_," his black half scolded. The two girls' feelings of horror increased.

"You let them drink?" Pein said calmly, though there was a menacing note hidden in his voice. Claire and Leah turned around slowly.

"It was sort of an accident. You see, Deidara was looking for chips and—" Leah started, but the Akatsuki Leader raised a hand to silence her.

"I don't care _how_ it happened, but I would think that you would have your own motives for wanting them to stay sober. Like not destroying your house, or killing you," he said.

"I tried!" Leah wailed. Then she started speaking very fast, almost hysterically. "Deidara got the Scotch and then I tried to stop him but then everyone else got their own drinks and before I could stop Deidara he chugged his drink then everyone did the same thing and then I realized that I couldn't do anything and I got scared so me and Tobi hid in my room for an hour and…and…" she faltered. "What was I supposed to do, punch him?"

"Yes!" Leader said, as if that were the most obvious solution ever.

"So…does this mean you're mad?" Claire asked, trying to sound casual. For a minute, he said nothing. Eva and Blue, who had had no need to speak before or now, continued to observe. Zetsu too, stayed silent, awaiting his words.

"No," he said finally, and the girls breathed sighs of relief. "But then again, I'm not the one who will have to deal with them when they're hung over," he finished icily.

And with that, he left the room and let the others soak up his words.

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Wow…I suppose the whole drunk thing could have been funnier…oh well, we tried. Plus we were sort of disrupted from our writing streak for a while. Also, sorry the chapter took so long (by our standards), but come on, we're still pretty fast considering.**

**Leah: I think Itachi has more lines than me… **

**Claire: Ooh! I dare you all to count Itachi's and Leah's lines to see who has more! Cuz I'm lazy! Woot laziness. I GIVE YOU VIRTUAL COOKIES:**

………**DAMMIT I still can't remember what I was gonna say….that makes me sad…I think I'm gonna cry……**


	8. Bunnies and Appearing Sound Ninja

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Sorry for the short-ish retarded chapter. My excuse for that is that PLOT KILLS EVERYTHING ( **

**It does. And this chapter is like, half plot! So yeah, it's a trade off. **

**Leah: Plot is no fun. Tsk-tsk. It makes things boring and uninteresting, so we had to have something completely insane to make up for it (you'll know what it is when you read it)**

**Eva: I LOVE THIS CHAPTER!!! o**

Chapter 8:

At twenty-three seconds after 10:41 the next morning, Deidara opened his eyes. By twenty-four seconds after 10:41, he had closed them again. The searing bright sunlight that was streaming through the window was gone, but now that he was awake, he was fully aware of the pounding headache he had. He groaned and rolled over; trying to dull the pain by squashing his head with his pillow, but it didn't really work.

"Tobi," Deidara called, though his words were muffled by the pillow. "Close the blinds!"

He waited, but there was no reply, or sounds of Tobi shuffling around the room. He turned his head and dared to open his eye a slit. No Tobi. Deidara groaned again and rolled over. He tried to sit up, but immediately felt dizzy and his head throbbed again. Feeling irritated and hopeless, he returned his face to the pillow and tried to go back to sleep.

However, it's not easy to sleep when one's head feels like it's full of rocks. He didn't have to try for very long though, because at 10:44 there was a knock on the door (Deidara cringed at the sound) and Leah came in.

"Deidara?" she called. He cringed again and folded the pillow tighter around his ears.

"Don't talk so loud, un!" he hissed.

"Sorry. Just checking to see if you were awake," she whispered.

"Yeah, I'm awake," he snapped. "Will you close the damn blinds? They're burning my eyes out."

Leah nodded and closed the blinds and making the room completely dark except for the few white streaks that slipped through the individual shades.

"Anything else?"

"Ice…for my head…and water," Deidara mumbled, not bothering to wonder why she was being so obliging.

xXx

"I want to die…"

"Hidan."

"I wanna _die!_"

"Hidan!"

"I really want to die."

"_Hidan!_"

"Kakuzu, you have no idea how fucking lucky you are to be able to die! Fuck! This is so fucking unfair…fucking immortality…fuck—"

"—HIDAN!"

Both of them cringed when Kakuzu yelled, holding their hands over their ears.

"_What?_" Hidan asked through gritted teeth.

"Just _shut up!_" Kakuzu replied irritably.

"I have a headache!" Hidan whined.

"Yeah, duh. Let me put this in terms you can understand: STOP BITCHING!"

"Actually, both of you need to shut up," said Claire, ascending the stairs to the attic, "You're bugging everyone else…including me," she added under her breath.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Hidan asked.

"I'm hurt, you were so happy to see me yesterday," she replied with fake remorse. "I brought water." She held up two glasses of water.

"I'm not thirsty," Hidan said, rolling over to face the wall.

"Bull. Drinking—as in alcohol—dehydrates you."

"She's right you know. And you drank two bottles of vodka…and if you weren't immortal, you would probably be dead," Kakuzu noted. Claire smirked, amused.

"Well, I'll just leave these here." She put the water on the table and left.

XxX

Itachi was still in bed, eyes closed and fingers waving like a conductor's baton as he hummed 'Row, Row, Row Your Boat'. Eva stood in the doorway, holding on to the side and trying not to laugh.

"He's still a little loopy…" Kisame said from his spot on the end of his bed, far away from Itachi. Eva only nodded; too busy holding her hand over her mouth to speak.

Finally, she managed to regain control of herself and asked, "Do you guys need anything?"

"Water would be nice," Kisame replied. Itachi suddenly jerked up and opened his eyes.

"FRIED CHEESE!" he yelled. Kisame held his hands over his ears and Eva blinked, tempted to start giggling again.

"Okay, one water, and one fondue…"

"No, I said fried cheese!" the loopy Uchiha insisted.

"Fondue is fried cheese."

"No, the name is different."

Eva waved her hand dismissively and gave up. "Okay, fried cheese."

Itachi looked content.

xXx

"They're crazy," said Claire immediately as the three of them met up again downstairs. The other two nodded in agreement.

"Itachi acts like he's still drunk. He says he wants fried cheese," Eva informed them with a smile. Although it was quite comedic at the time, now that she looked back on it, it was actually rather creepy and disturbing. At least, for Itachi of all people to be yelling out random words.

"Deidara just seems pissed off…" Leah mused. They all sighed. "I need to get more water," Leah said, going to the fridge.

"Me too." Eva followed her.

"Should I turn on the stove for the cheese then?" Claire called to her.

"Shut up."

XxX

After giving Deidara his water, Leah quickly went on check on Zetsu, who she allowed to sleep in her room so he didn't have as many disturbances as he would have downstairs. She didn't bother knocking on the door; he too was sensitive to sound.

"Zetsu? Can I come in?" Leah asked tentatively.

"Yes," He replied. She gave him the extra glass of water she had brought up. He downed it in one gulp like he had been living in a desert for weeks without water.

"Er…want more?" she asked, looking at the empty glass he handed her. He nodded and she went back downstairs to get more, only to have him gulp it down again. This happened five more times before Leah came up with an alternative.

"Do you want me to just get a tank? Or the hose?" Leah asked, out of breath from her repeated trips up and down the stairs.

Zetsu blinked.

xXx

Since Claire had already given her "patients" water, or whatever they needed for the time being, she went outside to check on the sober Akatsuki members. Pein and Blue were sitting in the Jacuzzi sipping tropical looking mango smoothies—complete with little wooden umbrellas. Tobi was perched awkwardly on a lawn chair, watching Durham apace around the Jacuzzi's edge, staying close to Pein but not wanting to get wet.

"You guys need anything?" Claire asked, giving off the impression of one of those grumpy diner waitresses who worked the night shift. She, like Eva and Leah, was irritated with Pein for not helping them out with the whole hangover thing. After all, it hadn't been _their_ fault (directly) that the Akatsuki had gotten drunk. And they were _his_ evil organization after all. They ought to be _his_ responsibility, but no. He'd rather sit around in the back yard, pretending Blue was Malibu Barbie and he was Ken.

"Nope, we're fine," Pein said smugly. Apparently he was enjoying his day off. Bastard.

XxX

This was not as much fun as Eva had thought it would be. She thought she was getting the best deal since she was assigned to Itachi, the crazy _singing_ drunk, but so far, no such luck.

"Where is my fried cheese?" Itachi demanded. Eva handed him a bottle of water instead. He blinked at it, apparently trying to read the label. "Arrowhead? You want me to drink ARROWHEADS?!"

So much for improved vision. "It's _water_! Can you see any arrowheads in here? WATER!" She shook the bottle in front of his nose, making him go cross-eyed. He scowled when she put it down.

"I'm not drinking it," he said as stubbornly as an enraged two year old. Eva sighed and left. Several minutes later she returned with a glass. She picked up the bottle and poured about half of it out.

"Hey look, it's water!" Itachi exclaimed loudly. He picked it up and gulped it down gratefully.

xXx

Eva and Leah finished their…chores…and came outside to join Pein, Blue, Tobi, and Claire. They sat on the patio furniture in silence for a few minutes, staring at the stucco on the wall. Everyone jumped when Leah suddenly spoke.

"Do you guys remember anything about Sound ninjas?" she asked the Akatsuki members. They looked mildly confused, save for Tobi who had been present when Deidara and the others had started remembering things.

"Sound ninjas?" Pein said blankly.

"Why are you suddenly asking about Sound ninjas?" Eva asked Leah. Leah blushed. She had forgotten to tell Claire and Eva what had happened.

"Yesterday…when they all got drunk…they said they started remembering things about how they all got here. They said Sound ninjas transported them here," she explained.

"Is this true?" Pein said, looking at Tobi. Tobi nodded.

"I can't really remember, but it sounds vaguely familiar…or that it could have happened…I don't know."

"I don't remember anything about Sound ninja," Blue noted. The Akatsuki leader was quiet for a moment, thinking.

"I wonder…if for this particular jutsu…alcohol was the undoing factor," he said finally.

The others, including the three girls—who had momentarily forgotten their supposed ignorance…again—looked shocked. "Is that even possible?" Blue asked.

Pein shrugged. "It's not probable…but it is possible. I've never heard of it happening before though."

"Maybe that's why the ninjas used it then. Orochimaru was always collecting rare jutsus…" Tobi piped up.

"Orochimaru?"

"Deidara-sempai said the Sound ninja said something about Orochimaru."

"Figures he's involved in this," Blue muttered.

They were all quiet again for a while, and Pein was thinking again. They all jumped again when he startled them out of their stucco-staring.

"If the alcohol did deactivate the memory jutsu, then they should all start remembering things. Since you three are supposed to be caring for the others anyway, why don't you go interrogate them?"

"What if you guys got drunk, and interrogated yourselves?!" Eva suggested. Leah and Claire glared at her.

"You just want them to start singing again," Leah stated.

"Maybe…" Eva replied evasively, looking obviously mischievous. Pein scowled. He didn't bother saying 'no', but gave them a look that said they were dismissed.

XxX

Claire frowned at steps as she climbed noisily back up to the attic. She had been hoping to avoid her little slice of Crazy-Akatsuki Pie, but with Leader issuing orders all the time, that was kind of hard. She slammed the door open, only to be greeted with moans of protest.

"What part of 'quiet' do you not understand?!" Kakuzu grumbled as he too, attempted to stifle his headache with a pillow but to lazy and weak to attack her.

"Sorry," she mumbled.

"I thought we were done with you! Why are you back, bitch?" Hidan demanded, glaring at her irritably.

Kakuzu growled again, "Quiet," he hissed, turning his stitch covered face in the direction on Hidan's bed.

Claire sighed. "I have to ask you guys if you remember anything else about how you got here. Leah told us you remembered something about Orochimaru sending Sound ninja."

"Yep, that sounds about right," Hidan confirmed, rolling over to face the wall again.

"What?" Claire said dumbly, confused by his answer.

"I said that's pretty much what happened."

Claire gaped at him. "…That's all you got? You don't remember…what jutsu they used or the hand signals…or even what they looked like?"

"They had music notes on their foreheads," Kakuzu offered. Claire was sorely tempted to say 'Duh'.

"Well…if that's really _all _you remember…I guess I'll go," she muttered.

xXx

"So what else do you guys remember about the Sound ninja?" Eva asked as she re-entered Itachi and Kisame's room (Itachi was now singing lines from 'Call Me When You're Sober', ironically). Eva stifled a laugh at his falsetto.

Kisame's face assumed a look of confusion. "I dunno…there's not much to remember. Basically these two guys just…appeared…and did a jutsu and then we were here."

"What was the jutsu? Like…what did they say or do or…what?" she asked, trying to sound ignorant by not mentioning the seals.

He looked frustrated. "I don't remember…my mind's still all…fuzzy."

"Like bunnies!" Itachi exclaimed happily. Kisame sighed.

"Yes Itachi, like bunnies." He turned to Eva, "This is why I didn't want him to drink, he goes crazy! And his hangovers last twice as long as normal peoples'." He sighed. "At least it's not as bad as last time…"

"What happened last time?" Eva asked, eager for blackmail on the infamous Uchiha .

"…Let's just say we had to move the Akatsuki hideout…far away…" Kisame said darkly.

XxX

"So what did the Sound ninja say before they…transported you here?"

Deidara was still irritable from his headache and was not very keen on being interrogated. "I don't know! All the guy said was something about Orochimaru and stopping us from interrupting his plans, un," he snapped.

"But what were his exact words?" Leah persisted.

"I don't remember," Deidara growled, his teeth barred, "What I _do_ remember are the words 'Orochimaru' and 'Akatsuki' and 'not' and 'interrupt' and 'plans'. Take it or leave it, un. And leave me!" He turned away from her and pulled the covers over his blonde head, so Leah had no choice but to leave and try her luck with Zetsu.

Zetsu remembered even less than Deidara. Basically his story was that two guys suddenly appeared and did a jutsu (that he couldn't remember, of course) and the next thing he knew, he had been in the living room.

Leah gave them both another glass of water before going back to meet with the Akatsuki Leader.

xXx

Pein and the others looked surprised when the girls returned after only a few minutes.

"Back so soon?" Leader asked, somewhat sardonically.

"They don't remember anything," said Eva, sounding slightly disappointed.

"Hidan and Kakuzu said these two guys just 'appeared' and transported them here," Claire reported.

"All I got was the thing about Orochimaru again," Leah explained.

Claire looked thoughtful at her words. "How come the guys who jumped Deidara and Tobi were the only ones stupid enough to talk to them?"

"What _I_ want to know is why didn't any of us notice those stupid Sound ninja _before_ they got us?" Blue remarked angrily, "We're Akatsuki for god's sake! We know when we're being tracked."

"She has a point," Tobi agreed.

"They said the ninjas just 'appeared'," Claire repeated.

Blue was not convinced. "But that doesn't make sense," she insisted.

"You guys just appeared here," Eva pointed out. The others nodded and agreed.

"I still can't think of any jutsu that let's you just 'appear'."

"Like I said before, it's possible, even it it's not probable," said Pein, who had been quiet since their reports, "Anyways, it's likely they will all start remembering things more as the days go on…"

Then his face contorted into a mildly annoyed look. "And become sober," he added.

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Yes, Uchiha Itachi, the clan-murdering, mind raping, conniving, general wrong-doing bastard…is loopy. And thinks his brain is bunnies! D**

**Leah: I love loopy Itachi. Well, those perfect Uchiha's have to have one fault, why not make it that they act crazy when they're drunk hmm? **

**Also I just wanted to say, that yes, we know Blue's real name, but we like Blue better so there (even though we'll probably use her real name anyways.)**

**Sorry if we can't update as fast as we used to, school is back and we hate it. But, no 'Jenny' this year, yay!**

**Ahem, anyways, this is for Spirit Seer, some of your questions will be answered in one of the upcoming chapters. So yeah.**

**Eva: (is laughing ass off) I LOVE THIS FREAKING CHAPTER!!! My favorite line: "LIKE BUNNIES!...yes Itachi, like bunnies" (Starts laughing again). Yeah…gotta love this… o**

**Claire: Eva, I must say, I hate that stupid 'o' face. If you do it again, I might smack you. Or delete it. **


	9. Spongebob and Actors

**Authors Note:**

**Claire: Sorry for the Spongebob fixation in this chapter (you'll see what I mean in a minute). I really don't know why, the first one was a horrible accident that was the result of very dangerous ice cubes, and then the rest just sort of...happened...**

**Maybe we should post this under 'Spongebob' instead of "Naruto"….**

**Leah: …I eat babies…**

**Claire: ….She does…I've seen it. **

Chapter 9:

Eva, Leah, and Hidan were in the living room drinking tea and discussing blood when Jason burst through the front door. A panicked looked on his face immediately gave them impression that something was wrong.

"Eva, I need to go to church with you on Sunday!" He said urgently, rushing up and grabbing the gothic girl's sleeve.

"Why? Since when have you been religious?" Eva questioned.

"It doesn't matter. I just really need to go to church and try to make up for what I did," Jason began to pace, repeatedly running his hands through his short blonde hair.

"What'd you do?" Leah asked.

He ignored her. "Crap, I'm so going to go to hell this time! If anything's going to send me to hell it's what happened today!"

"What happened? From what Eva told me, your God is pretty fucking forgiving," Hidan commented. He glanced up at Jason, awaiting an answer.

"God won't forgive me for this! I did the worst thing imaginable and I am so going to go to hell now," Jason complained.

Hidan chuckled and decided to start guessing. "Did you have sex in a church?"

"No, worse."

"Cheat on your girlfriend?"

"Worse."

"Cheat on your girlfriend by having sex with another girl in a church?"

"I already said no to both of those!"

"Well then tell me before I rip your fucking head off! I'm losing my patience!" Hidan threatened, standing up from his seat on the arm of the couch.

Jason's eyes widened and he shook his head, "I can't tell you! It's the worst thing that a man could possibly do!"

Hidan relaxed a little, his curiosity was the only reason Jason's limbs were still attached.

"Did you burn a Bible?" Claire asked, walking down the stairs and having heard enough to understand the conversation.

Jason swallowed hard before turning to Leah and whispering something in her ear. As seconds passed, Leah chuckled. "You're so going to hell," she grinned.

"I know! What do you think I was ranting about for the past three minutes?" Jason snapped.

"Wait, what happened?" Eva whined.

Leah took a sip of her tea before calmly replying, "Jason killed a priest."

"It was an accident!" Jason defended.

"Even I would never kill a priest. You're going to fucking hell now and nothing can save you," Hidan chided.

"Gah! I know, but it was an accident! No one could've have stopped it or even have caught it!"

"Doesn't matter, you still killed a priest," Leah argued in an annoyingly calm voice.

"How did you kill him anyway?" Claire asked casually.

"It wasn't _my_ fault exactly…just that he was my patient…and I didn't tell the nurse he was diabetic. She gave him pudding…" Jason trailed off, staring at the floor in a sort of reminiscing way.

"Why didn't he tell her he was diabetic?" Leah inquired.

"He had a swollen tongue and couldn't talk…"

"How did he get a swollen tongue?"

"He ate pudding."

Eva snorted. "And then he ate it again? And died?"

"Yeah."

Hidan and Claire started laughing too. "You really are going to hell," Claire said.

"I KNOW!" Jason yelled, exasperated. He turned back to Eva. "Take me to church! Please!"

"I don't know…as funny as it would be for you to go to hell for killing a priest, it seems like it was technically the nurse's fault. I mean, shouldn't she have checked to see why he was in the hospital in the first place?" Eva wondered.

"It was your friend Jenny's older sister, she's not exactly the brightest bulb in the circuit." He thought for a moment. "Scratch that. She's a dumbshit."

"Hmm, well then I guess she's going to hell too," Hidan commented, "Forget what I said earlier, I think you can still fucking save yourself."

Jason shrugged. "Eh."

"Well, you've put me in a redeeming mood. I'm gonna go stab myself," Hidan said, going up the stairs. Jason and the others stared after him. Eva, Leah, and Claire were prepared to start answering awkward questions about his supposed suicide, but Jason just shrugged again.

"I'm gonna go back to work," he said.

"So, you just wasted like…Forty-five minutes to come and ask Eva to take you to church?" Claire asked.

"Actually my boss kicked me out for an hour. Something about PR damage…It's not like I killed the _Pope_. Then _I_ would have stabbed myself." He laughed and picked up his keys again, slamming the door closed when he left.

The others gaped after him.

"Jason is a bad doctor…" Eva noted. The other two nodded.

A few minutes later, Pein descended the stairs and immediately said, "We need to go train."

Eva stood up, "I'll drive you all down after I ask Kisame something," she answered. She began to run to Kisame and sober Itachi's room, "I'll be right back," she called and disappeared around the corner.

"Why the hell does she want to talk to fish boy?" Claire asked Leah.

"Dunno," Leah said.

xXx

Eva stood outside the room for a few seconds mentally rehearsing what she was going to say and preparing for the possible reactions. She took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

"Kisame-sama…" she said in a whiny Jenny-like voice, putting on a puppy dog face. Kisame stared at her.

"Never do that again," he ordered. She dropped the look.

"Okay!" she said cheerily. He raised his eyebrows.

"What do you want?"

She fiddled with the end of her blood-red Goth shirt. "Well…I was wondering if…"

Kisame was getting a bad feeling about this.

"Can you teach me swordsmanship…thing…stuff?" she blurted out.

Bad feeling validated. "No," he said flatly.

"Whyyyy?" she wailed, trying to summon fake tears.

"Because…"

"Because why?"

Kisame didn't answer. Technically, his reason was that she was freaking annoying, but he didn't think she would accept that. "Because…I'm busy," he lied.

"Pein says he wants you all to train today."

_Tartar sauce_, thought Kisame.

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Eva begged.

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease! I'll be really good and I'll listen to everything you say and do whatever you tell me to do! I won't be so hyperrrrr and annoyiiiiing aaaaand—"

"—Fine, fine! Just…stop elongating words…" Kisame agreed grudgingly.

"Okay! Thank you!" she said again. She jumped forward and hugged him, and he cringed awkwardly.

"Don't do that ever again either."

"O—"

"—Kay, I know!"

Eva nodded enthusiastically and skipped out of the room. Freakish cheery Goth.

XxX

About ten minutes later, most of the Akatsuki had met downstairs and were ready to go, minus Deidara, Tobi, and Hidan. Deidara was still asleep and Tobi didn't want to leave without him, because then he wouldn't be a good boy. Nobody felt like waking Deidara up because he would just complain about not being able to blow things up. Hidan was performing a ritual and Kakuzu said just to leave him because it wasn't a good idea to interrupt one of the religious man's bloody practices.

"Besides, how much practice do you need to _stab_ someone?" Kakuzu reasoned. "Especially if you do it to yourself on a regular basis."

Pein nodded and turned to Leah and Claire, "Don't let them get drunk again while we're gone."

"I won't," Leah replied.

Eva looked around at the group and did a head count. "Wait…there are seven of us…we won't all fit in one car," she observed.

"We'll just run, it's easier anyway," Blue suggested.

"But I told you, I can't run and jump and stuff like you guys can," Eva said despairingly.

Pein looked thoughtful. "Well, you could—"

"—No that's okay actually…I'll just drive and meet you guys there." She decided it was better to avoid the incident from the middle school. And remembered that she had forgotten about her burnt waffle resolve…

"If you want," he shrugged.

"Just make sure you all aren't seen…since you're ninjas, that shouldn't be a problem for you, right?"

They all nodded.

Eva and the others said goodbye to Claire and Leah and left for the old middle school. Claire turned to Leah once they were gone, "Well, what now?"

"I dunno…"

They both sighed. "I wish we could go on the computer."

"Don't even think about it," Leah warned.

"I wasn't, I wasn't!" Claire protested, "I was just saying…"

They stood in silence for a moment, both missing their technological friend. "TV?" Leah suggested finally.

"I guess."

They wandered over to the living room for what felt like the millionth time in the last five days and tried to find something on TV that had nothing to do with celebrities, both wondering why they had so many of those channels anyway. Sadly, the only thing on that about the obnoxious actors and rich bitches was Spongebob, but at that point they didn't really care.

Tobi came downstairs by the time they were on their third episode (it was a marathon, lovely, no?) and joined them, curious about the strange yellow cartoon. This particular episode happened to be about Squidward tricking Patrick and Spongebob into thinking it was opposite day. Patrick was dancing around with his stupid purple nose singing "I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, I'm Squidward, Squidward, Squidward!"

Claire and Leah laughed despite their ages, feeling slightly retarded today. Tobi cocked his head to the side curiously. "My mom always used to complain about how much she hated Patrick. She was like 'He's so stupid, I can't stand it!' and I was like 'Why are you even watching this cartoon…?'" Claire noted.

"What happened to your parents anyway?" Tobi asked, distracted from the sponge for the first time. Claire shrugged.

"Nothing. Mine and Eva's parents thought it would be a good idea if we gained some life experiences by living without our parents, so we moved in with Leah and Jason for the summer. Jason is an idiot, but is still—for whatever reason—considered an adult by society," she explained.

"What about your parents?" he asked Leah.

"My mom is an alcoholic, money-hungry, abusive, neglectful, bitch and I hate her and my dad can't gain custody of me," Leah stated matter-of-factly. She thought for a moment. "Plus, he lives in England so I would have to leave all my friends, which would suck," she added.

"I see," Tobi nodded.

"Your mom's a bitch," said a voice from behind the couch. They all jumped and turned around. Deidara was standing there, staring at the TV with a confused expression on his face.

"When did you get here?" Claire half shouted.

"I've been standing here for like, fifteen minutes, un," he said, as if it were obvious, "What's with this show? It's about a sponge…who lives in a pineapple? I don't get it."

"Well we don't get your super-secret ninja powers, Mr. Standing-There-For-Fifteen-Minutes," Leah muttered.

"I heard that," Deidara said loudly. Leah pretended she was watching TV and hadn't heard him.

"You know, Deidara-sempai, it _is_ kind of entertaining," Tobi mused. Deidara rolled his visible eye.

"You're opinion doesn't really count for things like this, un."

"What? Why?"

Deidara looked reluctant to answer, but was spared the trouble by the doorbell ringing. Puzzled, Leah got up to answer, wondering who would be coming to their house this early. "I'll get it," she sighed and ambled to the front of the house. She opened the door to reveal none other than her much hated 'friend'.

"Leah!" The girl exclaimed and tried to throw her arms around her.

Leah flinched and stepped away, "Jenny, how…nice to see you…" She grumbled. _I wonder if I can get Hidan to sacrifice her…_

She giggled, "I know! But anyways, I have a job for you because I know you're totally awesome at this but could you draw a design on my backpack?" She asked, holding up a plain white backpack.

Leah was a little reluctant to help Jenny out, but figured she would probably start wailing fake prep tears if she refused. So instead she nodded and let Jenny inside, closing the door behind her, "Sure, what kind of design?"

"Um, like one of those cute Hawaiian flowers that you used to draw all the time. What where they called? Um, oh yeah, hibiscus. So yeah, could make one that's hot pink and like a really bright orange, something that will stand out!" Jenny rambled on hyperactively as Leah led her into the room where she kept her fabric pens, hoping she could finish this and get Jenny out of here before the others noticed her. She didn't really want Jenny to have any more encounters with the Akatsuki, whether for her sake or theirs, she didn't know.

Unfortunately, Claire called from the living room, alerting Jenny to the presence of the others. "Who was it?" she yelled.

"It's Jenny!" Leah called back. There was a moment of silence and then Claire appeared from the hall. She squinted at Jenny, looking mildly annoyed.

"Can I talk to you for a second?" she asked Leah. Leah nodded again and turned around to Jenny, meaning to give her a look that said she would be right back.

But then again, Jenny was a prep without a brain and didn't understand 'looks'. She followed Claire and Leah into the hall when they left the room. "Alone," Claire added icily, retreating another couple steps with Leah in tow.

"Ohhh," Jenny said, bobbing her head and grinning stupidly.

"Why did you let her in?" Claire hissed once the silly girl was out of earshot. Leah shrugged.

"I couldn't just say 'fuck off' or something, that's your thing!" Leah reasoned.

Claire paused, "True. But we don't want another Itachi incident…even though Jenny got hers, which was funny. I just don't think it's a good idea to…" She trailed off, noticing Jenny had migrated closer to the living room, and several of the unattended Akatsuki members. She was apparently in preppy-skank mode and had her sights on Deidara.

"Hey, my name's Jenny," She greeted coyly.

The artist raised his eyebrows, "Deidara."

Jenny giggled, pushing a blonde lock behind her ear, "That's cute, are you a foreigner?"

"Yeah," Deidara replied, returning his attention to the cartoon which he did not understand. "Patrick is so retarded, un," he noted, more to himself than to Jenny.

She noticed the show that was playing on the screen and squealed with Barbie-like joy. "I love this show, Spongebob is so cute!"

He gave her a questioning look, but then again she didn't understand looks, so this went unobserved. Jenny's short attention span was apparently up, and she turned away from the show to continue pestering Deidara. She pulled her hair out of her pony tail and ran her hand threw it to get his attention again, which she did.

Before she could continue hunting her unsuspecting prey however, Claire and Leah rushed over to intervene. Leah held up an assortment of brightly colored pens to distract her. "What colors do you want?" she demanded hurriedly. Jenny quickly picked four different colors and told Leah exactly how many flowers she wanted and how they were to be colored. "How much do I owe you?" Jenny asked, reaching into her purse for her Louis Vuitton wallet.

_It's free if you stop flirting with every guy you see._

"Um, twenty-five," Leah answered unsurely.

Jenny smiled at her, "Really? I thought it'd be more than that. You also do such great artwork," She grinned at Deidara. Leah cringed inwardly and Claire scoffed quietly. "So how long will it take?" Jenny asked.

Leah rolled her eyes, thinking, "A half of an hour at most."

"Great! If you don't mind, can I just hang out here?"

_Sure you can if you don't mind me telling an overly religious vampire guy to sacrifice you to his god!_

"Yeah, that'd be fine," She replied despite the fact the Claire was waving her hands in protest behind Jenny's back.

"Awesome!" Jenny exclaimed. She licked her lips and continued to stare at Deidara. Claire stepped in between Deidara and their unwelcome guest as Leah went off to work on the backpack.

"So, I see you've met…" Claire thought quickly to come up with a fake identity for Deidara. "My half-brother," she finished awkwardly. Jenny looked confused.

"He said his name was Deidara," she said, eyeing Deidara suspiciously.

"That's his latest role, he's an actor remember? His real name is Scott," Claire lied, stepping on Deidara's toes so he would know not to contradict her. He winced and glared at her. She glared back. Jenny grinned stupidly.

Leah began to sketch out a flower in pencil on the bag but still kept an ear on the conversation, wondering how Claire was going to make this work.

"Heh, Leah?" Jenny called, peering over Claire's shoulder.

"Hn."

"You need to tell me when you're hanging out with cuties," She giggled, tracing a pink polished finger tip on Deidara's arm. "Speaking of cuties, where's Alexander?"

"Who?" Deidara asked, looking to Leah for an answer.

She quickly mouthed 'Itachi' to him and then said aloud, "He's…shopping…for his boyfriend."

Deidara snorted loudly and Claire stomped on his foot again and gave him a disapproving scowl.

"I can't believe he's gay," Jenny sighed, sounding disappointed. "He's too cute to be gay! Why are all the cute ones gay?" She turned back to Deidara, ignoring Claire to the best of her ability. "You aren't gay, are you?" She eyed his long hair and ponytail, while still managing to keep a suggestive look on her face.

Deidara raised his eyebrows at Claire as if to say '_If you tell her I'm gay, I'll blow you up_.'

"No, he's just playing a girl," Claire supplied. Deidara narrowed his eyes at her. '_I_ _didn't tell her you're gay, so shut up_,' she wanted to say. From the counter, Leah was silently thinking that she had thought of a better cover story for Itachi. At least it didn't leave him open to predators like Jenny.

_Deidara's toast_, she thought.

xXx

Eva met up with the others about twenty minutes after they had arrived—with coffee for all! She had been hoping caffeine might have the same effect as alcohol. Unfortunately for her, they rejected the strange substance, and she had just wasted twenty dollars on coffee. Bitterly, she sipped her rather bitter mint mocha frappachino and leaned against the car, glaring at them all. She would hear the Akatsuki sing, dammit. Eventually.

When she was done, she tossed the empty cup in the car and got her own, two swords, a bokken and katana, out of the trunk. Then she happily trotted over to Kisame, swinging the wooden sword dangerously in front of her. She did a jump stop and grinned up at him. He gave her a disbelieving look.

"Okay, first rule, don't do that," he instructed.

"I know, but it's unsharpened, and I wouldn't have hit anything anyway," she responded matter-of-factly. Kisame sighed.

"You said you were going to listen to me, and since you aren't, I don't have to teach you. Bye." The shark-like man turned and started walking away. Eva panicked.

"Wait, wait, wait! I'll listen, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Please teach me! Please!" she begged, grabbing his blue arm. He yanked it away irritably.

"Rules: Don't touch me, don't swing the sword around, don't be an idiot, don't be annoying. Don't forget the first one. Or the last one. Or any of them," he instructed.

Eva nodded eagerly. Kisame resisted the urge to sigh again or smack her.

"You aren't listening to me, are you?"

"I am…" she said, glancing at her toes.

"What are the rules?"

"Don't touch you…don't swing the sword…don't be an idiot…don't be annoying," she counted them off on her fingers. "Basically, don't be me," she added under her breath.

"Hn. Okay, let's just get started then."

XxX

Jenny had now progressed to the stage of her ridiculous flirtation where she laughed at absolutely everything Deidara said, regardless of whether or not it was funny. Claire was sitting at the counter next to Leah, holding her head up with her hand so she wouldn't start banging it on the wall. Leah was drawing like a zombie, barely noticing each petal she added to the stupid hibiscus design she was adding to Jenny's backpack.

And Deidara of course, was very uncomfortable being next to Jenny, who was twirling her hair idly around her finger and gazing at him like a lovesick puppy. She started giggling shrilly again as Deidara remarked that it was unusual for a squirrel to live in the ocean.

"Ha, ha, ha! You are so funny!" she said, hitting him playfully on the arm. "Wasn't that funny?" she asked Leah and Claire.

"Uh-huh," Claire grunted, more interested in Spongebob trying to breathe air in Sandy's tree dome than saving Deidara from Jenny.

"Mm," Leah said distractedly. Deidara rubbed the bridge of his nose, getting extremely annoyed.

"Look, I appreciate the flattery, but that was seriously not funny, un," he insisted. Jenny laughed again, much to everyone's dismay.

"You're such a kidder!" She laughed again and flipped her hair. A little blue bar appeared on the TV screen and moved from the number thirty-one to thirty-seven. Jenny stared at it curiously, then looked around the counter. "Which one of you turned up the volume? I don't see the remote…" She craned her neck and screamed as she noticed Tobi for the first time sitting on the couch in front of them.

Really observant, this one.

Tobi turned around and stared at them from behind his swirly orange mask. "What happened?" he asked innocently.

"Wh-when did you g-get here?" Jenny stuttered, somewhat unnerved by his sudden appearance (to her).

"I've been here the whole time," Tobi replied, "Sorry, I thought you were busy so I didn't introduce myself. I'm Tobi! Tobi is a good boy…"

Jenny blinked. "Why are you wearing a mask?"

Claire snapped out of her stupor. "He's one of Scott's actor friends," she said quickly.

Jenny nodded, seeming to understand. She turned back to Deidara and started interrogating him again. Claire leaned back into her hand, reapplying the nail marks that had become imprinted into her face. _Well_, she thought,_ if this keeps going the way it's been going, she'll just pelt Deidara with questions and leave when the backpack's done, so I guess we have nothing to worry about_.

She had forgotten about the third potentially problematic Akatsuki member. That is, until he came down the stairs holding a blood-soaked towel in one hand and was attempting to stem the flow of blood from a wound on his chest with the other.

"I need another towel, this one's getting all…drippy," Hidan said. Jenny turned to see who had spoken and screamed again, making them all cringe. "Jesus, bitch! I'm already bleeding, I don't need my ears to add to the mix!"

Despite this, Jenny screamed again, this time falling off her chair. "B-b-blood!" she squeaked, inching away from Hidan.

"Yeah…" he said slowly. "What's her problem?" he asked Leah.

"Jenny, don't panic…this is…Henry. He's the special effects guy for the movie. It's a horror movie," Claire said, creating her third fake identity of the day. Hidan looked at her like she was crazy.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not—" Hidan started, but Claire hit him on the back in a fake-friendly way.

"Good old Henry!" she said loudly, drowning out Hidan's words. "He's slightly schizophrenic, so sometimes he thinks he's someone else. Just ignore him if that happens."

Jenny blinked from the floor. She blushed as she got up. "Wow…I feel silly." She giggled again. Deidara winced. "It looks…real…" she offered nervously, gesturing to Hidan's wound and the crimson towel.

"Yeah…" Hidan said again. "Like I said, I need another towel…for my…special effects…" He gave Claire a skeptical look.

"Towels are this way," she said, waving for him to follow, but mostly just trying to get him away from the curious Jenny.

Leah sighed and held up the backpack. "I think it's done," she told Jenny. Jenny examined it for a few seconds and clapped her hands gleefully.

"Oh my gosh! That is so chill! I love it," she hugged Leah, squishing the backpack between them. Deidara snickered at her misfortune.

"Ow! Bruises! You're squashing my ribs-bruises!" Leah squeaked. Jenny quickly released her.

"How did you get bruises on your ribs?" Deidara inquired. Leah glared at him and did not answer, trying to ignore Tobi's quiet laughing from behind the couch.

"Erm…well…sorry. And thanks so much for the backpack! I'll come visit you soon!" Jenny said eagerly, glancing at Deidara slyly as she hinted she would be back. She skipped out the door, though seeming slightly more enthusiastic about leaving since her encounter with 'Henry'. Leah closed the door gratefully and exhaled.

Leah stood up and walked over to the stairs. "I'm going to go get Tylenol…for _all_ of our headaches."

xXx

Eva's sword was finally in a position that Kisame considered 'barely acceptable', so they began the lesson. Eva raised the sword up above her head and swung it down with as much force as she could until it rested straight, handle against her center, which was right below her stomach.

"Wrong. You held it for too long above your head—I could have stabbed you ten times with the opportunity you gave me," Kisame scolded.

"Sorry," Eva mumbled. She tried again and he didn't stop her, so she kept going.

He hit the back of her knees after she had done about twenty. "Wrong—your stance is horrible." He went up next to her and bent his knees into a horse-stance. "This is what it needs to look like."

She nodded, and tried to copy it. He hit other points on her knees, beating them into what he felt was the correct position. "Much better," He noted, and sat back down on one of the school's shiny blue benches.

Eva continued with her exercises, legs hurting from her painful interaction with the other wooden bokken she had brought that Kisame hit her with without restraint. She could already feel the bruises forming.

Roughly an hour passed until Kisame told her anything other than random pointers of what she was doing wrong.

"Okay then," he said, standing up. "No matter how many times you do this—I have decided you will still be weak and useless. And I want to do something, so we will move on to your next lesson." Kisame grabbed Samehada from its position resting against the wall. He took the wrapping off, and held it against his shoulder. "I am going to attack you with my sword. Block it, or die."

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Leah and I were actually talking to Jenny while writing this chapter (oho! Treat! –grins idiotically-) **

**This was ACTUALLY SAID AFTER WRITING THAT DEIDARA WAS SCOTT!!!!: ****-insertfakescreennameforjennyhere(hahayoudidntthinkwedactuallypostherrealsndidyou?okthisisgettingreallylongsorryillstopnow) -** (10:31:45 PM): my friend scott doesnt kno wat a klondike bar is

**We basically cried because that quote was so perfect. I mean, it's so perfect, half of you probably won't believe she actually said it (fuck you!...but that's your choice)**

**Leah: And we did not tell her about who Scott is (Deidara-Scott)**

**Claire: -cries for perfection of quote- sniffle, oh there I go again –pretends to be one of those air-headed beauty queens who just won the crown- omg, this is so perfect, I just…I want to thank my family, and friends, and you Stan Fields/William Shatner! **

**Jk…jk…**

**Ok, on to business: I MUST ADDRESS MY RETARDED KISAME/SPONGEBOB JOKE! **

**Imsorryimsorryimsorry my IQ was down from accidentally listening to a Gwen Stefani song –glares at Leah- and it was probably cut in half again just from writing that. Don't be surprised if you're head feels much lighter after reading this chapter (and I mean more than usually, because face it. All our chapters are intelligence-zapping)**

…**dude…Jenny just said she was listening to 'sweet escape'…that's the Gwen Stefani song Leah made me listen to!**

**Eva: Yay! I get to learn swords with Fish-Fish-Sama!**


	10. Randomness Chapter: Explosions & Sneezes

**Author's Note: **_**READ THIS IF YOU NORMALLY DO NOT!!! THIS CHAPTER DOES NOT COUNT AS A NORMAL CHAPTER AND DOES NOT IN ANY WAY RELATE TO FUTURE PLOT…STUFF!!! ALL EVENTS THAT TAKE PLACE IN THIS CHAPTER ARE NOT CONTINUED IN ANY OTHER CHAPTER!!!**_

**Claire: And now for those of you who actually **_**do**_** read the author's note (if there even are any), our usual random explanationy things: …….uh……**

……**uh………**

……**Right. Well, like we said, it's not related to the plot. It's basically something we just put in as something separate…and I'm not even sure what the purpose of it is. The only thing is that it is slightly **_**slightly**_** OOC. Not even as much as we thought it would be either. Basically…er…jeez I can't even explain it anymore…**

**Maybe it's just because we're morons who like to write random crap. Let's go with that. **

**Oh, and I guess I could also say that you could not read this chapter, because it's really not relevant, but if you are easily bored like we are and have nothing else to do, go ahead. )**

**Hee hee. We are rude though, leaving you on a cliff hanger and then not even clearing it up in the next chapter. So rude.**

**Leah: Can't talk…reading book. –feels like Kakashi-**

**Claire: …...-glares; is tempted to hit…again-**

**Loser. **

**At least she actually wrote in this chapter, unlike SOME people. –coughevacough-**

**Wow. I think I actually said that last chapter too. Just goes to show you, Eva is dead. Hopefully, since this thing is turning out so freaking long, she'll come back eventually…**

**We're already at 93 pages! Wowzie. **

Chapter 10: RANDOMNESS CHAPTER! –cue regal trumpet music–

"ACHOO!"

Leah handed Pein another Kleenex as the Akatsuki Leader sneezed loudly. His sneezing had actually woken up Blue, who had in turn, woken up Leah.

"Dank you," Pein said stuffily, accepting the two-ply white sheet. He blew his nose and threw it angrily in the waste basket at the side of his bed. "Dis id ridiculous! I'b the Akadsuki Leader for God's sake! I dob ged sick!" He sneezed again and jerked his head back so it hit the headboard.

"It's just a cold…" Leah mumbled, wondering why he was making such a big deal about it. Blue stood to the side with her arms folded, looking concerned.

"Is he going to be ok?" she whispered to Leah.

"He'll be fine," Leah assured her, perplexed at her worry. "Haven't any of you gotten sick before?"

"Well, yeah, but he just seems so…ill," Blue gave a small shrug.

"It's really not a big deal. Maybe he has allergies to something that grows around here," Leah pondered.

"Bud I'b nod allergig do anyding eider!" Pein protested. He sneezed for a third time, so hard that one of his bridge piercings was shaken loose and actually came out. He stared at it on the bedspread dumbly.

"I'll go get you some chicken soup," Leah offered, placing a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"Dank you," he repeated in a sort of resigned voice.

XxX

"Ok, I have been _extremely_ and uncharacteristically obedient up till now!" Deidara all but shouted as he quickly paced into the kitchen where Eva, Claire, and Leah were seated at the table. They blinked at him in confusion. "I need to blow something up, NOW, un!" he fumed.

"Ohhh." They all nodded in realization. Deidara waited for another response, losing some of his angry demeanor while wondering why they weren't protesting.

"Aren't you…aren't you gonna start saying something…like 'No, Deidara, people don't go around blowing other people up in La Jolla' or 'If you do, Pein will get mad at you and kill you' or whatever other stupid excuses you usually have for me?" He looked back and forth between the three of them, somewhat at a loss.

"Well, you didn't say you were going to blow some_one_ up, you said you were going to blow some_thing_ up, which is totally different. So that rules out the first one," Claire said calmly, taking a sip of her hot cocoa.

"And Pein has a cold, so he won't kill you or whatever today," Leah informed him. "We're waiting for the soup to finish cooking," she gestured towards a pot on the stove that was giving off pleasant simmering smells.

Deidara was almost tempted to ask if Pein really had a cold, but had other more important issues on his mind. "You aren't going to try to stop me?" he asked, almost sounding hopeful.

"Actually, we thought of something you could blow up. Think of it as sort of a favor…to us, and yourself," Eva said slyly.

"Where?" Deidara demanded.

"Abercrombie and Fitch," the three girls said simultaneously.

xXx

It wasn't just because they were Goths. Abercrombie and Fitch sucked. The employees are rude, the merchandise is exponentially overpriced, and it's also pretty tacky. Plus, who doesn't get uncomfortable with all those pictures of half-naked guys staring at you from every wall? Preps, but then again, they're used to it, with all their pool parties and beach parties and (for the horribly adventurous ones) adultery.

Anyway, Leah, Claire, and Eva had hated Abercrombie and Fitch for years, and they wanted it gone. How would the pink fluff-heads react when they could no longer whittle away at their parents' trust fund? Besides, Deidara _had_ expressed a wish to release some of his pent-up artistic frustration, so they were killing two birds with one stone. Two _clay_ birds.

Jason was home today, so they hadn't worried about leaving the Akatsuki members by themselves. They had encountered Hidan on their way out the door, and he had said he too was extremely bored and could go for some fireworks. Since he was the most normal looking of the entire criminal group (_without_ Eva's, Leah's, and Claire's editing) and could be allowed to go out in public, they let him tag along.

They all clambered into Big Red and set off for the mall. Deidara sat there smiling to himself and chuckling quietly once in a while, presumably coming up with the perfect plan for the destruction of the store. Leah, Claire, Eva, and even Hidan tried asking him questions, but he refused to answer. Instead he focused on making several bombs in an assortment of birds and spiders and put them into his pockets. The girls had insisted he wear gloves in the mall so people would not notice the strange mouth-appendages on his hands, so all bomb-making had to be done prior to entering the mall.

In fact, with the addition of the black fingerless gloves he was wearing, he looked almost as Goth as Eva, Claire, and Leah in his black jeans and t-shirt. Eva had arranged his hair in a more normal-looking and less…girly…ponytail, but he was still guaranteed at least a few stares. Hidan was garbed in a long-sleeved dark green shirt and regular blue denim jeans while the girls were in their usual assortment of dark reds, blues, and blacks adorned with bats, skulls, and obscure, relatively unheard of bands.

Deidara and Hidan were equally impressed with the mall as Blue and Itachi had been, remarking on its size and number of people. They pointed out several stores and asked what they were for, and the girls patiently answered. However, they decided they shouldn't be gone for too long and should…get down to "business".

Deidara was distracted by the Godiva chocolate shop though, so first they had to detach him from the window. "They have truffles in the shape of shells…" he said absently, not noticing Claire and Eva trying to pull him away.

"Yes, they're lovely, but I thought you wanted to blow things up?" Claire offered.

"It's so artistic, un."

"But not as artistic as an exploding Abercrappy and Bitch would be," Eva pointed out, desperate to murder the hated store. Deidara spared the chocolate one last glance and then turned off with the rest of them.

"So, while Deidara is 'making things go boom'," said Hidan, making air quotes, "What are the rest of us going to do?"

"That's a good question," Claire agreed. She looked at Deidara expectantly.

He grinned mischievously. "Well, I could use a little bit of help…"

Eva squealed joyfully. "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!" she jumped up and down, clapping and waving her hands.

"Dude, I so want to help! Blowing that store up is one of my life's dreams!" Claire glanced a little sheepishly at Hidan, who scowled momentarily but said nothing.

Leah, however, stared at her feet. "I don't really want to be around when the place blows up…" she said quietly.

"That's okay, un," Deidara obliged. "You can be a lookout."

Leah smiled and nodded.

"I think I'll help her out," Hidan said. "I don't really want to walk around looking like a fried chicken for a month by getting caught in the blast, since I wouldn't die from it."

The blonde artist frowned. "It's not like we're going to get blown up ourselves, un. But fine, we need you guys to keep watch anyway."

XxX

"I think Leader is sick," Kisame whispered to Itachi. Itachi's face remained impassive as he sipped his tea.

"And if he is?" Itachi asked coolly.

"I dunno, just mentioning," Kisame shrugged. "I just think it's weird, because we've never known him to get sick before." Kisame thought for a moment. "I bet he's really pissed off."

"Most likely."

The fish-man frowned. "You really aren't getting the point of this are you?"

"I don't believe I am. Maybe you could just tell me what it is, and save us both the trouble."

Kisame raised his eyebrows. Itachi took another sip of tea and ignored him. "I'm going to go work on the jutsu," Itachi informed him, getting up and leaving.

xXx

"So, what's the plan, Boss Man?" Claire asked eagerly, practically jumping alongside Deidara and Eva in excitement.

"I'll tell you when we get there, un. This is going to be a very…interesting…work of art," Deidara replied mysteriously.

"This is gonna be so fun!" Eva squealed.

"I know! Plan Super-Secret Ninja Spy Mission to Blow up Abercrappy and Bitch, COMMENCE!" Claire yelled triumphantly. The two giggled evilly and strode on toward their destination.

XxX

Leah and Hidan wandered over to the outdoor are of the food court while the others commenced with the sabotage of Abercrombie and Fitch. They sat down at one of the tables and watched people pass by, bored. Hidan made a remark about almost every teenager that passed, saying they were definitely going to hell.

"So…what are we looking out for anyway?" Hidan asked after several minutes of silence.

"Mall cops," Leah answered. "They're basically fat idiots wearing blue suits and pretending to uphold the justice system…in a mall."

Hidan nodded and lazily leaned back on his chair, looking at Leah. "I'm going to stare at you until you start to feel uncomfortable." Hidan said simply.

Leah blinked. "Okay…"

Hidan stared.

Leah stared back.

Stare.

Stare.

Hidan shifted positions. He now leaned his arms on the circular iron table with his chin resting atop his forearm. He smiled smugly, "I will never blink."

Leah hadn't realized this, but neither of them had blinked in the past minute. Now that he said that, she began to notice how dry her eyes were getting. But not wanting to lose their silly, boredom-induced competition, she mimicked Hidan and sat the same way he was. She stared at his purple eyes.

He stared back, unblinking.

_What an interesting color…_ Leah mused.

He still stared.

She stared back. _It's almost magenta…Ha-ha, Hidan has girly eye color. Loser._

"Your eyes are getting red," Hidan commented, still unblinking.

"I'm aware."

Hidan lifted one hand high enough that it was directly between his and Leah's faces. He snapped his fingers loudly, making Leah blink.

"You lose."

"You cheated."

"I'm aware."

"Bastard."

"Bitch."

They sat in the same way quietly for a few seconds.

Stare.

Stare.

Stare.

Leah smiled suddenly.

"What?" Hidan asked.

"Your eyes are spiffy." She laughed.

Hidan blinked.

"I win."

"Bitch."

"Bastard."

They had engaged in a few more staring contests, most of them ending with one of them forcing the other to blink.

Hidan sighed and sat up. Leah unconsciously mimicked him again. "Okay, we didn't see any mall cops. But we still need to make sure that they don't interfere," He began, leisurely looking out at the small garden and fountain that seemed slightly out of place in an indoor mall. "We need a distraction."

Leah shifted unsurely, "Well, what do you suggest?"

He smiled. "Well, I want to witness the destruction of that annoying store at a safe distance, so we can't personally keep them occupied," he inhaled deeply, "Any ideas?"

She was about to say 'no' when, a group of three kids came tearing through the once peaceful gardens on skateboards. Two were boys, one with a black Mohawk, and the other with dirty blonde hair as long as Deidara's. The apparent leader of the group, a short, ash blonde girl with a Cleopatra bob and wearing what looked like boys clothing.

Leah swallowed, keeping nervous eyes on the blonde girl. "Um, let's figure this out inside."

Hidan gave her a puzzled look, "Why? It's nice out here."

"Yes, but those people are annoying me." Leah lied, hoping that he'd also realize that they were annoying and agree to go back inside with her.

The vampire man did not believe her for a second, Leah was not easily annoyed, even he knew that. He traced her gaze to the skater girl. "What's you're problem with her? She's not a Jenny is she?"

"No not at all. Her name's Emily, the one with the Mohawk is Jace and the one with long hair is Max. She's hated me since the sixth grade when she found out the guy she had a crush on had a crush on me. So, yeah, she tries to make my life miserable every time she gets the chance, usually by embarrassing me in front of some of my friends or classmates. She needs to find better forms of entertainment," She explained.

He raised his eyebrows, looking at the small gang, "They look like they get in some trouble a lot. Do they?"

Leah nodded, "Counterfeiting money, stealing, drugs, and assault. All of them have been to Juvenile Hall at least twice."

An idea suddenly struck immortal looking back at Leah, "We need to get their attention. I have a plan to distract the cops," Hidan said smugly, feeling rather proud of himself.

"What plan is that?"

Hidan reached around his neck and pulled off his rosary. Leah gasped inwardly. "Don't lose this. If you do, I'll cut your fucking tongue out with a butter knife. Understand?" He placed it in her hand. His hand lingered there for a second before she nodded.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out another one, looking almost identical, "You said they steal things right?"

"Yeah, what are you thinking?"

"I know how people like them think, look at who I work with. If they know I have something of value, like my rosary, they'll try to steal it. So I want you to hide my real one, while I wear the fake. We walk past them, you ask about my rosary. I tell you loud enough so they can hear how much it's worth. They try to steal it, you yell for cops. Those guys run. Cops call reinforcement. We walk away and watch explosion," he explained bluntly.

Leah blinked. "Why do I have to hold the real one?"

"So it doesn't get stolen."

"Why can't you stuff it in your pocket?"

"It has to be worn. I'd be insulting Jashin-sama by putting my real one in my pocket," Hidan explained.

Leah nodded, deciding it would be best to be agreeable with him. She slipped the cool necklace over her head and tucked it under her hooded sweatshirt where it hung down to the middle of her stomach. She glanced at Hidan anxiously; he nodded in approval.

She put her hand in her sweatshirt pocket, holding the pendant between the cloth and her trembling hand.

Hidan stood up, "Just follow my lead," he said.

Leah nodded again and got to her feet, "Can I say whatever I want or do you have a script prepared too?"

He looked at the girl oddly, "I don't care as long as you stick to the plan and make sure it follows through."

She smiled, "Okay."

Hidan rolled his eyes, "Let's go then, and act natural."

If she were to take him literally, she would have given his rosary back and have run as far away from Emily as possible, which would be natural for her, or she would have growled and attacked the bitchy skater, which would be natural for wild animals. But, knowing what Hidan meant, she couldn't do either of those things, although the latter would have been desirable.

The pair started down a short flight of stairs that lead to the garden and the fountain. Emily was destroying public property by grinding the rail on another stair case. That was, until she caught sight of one of the girls she despised most walking with a silvery haired man, a quite handsome silvery-haired man.

She planted her foot on the ground and popped her skateboard into her hands. Her two gang members took notice and joined her, although they didn't get off their boards.

"They noticed us," Hidan said. He began to walk towards the fountain.

Leah took his words as a cue to begin they're plan. She smiled and skipped in front of Hidan. He gave her another odd look. "She'll be more interested if I'm talking to you like a friend. It'll give her move incentive to come over and embarrass me," Leah told him.

Hidan smiled, "At least you know what you're doing."

"I'm a good actress," She replied simply.

From where Emily was standing, it seemed like they were having a pleasant conversation. She dropped her skateboard, stepping on the wood, she began to push toward the two. Her male companions followed.

"Here they come," The religious man informed. He kept a smile on his face as he said this, trying his absolute best to keep a friendly look instead of an evil smirk.

Leah reached out and pulled his fake rosary towards her gently, pretending to study it. "Hidan, I've always wondered something. What is this made out of?" She asked curiously.

For a second, he forgot that she was acting and thought that she was just acting weird. He soon remembered and mentally slapped himself for his stupidity. He pretended to think until he was sure that Emily was in earshot, "Platinum. It's worth a lot of money."

"I hate to sound rude, but out of curiosity, how much?"

"Well, platinum is about one thousand and two hundred per troy ounce. So judging by its weight, you can probably tell it's worth a lot."

"Hey weakling," Emily greeted, skidding to only a foot away from Hidan. She had heard him talk about the strange necklace.

Leah turned to the blonde girl, "Oh, hi. What do you want?"

She kicked her skateboard into her hand again and motioned for Jace and Max. "Well, I just thought it was weird to see you in such a public place. You've got some guts to show your face in an area that me and my friends hang around."

"I think it's weird to see you in a place that's not a crack house," Leah retorted, not in a mean way, but in a sickly innocent way.

Hidan stepped on Leah's toe, thinking that she was getting off track.

"I really don't want to deal with people like you," Leah continued. She grabbed Hidan's wrist, walking in the opposite direction of Emily.

"What are you doing," Hidan hissed.

"Just watch."

They heard the clatter of skateboards again and were soon being circled by the three kids.

"Well aren't you rude? You didn't even introduce us to your friend," Jace chided, skidding to a stop.

"My name is Hidan," he introduced through gritted teeth.

Max laughed, "What kind of weird-ass name is 'Hidan'?"

Molly joined him, "One for a freak! Then again, if he's hanging out with Leah, of course he's a freak. Look at that stupid rosary!"

_Shit. Run! Run for your life! _Leah thought to herself when she saw how the immortal had tensed at her insulting his pendant, and though association, insulted his god.

"People like you don't last long," Jace added.

Hidan blinked, "I'm not understanding. You're judging me based on my fucking name and the fact that I'm talking her?" He all but yelled, pointing to Leah.

They stopped laughing.

"I'll have you dumb-shits know that I could easily kick all of your fucking asses if you make one more fucking comment about my fucking religious beliefs, you fucking assholes," he ranted.

_Get away while you can!_ Leah told herself, but didn't listen to the little voice and stayed put.

Emily started laughing, "Oh ho ho! Tough guy are we? Well what will you do if I we, say, take your necklace?" She said, holding the rosary in one of her scar ridden hands.

"I'll call the cops."

"Instead of 'kicking my ass'. Geez, what a pussy," she added crudely. She snapped the necklace off of Hidan's neck with ease. She tossed it to Max, smiling smugly at Hidan. "Well, I'd love to hang around you dorks, but I have to go make a profit. See you shit heads!" She called. The skaters laughed and moved away from the two as quickly as they could.

Unfortunately for her, just as she did this, one of the mall cops strolled outside, having witnessed the entire event. "Hey! Punks!" he yelled and began to chase after them, calling for other cops to block off all exits to prevent their escape.

Hidan stared blankly as the cops disappeared around the corner. "Well that worked..." he commented.

Leah nodded, "I give you permission to sacrifice them if you get the chance."

"Fun."

"You think they'll get arrested?"

Hidan shrugged. "They're your world's cops, not mine. At least they're occupied now."

They stood there quietly for a minute before going back into the mall. They descended the stairs quickly began to try and find Abercrombie and Fitch. They got lost twice and Hidan insisted on trying a burrito so Leah had to buy him a burrito. But while they were in the food court, they saw a very happy-looking Deidara buying three smoothies from a Jamba Juice.

"Deidara!" Hidan called from the opposite end of the food court. He received a few stares of annoyance from some people who were trying to eat their lunch but nothing more. He and Leah ran up to the artist as he paid for the drinks.

Deidara's eyes widened when he saw his fellow Akatsuki member.

Hidan ran up next to Deidara, "We got rid of the security; they'll be busy for the next half hour at least." He whispered.

Deidara nodded and grabbed the smoothies off the counter and thanked the pizza faced cashier. "That's good," he said distractedly.

"What? That's what we needed to do, right?" Hidan asked. He took a bite of his burrito as he waited for an answer.

"Yeah but..." Deidara paused.

"What the hell is it?!"

"Where's your rosary?" He asked, pointing to Hidan chest where the pendent usually hung.

"Oh shit!" Leah panicked. She reached around her neck for the chain. A sense of horror briefly swept though her when she did not feel it right away. When she finally grabbed it, she let out a sigh of relief as she pulled it off over her head. Leah quickly gave it back to Hidan, putting it around his own neck. "I'm so sorry! You didn't say anything and I forgot I was wearing it and—"

"Leah."

"I'm sorry! Please don't hurt me!" she begged quietly.

"Leah, calm down you're fucking annoying me," Hidan snapped.

"Sorry."

"I'll let it go this time. If it wasn't for Emily's bitter hatred towards you, we couldn't have distracted the cops. So they cancel each other out. So stop your apologizing already and let's go watch the explosion."

"Okay," Leah answered quietly and followed the two Akatsuki members to the soon-to-be-destroyed store.

XxX

Pein woke up abruptly, realizing he was under attack. He squirmed around, trying to get away from the violent attacks that were being launched against his side, too panicked to notice his throbbing headache. He hit the wall, seeing as the attacks were coming from the open side of the bed, and was trapped under this surprise attack.

The attacks suddenly ceased. Pein blinked, remembering where he was, remembering his cold, and (unfortunately) remembering his headache, which came back to him in a flash of sharp pain. He stayed frozen, staring at his "attacker": a mound of fluffy white hair.

Or more specifically, fur. Two large chocolate-brown eyes stared up at him along the bridge of a snow-white snout ending in a small black nose. Pein scowled at Durham and pushed him off the bed. The dog jumped right back up and continued rubbing his face violently on the bed spread, making snorts of happiness as he did so.

The Akatsuki leader could not fathom the reason for this strange behavior, and therefore cringed in anticipated anxiousness as Durham stopped his random movements to sit on top of his legs. Pein blinked again, and scowled. "Ged off," he ordered. The dog cocked its head to the side, clueless.

Pein groaned and fell back onto the pillow. He stared at the odd amoeba-like shapes of the stucco on the ceiling. "Why me?" he asked of no one in particular. Durham stood up quickly when he spoke and crawled over to his head, sticking his whiskered face into Pein's pierced one. The dog panted and smiled as the ill criminal glared at him.

xXx

They entered the store, ears immediately assaulted by Ashlee Simpson. Eva and Claire resisted the urge to cringe, focused on the task ahead, grinning sadistically as they imagined the outcome in the near future. One of the salesgirls approached the two of them, giving their gloomy outfits disapproving looks. They returned the look, surveying her low cut baby-tee and low rise flare jeans with distaste. The girl's nametag was partially obscured by her overly-highlighted blonde hair, but they could make out the name 'Tiffany' between hairspray-covered strands.

Tiffany plastered on a fake smile that was positively _loaded_ with sarcasm and mockery. "Welcome to Abercrombie and Fitch. Have you seen our new line of jeans? They come in a variety of shades and colors that all provide the _sexiest_ fit." She said the word as if Eva and Claire were as far from sexy as anyone could get. They couldn't have cared less.

"We'll just look around," Claire replied in a similarly snooty tone. She and Eva mirrored the girl's fake smile perfectly, sending her back a bitch wave of their own. Tiffany twirled a strand of hair between her fingers, giving them on last disgusted look and sashayed off to join her other catty co-worker.

The two Goth friends laughed to each other and walked off into the aisles. They pretended to browse through all the brightly colored v-necked sweaters and camis, while they were actually sticking dime-sized clay bombs on as many as they could. Being sneaky and discreet, they faked their interest in the deathly expensive prep clothes for about five minutes.

Claire and Eva each selected a few items and trotted over to Tiffany again. "Hi! Eva greeted cheerily. Tiffany blew a bubble with some newly acquired bubble-gum and popped it for an answer. Eva ignored her. "We need to try these on," she continued, gesturing at the armful of clothes she and Claire were holding.

Tiffany rolled her eyes and slid past them towards the dressing rooms and unlocked two doors. They each entered their own room, having no intention of trying anything on. Just for fun, and to make more work for the rude employees, they shook the clothes off their hangers and turned them inside out, throwing them around the room to make it as messy as possible.

Eva and Claire each stood up on the bench in their respective rooms to continue to their original purpose. They took the final clay birds they had been giving and stuck them in the corner of the dressing rooms, out of sight. They exited the rooms, holding nothing and smiling friendly at Tiffany. Eva made for the exit, but Claire held her back.

"One more thing, just for kicks," she whispered. She walked over to a rack holding some jeans and picked out the biggest size she could find, dropping the final (and biggest bomb) in the pocket, then returned to Tiffany.

"Excuse me," Claire said innocently. She peered at Tiffany's nametag. "Bitchany, was it?" Tiffany's jaw dropped, and she glared at Claire with complete disbelief. Claire continued, "Do you have this in a bigger size? I can't seem to fit my big fat ass in these jeans." She sighed with fake remorse and shook her head, "I guess I just can't be as _sexy_ as you, can I?" Claire dropped the jeans at Tiffany's feet and left.

XxX

There was someone outside the door. Pein glared at it, waiting for the person (or per_sons_) to show themselves. It was sadly obvious that they were trying to be sneaky. Unfortunately, his glare was interrupted by one of those wretched sneezes. He sniffed and got another Kleenex, distracted as the door opened.

"I _told_ you! I told you he was sick!"

"What the hell is your point? No one cares Kisame, get a life! Now _move_!"

Blue cleared her throat, standing next to Kisame and Kakuzu as they argued outside Pein's door. They blinked dumbly up at her as she stood there holding a mug of hot tea. "What exactly are you doing?" she asked.

"Trying to prove to Kakuzu that Pein is sick," Kisame explained. Kakuzu glared at him.

"_I_ was trying to get back up to my room, but this idiot was blocking the doorway with his whale blubber," Kakuzu retorted angrily.

"'Whale blubber', now that's a new one. Very mature."

"Says the guy who is—what was it?—'trying to prove that Pein is sick'?"

Pein attempted to clear his throat too in an attempt to stop their arguing, but only succeeded in having a coughing fit. Though less impressive, it achieved the desired effect as they both shut up. Blue pushed past them and handed the Akatsuki leader the mug. He took a sip and coughed once more, but managed to keep it at that.

"Whad are you doing here?" he asked, cringing inwardly as his sinuses prevented him from speaking clearly.

"Trying to leave," Kakuzu narrowed his eyes at Kisame.

Kisame waited a second before answering, feeling slightly foolish. "Trying to…erm…prove you're sick."

Pein stared at him, not amused. "I can still kill you."

"I know."

Another awkward silence was avoided by Tobi's appearance in the doorway. "Good morning, Leader-sama!" he said brightly.

"Leader is sick," Kisame whispered quietly to Tobi. Tobi gasped.

"I'm sorry to hear that! Is there anything I can do? Tobi is a good boy, and wants to help!"

Pein had to try very hard to resist banging his head against the wall, and perhaps only succeeded because doing that would result in a greater headache than he already had. "No Tobi, dere isn't," he managed to say through gritted teeth.

Tobi nodded his masked head and trotted happily past Kisame and Kakuzu.

"How come he can go and I can't?" Kakuzu demanded of Kisame.

"You can. Both of you leave."

Kakuzu and Kisame glanced at him one more time, then at each other (irritably) and moved off obediently in their respective directions down the hall.

Pein sighed and leaned back against the pillow again. "I have dis feeling dey are mocking me. I should kill dem," he remarked thoughtfully to Blue.

"Don't bother," Blue said dismissively, waving her hand. "If you keep them alive longer, they'll get sick and you can mock them. Or send them on dangerous and strenuous missions that involve climbing mountains or inhaling pollen."

Pein could not help but smile to himself. "Good idea."

xXx

Leah, Hidan, and Deidara were waiting for them when they got back outside. Deidara was holding a box with two smoothies in it. He handed one to each of them and sipped his own loudly. Grinning with malicious joy at the store. The girls broke out into fresh laughter.

"You guys already distracted the mall cops?" Eva asked Leah and Hidan.

"We got Emily in trouble," Leah said, looking oddly mischievous. Eva raised her eyebrows. "It's a long story," she said, sensing Eva was about to ask.

"That was so fun, they're so stupid," Claire giggled, still thinking about the sabotage.

"Are you guys going to tell us what the plan is, or do we just have to wait?" Hidan asked impatiently.

"You have to wait," Deidara said. Hidan scowled.

"You know, I think I'm really gonna miss that Tiffany girl," Eva said sarcastically, pretending to be thoughtful with regret.

"So it went well?" Deidara asked, still smiling. "This is actually the most fun I've had in a long time, un. There's no Tobi here to mess things up, and I really do miss these big, public explosions. Everyone freaks out. It's funny." The girls nodded. "Now all we have to do is wait," he added, leaning against the railing casually.

XxX

Lauren and her friends laughed loudly as they walked into their favorite store Abercrombie and Fitch, Prada and Gucci purses swinging from their arms.

"Oh my god, he is so cute. He looks just like Orlando Bloom!" Kelly exclaimed to Melissa as she told her about the boy she had met at the pool yesterday.

"He asked you out? You should totally say yes," Lexy urged her friend. Lauren and Melissa nodded in agreement.

They all laughed again and continued their conversation inside. Tiffany and her friend gave them a much warmer welcome than they had to Eva and Claire. The group of friends browsed through the shelves and racks of clothes for a while, selecting whatever items struck their fancy. After all, price was not a problem, so why even bother looking at the tags?

When the four of them had picked out as many items as they wanted to try on, they asked Tiffany to open the doors, and she obliged. Since there were only two dressing rooms, Lauren and Kelly waited while Melissa and Lexy tried things on. They chatted idly for a couple minutes, critiquing their friends when they came out to get opinions.

Then Kelly screamed.

One of the tops she was holding had just made a loud popping sound, and after a small explosion, it burst into flame.

She dropped it and continued screaming, dancing away from it on her tip-toes. Lauren screamed too and darted behind another clothing rack. Tiffany and the other employee jumped and ran towards the phones, frantically dialing an emergency number with their perfectly manicured nails.

There were more screams and explosions from the dressing rooms as Melissa and Lexy burst out. Their faces were covered in soot and their hair stuck out at odd angles. If anyone had been paying attention, they would have noticed large chunks missing from the backs of the dressing room walls, revealing a small dark chamber in between Abercrombie and Fitch and the next store.

More yells filled the air as the items on the racks continued to burst into flame and quickly turned the designer clothes into piles of ash. The other customers screamed and ran through the store, upending tables and plants in their hurry to escape. Several of the large posters depicting attractive male models were also turning black from the hungry flames that spread through the store.

In about a minute, it was completely empty, with both the patrons and its employees fleeing the scene with their arms waving wildly in the air.

Deidara, Eva, Claire, Leah, and Hidan watched the chaos gleefully from their position several yards away from the store. Other mall goers were frantically calling 911 or the fire department on their cell phones, or attempting to escape themselves, but the five of them just stood and observed with little smiles on their faces.

"And now, for the big finish, un," Deidara led off dramatically. He raised his hands together and formed a seal as the others watched with contented anticipation.

"Katsu!"

There was a deafening explosion and a billowing flame quickly overtook the rest of the shop. It shattered the windows and blackened the floor around. It turned the inside into a swirling mass of red, orange, and yellow. Ash filled the air and drifted outward, down to the other floors as well as this one.

The three girls laughed and cheered; the other mall-goers were so distracted that they did not notice, or else they might have had the suspicious five arrested (rightfully).

Hidan hit Deidara on the back appreciatively. "I'm not usually one for bonfires, but nice work!" he said.

Deidara did not reply. He sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye, smiling. Eva, Leah, and Claire stopped celebrating. "Are you okay?" Eva asked carefully.

"Hell yeah! That was the most fun I've had in ages, un! And the explosion…that was simply beautiful! Art is a bang!" he gushed. The other four exchanged skeptical looks, but shrugged.

"I wonder if we can still get some truffles from Godiva," Claire mused. The others nodded in agreement, and they all headed down towards the chocolate shop.

Unfortunately, the stupid store-owners were so distracted by the explosion that they refused to sell anyone anything. It didn't concern them, and it was good for business since less people would be spending their money at Abercrombie and Fitch and might be more compelled to buy chocolate, so why did they care? Nonetheless, having nothing else to do at the mall since it was in an escalated state of panic, they decided to leave.

On their way out, they passed another shop. Claire smiled to herself, getting one more idea. "Hey Deidara, do you have any more bombs?" she asked so only he could here.

Deidara checked his pocket and pulled out a little clay bird. "Yeah, one. Why?"

Claire didn't answer, but took it from his hand. She pushed the glass door open and tossed the little sculpture inside. "Detonate it," she ordered.

Deidara hesitated for a moment, then shrugged. "Why not?" he said to himself.

"Katsu!"

The Starbucks exploded in the same way Abercrombie and Fitch had. Since they were all much closer, they were thrown to the side by the force. Eva stared up in horror at the burning green moniker.

"You blew up Starbucks?!" she wailed despairingly. Deidara blinked, but Claire smirked to herself.

"And civilization as we know it shall cease to exist," she whispered.

xXx

Karma is a funny thing. Or maybe a contagious thing…in more ways than one. As his twelve other housemates coughed and sneezed, Pein paced around the kitchen, feeling extremely clear-headed and healthy. They all had colds. He was pleased to see that Kisame's appeared to be the worst, though he could not figure out why.

Except to blame karma.

"Viruses are so interesting," Jason remarked as he leaned over the couch next to Leah. He was the only one who hadn't gotten sick besides Pein, seeing as he was rarely in the house anyway.

"As a doctor, shouldn'd id be your responsibility to helb us ged bedder?" Leah asked glumly.

Jason grinned. "Yeah, but as your brother it's also my responsibility to ignore you completely. And as they always say, family comes first."

"Bastard."

"I could prescribe something," he offered, actually sounding sincere.

"For a cold?" Claire inquired disbelievingly. "No thanks." She curled up tighter in her blanket and glared at the TV screen.

Jason shrugged. He turned to Pein, who was surveying the seen with almost noticeable glee. "Hey freaky dude, have you ever tried wrestling?"

Pein blinked, and feeling oddly open to new experiences today, allowed Jason to lead him away and tell him about the sport.

The eight sick Akatsuki members and three girls stared dully at the TV screen, which was again tuned to Spongebob.

"This sucks," Kisame said.

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: No comment. I'm retarded.**

**Leah: -is still reading-**

**Claire: JERK!**


	11. Romans and TwoTailed Lions

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Dudes! The most awesome thing happened! Right after we posted our author's note thingy about me having writers block **_**IT WENT AWAY!**_** (omgomgomg!) **

…**.So why did it take another week to write?**

**Because we're stupid. **

**Buuuuut…in exchange for your patience, you get a super long chapter-y thing! So, yeah. And there's more! We already have quite a bit of chapter twelve written…which is what Eva and Leah were doing while they should have been working on chapter eleven. And I, of course, was being a useless blob. Yay blobby. All right I'm done now.**

**Leah: Oh my gosh, I actually talk in this chapter! And I wrote a lot of it too! Right, yeah…**

**Eva: OMG! (blinks) Wait…crap…**

…

…

…

…

**I completely forgot what I was happy about/going to say…**

**0o**

**(searches memory) (elevator music)**

**Crap—I'm exceptionally random today, even for me… (runs off to room to polish skulls because that is what I do when I don't know what to do…)**

Chapter F-ing 11:

Eva had no time to gulp, no time to blink, and definitely no time to move as Kisame charged towards her. If she hadn't had her sword up before he had started running, she wouldn't have had time to raise it either. She couldn't be sure, because all she could remember after that event was the fear she had felt, but she if she could have thought in that small space of time, it would have gone something like this:

_Oh my God…he's going to kill me. He's going to fucking kill me. I'm going to die…I'm going to fucking die. Wait, I'm going to die, and I can't stop repeating myself. I remember my mom telling me about this angel in this movie and how she asked the kid once they died what their favorite thing was._

_I've always wanted to say cheese, just to see how they'd react. Would they laugh, or just look at me like I'm insane?_

_What if I said skulls? Or blood? Is there blood in heaven? I really hope there is—I LOVE the taste of blood…the person said pajamas—I've never liked pajamas that much. Am I even going to go to heaven? I'm Christian, but I'm a bit contradictive of that sometimes, what with the sadist in me, masochism, blood, skulls…they're hardly Christian. And, I didn't convert a single person—I probably gave people more of a reason to not convert…._

_I'm going to miss the computer…a lot. And writing; I'm going to miss that too…I kind of want a tuna fish sandwich; I've always had a strange liking for that. And chocolate; I love chocolate. I doubt they have chocolate in heaven…then again, it is heavenly…I wonder if dying will hurt. _

And then he fell.

It was happened too fast for her to see. He sort of slipped forward and fell backwards onto the dirt and landed face up, gasping and holding his throat. Eva did not move, convinced that this was some bizarre post-death hallucination. She stayed still for twenty more seconds. Nothing changed except Kisame started coughing and sat up, looking very mad. Eva dared to blink, and to look upward, hoping to see the source of his mysterious actions.

Pein was standing there, looking almost as emotionless as Itachi. "You can move, you know," he said to Eva. Eva stared at him, and then tried to move. It was more difficult then it should have been, since her mind had been so sure of her death that it had forgotten how to make her move.

"You…bastard!" Kisame finally managed to wheeze. He started coughing again.

Eva tried to remember how to talk, and it was almost as hard as moving. It took her a few tries, but Pein was not paying attention and did not notice her failed attempts. He did look up when she spoke. "What…happened?" she asked slowly. Her voice cracked because her throat was so dry.

"He stuck his arm out while I was running and I crashed into him and hit my throat!" Kisame yelled, whirling around to face Leader. He seemed to at last be over his coughs, though his voice was as dry as Eva's.

"It's your own fault. You shouldn't have been trying to kill her," Pein responded calmly.

"_She_ was the one who asked _me_ for lessons! I WAS TEACHING HER!" Kisame roared.

Pein narrowed his unique eyes. "You knew perfectly well she wouldn't be able to defend herself. You just wanted to kill someone," he said icily. He turned and started walking back to where Blue and the others were watching the scene. "You should really learn some self-control, Kisame. I think that's enough practice for all of us today," he called back.

Kisame stood there for a couple moments, shoulders hunched and tense. He looked as if Deidara could chuck a clay bomb at him and he wouldn't notice. Eva took the opportunity to sneak back to the car and drive home, thinking she would let Pein deal with whatever other problems that were sure to arise.

xXx

When Eva got home, she immediately headed upstairs to her room, probably to put her sword and stuff away. Claire, Leah, Hidan, Deidara, and Tobi watched as the other members entered the house as well. Kisame looked mildly irritated, but other than that, most of them were in a better mood after training.

They exchanged stories, Deidara telling them about the events with Jenny, but the other's offered no explanation of their events. Claire and Leah made them a simple lunch, soup and sandwiches and listened to them as they talked about justus and other interesting ninja stuff.

Eva still hadn't come downstairs. It was oddly quiet without her, of course with the exception of Hidan's and Claire's arguments about how to hold a spoon.

"I'm going to go check on Eva," Leah said after she had finished her small bowl of soup and put it in the dishwasher.

"Me too!" Claire agreed. She jumped after Leah, only turning back to say, "Don't destroy the house."

XxX

"You need nail therapy!" Claire said cheerfully as she burst into Eva's gloomy room with six different shades of black and dark red nail polish. Leah was toting an over-large nail kit full of manicure tools, even though they would only use about three of them. But whenever one of them was sad, for whatever reason, the others would come and they would have a nail party—in a non-preppy way, since it usually ended with them coming up with ways to _destroy_ preps. It worked best for Eva, since she was a remarkably cheery Goth and didn't mind doing her nails if it was in some morbid shade.

Eva perked up a little when the other two came and sat on her bed. "So what's the deal?" Claire asked.

Eva sighed while she scrubbed off the remnants of her chipped black nail polish with a cotton ball. She told them about how Kisame had tried to kill her. Claire, naturally, thought it was funny, and Leah even laughed a little too. They eventually convinced her that it was funny too, and that Kisame didn't hate her, he was just a crazy murderer and she had to remember that. But there was no reason to take it personally.

xXx

"I'm bored, un," Deidara announced. No one looked up; they were used to Deidara's random proclamations of boredom, since they came about once every five minutes. He sighed, also used to this reaction. "Fine. If anyone does care, I'm going to go bother Leah…or something."

He turned to go up the stairs, and Hidan suddenly jumped up after him. "I'm coming too. Maybe I can scare Claire…it's fun," he grinned.

Deidara waved his hand absently. "Whatever."

They walked up to Eva's room since Leah's was empty—silently, out of their habits as ninjas. Deidara stood in front of the door and was about to knock when he heard his name in their conversation. He motioned for Hidan to be quiet. Hidan scowled at him, because he hadn't been saying anything in the first place, but obliged and joined Deidara as he pressed his ear closer to the door.

XxX

Now that their initial goal of cheering Eva up was complete, they moved on to lighter, more…random topics.

"Have any of them done anything that really pissed you off?" Eva asked.

"Well other than Hidan waking me up and generally being argumentative, not really," Claire answered.

Leah sighed, "I have a recent fear of hugs."

"How—"

Claire just started laughing, "Oh yeah, Deidara."

Deidara blinked, '_What the heck?_' he said soundlessly.

Hidan shrugged. '_I don't know. Ask Tobi._'

There were a few moments of silence, save for bottles of nail polish being shaken. Then Claire randomly said, "I think Hidan's a Roman."

There was more silence. '_What the fuck is a Roman?_' Hidan mouthed to Deidara. The blonde shrugged and shook his head, clueless as he was.

"Where did you come up with _that_ idea?" Eva inquired.

"Well, remember when we were freshman?" More silence, presumably from nods. "There was this one sentence in my history textbook. It was talking about Christianity and it said 'Some even identified it at first as one of the so-called mystery religions that offered immortality through the sacrificial death of a savior-god.'"

Yet another silence. "What?" Claire asked nervously. "It makes sense, doesn't it? He was one of those stupid Roman idiots who believed every rumor he heard and sacrificed a guy that was supposed to be a 'savior-god' or whatever the hell and the guy actually _was_ a 'savior-god' and poof! Immortality. So he's like…19 centuries old. Wow. That's a lot."

"Um…I'm just wondering how you remembered that one sentence from an entire _textbook_ if it was three years ago," Eva said.

"I was wondering how you made that connection," Leah agreed.

"I remember weird stuff," Claire offered simply.

"…So…you think Hidan's a Roman?"

"It makes sense! He was a Christian first, then converted to Jashin-ism or whatever he calls it."

"Yeah, except Hidan and the others are from another…place," Eva pointed out.

"Oh right…damn," Claire muttered.

Leah giggled. "But if they weren't, he probably would be."

"Probably," Eva consented.

xXx

Deidara laid on his back, staring up at the black bars the supported the bed above him. He laced his fingers behind blond head and exhaled deeply. He still could not come up with a reasonable answer of how he directly gave her a phobia of hugs. She even jumped when he so much as leaned over her to see what she was drawing. If he had to live with her for what could possibly be months, he had to fix it somehow or find a way to use it to his advantage. But first off, he had to approach this like a detective. Find out the source of the problem before looking for solutions. Detective Deidara mission: find source of Leah's phobia.

"Hey Tobi?" Deidara called up to his comrade. Tobi looked at Deidara upside down from the upper bunk. He tilted his head to the side, curious as to why Deidara actually wanted to talk to him.

"Yes Deidara-sempai?" The swirly masked man said innocently.

"Can you tell me why Leah blames me for her recent fear of hugs?" He asked casually.

"Yes."

Deidara stared at the eye hole in Tobi's mask, waiting for an answer.

Tobi stared back, smiling behind his mask.

"Tobi?"

"Yes."

"Tell me," he ordered. He propped himself up into a sitting position, putting most of his weight on his hands.

Tobi scratched his head in fake confusion. "What?"

"TOBI!" Deidara snapped, holding up a clay bomb threateningly.

Tobi waved his hands in front of his face frantically, "Tobi's a good boy. Don't blow me up Deidara-sempai, I'll tell you."

Deidara leaned back on his hands, again expecting an answer.

He sighed, "Okay, remember when you all got drunk?"

The artist rolled his eyes, "Don't remind me. That hangover was from hell. Anyway, go on."

"Well, all of you guys started acting really weird. Itachi and Kisame were singing."

Deidara started laughing, "Itachi was_ singing_?" He asked incredulously.

Tobi nodded, "He's not very good."

This only made Deidara laugh harder. He tried to picture the great Itachi Uchiha singing but simply couldn't.

Tobi waited patiently for his partner to end his laughing fit. When he did and caught his breath Tobi continued, "Hidan kept switching religions—"

Deidara snorted, smiling.

"—Kakuzu was playing with a box that made a mooing sound and Zetsu's split personalities switched places."

He nodded for the masked man to continue.

"And well you…became…clingy…"

Deidara raised an eyebrow disbelievingly, "Clingy?"

Tobi nodded, "When Leah-san and I came downstairs to check on you guys you wouldn't let her leave—"

"What?" Deidara now wore an expression that was between confusion and utter disbelief.

"Yeah. Anyways, at first you wouldn't let go of her wrist and when she tried to get away, you um…well you—"

"—Spit it out!"

"Well, um, you put her on your lap and wouldn't let her go. And every time she tried to leave, you'd squeeze her tighter saying something like 'Us artists need to stick together' and you refused to let her go when Claire got home and tried to pry your hands off."

Deidara blinked not knowing how to reacting. He licked his lips and picked at a loose string on his bed sheets. "Did anything else happen?" He swallowed, he just knew that there had to be something else.

"Well, Claire and I eventually got you to let go and then you looked all sad and stuff. After that, we tried to get you all to your rooms before Leader got home so Leah asked you for some advice on an art piece and stuff to get you to go upstairs. Then you gave her another hug saying something about you being happy for her to be coming to you for art advice. Claire unlatched you again, and two more times after that before they finally got you to our room," Tobi finished.

Deidara nodded, now in deep thought. "Thank you Tobi."

"You're welcome!" He replied happily.

Tobi still hung upside down, staring at Deidara in case he wanted to ask more questions.

"Deidara-sempai?"

"Hn." He grunted as he pulled his shirt off over his head and pulled his blankets over him.

"Why did you want to know?"

"Don't ask such stupid questions."

"If it's such a stupid question, then why are you avoiding it? The answers to stupid questions are usually easy."

Deidara glared, "Shut up Tobi!"

"Do you like her?" Tobi teased. He knew for a fact it wasn't true but it was still fun to push Deidara's buttons. And it was also a good way to get him to answer questions. Although, Tobi almost got blown up when he asked about what Deidara's relationship with Sasori was like. When he avoided the question, Tobi accused Deidara of being gay and almost got his head blown off. Then he accused him of acting defensive. So Deidara finally gave up and told him that he simply looked up to Sasori as an artist and a talented teammate. Tobi returned from his memories when Deidara began to speak.

"As a fellow artist and somewhat of a friend, yes, as anything else, no. I was just curious as to how the whole hugging phobia related back to me. That's all. It was starting to annoy me," He answered truthfully.

_Darn, now I don't get to accuse him of being defensive…_ Tobi thought sadly, but still satisfied with his answer. He nodded to the blond, "okay Deidara-sempai. Goodnight." He said and brought his head back up to his pillow.

Deidara sighed, "Goodnight." He reached over to the bedside lamp and twisted the little knob and the light flickered out. Before he went to sleep however, he mentally went over what Tobi had said and decided that tomorrow, Leah was going to get over her phobia. How exactly, he wasn't sure, but he'd figure it out…eventually…or, he could possibly use it as a non-violent threat.

XxX

"Leah?" Deidara said as he watched her put some paper into her portfolio the next morning.

"Hn?" she answered distractedly. She opened on of the drawers in her closet and pulled out a bag full of charcoal and colored pencils. She dropped them in her tote bag the looked up at Deidara as if to tell him that he now had her attention.

"What are you doing, un?" he asked. He knew that she was doing something art related, but he couldn't figure out what it was, and it was starting to annoy him.

"Oh, um, well I'm helping my old art teacher teach a class at a museum downtown. The class is too big for one art teacher so Mr. Davis invited me to help out since I was his student at one point. So, yeah," Leah said. She picked out a bundle of paint brushes that were held together with a rubber band and tucked those into the bag as well.

"Do you get paid?"

Leah shrugged, "Since it's an advanced course, I get anywhere from fifty to two hundred dollars a week, depending on how many hours I put in and the number of students that day."

"I see…" Deidara stood there awkwardly, still watching as she continued to put various tools into her bag.

Leah dropped placed her bag and her portfolio on her bed and walked out of the room. Deidara followed her into the hallway where Leah was taking out a nametag and some money out of her purse. She went back into her room. Deidara again followed.

"Do you want something?" Leah asked on the edge of irritation.

"I want to come," he answered plainly.

Leah smiled sheepishly, "I don't think that's a good idea."

Deidara was quiet for a moment, trying to think of a way to persuade her without using violence. Leah sat on the side of her bed and was attempting to put her hair up in a high ponytail, something that she had much difficulty with. She continued to brush her hair into place as she waited for Deidara to either leave or say something.

"Why isn't that a good idea, un?" he inquired carefully.

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I said so."

Deidara took the brush from Leah's hand and quickly pulled her hair up into a ponytail since it was distracting her from their argument. "I'll blow you up if you don't give me a good answer, un," he said, pointing the hairbrush at her threateningly.

"Well the class is mostly people who are completely new to art and well…I don't know, I just don't think you'd do to well around them since you're better than them. Besides, if you killed me you wouldn't get to go anyways," she replied. This was somewhat true, but she failed to mention that she thought that a pyromaniac in a downtown area with lots to blow up was not a good idea.

"True, but I'll get the satisfaction of blowing up a stubborn bitch, un."

"I'm not being stubborn, I just don't think you'll like the class." Leah pulled her hair out of the tie and began to run her fingers through her brunette locks, trying to straighten it since Deidara had done a rushed and somewhat sloppy.

"Dammit Leah, let me do it," he demanded, fully annoyed now. He, again, put her hair up in a ponytail. This time, it looked a bit more like how he did his hair. "I thought normal girls were supposed to be good at this stuff. Are you hair retarded or something, un?"

"Yes I am," she agreed then snatched her brush back from him.

"Back on topic. If you don't let me come, I'll blow up Claire."

"Three things. One: that's rude. Two: that's not a valid argument. Three: why do you want to come?"

"It sounds interesting, I want to meet this 'Mr. Davis' guy, I have nothing better to do, and it'll be a good way to avoid Tobi once he wakes up, un." Deidara counted off his reason on his fingers.

"No," she said firmly.

"Yes," he insisted just as firmly.

"No!"

Deidara smiled then softly added, "I'll blow up Big Red."

"I'll take the Jeep then."

"What if I blow that up too?"

"Deidara!"

"Then let me come. I'll _try_ to be nice to the crappy artists, un."

"No you won't. Even I have a hard time being nice to the crappy artists, and with your huge ego, then there is no doubt that you're going to make a four year-old feel bad." She took her bag and her portfolio and began to head down the hall.

A wicked and almost sadistic idea came into the blonde artist's head, "Don't make me give you a hug."

Leah froze, "What? No you wouldn't."

"I would," he challenged, taking a threatening step forward.

"I _know_ you won't." She turned on her heel and began to head down the stairs. She heard footsteps from behind her, indicating that Deidara was still following her. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned around to tell Deidara that her answer was final and she really didn't think it was a good idea for him to come.

He stood on the last step, a menacing smile playing across his lips, "You have five seconds to surrender before I hug you."

"But you'll blow something up—"

"Four." He stepped closer. "No I won't."

"Yes you will."

"Three," he began to reach his arms towards her. "Guys with egos are perverts, and who wouldn't want to hug you? No sane guy that's not gay would say no to that."

Leah recoiled, "I don't know if I'm allowed to bring guests."

"Two."

"You seriously wouldn't, that is un-Akatsuki like—GACK NO!"

Deidara attempted to attack her with a hug but Leah tried to move away. His hand hit her back and he decided to make do with that and gave her an awkward hug, "One, and just so you know, I put a bomb on your back, un."

"Okay! Okay! You can come! Just let me go and take the fucking bomb off!" Leah begged, trying to squirm away from his half-hug-of-doom before she got more bruises on her ribs…or blown up.

He released her the second she started talking, "I knew you'd see it my way."

"You're such an ass." She thought for a second. "And a pervert."

He shrugged, "Hey, at least I don't have to be listen to Claire and Hidan argue about how towels are supposed to be folded...again."

Leah sighed, "I have to leave in about ten minutes. Can you be ready by then?"

He nodded. He detached the bomb from her back and put it in his pocket for future use.

Leah went into the kitchen to wait for Deidara. Since it was still early, most of the Akatsuki members hadn't woken up. She noticed that Zetsu had since his the pull out bed was folded back into the couch and the back door was slightly ajar. Leah tossed a few granola bars into her bag in case she or Deidara got hungry later and then took her usual spot on the counter to wait.

Eight minutes and thirty-two seconds later, Deidara walked into the kitchen as he pulled on his black fingerless gloves. He was dressed in slightly beat-up blue jeans that used to belong to Jason and a black T-shirt that had the _Hawk_ skateboard logo on the front. A black zip up jacket hung loosely around his frame to hide the stitches on his arms.

"Ready? It's a forty-five minute drive," Leah asked.

"Yeah, are these the right clothes, un?"

"Yep. You look fine," Leah assured and pushed herself off the counter, "Let's go." She said and grabbed the keys for Big Red.

xXx

Leah parked Big Red on the street close to the museum since she didn't want to waste time looking for a parking space and the curbside parking was fast and easy.

"Okay, so you understand the rules. Just act natural, don't blow things up, and don't make little kids cry. Okay?" Leah asked.

He nodded.

"Retard," Leah muttered and tapped the scope over his eye, "People here don't wear these."

Deidara took off the scope, gave her an annoyed look, then put it in the dashboard compartment "Happy?"

"Yes." She got out of the car and walked around to meet Deidara on the side walk.

"So are we still in La Jolla?" He asked, noticing quite the change in scenery.

"No, this is just a city park. Basically a cultural complex, lots of history, very boring." Leah commented.

Deidara nodded as he took in the sights of the Spanish styled buildings as they walked towards the art museum.

"I see a lot of extremely fat people," Leah said randomly.

Deidara chuckled.

"Seriously, I've counted at least twenty fluffy people since I've gotten out of the car. The sad thing is that it's more kids than adults."

"Fluffy?"

"My way of calling people obese without them knowing what I'm talking about."

"Why are you talking more all of a sudden, un?"

"Sorry, I'll shut up."

They spent the rest of their walk mostly in silence, with the exception of a few questions from Deidara, which Leah patiently answered. When they got to the museum, they gratefully escaped from the ninety degree weather into the air conditioned building.

The museum was very spacious and had a few hallways that led off to art different exhibits. Despite how open the entryway was, Leah had already lost Deidara.

"Goddamn it, Deidara," she muttered as she looked around for him.

"What?" Deidara asked form behind her, making her jump.

"Where'd you go?"

"Information booth, to get a map, un."

"Why?"

"So I have a good aerial view of the place, just in case I need to blow something up."

Leah snatched the map from him and promptly hit him over the head with it, "No

Boo-boo, blowing up the museum is bad, Boo-boo," she scolded as if she was talking to a dog.

"Did you just call me 'Boo-boo'? What the hell, un," he asked.

Leah turned away, feeling a bit embarrassed, "Sorry, something I say to Jason when he's being stupid. Force of habit."

"Don't do it again," he grumbled and took the map back.

"Okay, sorry," Leah said quickly.

After walking around the museum for a few minutes, they finally found Mr. Davis finishing up the tour that he gave before classes. There were about twenty kids total, most of them ranging from grades one to five.

"Okay class, this ends our tour. Now I want you to go back to the classroom and get out your notebooks and answer the questions on the board," Mr. Davis said.

The class did as they were told, moving rather slowly since most of them were too busy chatting to pay attention to the fact that they were walking slower than cows.

Mr. Davis jogged over to where Leah and Deidara were standing at the entrance of the exhibit. He was a freakishly tall man with thinning gray-brown hair and a bit of a beard. He wore glasses and paint splattered clothing that looked like that they used to be nice clothes.

"Hey Leah, nice to see you," he greeted as he motioned for her to follow him. Deidara followed quietly.

"Nice to see you too," Leah replied.

"Who's your friend?"

"Oh, um, that's Deidara," she said. If it had been anyone else, she would have given them their fake name, but she just had problems lying to Mr. Davis.

"Is she an artist too?" he asked politely.

Leah heard Deidara crack his knuckles. She swallowed her laughter and calmly replied, "Yeah, _he's _really good."

"Hm. If we have time at the end of class, maybe Deidara can tell us about his work," Mr. Davis said, making sure that he said 'he'.

"Um, Mr. Davis, I think one of your students is climbing on a sculpture," Leah pointed out.

"Uh-oh, just go to the class room—I'll see you there in a few minutes," he said hurriedly as he went to save an art piece from impending doom.

Leah dropped back to talk to Deidara, "Um sorry about that, I'm sure it was just a speech error…yeah," she said, smiling sheepishly. Deidara sighed and waved his hand dismissively.

However, they took Mr. Davis' suggestion and went back to the art room to wait. It was a pretty generic classroom: with desks, posters and bookcases. The only differences was that the book cases contained books on art history, the posters were of famous works of art, and the desks were all dotted with paint. There were also several overcrowded tables and shelves holding the students' latest art projects.

The kids were all being very loud and rowdy, probably due to the lack of a teacher. Deidara's first guess would have been that they would all shut up once she came in, since she had been there before and might have some form of authority. Except he knew she was not very likely to have been assertive before, and was therefore not surprised when they all ignored her completely. He said nothing, and they quietly sat down at one of the tables and waited for Mr. Davis to come back.

He finally did however, followed by probably a disappointed-looking second grader. The boy quickly took his seat and everyone else shut up as Mr. Davis went to the front of the room. "So, did you all do the questions on the board?" he asked. The class exchanged glances, looking nervous.

One of the more bold students snorted. "No," he said loudly. The class laughed, momentarily forgetting their anxiousness. When the laughing did die and they remembered their teacher standing at the front of the room, the regained their somber demeanor.

But Mr. Davis just shrugged. "Oh well, less for me to grade. Go ahead and work on your art projects; I'll be around in a minute to help you."

The students rushed up to the various tables and shelves to get their work as Mr. Davis came back over to talk to Deidara and Leah.

"So usually on 'free art' days Leah and I walk around and help the students with their work," he explained to Deidara, who looked slightly confused as to why he was being told this. "Leah favors drawing, and you can help too if you like. What kind of art do you usually do?"

Deidara started to respond but Leah cut him off, "He does sculpture."

It was Mr. Davis' turn to be confused, but he shook it off after a second. "Okay, well there are a couple kids working with clay here if you want to help—"

"—I don't really think that's a good idea," Leah interrupted again. Deidara scowled at her. Mr. Davis looked confused again.

"I'm fine with it," Deidara said, giving Mr. Davis a mischievous grin. "She doesn't think I can behave myself. It's insulting, really, un."

Mr. Davis smiled back. "I get that, actually. I'll let you two work it out," he hinted meaningfully.

_Dammit, does everyone think we're a couple?!_ Leah thought, feeling frustrated. She glared at Deidara.

Mr. Davis went off to help one of the older students with a painting; smiling and murmuring something like 'they're so cute'. Leah briefly turned her glare to her teacher then back to Deidara.

Deidara covered her mouth with his hand before she had the chance to lecture him about what his behavior towards little kids should be, "I know. I'll try to be nice. I'll only give constructive criticism and I'll try not to hurt any of them, un," he whispered with a smile. Leah still glared but nodded.

Some kids watching the scene snickered.

Deidara took his hand off of her mouth and patted her head, "I don't need another lecture 'Boo-boo'," he said with an amused grin. This only resulted in the nearby kids to continue their giggling. He started to get up, but Leah grabbed his arm, flinching to herself as he smirked again.

"You _can't_. You really can't," Leah insisted desperately.

Deidara immediately stopped smiling and scowled, finally getting annoyed. "Look, I am not going to kill anyone! You have nothing to worry about, un. Now let go!" He yanked his arm out of her grasp and slipped away from the table before she could try to stop him again.

Leah gaped at him. Mr. Davis had noticed Deidara and apparently thought the two of them had come to some sort of conclusion. He waved at Leah encouragingly, telling her to get up and walk around too. Leah stared for a few more seconds, and then closed her mouth. "Fine," she muttered in defeat.

She got up and started walking around the room too, though she was unable to stop herself from glancing at Deidara every few seconds. He stuck his tongue out at her every time she did so, fully aware that he was being watched. Leah scowled and sat down at another table with a girl who was working on a drawing of a tiger, Elizabeth.

Leah liked Elizabeth. She was very quiet, but she was good at drawing, and always appreciated Leah's help. "Hi Elizabeth; that's really good," Leah said, hoping she didn't sound anxious.

"Thanks. I can't get the legs right though, can you help me?" Elizabeth asked in her soft voice.

"Sure." Leah took the pencil and pulled the paper towards her. She erased a few lines, unaware that Elizabeth was not watching her.

"Who's that guy who came in with you?" Elizabeth asked.

Leah frowned at the paper. Trying to distract herself hadn't really worked. "He's Deidara," she grunted.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"_No_, dammit!" she yelled. The room went quiet and everyone turned to look at her, including Mr. Davis and Deidara. "Sorry…" she muttered, feeling her face turn red. The students slowly went back to their work. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I…didn't get much sleep last night," Leah lied.

"It's okay," Elizabeth mumbled. She instantly brightened when Leah pushed the paper back to her. "Wow, that's great! Thank you!"

"Sure. I'm going to go help someone else now," Leah said.

She got up went to another table. She helped three other people before she ended up at the same table with Deidara. Leah was positive now that he was just trying to piss her off. What an ass.

"What's your name, kid?" he asked a boy who was making a lion out of clay. He actually did sound surprisingly friendly, for a terrorist. "What're you making?"

"Andrew. I'm making a lion," the boy replied cheerfully. He was one of the younger students.

"That's great, except lions don't have two tails. I can help you fix it, un," Deidara offered. He reached out to fix the sculpture, but Andrew slapped his hand away. Deidara frowned. "I'm just trying to help you. You only need one tail."

"I _want_ two tails!" Andrew protested, taking on that screeching voice that only the young, irritable, first graders could.

Deidara sat down and faced the kid, looking serious. "Look, Andrew. Lions have _one _tail. One, un. Not two. Two is wrong. You don't want to be wrong, do you?"

Leah raised her eyebrows. "Just let him do it his way, Deidara," she said.

"Let me handle this, Leah," Deidara snapped at her. He reached towards Andrew's sculpture again. "Andrew, just—"

"_NO!_" Andrew screeched. Deidara recoiled as if he had been burnt. Leah had to repress a snort, even though she felt bad for Andrew until she realized that he just wanted to get Deidara in trouble.

Mr. Davis quieted the laughter of the rest of the class and hurried over to the source of the disturbance. "Is there a problem?" he asked cautiously, appearing to speak to both Leah and Deidara. Leah shrugged and looked at Deidara, who shifted uncomfortably, retaining his irritated expression.

"I'm just trying to help this kid. He's being a brat and won't take off the other tail—"

"—Deidara, you have to be…_nice_ to the students. And don't call them brats please," Mr. Davis whispered. "Besides, if Andrew wants to make his lion with two tails, he can. I think it's very creative."

Deidara was not convinced. "But it's _wrong_."

Leah had had enough. She quickly stood up from her seat and grabbed Deidara by the ear, pulling him out of the room despite his mumbles of protest.

Some of the kids snickered as they watched a teacher drag another teacher out of the room the old fashion way. Mr. Davis chuckled and shook his head, feeling sorry for Deidara.

"What'd I do…" he growled as Leah released her hold on his ear when they were safely outside the classroom.

Leah pointed at him like a mother about to scold her child. "You—" she started to smile, and then switched back to a serious expression, "You can't—"

"Dammit woman spit it out!" he hissed, rubbing his now sore ear.

Leah started to laugh.

"What?!" he demanded, now getting even more annoyed.

"I'm sorry, I actually found that funny, the way you were talking to Andrew," she answered, still giggling.

Deidara snorted and laughed a bit himself.

Leah then put on a stern face, "If someone doesn't want help, don't try to help them. Especially Andrew, he is a total rich boy brat. Okay?"

"Fine, fine. I just hate it when people do things wrong. It just…bothers me, un," he said. Leah walked back to the classroom with Deidara following somewhat sulkily behind her. They reentered the room, kids stared at them as they always did when anyone walked into the room, then they resumed their work.

Leah and Deidara went back to walking around the class room and helping out whatever kids needed it. Leah kept a closer watch on Deidara and occasionally went over to the same table as him, just to make sure that he wasn't being a prick.

They continued like this for an hour or so. Deidara actually seemed to be enjoying himself much to Leah's surprise.

"Hey Deidara," Mr. Davis addressed him about a half of an hour before class ended.

"Yeah?" He looked up from a wad of clay that he had been playing with.

Leah listened form her spot at a nearby table.

"Do you want to show the class some of your work?" Mr. Davis asked.

Leah's face paled as she turned around to look at the two guys.

Deidara nodded, smiling enthusiastically, "Sure."

"Okay, do you think you can be ready in the next ten minutes?"

Deidara nodded as he reached to take off his gloves. Leah quickly finished up helping a kid draw a dragon then dragged Deidara out of the room again before anyone saw his mouth appendages.

She narrowed her eyes at him, "What are you doing?"

"I was about to ask you the same thing, un!" he said as he finished taking off his fingerless gloves to reveal his hand mouths. He took a piece of his clay from a pocket on the inside of his jacket which the mouth immediately licked up.

Leah watched this but couldn't decide if it was disgusting, disturbing, or just cool. She shook her head, "You can't blow up the classroom."

"I won't blow up the classroom, I won't even burn anything, un," he retorted.

Leah sighed, "I'm sorry. I just want to keep my job and I really don't want to disappoint Mr. Davis. I don't mean to take it out on you and I'm sorry that I've been a bit of an annoying, paranoid, bitch for the past few hours. So yeah, sorry."

"It's understandable," he smiled. It was a rare occasion that he got an apology from someone other than Tobi. One of the mouths on his hands spit out a small clay bird that had quite a bit of detail for such a small piece. "Hold this," he ordered and placed the sculpture in Leah's hand.

"But you just had this in your mouth," she complained.

"So?"

Leah sighed and concentrated on not dropping the bird. "You know that you can't make it fly around or say your command thing when we're in the class right?"

"I've thought of that, I know what I'm doing."

Leah frowned at him skeptically, but knew from all else that had happened today, it would be pointless to try and argue; Deidara would always win. So she shrugged and went back inside, unable to stop herself from wondering how many times she had made that commute from the classroom to the hall that day.

Deidara did not follow her back inside until the ten minutes were up. He had replaced his gloves, to Leah's relief, and was holding one of his classic clay bird sculptures. Mr. Davis called the class's attention to the front of the room so Deidara could present. Leah sat near the front, trying to ignore the growing feeling of dread she was getting.

Deidara had the bird covered dramatically between his hands. He waited few moments before removing them with a flourish to 'oohs' and clapping from the class. Leah scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Show off…" she muttered. Deidara just stood there, grinning at her.

"And now…" She heard him whisper to himself. The feeling of dread increased as he recovered the bird in his hands. Before she could say anything though, he threw the bird up into the air…and it started flying.

The class clapped and cheered even more enthusiastically, watching with complete amazement as the bird soared around the ceiling, circling under the fluorescent lights. Leah stared at it in disbelief, though her disbelief was due to horror rather than awe. There was a small puff of smoke, an explosion, and the bird burst into flame and crumpled to the floor. Leah almost had a heart attack.

So did Mr. Davis. He looked shocked, confused, and worried all at once. The young art students were talking excitedly amongst themselves, though they too were unsure what had just happened. Leah darted through the upturned chairs of the students who had leapt out of their seats when the bird had exploded towards Deidara, absolutely furious and prepared to do something about it for once.

Then the fire alarm went off. The emergency fire sprinklers rained water down on them all. The students shouted with increasing glee, this day just getting more and more exciting for them. Leah heard Mr. Davis shouting to the students to get in a line and go quietly out into the hall, but she ignored him and continued making a beeline for Deidara.

Leah finally reached him, punching him in the arm and grabbing it immediately after. She pulled him towards the door, passing Mr. Davis as she did. "Sorry Mr. Davis, we have to leave now!" she called out as she pushed passed the students. "I do not care if you want to stay, I am so pissed off right now!" she hissed to Deidara. He said nothing and actually allowed her to pull him out of the museum, not even complaining when she didn't let go of his arm until they reached the car.

XxX

"If you think you are _ever_ going_ anywhere_ outside again, you…you…" Leah searched for words of what would happen to him if he ever repeated that incident again while trying to choke the steering wheel. But they both knew there was really nothing she could do to him, so it was really a lost cause.

"I what?" he asked almost smugly.

Leah did not reply. She merely stared angrily out at the road in front of her.

"What did I do that was so bad anyway? It's not like anyone _died_ or anything was _destroyed_. Those kids were, what? Six? They probably thought it was just a pretty magic trick, un."

Leah sighed. The worst part was that he was probably right. But she wasn't going to tell him that and give him the satisfaction. "I don't trust you anymore," she said instead.

"Like you did before?" he laughed. "So nothing's changed."

"You're a bastard. _Un_."

Deidara froze. He narrowed his eyes and glared at her. "That's low."

"Tough."

**Author's Note:**

**Leah: Okay, I need to explain the thing about me and Deidara being accused of being a couple. IT HAPPENS TO ME ALL THE FUCKING TIME! It's really annoying. If I hang out with a guy friend, I get accused of dating him. Worst case was when Jason and I went to the movies. Jason accidentally spilled the popcorn and then the random movie worker person said to me 'See what you do to him? You make him so nervous that he spills the popcorn!' then he looks at Jason 'Tell your girlfriend that she needs to smile more.'**

**It really pissed me off! (And mentally scarred me). But yeah, point being, if I'm alone with a guy friend (or brother) suddenly, I'm their girlfriend. –says a lot of cuss words- It's your fault Claire, now I'm cussing.**

**Claire: I got a blister on my toe this week. I drew an 'x' on the band-aid with a sharpie in gym today. )**

**Eva: (still doesn't know what I was going to say) Um….oh yes! XD I REMEMBERED!!! Okay, about the couples. Yeah…they are still up for interpretation, but I kind of want to know which way you want us to go with them (I'm the one who typically writes the relationship stuff…). I know that some people are completely against Naruto peoplexOC, but if we don't turn them into sues, then, yeah….just give us your thoughts on it…**

**BLOOD! XD **

**Claire: …….Are you people seriously all ClairexHidan shippers? Why?!!? Aren't I sue-ish enough????**

**Eva: lol….I'm totally a shipper with those two… XoX**


	12. Satanic Beings and a Love Note

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: We have**

**Created**

**A sue.**

**SHE HAS SUPER-HUMAN EVIL POWERS, AND SHE, LIKE SAUCE-GAY, HAS SOLD HER SOUL TO THE **_**F-ING DEVIL!!!!**_

**And the worst part is….**

**SHE'S A REAL PERSON**

**-cue jaws theme music here-**

**have fun :)**

**Eva: For the person who commented that I was going to get together with Itachi**_**…-glare-**_

**Leah: I don't know what to say…pairing stuff starts…that is all…**

Chapter 12:

Almost a week had past since the art room incident. In that time, Claire and Hidan's arguments have escaladed not only in numbers but also in stupidity. They argued about whether or not it was weird that Hidan put ice cubes in his orange juice, why a straight man would use so many different hair products, and how Hidan's forty five minute showers were **not** doing anything good for the water bill (Kakuzu completely took Claire's side in this argument). Kisame and Eva had actually continued their sword lessons; they even spent some time together when they weren't training, even though it was spent talking about violent things and watching Scrubs. Leah was slowly but surely forgiving Deidara and agreed to take him out in public again as long as he didn't have his clay with him; other than that they spent a lot of time together talking about art and because Deidara was trying to teach Leah how to make clay sculptures (which she was failing at). They were all starting to get over their relationship problems, and things were fading back to normality…well, as normal as it was before.

Sometime during dinner, while the members of the Akatsuki chatted with the girls and amongst themselves, the phone's annoying and shrill ring echoed throughout the house.

"I got it," Leah said, "You guys need to quiet down; we still can't find the handset so I have to put it on speaker." She pushed herself out of her chair and rushed to the kitchen. She pressed the orange button on the base when the others finally hushed. "Dr. Jason's residence, Leah speaking," she answered habitually.

"Hi Leah," a childish, girly voice answered softly.

"Charli?"

"No shit, Sherlock," Charli retorted irritably, abruptly changing tone.

'_Who's Charli?'_ Blue mouthed.

'_Leah's sister,_' Eva answered.

Leah cleared her throat, "Jason's not home right now. You can call him on his cell."

"That doesn't matter, I can just tell you. Anyway, Mom's going to be gone for the weekend and she says that you need to watch me. So, yeah, I'm coming over in about an hour," Charli said as if it was no big deal.

Leah swallowed hard. This could be problematic. The Akatsuki already had anger-management issues, but she didn't know if any of them could tolerate Charli for more than a few minutes. But she wasn't about to say no to her mother since that woman scared her more than the nine criminals that had been inhabiting her house for almost two weeks. "Charli, I don't know if you can. I have a bunch of friends staying over." This wasn't a complete lie; only the 'friends' part might have been stretching it.

"Well if you don't let me come, Mom will be mad at you. Also, I'll tell her that you're anorexic if you don't let me," Charli taunted in a sickly sweet voice.

"But I'm not anorexic."

"Exactly, but Mom always takes my word, not yours, so if I tell her that you're anorexic, she'll believe me and then she'll get mad at you. So, can I come?"

"No. I'm sorry but you can't, I have a bunch of people staying over."

"Tsk-tsk Leah. I didn't want to do this," she sighed. She took a deep breath, "Mom!"

"No. Charli! Don't please! You can come. Please just don't piss Mom off!" she begged with a panic-ridden voice.

"Thank you for not being an idiot for once and agreeing with me. I didn't want to piss off Mom either."

Leah gaped. "Y-yeah. Around eight o'clock right?"

"I knew you'd see it my way. You see Leah, when you do as I say we get along just fine. Also isn't it great that we get to spend a whole weekend together?" she added tauntingly, "Anyways, I have to get packed, I'll see you soon." With that the call ended.

Leah blinked several times. Charli plus Akatsuki equaled positive murder.

Claire was in mute shock. Eva was silent, but grinning. The Akatsuki members remained quiet too.

"She sounds so sweet, un," Deidara commented sarcastically.

This lightened the mood and a few of them laughed anxiously.

"How old is she?" Pein asked casually.

"Eleven," Leah looked at her feet, feeling slightly embarrassed that she lost an argument with someone six years younger than her, "I'm really sorry, but the rules that apply for us also apply to her. I'll try to keep her busy though."

Zetsu's black half chuckled, "_I'm sure we can handle a little girl_."

"After all, how bad can she be if she's related to Leah and Jason? I bet she's a good kid" his white half added.

Claire shook her head. "Zetsu, you are so naïve." Leah smiled weakly and sat down.

Eva grinned at Leah, "I can't wait for your sister to come. She is so cute!" she squeaked.

Leah sighed and ignored her.

"But you have not witnessed her evil!" Claire all but shouted at Eva.

"She's too cute to be evil."

"She's evil! I swear she's going to become sort of villainous world dictator that will live forever since the Grim Reaper won't have the guts to tell her that she's dead," Leah said.

"She's eleven." Deidara reminded the girls as he picked up his plate from the table and went into the kitchen to wash it.

"She's the daughter of the devil—"

"—Leah, I know you hate your sister with a passion, but she can't be that bad. Someone that cute just can't be evil." Eva defended. "I bet she just misbehaves to get your attention."

"Just wait. You'll see," Leah sighed. She began to clear the table as well. The rest of them quickly followed the suit. Once they were finished, they sat around the table to discuss rules for Charli.

"Okay," Leah began, addressing the Akatsuki, "One, if you care about any of your belongings, either keep them on your person or _hide_ them. She _will_ do something bad to them. Two, try not to piss her off, and as much as she may annoy the hell out of you." She frowned in better remembrance, then began listing the other rules off of her fingers. "Don't underestimate her, if she tells you to do something, do it or you will have hell to pay, if she offers you food, don't eat it, don't make fun of her name, and most of all don't react to anything she does. If she knows what bugs you, she'll use it to her advantage."

"Leah, she's eleven," Deidara said again.

Leah stood up and began to walk out of the room, "Well, if you guys don't want to listen to me, I don't care. I'm hiding my stuff."

xXx

About forty-five minutes later, Claire and Leah had finished hiding their most valuable items. The others just thought that the two were just overreacting and just got changed into their pajamas and had started watching _Saving Private Ryan _about a half hour before. They all seemed to like the first twenty or so minutes because of the extreme gore, even though Kisame had to slap Eva to stop her joyful squealing about the blood.

Tobi suddenly turned his face towards Leah, "Do we have to use our fake names when your sister comes?" he asked innocently.

Leah shook her head but was too engrossed in the movie to give a verbal reply.

From the corner of her eye, she saw a pair of headlights in the driveway. The car did not belong to Jason, however, it was a blue minivan that looked in desperate need of washing. Leah sighed. "Here comes the demon child," she remarked unenthusiastically. "Can you pause the movie for a minute, just until my mom leaves?"

Pein nodded and pressed the button the remote.

"Thank you," Leah said as the door bell rang. She quickly ran to the front door. Durham started barking madly and tried to follow but Pein kept the crazy animal on his lap, much to the dog's annoyance.

They waited quietly as they heard the door open.

"LEAH!" the voice from earlier, Charli, exclaimed.

Now another voice spoke, "Leah take good care of your sister since that lazy-ass brother of yours is never home; worthless bastard."

"Don't worry I will. And Jason is very busy at work, it's not his fault."

"I'm sorry, could you say that again? I didn't quite hear you."

"N-nothing."

"That bastard's going to end up like his fucking father. A cheating liar—"

"—Don't you have to be going to the airport or somewhere?"

"Did you just interrupt me, you whore?"

"Sorry, Mom."

"Mommy," Charli interjected, "I don't like it when you call Leah bad names. I think it hurts her feelings and it makes me sad too," she said sweetly. "I don't want you to be late for your flight so I think you should probably go soon. I love you Mommy," Charli hugged the short, angry blond woman.

"I love you too sweetheart. Be a good girl for your 'siblings' okay?" her mother replied with a considerably nicer tone.

"I'm always a good girl. Aren't I Leah?"

"Depends on who you ask—I mean, yeah, most people would say you are," Leah corrected herself hastily, "Bye Mom! I have to do laundry."

"Bye," Leah and Charli's mother said stiffly, and she walked back to her car.

Leah slammed the door shut after pulling Charli's suitcase into the entryway. She quickly walked back into the living room, deciding it would be better to introduce the satanic child to the Akatsuki sooner than later.

XxX

"Here they come," Claire warned.

Leah stepped into the room and was soon followed by Charli. The Akatsuki members turned their attention away from the still TV screen to look at Leah's 'evil' little sister. If it wasn't for their reputation as cold and cool criminals, they would have been commenting on how cute the girl was along with Eva. Charli had ash blond hair that was pulled into a messy ponytail with short wisps that hung over a pair of big, baby blue eyes. She wore a white skirt with a bubblegum pink halter top which worked well with her pale skin.

"Oh my gosh! Charli! You get cuter every time I see you!" Eva giggled as she tugged Charli into a rib-crushing embrace.

"And you get even scarier!" Charli complimented.

Eva giggled again, "Thank you!" She glared at her two friends. "How can you think she's evil?"

Claire scoffed. "She is!"

Leah cleared her throat. "Um, Charli, these are the people who are staying over too, Zetsu, Tobi, Deidara, Kisame, Itachi, Hidan, Blue, Kakuzu, and Leader…Pein…whatever," she introduced, pointing to each of them as she said their name.

"KONAN! My name is Konan!" Blue snapped, finally sick of her nick-name.

"Can we un-pause the movie?" Hidan grumbled.

"Yeah, sure."

Charli sat on the arm of the couch next to Leader to watch the movie as well. Leah took this opportunity to escape from the room and put the suitcase into her room. She stayed in her room after she did so. When Charli was murdered she didn't want to be a witness.

XxX

Charli studied Hidan for a moment. _He's handsome, religious, obviously cares about his looks…I wonder…_ "Hidan?"

"Hn."

"Are you gay?" she asked innocently.

Deidara, Eva and Claire practically fell onto the floor laughing.

"What?!" Hidan shouted as he jumped to his feet.

"Are you a happy person?" she said sweetly seemingly un-phased by his reaction.

Hidan blinked, losing a bit of his anger and staring at Charli, clueless. "Why do you fucking care you annoying bitch?"

"I don't care."

"Then shut the fuck up!"

"You know, recent studies have shown that men swear more when they haven't had sex in a long time," she said, still sounding as innocent as always. "Are you a virgin?"

Hidan twitched.

Deidara, Claire, and now Kakuzu were laughing insanely; Eva was on the floor rolling around, clutching her side...because she's just dramatic like that.

Hidan didn't say anything, feeling extremely vexed but deciding to be the better person and not to argue with an eleven year-old.

Charli shrugged but she still had questions. "So, are you a boy or a girl?" This time she wasn't talking to Hidan.

Deidara stopped laughing to glare at Charli. But apparently she hadn't been addressing Deidara which was a bit unexpected. Her eyes were focused directly on a different member.

Itachi blinked. He had thought that she was talking to Deidara at first, but instead, she had been talking to him. "I'm a guy."

"Oh, okay. Just most guys aren't as pretty as you and have long hair," she said.

Deidara laughed, "I thought you might've been talking to me at first."

Charli took a sip of her Coke, "No, I already know that you're a transvestite."

Deidara's eye twitched; he looked murderous.

"Will you all shut up so we can watch the stupid Americans die?" Eva said finally, back on the couch and pretending like she hadn't just made a complete idiot of herself. The other members nodded in agreement. Deidara, Hidan, and occasionally Itachi glared at Charli throughout the rest of the movie.

xXx

Charli woke up at three in the morning due to her cell phone vibrating next to her sleeping bag. This actually didn't bother her; she had done it on purpose. After all, what was the point of going to your sibling's house—when they had new _houseguests_ nonetheless—if you couldn't prank them while they were asleep? There was no point, really. She quietly crept downstairs, deciding to work her way up from the bottom floor. That meant her first victim was Zetsu, or as she liked to call him, Creepy Plant Man.

Her sister's friends had such drab taste. They needed more pink. Charli picked up a small pink purse that she had brought with her from upstairs that was filled with her items of sabotage. She drew out about fifteen pink paper flowers and a roll of scotch tape from the bag and got to work. For some reason, even the lightest sleepers seemed unable to wake up when Charli was involved…

XxX

Her next subjects were on the second floor—Deidara and Tobi. From the bag, she took a fluffy pink scrunchie, and a pink sharpie. Coloring Tobi's mask wasn't as successful as she would have hoped since the orange sort of made it impossible for the pink to show up, but it was easy to find all of Deidara's red hair ties and replace them with the froofy scrunchie. As she was leaving, she spotted a large box with a label that read: PROPERTY OF DEIDARA—DO NOT TOUCH! THIS MEANS YOU, TOBI! Charli smiled to herself, amazed at her evil brilliance.

xXx

The pink sharpie's job was not done yet. Charli hummed to herself as she drew pink unicorns and flowers all over Kisame's sword's wrapping with the skill of a kindergartener. Not that it mattered; it would probably just irritate him more. If one must graffiti something, wouldn't it be nice if it was done well?

Charli turned to Itachi, wondering how she could prank him. He didn't seem prone to embarrassment or easily angered, like the others. She pondered for a moment, drumming her fingers on the sequins of the pink purse. Then she spotted the glass of water next to his bed and silently snapped her fingers, having thought of the perfect idea to…freak him out.

XxX

Charli walked into Pein and Konan's room, armed with nothing but a piece of paper and a pen. One thing that she knew for a fact was that girls were easily embarrassed, if one knew what to do.

xXx

She resolved to do her last prank very fast. She had problems with attics. Luckily, there were no problems with Hidan except for his rosary being slightly difficult to untangle from his neck.

Kakuzu, however…

This was a task that would require quite a bit of her evil creativity. She crossed her arms and squinted at him through the dark, pondering the possibilities. They were few…but then again, these few obscure choices were her brand of mischief.

XxX

"Tobi!" Deidara screamed at 9:23 in the morning.

Tobi sat up, yawning cutely. He sniffed, "What did I do, Deidara-senpai? Tobi's a good boy."

"You know exactly what you did, un!" Tobi hugged his pillow to his chest, looking down at Deidara, who had his hair down, out of its ponytail. In his hand, he held the only available thing to pull back his hair—a pink fluffy scrunchie. "I don't know how you did it without waking me up, but you did! I know it, un!"

Tobi blinked. "I didn't do that."

All of a sudden, Deidara started cracking up. "Tobi…your mask…it's…pink!"

Tobi shot out of bed, looking into the mirror with, if we could have seen it, a shocked look on his face.

Tobi ran off to the bathroom.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm washing it off!" Tobi cried, upset. "I don't like pink!"

Deidara fumed. "He's just avoiding the subject, un," he sighed and decided to make a sculpture while he waited for Tobi to get out to the bathroom. He open the box that had his clay in it "TOBI!"

Tobi poked his head out of the bathroom, "Yes?"

"I told you not to play with my fucking clay! I even put a sign on it that says 'do not touch'!" Deidara yelled, holding out his box. All of his clay had been rolled into dozens of tiny, BB sized balls.

Tobi held up his hands, shaking his head in panic, "I didn't do it Deidara-sempai! I swear!" he defended.

He glared at Tobi's gloves, "Oh yeah, then what's on your gloves, un?" he asked, pointing to the said gloves.

"Noth- Oh my gosh!" Tobi's gloves were stained with white clay.

Deidara glared at him accusingly.

"I'm innocent!" Tobi protested and locked himself in the bathroom again.

xXx

"Itachi-san?"

"Mm?"

"Do you know what happened to my sword? The wrappings are colored on," Kisame complained, looking at the many unicorns, flowers, and rainbows that now decorated the wrappings of his sword.

"No."

"Did you get woken up in the night?"

"No."

"Weird, me neither—we're both extremely light sleepers, how did whoever did this manage to not wake us up? My sword was right next to my bed all night…"

Itachi had already fallen asleep again.

XxX

"What the fuck?!" Hidan yelled. "Where the fuck did my rosary go!?" He was on his feet, frantically searching for his necklace.

Kakuzu sat up, "Maybe it fell off during the night."

"No. That's impossible. I've had it for nineteen hundred years, according to Claire," he added grudgingly. "—It's never fallen off _once_." Panicking, Hidan was striping the bed of its sheets and blankets.

"Crap…my hand fell off again," Kakuzu sighed. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and picked up his hand. He tried to put it back into place for his black strings to reattach it with, but whenever it neared the gaping hole in his arm, it curved to the left or right—it was impossible to get the two ends to touch. He frowned, looking into the hand. "There's a magnet in this," he frowned, looking at Hidan accusingly.

"Wasn't me," Hidan breathed, in the middle of tearing up the room.

He stuck his fingers into his hand, trying to rip the magnet out. "It's stuck…"

"Shut the fuck up and help me look for my rosary."

"No! Do it yourself!"

"I have two magnets in my arm, I honestly couldn't care less about your stupid rosary!"

"Fucking heathen, just help me look!" Hidan cried.

"Go to hell!"

xXx

"Konan?" Pein asked.

"Yes?" She sat up in bed, her blue hair a mess and her make-up from the previous day was smudged. Pein wasn't sure if she had just woken up or if she had been up for a while.

"Did you write this?" He held up a piece of paper with beautiful Japanese writing on it, unfolded from what Konan recognized as an origami flower.

"No, but what is it?" she asked, immediately interested.

"A…love note."

Konan fell out of bed. "W-w-what!?" she stuttered.

"And how did you put it in my hand without me waking up?"

"I didn't write it!" Konan was flustered now.

Pein looked over it, reciting:

"_Dear Pein-sama,_

_I have been your friend for a very long time, and I have tried to hold back my feelings—the last thing I want to happen is for our friendship to be ruined. However, I can't hold back my emotions any longer, and I hope you will not look at me as weak because of it. I enjoy your company too much, I enjoy the sound of your voice and the way you protect others, I love you, Pein-sama…_

_--Konan_

"It is very clearly your signature, Konan—if you didn't write it, then who in the Akatsuki would have the incentive to do something like that?"

She stood up and looked overt the note herself, fighting to keep her voice level to hide the horror she felt towards this atrocity, "I don't know,"

"It must have been. It** is **your signature, there's no mistake about it."

"I didn't do it," she said finally. She quickly walked out of the room to seek the comfort of one of her recently-made girl friends.

"I didn't think it was, I just couldn't imagine who else could have done it," Pein murmured to himself thoughtfully.

XxX

Leah had a very bad feeling.

Sitting at the table, lunch was being eaten and Charli was late. Leah lowered her hand from her mouth, as she had been eating her fingers instead of the gyoza Eva made them. The Akatsuki ate the dumplings with expert chopstick usage, Eva was doing moderately well, and well, Claire was…coping. Leah's sat untouched. She couldn't shake the feeling that something absolutely horrible was about to happen.

All of the Akatsuki were grumbling about what had happened to them last night—Pein and Itachi seemed the only ones who haven't been utterly humiliated. Even Zetsu had woken up with flowers taped to his weird plant appendages and it had taken Tobi and Eva about twenty minutes to help him get the flowers off.

Nothing much happened until around two, save for Charli being seen in the oddest places, usually following around one of the Akatsuki members or one of the girls. One of the few times they were all together during the day, Itachi got up and a minute or two later, came back with a flush of the toilet. He returned with a glare for Charli, who smiled back innocently. "What?"

"I don't see any humor in this situation," he monotoned.

Deidara (who still had his hair down) blinked, looking at Charli, "What did you do to him, un?"

"I spiked his drink with a pill I got from the pharmacy."

They looked from Itachi to Charli, waiting for one of them to elaborate.

Charli smiled, "It makes people pee purple."

Deidara snorted, "That's a good one,"

Itachi glared at both of them, and proceeded to ignore the rest of the people, whom were snorting, chuckling, and shaking in laughter.

xXx

Pein's prank happened a bit later. He was sitting in his room, meditating, when he cracked open his right eye. "What is it?"

Charli stood, leaning against the frame of his door.

Pein crinkled up his nose, his piercings were acting weird, and they were pulling at his skin a little bit. His content look faded into shock, he hastily tried to detach his piercings.

Charli took a step forward and waggled her finger at him, "Ah ah ah…that's not very polite."

He ignored her, wrestling with his lip piercing, which he decided would hurt the most if it was ripped out.

Charli pulled out the super magnet, which was covered by a magnetic-reducing cloth. She pulled the cloth off of it, and let go of the magnet. It flew over to slam itself into Pein's face. Charli sighed, "Hm, horror movies do teach us something."

Pein grimaced at the large, painful situation his face was now in. _I can see why Leah wanted to live with Jason, _thought as he carefully took out his lip piercings that the magnet had latched itself too. Despite how careful he was, the two piercing that the magnet was attached to tore at his skin slightly, making him bleed. He winced as he removed the magnet from the metal and shoved it under a pillow. He looked at his reflection in the mirror in his room. Blood covered his lower lip and chin and dripping into his mouth. He sighed, painfully, and then decide to wait for Jason to fix it when he got home. He went into the bathroom and took a towel to stop the flow of blood in the meantime, _Damn Charli_.

XxX

A bit into dinner (which Pein was not eating due to his recent injuries), bare feet padding down the stairs announced Charli's arrival, and Leah tensed up. The girl waltzed into the room, a malicious smirk bringing bad news along with the clipboard in her arms. Three pieces of paper rested on top; one for each of them. Charli cleared her throat, and all eyes turned to her. Leah had a bad feeling once again. "I have a suggestion for Eva, Leah, and Claire," she announced, her smirk growing. "If you can't find a decent place to hide your diary, don't bother keeping one. Although I have to admit, if it had been anyone else looking, they wouldn't have found Leah's and Claire's."

Claire stopped eating, "Oh fuck…"

Bad feeling confirmed.

"Charli," Leah gasped. "You didn't!"

"What a stupid thing to say. Of course I did," Charli retorted.

Eva said nothing, but an icy sheen had crawled onto her skin; fear and horror reflected in her eyes. Her eyelids flickered shut, but the rims of her pupils still traveled to look at the man she had written about most.

"We'll start with Leah," Charli began, turning to Deidara. "Deidara, or as she calls you, Dei-dei; Leah has a crush on you. Now she didn't directly say it, but I can just tell."

All of the eyes in the room turned to look at her now-blushing face. As red as a rose, Claire and Eva noticed a striking resemblance to Hinata. Leah sunk down into her chair, until only her head was in view.

Deidara sighed, "What, you honestly thought I couldn't tell?"

Leah fell out of her chair.

"Un…" He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I've known for a while, but I figured it didn't matter since you don't have the guts to do anything about it."

She didn't re-emerge from her side of the table, but instead popped out of the side closest to the door, quickly walking out of the room muttering something about her getting revenge on her sister. Charli moved on. "Claire's turn," she said brightly. Claire gulped and swore quietly. "I quote. 'Despite what I tell him and everyone else, I do not hate Hidan. Our colorful arguments are FAR too enjoyable.'"

Claire shrugged, seeing that hers wasn't so bad. That was, until Charli continued.

"'Don't get me wrong, that man-whore's a bastard, but…an extremely hot bastard. What can I say? It's true.'"

Eva giggled, and the rest of the Akatsuki chuckled; Hidan was positively beaming. "I KNEW you thought I was hot!"

"For a man-whore, that is," Charli added.

Claire stood up and muttered, "I'm gonna go organize my book-case…" She ran out of the room.

Interested to what Eva's secrets were, they all looked at Charli, willing for her to go on. "First of all—,"

"WAIT!" Eva cried. "Please, Charlie, I'm begging you. Don't read that out loud. I'll give you anything, my money, a poem, one of my skulls, ANYTHING. But please, don't read it out loud."

Charli blinked, and then ignored her. "Kisame, how much older than Eva are you?"

He quickly did the math in his head. "Fourteen years."

"Wow...but then again, look at Hugh Hefner. By the way, Eva," she turned to face her. "Your diary was so easy to find, and it was _definitely_ the juiciest; but honestly, under the mattress? Can you _think_ of a more cliché spot?"

Eva grimaced.

"Kisame, also called Fish-fish-sama and Guppy-sama," she turned once again to face him. "Eva has a huge crush on you."

Eva ducked under the table.

"Wow." Kisame blinked.

Deidara had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing. Hidan didn't even bother. He burst out in laughter. "You've got to be…fucking…kidding me…" he managed to get out between gasps of laughter. "She has fucking _awful_ taste in guys!"

Kakuzu bit back a snort of laughter as well.

Deidara stuck his head under the table, "You _do_ know he's blue, right?"

"Blue's a sexy color," Charli quoted, causing another burst of laughter to travel the room. A few seconds later, Eva reappeared on the other side of the table, where Leah had disappeared from as well, and ran out of the room towards the stairs, tears making her black make-up run down her cheeks.

The laughter quieted down after Marilyn Manson's 'This is the New Shit' started blasting from the stereo in her room. Hidan started muttering along to the 'bright' lyrics. "Babble babble bitch bitch rebel rebel…" he led off.

"Well," Deidara said, clapping his hands together. "Kisame's finally got himself a fan girl…took long enough too."

"No fucking kidding." Hidan added.

"I don't quite get it though," the artist continued. "If she had a crush on me, that would be one thing, I'm creative and handsome—but Kisame's, well, no offense, but, blue and crude."

"Someone's got an ego," Zetsu snickered.

Itachi raised an eyebrow, "Was I the only one who noticed Eva's feelings?"

"Itachi-san," Kisame sighed. "I really would appreciate you telling me these kinds of things."

Deidara stood up, pushing in his chair, and headed off to Leah's bedroom, where she was sure to be; Leah wasn't there though, she was on her way to Eva's room.

Leah didn't bother knocking since she wouldn't be heard over the scream-o music Eva was so fond of, so she dropped to her knees and pulled up the edge of the carpet that led to her friend's room. Reaching her hand in, she fumbled around for the screwdriver she used to pick Eva's lock.

A few seconds later, the door swung open and Leah put the screwdriver back. "Eva?"

No answer.

"Eva?"

She closed the door behind her, relocking it. She walked around to the far side of the bed and saw Eva with ear-phones in her ears, listening to the same song that was blasting on her speakers. Leah turned the music off, mostly because she could feel her ears starting to bleed, and paused Eva's iPod. "Are you okay?"

"He's never going to see me the same."

Leah waited for her to say more.

"I know he never saw me as a friend, but he was starting to tolerate me, not mind so much when I was around."

"Well, we really don't know how he's going to react," Leah mused. "He _is_ one of the more perverted Akatsuki members. Don't ask how I know, I can just tell."

Eva sighed, "True. But still…he was already freaked out by me to begin with."

"No he wasn't."

"Yes he was."

"No."

"Yes."

"No he wasn't—he's blue, he doesn't exactly get freaked out very easily. He's probably been rejected and stereotyped his entire life. He might think you're annoying and weird, but that's it. Actually, if you think about it, most of the Akatsuki members are in the Akatsuki because they're so different. It's kind of like an organization of kick-ass rejects."

Eva giggled. "You're right!"

Leah sat down on her friends' bed and sighed, "Besides, I think you just made his day. He actually seemed kind of happy to have a fan-girl and all."

Eva nodded understandingly. "So what about Deidara? Do you think that he'll act any different towards you?"

Leah shrugged, "I don't know."

Eva giggled again, "Will you act different towards him now that you know he knows?"

Leah punched her in the arm, "Shut up!"

Eva, again, laughed, "Is that a 'yes' or a 'no'?"

Leah looked away, trying to hide her Hinata-ish blush, "I-I don't know. It depends on him," she said carefully. "What about you and Kisame?"

"Kisame's plotting something for you, un," Deidara said. The two girls jumped, not having noticed he was there until just now. Leah's blush, which had not entirely faded, came back full force in addition with her newly formed scowl.

She surprised both Eva and Deidara by leaping off the bed and seizing his ear (again) and dragging him out the door. "You, OUT!" she yelled. She slammed the door and locked it.

Eva sat on the bed for a couple more seconds, then giggled slightly. "Oh my god, you didn't act like a doormat," she said, impressed.

Leah looked down at the floor in thought. "Crap, now I can't get out."

**Author's Note:**

**Eva: (continued from author's note at the beginning) However, you were very close:)**

**Claire: Despite what **_**ideas**_** you people may have gotten from this chapter…**

**No, I'm not gonna say cuz Eva…**

**No. Nothing. Nothing at all.**

**Also, the part where Charli is performing her sabotage. That was a piece I wrote when I was just beginning to get over my writer's block, thus the reason I sound like a first grader…I shouldn't have even told you**_** I**_** was the one who wrote that…oh well, too late now. Anyway, sorry for repetitiveness, and lameness, and loserness, and loch ness…**

**Leah: Don't attempt any of Charli's stunts at home. Oh, and we're going to finish up all the Charli stuff next chapter.**

**Claire: Um…for the record, I don't keep a diary. And I don't even have siblings. I'm just very cautious…-glances around with paranoia- I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE! **

**And I'm actually very good with chopsticks! '**_**Coping**_**' Tch. I resent that.**

**Leah: I don't keep a diary due to Charli.**


	13. Poptarts and Reverse Psychology

**Authors Note:**

**Leah: Thank you for waiting so patiently for this chapter even though I don't think this one is nearly as funny as the others. A bit more romantic/perverted humor. Yeah, but it was still fun to right.**

**If you want a reason why it took so long to update, well it's because Eva and Claire were being lazy and because all of us had to evacuate during the fires. (Sniffs) I had to sleep in a parking lot with Jason and Charli and evil witch mother. **

**Claire: **_**God**_** my sinuses are pissing me off. –dies-**

**Anyway, sorry for the lame chapter that took ages to get out –dies again- Worse than Chapter 11! We suck. Well…mostly me. I was being lazy. The reason for the delay on this chapter is laziness. But give us a break, it's over a hundred pages! And the fire! DIDN'T WE JUST DO THIS FOUR YEARS AGO?!!?!?!? I hate California. Especially southern California. **

**Let's pull the superstition card: the reason this chapter took so long REALLY is because it's NUMBER 13! Duhhhhh…**

Chapter 13:

"Hey Leah," Claire whispered.

"Shhhh!" she hissed back.

"I'm a super secret ninja!" she said as she tip-toed down the stairs with her friend. Eva was still in her room.

"Stop being a dork. They probably know we're here now."

"They probably knew we were here as soon as we started walking down the stairs…" Claire sighed resignedly.

"Good point."

Despite this, they decided not abandon stealth and walked quietly into the living room which led into the kitchen. To their surprise, about half of the Akatsuki members, including Hidan, Deidara, Kisame, Kakuzu, and Zetsu were sitting on the couch watching _V for Vendetta_—the part where Parliament was blowing up—and everyone but Deidara, who was thoroughly engrossed in the 'art' turned to look towards them.

"Wow, they actually came back," Kakuzu commented. He had somehow managed to get the magnets out of his arms, and was in a much better mood because of it.

"Where's Eva?" Kisame smiled as if a very sadistic plan was about to come into play.

"She had a stroke," Claire muttered stiffly. "Why are you people still down here?! We purposely waited until midnight to come down and get food."

"You thought we'd be asleep by midnight?" Zetsu's white half commented blankly.

Claire paused. "We aren't smart, we didn't think it through!" She grabbed Leah's arm and pulled her towards the pantry to get pretzels or something. They heard snickering from the direction of the couches.

"Hey honey," Deidara called to Leah, "Can I have a hug, un?"

"Hug me and die," Leah snapped.

"Aw, she gave me a death threat," he cooed in mock affection.

"You guys are assholes," Claire grumbled as she shuffled through the junk that littered the floor of the pantry.

"But you still think we're hot," Hidan pointed out. "Especially me," he grinned.

"Fuck _off_. As if you don't tell yourself how hot you are every twenty-seven minutes. You really don't need my confirmation."

"You think I'm hot," Hidan half sang, still intent on taunting her.

Claire gave up and grabbed an armful of junk. "We'll sort it out later," she said to Leah.

"Leah, you aren't leaving without giving me a hug!" Deidara insisted as they stomped out of the room.

Leah and Claire both kept walking, and both gave him the finger without turning around as they traipsed up the stairs.

They were almost half-way up the stairs when—

"Eep!"

"Did you trip on the stairs again you klutz?" Claire asked dully as she stopped abruptly, but still being careful not to drop the food.

She just heard Leah whimper.

"Leah wha—Dammit Deidara let go of her!" Claire shouted, but otherwise did nothing since she was too lazy to put the food down.

Deidara laughed. One arm was wrapped around her waist while his other hand was over her mouth, "I told her that she wasn't leaving until I got a hug."

Claire gaped at him trying to think of something to say since Leah was unable to talk at the moment, "Deidara, you got your hug, now leave us alone."

"No I didn't."

"Then what do you call what you're doing now you dumb-shit?"

"Restraining."

Claire sighed and stared at them for a moment, "You know what, I need to go check on Eva and my arms are getting tired of holding this stuff so Leah, you're on your own. Good night," she turned around and left Leah, who was now panic stricken.

Deidara snickered and leaned close to her ear, "You have a crush on me," he taunted and took his hand off of her mouth but still kept a firm hold on her waist.

Leah huffed, "Fine. I have a stupid crush on you, so what? You don't care. I don't care. Just drop the subject and stop acting like a freak."

This only made Deidara laugh harder, "Apparently you do care. If you didn't, you wouldn't be blushing," he teased and hugged her a bit closer, just to watch her face turn red.

"S-seriously stop. You're really s-starting to creep me out," she stammered.

He chuckled, "But it's so much fun." He dropped his hands off her anyways. She immediately ran the rest of the way up the stairs faster than she thought she could.

"I still didn't get my hug!" Deidara called after her.

"FUCK YOU!" she yelled. The next thing Deidara heard was the slam of a door. He laughed to himself. Teenage girls were so much fun. He heard faint footsteps come from the living room toward his direction.

"You're such an ass," Zetsu said from behind him.

Deidara only smiled, "You have to admit it was funny."

"No, it wasn't."

"_It was hilarious, her face was so red._" Zetsu black half grinned.

"If you thought that was funny," Kisame began, "Just wait until you see what I have in store for Eva." He had his trademark smirk on his face and his fingers were gently resting together, as if deep in thought.

xXx

The next morning around eight o'clock, most of the occupants in the house were awake and downstairs (with the exception of Eva and Tobi) and were having breakfast.

Deidara and Leah sat on the counter, eating the food the Claire had prepared; eggs, hash browns, and muffins, while the others sat at the table or on the couch as usual.

"Um, Leah-san?" Tobi said quietly as he entered the kitchen.

Leah looked at him with her mouth full and nodded for him to continue.

Tobi glanced down at his feet, "Um, I was wondering, if, um, you could re-paint my mask? I can't get the pink off," he asked awkwardly.

Hidan and Deidara laughed rudely. Charli just smiled and continued to eat.

Leah swallowed her food and said, "Sure. Wait here. Let me get my paint," she put her half-eaten breakfast on the counter and headed out to the garage.

She came back with a few tubes of paint, a paint brush, and a paper plate. She motioned for Tobi to sit on one of the barstools as she set the plate on the counter. "So," she said as she held an orange tube of paint. "Was it about this color?"

He shook his head, "It was a bit darker."

Leah nodded and proceeded to mix the orange paint with a dark red, knowing that mixing black and orange would make green. Everyone else just continued to eat their food. Deidara had somehow migrated to the other counter where Leah and Tobi were and was watching the paint mixing process, as boring as it was.

Charli put her plate in the dishwasher and smiled innocently at Tobi, "Can I help?"

"No!" Leah and Tobi shouted in unison.

Charli shrugged, "I know what Kisame has planned; well, I have a basic idea," she said randomly but still in a taunting voice, "It's so lovely to know that everyone is having so much fun knowing your 'secrets'." She smiled wickedly and left the room, but not before ruffling Deidara's blonde head and giving him back his hair ties.

Leah sighed and finished mixing the paint and showed it to Tobi for his approval.

He nodded.

"Okay, you might want to take the mask off," Leah suggested.

Everyone now looked at Tobi, eager to see his face.

He shook his head, "I don't want to. Tobi's a good boy."

"But if you don't, you might inhale pain fumes and you'll get high. Believe me, these paint fumes are really bad."

"I can't take off the mask," Tobi whined desperately, "I'll try not to breath in too much."

Leah shrugged, "Suit yourself," she said and began to re-paint Tobi's mask its original color. The Akatsuki looked back towards the TV screen, uninterested now that they knew he wasn't going to be unmasked.

Sure enough, about an hour or so later, Tobi was giggling like a retard having gotten high off of the paint fumes. Claire locked him in his room for the sanity of the others.

xXx

Eva walked down the stairs with a yawn, stretching in her pajamas which she was too lazy to change out of. Her once-plain gray sweatpants were now adorned with skulls it looked like she cut out and sewed onto her pants herself, and a black tank top with a broken red heart on it hung loosely and baggily over her. She shuffled into the living room where she ignored the Akatsuki, walking past Kisame in hopes that he would ignore her as well.

_SLAP._

Not a pancake.

Not on Hidan.

It was Kisame.

His hand.

On Eva's ass.

"Hey," he hinted.

Eva froze, processing what had just happened. She blinked, opening her mouth to speak before closing it again.

Deidara did a cat call. "The blue man knows what he wants and how to _get_ it!" He seemed almost…appreciative, and eyed Leah with a smirk.

Leah walked out.

The rest of the Akatsuki, save for Leader and Itachi, burst out into laughter of various volumes.

Zetsu's white half sighed, "That was extremely immature of you to—"

"That was so fucking awesome!" Hidan cut him off. Zetsu's black side agreed with a laugh.

Kisame watched for Eva's reaction. To his dismay, and somewhat shock, she, without a hint of not being honest in her reactions, started laughing with the rest of the guys. When the laughter died down, she calmly went over to the fridge and poured herself a glass of milk; grabbing a piece of bread and walking upstairs again.

"You're pathetic," Itachi muttered.

"Agreed," Pein said.

xXx

When the doorbell rang later on during the day, Leah, Claire, and Eva were all sitting in front of the door. They all jumped up at once and scrambled to answer it, not being able to bear another second with Charli. Leah finally managed to squirm past her two friends to wrench open the door. Her mother stood there, scowling as usual. Charli wandered slowly up from the living room, taking as much time as she pleased and ignoring Eva and Claire looking at her as if they wanted nothing better than to shout 'HURRY UP AND GET OUT, DEVIL-SPAWN!'

The angry little woman's face lit up as soon as she saw her youngest child. She shoved past Leah and the others without so much as a 'Hello' to scoop Charli up in her arms. "Hi sweetie! Mommy missed you! Sorry I couldn't get you away from your wretched siblings sooner, there was traffic," she gushed in between kissing Charli's nose, cheeks, and forehead. The teenage girls resisted the urge to make gagging sounds.

They noticed Tobi, Hidan, and Kakuzu coming down the stairs as Charli and Leah's mother turned to leave. The three Akatsuki members froze, not wanting to encounter the wrath of 'short and blonde' as they had all named her. "Bye whore," she said abruptly, eyeing the men living with her daughter. She pushed past the girls again.

Hidan snorted from the top of the stairs, "Says the super-bitch."

Leah's mother froze and spun around on the spot. She looked murderous, and opened her mouth to speak.

"Hidan!" Charli exclaimed happily and ran over to the bottom of the stairs, "I found this yesterday and I think it's yours," she said sweetly and tossed his rosary up to him. She ran outside and into the car before he had a chance to say anything.

He caught it and held it tightly in his hands for a moment before throwing open the door. "You are an evil, devious little fucking demon!" he yelled.

Leah's mom's face turned red at Hidan calling her favorite child a demon and opened her mouth once again to yell.

Leah, having gotten surprisingly less doormat-ish in response to the present situation, quickly took action and pulled Hidan in, slamming the door.

A loud stream of cussing the Claire and Hidan both secretly thought to be admirable could be heard, though muffled from the other side of the door. "Bye mom," Leah said. She stood there, holding the door closed for a moment. She had a look of grim concentration on her face. "Lock…" she said slowly. She turned the lock closed and backed away from the door hesitantly. The others followed as the Akatsuki members continued to watch in silence, all anxious.

There was one final yelling of 'WHORE!' to be heard from the outside, then silence for several seconds, followed by the screeching of tires on asphalt as the minivan roared to life and rampaged down the road.

"…Eva. Toast," Claire ordered after a moment. Eva trotted down the stairs and paced hesitantly into the kitchen to oblige.

XxX

Despite common expectations, the mood of the house had not improved when Charli left. Relationships had been rocky between the girls and the few Akatsuki members who had been mentioned in their diaries by the demon-child. Kisame was taking full advantage of having a fan-girl by flirting with her almost every opportunity he got. Hidan's and Claire's number of arguments sky-rocketed, usually ending with Hidan saying something like, 'Well, you think I'm hot!' Leah was doing her best to avoid Deidara since he had gotten into a habit of hugging her, more or less just to make her uncomfortable and watch her face turn bright red. This had to stop and hopefully get everyone back on track. Leah had called an emergency meeting with Eva and Claire in her room.

"This sucks," Claire huffed as she sat down on Leah's bed and crossed her arms.

"Yep," Eva agreed brightly, like she was actually enjoying it but wanted to be nice.

Leah just paced around the room. "We need to get them to like…go back to normal," she nodded.

The others nodded sadly in agreement. "Damn Charli," Claire sighed. "How do we get them to stop?"

"We could ask them nicely?" Eva offered. Leah and Claire glared at her.

"Yeah, I'm sure that's worked well in the past, asking the Akatsuki to stop. 'Please Mr. Evil Akatsuki Person, stop trying to kill me'," Claire mocked.

"It was just an idea…" Eva mumbled in defeat.

There was a frustrated silence while they all tried to think of solutions to the seemingly un-solvable problem. The three of them cursed Charli and all her evilness for bringing this upon them…damn Charli.

Naturally, since Leah had lived with Charli the longest, she was the one to come up with an idea. "We could try reverse psychology," she suggested tentatively.

The others looked up and let her words sink in.

"That…might…work…" Eva said slowly.

"Yeah…It would be really weird and probably very embarrassing for us, but it might work," Claire agreed.

Eva giggled. "Leah…"

"What…?" Leah asked cautiously.

"You have to hug Deidara," she finished, grinning evilly.

Leah gaped. "What? No I don't…I could figure a way around it," she spluttered. "Plus, you have to flirt with Kisame. Ha."

Eva did not look as disturbed by this as she should have, more thoughtful. "I could also completely ignore him, which is an option you don't have."

Claire laughed as Leah continued to glare at Eva.

"So what are you gonna do? Flirt with Hidan?" Eva asked Claire, who immediately stopped laughing.

"Ew, no."

"What then?" Leah demanded.

"I…don't know."

"You have to tell him he's hot," Eva grinned.

"What?!" Claire screeched.

"Because that's what he always says when you have fights with him. Oh, and you can't cuss him out either."

"Can't—you—evil!...I hate you, Eva."

"I love you too Claire."

Leah growled in exasperation and sat down on the bed. "Am I the only one who actually _has_ to flirt with my problem?"

"Yep."

"What do you think calling someone hot is?"

"Being obvious?"

"…Thank you Eva."

"Anytime."

"Stop getting off the subject!" Leah shouted.

"I thought we were done," Claire whined. "You're just mad 'cause you have to hug Deidara. It's not that bad. At least you aren't building up someone's friggin ego."

"Meh."

"Welp, the sooner we start, the sooner we can get this over with," said Eva. She got up off the bed and left, while Claire and Leah followed.

xXx

After they had decided on the plan, the only thing they had to do was to wait to be provoked. Once they were provoked, then they could put their plan into action. If it failed the first time…well, then they'd think of another plan, but they had hopes that their first plan would follow through.

Eva sat in her room, listening and singing along to 'Nobody Likes You When you're Dead' by Zombina and the Skeletones when a certain Akatsuki member knocked on her door. Eva turned off her iPod as Kisame entered her room before she gave him permission.

She picked up one of her skulls and held it on her lap. She stared at it. Her first plan was to ignore him completely.

Kisame blinked. "What?"

Eva put the skull back on the shelf and turned on her iPod again, still refusing to even look in Kisame's direction.

He raised an eyebrow. Normally she would have either asked him to leave her alone or she would have asked him what he wanted, but she never ignored any of them. It wasn't Eva-like. She always tried to pay an equal amount of attention to everyone, even if they wanted her to go away.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, not because he cared, he just didn't want to be ignored. It was irritating.

Eva turned her music up a bit louder. The song had since changed to 'Cut the Crap' by Alice in Videoland. Kisame turned her music off and sat on the bed next to her.

Eva picked up the remote and turned on the TV, the show happened to be _Scrubs_, one of her favorites. She sat back against the wall that her bed was pushed into and held one of her skulls in her lap. She still didn't look at Kisame, but she was beginning to think that her plan was working.

Kisame, since he had recently become a fan of _Scrubs_ too, decided to watch the show with her. He sat a bit closer to Eva, sitting back against the wall too.

Fifteen minutes into the second episode, Kisame decided that it was about time to mess with her head.

Eva felt his arm slowly snake around her. His hand rested on the shoulder opposite to him and pulled her a bit closer. Normally, Eva would've pushed herself away or have scolded him for toying with her emotions. But in her act to ignore him completely, she allowed this gesture and continued to watch Janitor and J.D. have one of their many wars on the TV.

It was official, Kisame was confused. He was expecting to get slapped, pushed, hit, or yelled at... or even for her to laugh. But she had simply let him. What was wrong with her?

_Is it working? God, I hope it's working. _Eva thought desperately, feeling extremely uncomfortable being so close to Kisame and trying her best not to blush. She hugged her skull closer. They watched _Scrubs_ for another five minutes.

Kisame, very much wanting to get her pissed off, pulled her closer so that her head rested on the inside of his shoulder. Eva remained still, not reacting to anything he was doing and trying her best to pretend that he wasn't even there. If she moved, then it would only encourage him more.

Kisame chuckled suddenly. He smiled down at Eva (who still refused to look at him) and said, "Are you ignoring me?"

_Crap, I've been discovered!_ Eva thought. She didn't say or do anything to answer Kisame's question. She still had to try to get her plan to pull through.

This only made him laugh.

"Kisame, what the hell are you doing?" Kakuzu asked, standing in Eva's doorway.

"Hi Kakuzu-sama!" Eva greeted brightly and hopped off her bed.

Kakuzu blinked, "What were you doing?"

"Watching _Scrubs_," she answered.

"No, I mean with Kisame."

"Who?" she asked.

Kakuzu glared at her.

"Come watch _Scrubs_ with me," she offered cheerfully.

"I don't want to. I was just coming to tell you that the pizza is here."

"Oh, okay!" she smiled and skipped out of the room. Kakuzu watched her head down the stairs before turning back to Kisame.

"Are you going to explain or and I going to have to make an inference?" Kakuzu asked the blue man, thinking that it was weird that Kisame was practically cuddling with someone almost half his age.

Kisame chuckled, "She's ignoring me."

"I see."

"I thought it was kind of cute."

"Messing with her head again I presume, Kisame-san?"

Kisame smiled, "It's fun."

Kakuzu chuckled as the two of them went downstairs for pizza. Once they got into the kitchen they grabbed a slice of pizza and ate around the kitchen along with the rest of the group.

"Oh, guess what everyone. Eva is ignoring me!" Kisame announced.

They chuckled.

Eva pouted. Her plan had failed, and even worse…or better, she probably encouraged him. She sighed and debated on whether or not she'd ask Leah how to use reverse psychology better later. "Eva, what were you trying to accomplish by ignoring me? Or are you still?" Kisame smiled at her misfortune.

"You're evil," she spat and took her pizza up to her room so she could plan in privacy.

Claire looked at Leah worriedly.

Hidan walked up to Claire, "Ah, how's my favorite bitch?"

Claire cringed inwardly, but put on a good act, "Excellent. Thanks for asking." She grinned.

He stopped, blinking. "Come again?"

"I said I'm fine." She had to stop herself from laughing, but no one noticed.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"Claire."

He blinked again. "No comeback, no calling me man-whore?"

"Nope."

"Well…you think I'm hot," he resonated smugly.

"Yes I do. Because you are. Hotter than over-toasted pop-tarts. And I think it's very considerate that you walk around with your shirt off," Claire said simply.

"Wait…that had to have been sarcasm."

"Nope." Claire grinned. "It was honesty." She turned around and walked out, extremely happy that for once in a couple days she had the last word. Maybe admitting that he was hot to his face wasn't that bad after all. It had actually been kind of fun.

After he stopped grinning at Hidan's dumbstruck face, Deidara got up from his seat and walked over to Leah, draping his arm around her. "Hello, un."

"Hi," Leah replied brightly, putting on her best act as well.

Deidara gave her a hug, much to her disgust, a tight one, which she returned; much to Deidara's…delight? His eyes lit up and he smirked, drawing away. He whispered something so quietly that only Leah could hear him. Her face went bright red and she slowly walked away from him. She went up to Eva's room with Claire and told Eva the events that happened downstairs.

"What did he say?" Eva asked her, noticing her cheeks were still red.

Leah's blushed deepened as she whispered into Eva's ear, "He said, um…that he'll be after a kiss next."

Eva fell to her knees laughing. "That-that…pervert!" she laughed, leaning over her knees cracking up.

Leah looked extremely embarrassed, and was shaking Eva's shoulder, trying to get her to stand up. "It's not funny…"

"It's hilarious!" Eva squeaked.

"No it's not. This is bad. I think the only one reverse psychology worked on was Hidan."

"Yes!" Claire cheered.

"But the other two seem to know that we're using it, so we need to come up with another plan," Leah continued. She began to pace around Eva's room as she thought, fiddling with one of Eva's skulls in her hands.

Eva smiled sheepishly, "Actually, Kisame thought I was just ignoring him, not using reverse psychology. So, technically, I can still use it on him."

Leah hit Eva's shoulder hard. "Not helping."

She rubbed her now red arm, "Sorry, but maybe Deidara doesn't know either," she offered hopefully.

"But returning his hugs just seems to encourage him, so does ignoring him, and he comes to find me when I try to avoid him. I don't get why he does it!" Leah complained and stuffed her head in a pillow.

Claire shrugged, "Maybe he just really enjoys watching your face go red and making you uncomfortable. He probably just likes messing with you. It's a guy thing; they like to mess with the girls that they hang around with. "

Eva smiled, "Or he could be sex-deprived."

This time, both Leah and Claire smacked Eva for even considering that…even though it might have been true. "Ow! Come on, stop it!" Eva yelped. She started to laugh when Leah began to attack her with a pillow.

There was a sudden knock on the door which halted Leah's beating of Eva. "Come in!" Eva called.

Konan opened to door just wide enough for her to slip through and she closed it behind her, "Hey, what were you girls doing downstairs?"

"What do you mean?" Eva asked dumbly.

Konan joined the girls on Eva's bed, "Were you trying to use reverse psychology?" she clarified.

"Yes," Eva nodded.

Leah groaned at the reminder that her attempt at getting Deidara to stop hugging her only encouraged him more.

"Well, I have to congratulate Claire. Hidan's really confused right now," she smiled.

Claire did a little happy dance, "Yes! It worked! Stupid man-whore."

"But, anyways, I couldn't help but to hear a little bit of your conversation from outside the door," Konan continued, "And, I have a bit to say about your problem. Eva, Kisame doesn't know that you were trying to use reverse psychology but yeah, you did encourage him a bit."

"Crap, what do you think I should do? I really don't like him messing with my emotions. I know it's fun for him, but not for me," Eva pleaded.

"Well, I have two ideas," Konan began, "One, you could try to flirt back."

"We already thought of that one," Claire said.

"Okay, or you'll have to wait until he just gets bored with it. So at most, you'll have to deal with it for maybe a…well, he'll stop eventually."

Eva nodded.

Leah looked at Konan hopefully, "What about me? How can I get Deidara to stop hugging me?"

Konan just chuckled with an evil little glint in her eye, "All I can say for you is good luck. I suggest that you give up."

Leah's eyes widened, "Why?"

Konan smiled, "Deidara is very persistent, to the point where he doesn't know when to quit. He'll win no matter what," she noticed Leah's expression: completely unreadable, and added, "I think you should just accept it. He'll probably get bored of it pretty quickly."

Leah nodded, "I think I'll try a few more things before I give up."

Konan shrugged, "Again, good luck—"

"—So Hidan's going to stop his 'hot' comments right?" Claire interrupted.

"Most likely."

"Yes!" Claire cheered.

Konan sighed deeply and leaned against one of Eva's pillows, "They shouldn't be treating you girls like this. It's very immature, despite how hilarious it is sometimes."

"They're just bored," Claire shrugged.

"But it is annoying," Eva commented.

"Yeah," Leah agreed.

The Akatsuki member smiled softly, "They'll stop soon enough and if they don't, well, Pein-sama said that he'll do something about it."

"Tell him 'thank you'," Leah said.

Konan stood up, "I will. Just try to ignore their behaviors. I'm positive it won't last long." She smiled again and left the room.

It fell silent. The girls mentally went over what Konan had said. If she was right, then they really had nothing to worry about. If she was wrong, then they'd have to get even more creative.

"I wonder if I put Hidan through a wood-chipper and burned the little pieces then dumped the ashes in the water…would it kill him…?" Claire asked thoughtfully and randomly.

Leah and Eva laughed appreciatively. "I don't think it would," Eva mused. "I think he would just…well…let's ask him!"

"No…but don't try it…he'll sacrifice you," Leah added.

They laughed again and began to discuss other ways that they could possibly kill an immortal. They hoped that their light jokes might distract them from the chaotic events that were sure to come when they would later have to deal with their Akatsuki pests.

**Author's note:**

**Eva: I love this chapter. We've been working on it for a long time and I'm really sorry it took so long to get it up. Kisame's antics are just going to get more hilarious with the coming chapters, but **_**nothing**_** compares to what we're going to have happen with Leah and Deidara… (Evil smile) **

**Leah: (Is scared of Eva) Sorry this chapter took so long. I don't know if I like this chapter…I think it's a bit rushed and we neglect some of the characters more than we usually do. We promise that those neglected will get their parts soon.**

**Claire: I personally hate this chapter. It's depressing…just cuz it took forever. I was going to tell you a story about pop-tarts, but I changed my mind cuz I remembered no one cares. )**

**Don't kill me. –hides-**


	14. Penny Jutsu and Fandom

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Da da daaaaaa! Chapter 14! Already! I'm sensing a pattern here: About a month to write a chapter, about a day to write a chapter, about a month to write a chapter, about a day to write a chapter.**

**Am I completely off here? I hope so, I don't want chapter 15 to take another month. This chapter is very plot-ish, but not only that, it's meaning the story is almost done! –Poof of confetti-**

**Yay!!! AT LAST! Not that I didn't enjoy writing it, I just need to do something different…(and there is a story guaranteed in this 'different' thing)**

**Leah: You people torture me.**

**Eva: Yeah…I feel like a bum…I did nothing for this chapter.**

Chapter 14:

"Deidara," Leah whined, "Get _off_!"

"No, un," he smirked as he pulled her tighter.

"Pleaseeee…"

"No."

Leah changed tactics and shuffled around so she was facing her two friends. "Claire…Eva…help…"

"No," they said in unison. Both were feeling particularly sadistic, because in reality it was fun to watch Leah suffer.

"We know you secretly like it," Eva grinned.

Leah whimpered again. "Ehhhh…you guys suck…"

"That hurts Leah, really," Claire said in mock sadness.

"Mehhhhh…" Leah moaned, sighing in defeat. "Fine." She put her arms around Deidara and returned his hug.

"Now was that so hard?" Deidara asked as he released her.

"Yes! Now I have to go burn my clothes…"

"Can I watch?"

"NO!" Leah yelled as she darted up the stairs and into her room while Eva and Claire burst into a fit of violent giggles. Deidara remained in the same spot, smirking and looking exceedingly pleased with himself.

Leah's presence was replaced by Itachi's and Kisame's. Kisame immediately sat down next to Eva and scooted his chair closer. He put his arm around her in a sort of half hug. "Hi Eva," he grinned, showing her all his pointed teeth. Eva blushed, but said nothing.

Deidara crossed his arms and grinned too. "You've got it easy Kisame, un."

"What's he talking about?" Kisame asked.

Claire rolled her eyes. "The pyro-perv loves his hugs." Deidara stuck his tongue out at her. Claire ignored him. "What's up, Itachi?"

Itachi hadn't said anything since coming downstairs (but that was normal for him) and was staring silently at the wall, apparently deep in thought. He looked up when Claire spoke, though. "I think I'm ready to test the jutsu," he said.

XxX

A while later, when Claire and Eva had managed to drag Leah back downstairs—ignoring her protests about having a pyro stalker—everyone was gathered in the living room to watch Itachi test out the jutsu that he had been working on tirelessly for the past few weeks.

They all watched silently as Itachi placed a penny on the ground in the space they had cleared. He drew several circles on the tile floor with a reddish stick of chalk. Eva, Leah, and Claire did not know what they meant, but judging from all the jutsus they had seen before, if it involved symbols it must be complicated. Then he straightened up and stepped back a couple feet.

Itachi closed his eyes and raised his hands and everyone else's breath caught in their chests. He began to form signals—slowly at first, and then faster. Rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog, pig, earth and water. Then he spoke the incantation:

"Akuma yusouki no jutsu!"

His sharigan-dotted red eyes snapped open as he said the last words. A gust of wind seemed to rush through the house, though no windows were open. It swirled around the living room and kitchen, blowing papers around and even knocking over a few vases. Then there was the crackle of static electricity sounding. It seemed to gather up around the circle, symbols on the floor glowing eerily. More and more of it collected, dancing around the penny like little bolts of lightning. There was one final crack and a flash of purple light and the penny was gone.

All was still and quiet.

Twelve sets of eyes remained fixed on the spot where the penny had once been. They waited for a moment, but the space remained as empty as ever. The Akatsuki cheered.

"Way to go Itachi!"

"Nice work!"

"Excellent!"

Itachi frowned slightly, ignoring his comrades and celebration and how they were hitting him on the back in congratulations. "Wait," he said, making them all go silent, "I'm not sure if it was successful yet."

"What do you mean, 'not sure if it was successful'," Hidan asked irritably. "It's gone, isn't it?"

"Yes, but it didn't work unless it got to the destination I had in mind—back at the hideout."

"Supposing it does…or even doesn't go back to the hideout? How are you going to know?" Kakuzu wondered.

"I put a mental link on the penny so in a few hours I will be able to tell where it ended up," Itachi explained.

"Damn," Claire whispered to Eva and Leah, "He really _can_ do everything."

They nodded and smiled to themselves, secretly thinking that even though Itachi was pretty cool, he was still a bit Gary-sue-ish.

"Well, while we're waiting for that to happen, lets watch the news!" Eva suggested. The Akatsuki all groaned. If they had to watch any more celebrity documentaries, there would probably be deaths. But Eva held up her hands reassuringly. "No, no! It's ok, we got new channels that have _real_ news! No more celebrity crap…"

"I wonder if Jason got those channels. We certainly don't watch them…" Claire remarked thoughtfully.

Eva shrugged. "It doesn't matter now. They're gone." She grinned as the Akatsuki cheered again, glad to be rid of Lindsey, Nicole, Paris, Brad, Orlando, and the numerous others.

Everyone moved over to the living room to watch some real news—with nice bloody murders, robberies, warfare, and general gore—something that would suit both Goths and criminals. Itachi remained at the kitchen table, eyes closed and head resting on his hands. He looked very pensive.

Unfortunately, it appeared to be a very safe day. The worker's bus union was on strike again (nothing surprising there), a new chain of McDonald's restaurants were spreading to the even farther corners of the earth, and there was a triathlon going on in another part of southern California near La Jolla. No blood or gore for over an hour. Nothing on FOX, NBC, CBS, or any other channels they tried.

Until six o'clock, that is. The female reporter, Karen, mentioned to her co-worker that a disturbing event had taken place earlier that day in New York City.

"…New York City officials are telling us that at 3:47 p.m. today, a man walking past the Empire State building suddenly fell to the ground. Several witnesses are said to have rushed up to the man as he started bleeding from a deep wound in his head. One of them called an ambulance for the man while several nearby police officers attempted to get the situation under control. The ambulance was too late, however, since the man was already dead.

"The autopsy showed that the wound was inflicted by a _penny_ that pierced his brain on the right side of his head in the frontal lobe. Miraculously, one of our weather helicopters' camera's was trained on the Empire State building, and our studio technicians have zoomed in on the video so you can see what happened."

Karen finished and the screen flashed to a choppy-looking film of the top of the Empire State building. At first, it was just an enlarged view of a portion of the spike perched atop the building, then near the top there was a small flash of purple light. A small dot appeared in the middle of the screen and the filmed zoomed out, following the dot as it accelerated downward. It suddenly disappeared and the unlucky man it had seemed to strike jolted in mid-step and collapsed.

"That's terrible," said the male reporter once the screen had flashed back to the reporters' desk.

"Indeed it is, Paul," Karen said gravely. She shuffled the papers on her desk and abandoned the story, taking on a noticeably more cheerful tone. "In other news…"

But they had all stopped listening, frozen; all eyes were glued to the screen for several moments as they continued to stare at it. No one was taking in anything she was saying about a new cross-breed of puppies that had been developed, something Eva would have normally squealed with joy at.

After a minute or two, some of them dared to turn their heads to stare at Itachi. His eyes had opened again, a little wider than usual, though his head still rested on his hands. Now he looked tense, as if he hadn't moved for several minutes.

"Itachi…" Pein began. He seemed unsure of what he wanted to ask though, so he simply left it up to interpretation.

"I don't think it worked," Leah said quietly.

Itachi stood up, looking uncomfortable or confused—it was hard to tell, probably both. He smoothed out some of the wrinkles in his Akatsuki coat. "It needs tweaking," he said simply. Then he left the kitchen and presumably went back to his room as the others continued to stare after him.

xXx

Itachi remained locked in his room for the next two days. Kisame had decided not to bother him, and was sleeping on the other couch in the living room not occupied by Zetsu. No one saw him leave, no one heard anything, no one dared to interrupt whatever thought process the Uchiha was going through.

Minus Itachi, the other members continued to filter in and out of the house with the occasional training excursion or repeated trips to the store. Still, he did not emerge. Everyone grew to ignore the door completely as they passed through the halls. It was almost as if the room had disappeared entirely, along with its occupant.

But on the third day, the worried girls were starting to think that no matter how distracted he was, he wouldn't be happy surviving without food for much longer. Pein assured them that all of the Akatsuki members were very used to fasting on dangerous missions, but Claire, Leah, and Eva figured that fasting was unnecessary in a house full of food.

So around noon, Eva carried a tray upstairs with some of the sandwiches she had made for lunch while the other two waited anxiously at the bottom of the stairs. She approached the door cautiously and poised her hand to knock, when she heard mumbling. Eva lowered her hand and pressed her ear a little closer to the door, listening carefully and trying to breathe quietly.

"No…no, that's too far West…but I know it must be somewhere in the East…but when I tried that far to the East it didn't work…" Itachi was talking to himself.

"If you want something, you should knock." Eva jumped violently and very nearly dropped the tray, sending the contents flying everywhere as Itachi address her instead. Feeling a blush creep into her cheeks, she shyly pushed open the door.

"I brought you food. We thought you might be hungry," Eva mumbled. After several moments of silence, she felt it was safe to look up from her feet.

Itachi was sitting on the bed, surrounded by papers like a college student frantically studying for their final. Most of the papers had grids similar to those in the atlas, and showed many scribbled pen marks and hastily drawn shapes that Itachi must have drawn himself. Eva set the tray down on the desk and picked at her nail polish absently. Itachi had resumed ignoring her and was now absorbed in his maps, so she was not sure whether she should leave or stay.

She had just decided it would be best to leave him alone when he spoke again.

"I can't get the location right," he said quietly.

Eva stood still again. She couldn't think of anything to say to this, so she stayed quiet.

"I tried the jutsu again—several times, but it never ended up in the correct destination. I figured it must be further east. Judging from the shape and size of the landmasses and the location of La Jolla—" Itachi picked up one of the maps and pointed to a shape. Eva squinted and realized it was a very rough sketch of South America. "—Konoha must be here."

_Wrong_, thought Eva as he pointed to an area that might have been Brazil. Itachi still did not seem to notice her; Eva wasn't even sure he was talking to her, but still she stayed.

"I tried the jutsu again," he repeated, "but it ended up in these really unfamiliar places. Big Ben, the Eiffel Tower, the Great Wall of China, the Leaning Tower of Pisa? I've never heard of any of them!"

Itachi sighed and dropped the map and his hands hopelessly. "Something…" he faltered. "Something is wrong though."

Eva froze. Itachi looked up, and she was shocked to see that he—Uchiha Itachi, the murderous, highly dangerous, emotionless criminal—was _smiling_. "You have really bad mapmakers here," he said.

Eva blinked, confused. Something was wrong all right, but it wasn't with the maps. "Itachi," she hesitated. "I think you need to take a break from this." She reached out and picked up one of the maps, but he grabbed it back hastily.

"No! I'm close! I have to be…" Itachi did not look up, and did not speak again. Eva sighed.

"Well, try to eat something," she said, nudging the tray on the desk. She had made a decision, and it would not help to stay here and keep trying to convince Itachi that he was never going to find the Akatsuki hide-out on any of these maps—no matter how talented he was.

XxX

Claire and Leah stood up when Eva came back down the stairs. Claire grinned. "Oh good, you are alive! We thought Itachi had eaten you, or you pissed him off and were trapped in Mangek—What's wrong?" She asked, noticing Eva's solemn expression.

"I have to talk to you guys. And we have to make sure no one hears us," Eva said.

"They're all outside, they thought they'd try practicing in the canyon today," Leah told her. "What happened?"

Eva didn't answer but headed back up the stairs. Claire and Leah followed her to Claire's room, which was at the far end of the hall. The two of them sat down on Claire's bed while Eva stood in front of them nervously.

"Dammit Eva, what's wrong?" Claire demanded, getting impatient. Eva told them what she had witnessed and heard when she had gone to check on Itachi.

"He's losing his mind trying to find a place that doesn't exist in this world!" Eva exclaimed.

"But…we told them all that they were in a different world when they first came here," Leah said slowly.

"I think he thought we just meant another continent or something. He thinks we're in Brazil, and that the Akatsuki hideout is in Europe. He even got one in Asia…I think his brain is overworking itself since it can't decide if there really _is_ something wrong and he's in an alternate universe or if it's just upset since he's not used to things being so hard for him," Eva rambled.

Claire leaned forward and put her hands behind her neck, staring at the floor. It was something she usually did when she was trying to figure something complicated out. "So you think he's going crazy?" she asked.

"Yes!"

"What do you think we should do about it? We already know we won't be able to convince him of anything," Leah reasoned.

"There's something we could do…" Eva said mysteriously. Claire looked up at her, expression unreadable.

"What are you thinking?" Claire accused. She didn't like the direction Eva was taking this. Leah looked mildly worried.

"What?" Leah repeated, suspicious.

"Fandom."

"Oh fuck," Claire said bluntly. She fell forward into her pillow as Leah gaped at Eva. Eva bit her lip and sat down on the bed so it was harder for Leah to stare directly at her.

"I know," she said, "But it wouldn't be that bad. And it'll help them to get back…we can't have them stay here forever! I don't think they'll kill us or anything…probably…maybe…"

"I don't know," Leah wavered.

"Eva, fandom would be mentally scarring. There is no _way_ we could ever show them any of that stuff. They would be so horrified they would probably just lose control and destroy the entire block, not to mention us and the house," Claire argued sternly.

"No, they wouldn't. They would probably be really creeped out at first, but they would get over it eventually," Eva reasoned. "They might even have fun with it," she added thoughtfully.

Claire scoffed. "No way."

"But if Itachi is really acting like that…" Leah mused, "We might have to. Plus, I think Eva's right. It wouldn't be so bad as long as we don't show them anything other than the show. And I'm sure they would find out eventually, because think about it: if Itachi couldn't figure out how to get them back home, they would be stuck here for a really long time, and if they were stuck here together, it would slip out eventually. We can't keep it a secret forever."

Claire looked back and forth between her friends' pleading faces, defeated. Finally she sighed and dropped her head back against the pillow. "Fine," came her muffled reply, "But you get to tell them."

xXx

About an hour later, the three of them were downstairs, hearts pounding uncomfortably against their chests. Leah and Claire wouldn't have even been there if Eva hadn't locked the doors to their rooms from the outside and stolen the keys. She also threatened to call Leah's mom and have her bring Charli back to stay for a month, so in the end they had agreed. Besides, if this went badly, it would be fun to watch the Akatsuki members rip her to shreds.

So they sat there on the couch glaring at Eva, arms crossed and faces stony. She gave them pleading looks, attempting to convince them that this was necessary one last time before all their houseguests had gathered in the room. Neither of them stood up, but kept their seats as far away from the couches as they would be allowed if their keys were to be returned. Eva was on her own.

Tobi, who had been the last one to come down the stairs, hurried in and took his seat (but only after tripping over the coffee table and earning several snickers from the others). Eva nervously scraped off the few remains of black paint from her nails as she waited for them to quiet down. This didn't take long, but she still said nothing as they sat there looking at her expectantly.

Leader cleared his throat. "So, what's this about?" he asked the question that they were all thinking.

Eva's first attempt to speak came out as a small rasping noise, so she cleared her throat too. "I…um…" she fumbled. "I…we…well, _I_, I guess…that is—"

"—Just _say it_ already," Kisame groaned impatiently.

"Okay, you know what Kisame, just shut up because this is very stressful and I'm freaking out because you guys are all going to kill me and it's not even my fault and that's really unfair and I don't want to die so just STUFF IT AND LISTEN!" Eva shrieked, voice cracking as she tried to squashed the entire sentence into about five seconds.

Kisame blinked. "You have my attention…"

Eva exhaled and tried to focus. "Okay…so I guess I have to tell you guys something. And you aren't going to like it. But please remember you already agreed not to destroy the house or kill us and that this shouldn't change anything," Eva said tentatively.

The Akatsuki members were puzzled, but shrugged, thinking that if it was really as bad as she was making it seem, they could just kill her anyway. What were verbal contracts to criminals anyway?

"There's this thing…on TV…" Eva continued carefully. Leah and Claire shifted in nervous anticipation, wanting nothing more than to leap over the counter and tackle Eva before she said anymore, but also knowing that she was right and that this was probably necessary. "It's…um…about…You guys…wanted to know why we seem to know certain things about you and…" Eva stared up at the ceiling and pulled at her ponytail while the Akatsuki members exchanged skeptical glances.

She released her ponytail and flung her arms down to her sides. "Ok, I can't do this! I'm just going to show you. Don't kill me…or the house…or anything… um…yeah." Eva turned the TV and the DVD player on and backed away to hide next to Claire and Leah in the kitchen.

The usual credits, anti-piracy warnings, etc. came up. Claire covered her eyes with her hand and Leah held her face in her hands. "We are so screwed," Claire muttered. Eva crossed her arms on the counter and put her head down.

None of them dared to look up, not sure if the twenty-five odd minutes of silence were a good thing or a horrible, horrible thing. They stayed perfectly still except for the occasional shaking of their heads and mumbling things about how they were going to die. All the while they were perfectly oblivious to the reactions and expressions that might have been going through the Akatsuki members. They dreaded the moment when they would hear the ending theme's familiar chords, and would have to confront the inevitable.

This time seemed to come all too soon. Claire and Leah knew that now as sure as ever they were NOT taking part in the conversation, and remained stationary. Eva too pretended as if she had no idea what was going on (or had perhaps fallen asleep) and did not raise her head.

"Eva…" Pein said once the familiar high-pitched buzz of the silent TV replaced the music. He waited for her to react. She tried to act as if she hadn't heard him since he had been speaking so quietly, but it was like a sound void in that room and that wasn't even a remote possibility.

Claire slivered her fingers open and peered through the crack. They all looked like Itachi clones with their expressionless numb faces. Again, this could either be good, or horribly horrible. Claire sighed and nudged Eva in the ribs. "You wanted to do this," she hissed, "Now hurry up and get this over with so we can leave…or die. Either way it'll be over."

Eva gulped again, grimly noting that her throat was starting to feel sore from this repeated activity, and slowly raised her head. "Yep?" she said.

Pein did not turn to look at her, but kept his eyes fixed on the screen. "Care to explain?"

"That was…us, un," Deidara said slowly.

"Yes it was."

"How…?"

Eva rubbed her eyes and tucked a strand of her now-frizzy hair behind her ear. She had suddenly acquired a numb feeling that must have been similar to what they were all feeling, because the words just sort of spilled out in an even flat tone and she felt no horror (or any emotion for that matter) at all. "The show's called _Naruto_. It's about that blonde jinchuriki that is always yelling. You guys are all characters—basically the major antagonists of the second part/season/Shippuden…whatever—and it was made up by a guy called Masashi Kishimoto. And it tells stuff about you. That's about it."

"Oh my god…" Leah squeaked quietly.

Claire, still keeping her eyes covered with one hand, held out the other right in front of Eva's face. "Key, please," she demanded. Leah followed suit and stuck her hand imploringly on the counter.

"We should kill them," Kisame stated numbly. The three girls froze and snapped their heads in his direction, eyes wide.

"Key! Key key key key key key key key NOW! EVA, GIVE ME THE DAMN KEY!" Claire began frantically tugging on Eva's sleeve while Leah looked on the verge of fainting. Eva wasn't paying attention, but the numbness had quickly evaporated and had been replaced by the expected fear.

"Come on! You already said you weren't going to kill us! And I warned you…This was necessary, Itachi was going crazy!" Eva squealed.

The ignoring was contagious though, because Kisame kept rambling through her frantic pleas. "I'm just really pissed off…this is too weird—Am I really alone on thinking that we should kill them? I mean _come ON_! This ought to count as stalking or something."

"Leah, help me get the keys, will you?!" Leah winced as Claire through an apple at her head, but snapped out of her trance and helped her continue to shake Eva violently in an attempt to get her to relinquish the keys.

"This is wrong. This is so wrong. We should kill them."

"You aren't supposed to be real!"

Time seemed to slow in those few seconds after Eva had yelled that out as she, Claire, and Leah all fell to the floor. Kisame stopped his rambling, and all their heads turned towards the kitchen. They struggled to get to their feet, and all of a sudden time sped up again.

"I'm gonna kill them."

All three girls screamed and started scrambling over themselves in an attempt to escape the kitchen as all of the Akatsuki leapt up and chased after them in a fit of murderous rage.

XxX

"Pein has _amazing_ self-control," Claire noted, wincing as the raw frozen surface of the ice pack seared against the lump on her head.

"He _really_ does," Eva agreed. She had a similar lump on the opposite side of her head.

"And I'm really glad about that," Leah said. She rubbed at the mark on her cheek anxiously.

"It's still there," Eva said.

"Dammit."

Claire frowned and put her head down on the table. "This is all your fault, Eva."

"I know. Hey, just be glad we aren't dead! And it really was necessary that we told them. I think it really could have been worse."

"Eva, I have an imprint of a KEY on my FACE!" Leah scowled and pointed to the deep red outline. It had been ten minutes and the mark was still as clear as ever.

For whatever reason, during the chaos of the earlier events, the three of them had thought to scramble to the front door to get outside of the house (although anywhere they went, realistically, there was no way in hell the could escape the Akatsuki). Thankfully, Jason had left the door's many unnecessarily complicated locks unlocked, so all they had to do was manage to turn the handle. This is easier said then done when there are three people frantically trying to flee for their life are attempting it, but it was the second stroke of luck they had and the door burst open before they were incinerated, beheaded, or otherwise immobilized.

The luck seemingly ended there though, for in their urgency, they all fell through the doorway at the same time. Claire and Eva had hit their heads together as they fell, and then again on the concrete. Leah had tripped over the two of them and tumbled down the stairs, landing with her face pressed against the key to her own room that Eva had lost in the insanity. So the three of them figured in that one second that they supposedly had before their doom, that doom was inevitable.

Except it wasn't.

Pein really did have amazing self-control. He, although he was surely as stunned as the rest of them, had managed to regain his composure in time to grab the collars of the nearest Akatsuki members and had performed and incredibly fast paralyzing jutsu to take care of the rest. Perfectly demonstrating his ability as the Akatsuki leader, he ordered them all to return to their rooms and to stay there until further notice. He had also ordered Eva, Leah, and Claire to stay out of their way if they wanted to live, and to stay in their rooms whenever possible. The girls were all too happy to agree to this, and were now all stationed on Eva's bed with ice packs for their various injuries. It was some twisted stroke of fate that none of them had been Akatsuki-inflicted.

"You know," Claire said after a while, "I can't help but feel like it's really funny that we've all sort of placed ourselves in time-out. I mean we three are practically legal adults! I'm not even gonna go into how weird it is for the murderers…"

"I guess it's kind of like a really well-furnished jail for them," Eva remarked thoughtfully. Claire and Leah nodded and shrugged. This was true.

Leah sighed. "Jason is so lucky he doesn't have to deal with this crap."

"Like hell," Claire snorted.

"Stupid bastard," Eva said.

xXx

The next day, the three girls traveled downstairs cautiously to get food. They figured it was best at this point to stay in a pack. But when they went into the kitchen—

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK!"

Eva screamed and jumped behind Claire, who hooked her arm around and pushed her friend back. "Shut up, will you? What's your—ohmygod—!"

Claire jumped back too (tripping over Leah in the process) as Konan walked past them yawning and holding her usual mug of coffee.

"Good morning…" she said sleepily, "I'm tired…Anyone else want coffee?"

"Me," Kakuzu said, raising his hand from the table.

"Un," Deidara mumbled. The entire Akatsuki was seated around the table as if it were any other normal day in the house. The three girls blinked and cautiously started backing away.

"Um…we'll come back later…" Leah muttered.

"_You're screams are very annoying_," Zetsu's black half said to Eva.

"What's for breakfast?" Itachi asked her.

"We—I—you—we thought—" Eva stuttered.

"I think she's trying to ask why you're all down here…" Claire said slowly.

"Because it's morning and we're fucking hungry," Hidan retorted.

The three girls gave them all questioning looks.

"What were you expecting, that we were going to go and sulk in our rooms until Itachi finished the jutsu?" Pein asked as he poured himself a mug of the coffee Konan had made.

"Uh…It doesn't bother you that people of this world are basically stalking you and making up your lives and…stuff?" Eva asked.

"We're the Akatsuki for god's sake! We kill people and kidnap them and torture them. If those things don't bother us, why should this?"

"You people never cease to amaze me with your weirdness," Claire said.

"Tobi may be weird, but he's a good boy!" Tobi piped up.

"No one cares Tobi," Deidara muttered.

And just like that the whole situation seemed to resolve itself. Amazingly, they had managed to avoid the awkwardness, tell the Akatsuki about the show without dying, and now Itachi could fix the jutsu and soon they would be able to go back home. Everything was back to normal, even possibly better.

"EEP!"

Deidara had snuck up on Leah and, once again, had her in his vice-like grip.

Now over the initial shock, Leah sighed and returned his hug, "Will this never end?" she asked exasperatedly.

"Nope, un!" Deidara grinned.

Leah scowled. "You should really stop contradicting yourself like that."

Yes, everything was definitely back to normal.

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Omg that was so Brady Bunch. DX**

**Sorryyyy for the lame-ass fluffness. I'm a loser…but I wrote practically this whole chapter so everything IS back to normal.**

**(To self:) Ok seriously, shut up. **

**(In response to self:) I'm sorry –sad-**

**Leah: I wrote practically nothing this chapter. I just edited. Charli is being really annoying right now…she wants me to do her math homework…and she knows I suck at math…she's really bitchy…I'll shut up now…**

**Eva: See beginning's authors' note…**


	15. Missing Children and Movie Roles

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: A **_**lot**_** of stuff happens in this chapter. A lot. Most of it's pretty substantial too. And there's a surprise in the last thing. But you should know I'm not going to tell you what that is. :3**

**Okee dokey, something else I wanted to do: talk about reviews. **

**Thank you people who were concerned about our houses (aww nice-y). Our houses are fine. And more importantly, our computers are fine. XP**

**Now…a couple people have said stuff about Jenny and how preps don't really act that way. Sorry if it insults you, but here's the deal: JENNY IS AN EXAGGERATION! She's a stereotype, and a combination of all prep encounters we three have in our experience. We know that the stupidity of most preps is more…diluted…than it would seem from our writing. So stfu. :(**

**Garr.**

**And also, leave me alone about the Starbucks deal! I know I'm the only person in the world that hates Starbucks (mebbe cuz I'm actually an alien –glance-), but (a) it was just ONE Starbucks, (b) it was a RANDOMNESS CHAPTER! We already said nothing in the randomness chapter was actually supposed to have happened! And (c) there aren't really even any Starbucks' at the mall! They're all Jamba Juice or something (another place I hate)**

**IF THIS STUFF OFFENDS YOU, THEN STOP READING SILLYS!**

**Okay, I done nows.**

**Eva: -glares at Claire for blowing up Starbucks- Whoever wants to get pissed off at us for blowing up Starbucks, GO AHEAD! I, personally, am addicted to Starbucks, and was in shock when she blew it up –dies- And btw, Claire, they do have Starbucks' at the mall… -.-**

**Also, I am (in real life) a Christian, and so I wanted to give you guys fair warning on something that might piss me off a little bit except for the fact that it's just Hidan being in character. There is a little bit of ragging on Jesus…so…if that bugs you unduly you may want to skip that part. No flames please. You have been warned, **

**Leah: If given a choice between killing Charli and killing my mother…I would pick my mother…she's bipolar…I want to live with my dad…EVA AND CLAIRE ARE MY MAIN REASONS I'M STILL WITH MY MOTHER!** **(Please forgive my ranting)**

**Claire: Fuck you Eva. I know there are Starbucks' at the mall, I said there weren't **_**really**_** any. If you weren't an idiot you would know what I meant…-glares back-**

**EVERYONE JUST FUCKING DROP IT! You're pissing me off now. -.-**

Chapter 15:

The following morning Hidan got up and went downstairs to the kitchen, pleased to see that for once, he had slept in. Most of the others were already awake: Pein, Konan, Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu, Deidara, Tobi, Claire, and Eva. He was starting to become aware that no one really bothered to wake Leah up unless she was needed. But that still left one missing missing-nin.

Hidan twisted around to see if Kakuzu was behind him, in the living room, but he wasn't. He peered down the hall, but there was no zombie-man there either. He shrugged and sat down at the table, helping himself to the large bowl of eggs Eva had made this morning. "You're all up early," he said casually.

"You're just up late, un," Deidara countered, pointing at the clock with his fork. It read 10:47.

"I guess I am," Hidan agreed, smiling to himself.

They all talked, mostly about demons or methods of killing people; every once in a while Hidan turned to peer out into the hallway.

Finally, Claire's curiosity got the better of her. "What's your problem, why do you keep looking around every five seconds?" she demanded.

"Just wondering where Kakuzu is," he said innocently through a mouth-full of eggs. Everyone stopped talking and the table was silent. "What?"

"What do you mean you don't know where Kakuzu is?" Kisame asked slowly.

"I dunno friend, I think you just about summed it up," Hidan retorted irritably.

"We thought he was still asleep," Konan clarified.

Hidan shook his head. "Nope, he wasn't in the room when I left."

There was another silence as they all exchanged nervous glances.

"We haven't seen Kakuzu-sama all morning," Tobi said.

Hidan stared at them all. "What, so he's…like…missing?" Everyone's nervous looks increased. "You _lost_ a _person_?" Hidan exclaimed loudly at Eva and Claire.

"What do you mean '_we _lost a person'? How come _you_ didn't notice when he left?" Claire said haughtily.

Eva stood up between the two, wanting to prevent further arguments. "Maybe he's somewhere else inside. It is a really big house," she suggested. "We should all go check. And someone should check outside too."

The nine of them agreed and got up to search the other rooms in the vast house, except for Zetsu, who went to check outside due to his familiarity with the landscape. They scoured all three floors and the canyon and backyard outside, but several minutes later when they met up again, no one had seen Kakuzu.

Claire stood there muttering swear words, pacing, and occasionally kicking the nearest piece of furniture, as she usually did when under pressure or placed in stressful situations. Eva stood still, scratching at her nail polish and thinking. "He must have left the house…" she said.

Claire suddenly stopped pacing. "Brilliant Eva, since he isn't anywhere in the house, he must have left, thus the reason he is not inside it! How would we ever have figured that out?!" she ranted sarcastically.

"I'm just saying! Gosh, you don't have to be so rude! I don't see you coming up with any ideas," Eva snapped back.

"We should go out and look for him, obviously. There are eleven of us, including Leah," Claire reasoned. Eva waved her hands as if this too, was obvious.

The Akatsuki members nodded, a little surprised at seeing the girls taking control of the situation, but also realizing that since it was their world, they would understand it best. "So where should we check?" Eva asked.

"Places with lots of money," Kisame snorted.

"Okay, banks. Maybe really big chain stores."

"I'm going to go get Leah," Claire mentioned, running up the stairs. Eva surveyed the group of dangerous criminals. Knowing the situation, and having lived with them for quite a few weeks herself and gotten to know them, she made a decision.

"I think you could all go out by yourselves, as long as you disguised yourself as normal people. If the eleven of us are searching separately, this whole thing will work better," Eva explained cautiously.

Pein nodded. "Just tell us what we need to do," he said. Eva took a breath in relief.

xXx

Twenty minutes or so later, Claire and Leah had come back downstairs to find eight well-disguised Akatsuki members. Even Zetsu and Kisame were free of Venus-fly trap appendages and oddly colored skin. They had used very complex jutsus to make themselves look more normal. Tobi had actually removed his mask, though he had compensated for it by pulling his hood over his head and rolling up the collar of his turtle-neck so it covered his face. He actually looked a bit like Kakuzu himself with his unusual headgear, save for the sunglasses that masked his eyes.

Apart from that, they all looked perfectly normal. They were ready for their first mission in weeks, though it was considerably less violent than they were used to. Claire and Leah nodded appreciatively at Eva's work (for she had helped with many of the non-magical transformations). Hopefully, they wouldn't have to encounter any people who would question their appearances anyway, but they had to be cautious.

"Okay, I'm assuming you all would prefer to run," Claire guessed. The Akatsuki nodded. "That's better anyway; we couldn't split up well if we were taking groups in cars." She turned to her friends. "I guess I'll take Big Red, Eva can take the Jeep, and Leah, you can drive Jason's car."

Jason had decided to spend his day off with his neurotic doctor friends, watching retarded movies, drinking beer, or whatever else he did when he wasn't on duty. Whatever the case, his car would not be missed, so Leah was free to drive it. They all planned to meet back at the house in four hours, Eva having given the Akatsuki members some of the extraneous watches that could be found lying uselessly around the house.

XxX

Four hours came and went, but Kakuzu was not to be found. The eleven of them had collectively searched most of La Jolla, including the malls, the grocery stores, the department stores, the movie theaters, the pet shops, and the restaurants. They searched every part of every shopping center they could find, and every street and sidewalk. They searched the canyons, the scanty forests, even the mesas bordering highways and roads, but he wasn't anywhere.

They all collapsed on the couches and chairs in the living room, exhausted. "Damn ninjas," Claire muttered.

"What do you mean by that?" Deidara asked a hint of menace in his voice.

"You're all so friggin' sneaky! I don't know why _you_ all can't find him anyway, since you're ninjas too. You should know all the sneaky ninja tricks!" she pointed out.

"Yeah, well, maybe Kakuzu's just extra sneaky," Hidan snapped.

"What else are we going to do, since we've already searched everywhere?" Zetsu's white half asked innocently, since it had been restored to its natural color after the jutsu had worn off several minutes ago.

"We could wait a while, and then check again. It's possible that he was in the one place none of us were looking in and moved around as that placed changed," Pein mused. Several of them gave him quizzical looks. "I said possible, not probable."

They all jumped as the door suddenly made the sounds of a key turning in the lock, then squeaked open. They turned toward the door, expecting Jason, and saw Kakuzu. He was wearing normal clothes and had also disguised himself so his face was free of…seams. He was also holding a large white envelope in one hand.

"Where the hell have you been?" Hidan demanded, sounding more like a mother scolding her child than a concerned (or maybe just annoyed) co-worker.

Kakuzu blinked and frowned at him, choosing to ignore the question as he descended the two stairs two the level floor of the hallway. He put the envelope on the kitchen counter and turned to face them. "What?" he asked blankly as they all continued to stare at him with shocked—and in some cases, mutinous—looks.

"We've been looking for you all day!" Claire shouted.

"Where _have_ you been?" Pein repeated Hidan's question, though failing to make it sound less motherly even though his voice presented more authority.

"I was…er…" Kakuzu rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed. "Looking for kids…" he finished awkwardly.

There was another silence filled with stunned stares.

"Oh great, we have another Orochimaru to deal with, un," Deidara said flatly.

"Excuse me, you were looking for kids?" Konan gaped, appalled.

"Pedophile," Eva snickered.

"For the reward money!" Kakuzu protested. This made a little more sense to them all, but not enough to banish their curiosity and annoyance completely. He sensed that he was not done explaining, and continued. "There was this thing on that you guys got in the mail—a flyer. Anyway, it said something about a reward for finding some idiots' missing children…Who the hell loses a kid anyway?"

_You immature idiots could be considered children, so I guess I do_, Pein thought bitterly. He said nothing, though, and his facial expression did not give away his thoughts.

"Right, well, it seemed easy—just find the stupid brat and get paid. And it was; I don't know why they said they were missing for months and all. I found ten, and I got…I think it was $400,000? I don't know; I'll have to count again." He indicated to the envelope on the counter, which they now knew must be full of checks.

Claire, Eva, and Leah stared open-mouthed him, being the only ones who knew how much $400,000 American would be. They could not even move their heads to stare after him as he picked up the envelope and retreated to the attic.

"Holy shit," Leah said numbly.

"You said it," Claire agreed, equally toneless.

"Yep," Eva mumbled.

xXx

"You are so fucking annoying!"

It was the next day and Claire and Hidan were having their daily argument.

"Well that's rich, coming from you!" Hidan shouted back, his normally sleek silver hair becoming slightly disheveled. "You are _**the**_ most annoying fucking bitch in ANY universe! I swear, I will live to sacrifice you to Jashin if it's the last thing I fucking ever do!"

"You know, Jashin sounds like a kind of unrealistic god," Eva said, cutting off Claire as she was about to point out that _he_ might live that long, but _she_ wouldn't.

Hidan froze and slowly turned around to face Eva. "_What?_" he hissed.

Eva looked up innocently from her book (1,001 Methods of Medieval Torture), sighed, and set the book down.

"I mean, why would a _God_ encourage killing? I thought most gods liked people, and were against the ones that killed them. That's why I like Jesus, he's nice," Eva grinned.

"You know, for a Goth, you're pretty mellow," Claire said, forgetting momentarily about Hidan. Eva stuck her tongue out at her. Hidan, meanwhile, looked like he was going to explode and save Claire the trouble of finding out if he was wood-chippable.

"What a fucking pansy!" he barked at her. "'_He's nice_'? Ha!"

Eva stopped smiling, instantly serious. "I _know_ you did not just insult Jesus."

"Jesus was a lame-ass sandal-wearing fuck-head. Jashin is way better."

"_Excuse_ me?! Jashin sucks! Jesus is better!"

"Jashin is better!"

"Jesus!"

"Jashin!"

"Jesus!"

"Jashin"

"Jesus!"

"Jashin!"

"Jesus!"

"Jashin!"

"Jesus!"

"Jashin!"

"_Jesus!_"

"_Jashin!_"

"JASON!"

They both turned to stare at Jason, who had appeared without any of them noticing.

"What? I thought we were arguing 'J' names," Jason defended. Both of them blinked. "You know, I'm gonna be Jesus when I grow up!" With that, the crazy blonde doctor scampered up the stairs.

"And when is that going to be?" Hidan asked after a moment.

"I'm still just wondering how this argument turned religious…" Claire mumbled.

XxX

It was around noon when the doorbell rang. The Akatsuki had all finished their training for the day, the girls all had the day off, and Jason was upstairs, apparently sleeping.

"So," Hidan grinned, "who do you think it is this time? Someone from Leah's family or Jenny? I think it's someone form Leah's family."

"It's Jenny," Kakuzu said, not looking up from the business magazine Eva had given him that they had gotten in the mail.

Zetsu, who had taken up the task of watering the plants above the sink that had been wilting fervently under the girls' care, looked up. "Why do you say that?" his white half asked.

"Always bet against Hidan," Kakuzu stated simply. The others (minus Itachi and Hidan of course) laughed.

Meanwhile, Leah had gone up to answer the door again.

"Shouldn't you go hide, _Alexander_?" Deidara smirked at Itachi.

"Shouldn't you go practice your lines, _Scott_?" Itachi retorted in his usual monotone. Deidara scowled.

Leah came back into the kitchen, white-faced. She looked as if she had just seen a ghost or something, and seconds later, they all knew why.

Trailing behind her, Kakuzu's prediction had come true, but it was Jenny like they had never seen her before. She looked like a taller version of Eva that had been placed in a blender along with some rotten strawberries and blueberries. Her hair, which was normally blonde, had been badly pieced into sticky strands of red, blue, and white punk-rock blonde. She was wearing black eye shadow and eyeliner and nail-polish, and black lipstick in place of her usual bubblegum pink lip gloss. Apparently unable to completely deny her preppy urges, she was wearing a black leather mini skirt and a black tank top.

It was all Claire and Eva could do to keep from laughing. And the Akatsuki just looked confused.

"Hi!" Jenny squealed, waving frantically. Unfortunately, the inner prep had not faded completely.

Leah sat down next to Deidara, who immediately pulled her closer to him. The gesture was apparently meant to convey the message 'I AM NOT GAY'. It did catch Jenny's attention, however.

"Ooooh, are you guys together now, Leah?" Jenny sang. Before giving them a chance to answer, she rounded on Claire, who jumped. "How do you feel about that, hmm, Claire?"

Claire blinked, and did a double-take between Deidara and Jenny. "What? Why should I care if…Did I miss something?"

Jenny shrugged offhandedly. "I guess not. I just thought there was a rule about friends not dating siblings."

Realization dawned on Claire. "Oh, right! Because Deida—I mean _Scott_," she caught herself, "is my half-brother…Right. Gotcha."

"So who are all these people? I want to meet all your new friends," Jenny exclaimed excitedly.

"Right…well you know Leah and Eva…"

Eva jumped up and rushed over, obviously thrilled about getting to witness another Jenny-event. "Hi."

Jenny nodded and hugged her, for which Eva was not prepared. "Long time no see! Oh my gosh, how are you?!"

"Um, great."

"Cooly. So, new friends?"

Claire looked to Leah with the hope that she would help continue the stories she had already made up, but Leah looked like she was still in shock. Next to her however, Eva looked more than eager. Perhaps sadistically eager.

"Er…this is…Travis," Claire pointed to Pein, who raised his eyebrows skeptically, "…K…Car…men? Carmen," she pointed to Konan, who looked confused, "Tobi," she pointed to Tobi, who nodded furiously. She figured his name was normal enough that it could stay the same. Kakuzu, Zetsu, and Kisame were posing problems though. Claire wasn't great at coming up with lots of random names on the spot. Eva took her friend's silence as an opportunity to wreak havoc.

She pointed to Kakuzu, "This is Winston!" Winston glared at her.

"Who's the blue guy?" Jenny whispered, even though said blue guy could hear her perfectly.

"Oh, we just call him K-Fish," Eva grinned. Several of the Akatsuki members were unable to fully contain their quiet giggles, but Jenny didn't notice. She just turned to give Claire a questioning look, and Claire fought back a sigh and shrugged. Kisame was scowling at Eva as he drew his finger across his throat.

"Okay, so what about him?" Jenny pointed to Zetsu, "He's an actor, right? Or was he just in some radioactive accident or something? Like the Hulk?!"

"Yeah, he's an actor. He wasn't in an accident," Claire said. She implied to Eva that if she said anything else, she would be beheaded, and not by one of their criminal houseguests. "That's…er…"

"Napoleon."

Everyone looked at Leah. Leah still looked like a zombie, but vaguely aware that she had said something weird, just unsure of what it was. Deidara cleared his throat. "Yeah…Everyone knows…Napoleon, un."

"You mean the dead guy from Germany?" Jenny asked, confused.

"You mean France," Claire pointed out.

"Whatever. So are you guys all from the movie?"

"What mov—" Tobi started to ask, but Claire glared at him and he immediately shut up.

"Yeah, They're all from the movie. Could you give us a second Jenny? Eva and Leah and I need to tell them…um…what…time dinner is…?" Claire lied.

Jenny nodded happily and skipped off to another room. Claire sighed and pulled Leah up by the arm. "Napoleon?!" she screeched, gesturing at the confused Zetsu.

"I'm sorry! I was freaked out by Jenny and then I zoned out and I was trying to figure out who Pein reminded me of and I figured it out!" Leah squeaked anxiously.

"But I'm Zetsu…" Zetsu reminded her.

"I just figured it out and said it, okay? What do you want from me?!"

"Hey, hey! What about 'K-Fish'?! What the hell?!" Kisame yelled at Eva.

"Shut up, she's gonna hear us!" Claire shushed them.

"So what do we do now?" Konan asked.

"You're all gonna be in a movie!" Eva exclaimed.

"Except you, Itachi," Leah said. Itachi gave them a 'Should-I-Care?' look.

Claire sighed. "Okay, we need to come up with roles for all of you so we can fool Jenny, since she thinks you're in a movie now."

xXx

"So what time _is_ dinner?" Jenny asked as she pranced back into the kitchen in a very un-Goth-like manner.

Eva blinked. "What?"

"You said you had to tell them what time dinner was!"

"Oh. It's uh…five or six. Five thirty, I guess."

"Perfect! That means I can stay! I don't have to be back till seven. I'm going to this really cool party with my friends," Jenny gossiped.

_Oops_, Eva thought.

"Um…shouldn't you guys be practicing or something?" Jenny asked the collective Akatsuki, as they were once again watching TV.

"We're doing research," Kakuzu stated.

"Oh," Jenny said, slightly put off. But she was determined to be social. "So, Alexander how's your boyfriend?" she asked with sincere interest.

Itachi froze. Deidara sniggered and punched Itachi playfully in the arm. "Yeah Alexander, how's your boyfriend? Shouldn't you go call him, un?"

Itachi stood up, surprising them all. "I think I will, actually," he said calmly. Jenny and Deidara looked the most shocked, but the rest of them realized he was probably going upstairs to work on the jutsu.

Deidara could still not stop snickering quietly to himself though.

"You do realize that _he_ got to leave while _you_ are stuck down here with Jenny, right?" Leah pointed out.

Deidara stopped laughing. "Dammit."

Eva and Jenny sat down to watch TV with Leah and the remainder of the Akatsuki. Eva was feeling extremely corny and chose to act like a secret agent. She discreetly sat down next to Claire and started whispering plans on how to deal with Jenny.

"Erm…I kind of have to tell you…Jenny's staying for dinner."

Claire slowly turned to face Eva, gritting her teeth. "You _invited_ her?" She was barely containing her frustration.

"Not exactly. It was really your fault. She asked me what time dinner was—which was your excuse—and I just told her what time we usually eat and she said she was staying! So she invited herself. Or you did. Or I sort of did. Or all three of us did. Or—"

"—Eva! I get it!" She sighed.

"Um, you guys?" Leah caught Claire and Eva's attention. She motioned to where Jenny was sitting…next to Pein.

"Oh my god, you're the director? That's like, so chill." Jenny giggled and flipped her multicolored hair. Pein looked bored, awkward, and confused, as Deidara had several weeks earlier. Interestingly though, Konan was sitting near them, looking fairly pissed off. They could only imagine _why_.

"Yes, it's nice, I suppose," Pein said uninterestedly. Jenny, as usual, was not put off.

"Oh come on, don't be modest! It's really cool! So tell me, do I look like I could be a famous actor someday?" Jenny hinted. She posed in what she thought were model poses. Pein was still staring at the TV and said nothing. The girls thought they heard Konan crack her knuckles.

Eva jumped up immediately and scooted over to Jenny. She grabbed her arm and pulled her away while talking. "Hey Jenny, I think you should help me make dinner! It'll be really fun and you'll be like, really great at it. So, yeah, come on!"

Claire and Leah blinked and shrugged. Claire got up, deciding to help Eva and Jenny (especially since Jenny probably wouldn't do any work anyway). Leah tried to get up to help too, but Deidara grabbed her arm and pulled her back into a hug.

"Where do you think you're going, un?"

Leah sighed resignedly. "No where."

"Leah-san should really know how persistent Deidara-sempai is." Tobi squeaked to Zetsu.

"Hmm," Zetsu agreed.

XxX

"So how do you know all these people, you still didn't tell me," Jenny persisted. She was sitting on the counter, doing absolutely no work as they had predicted. Eva was putting on water to boil and Claire was chopping vegetables and trying to ignore Jenny's endless questions.

"I dunno," Claire said offhandedly, "And I thought you were helping us cook."

"I can't cook! Sorry," Jenny shrugged. Claire rolled her eyes.

"You could put some toast in the toaster," Eva suggested like the helpful little munchkin she was.

Jenny looked thoughtful. "Okay!" She hopped up and took the bread from Eva, and then she sashayed over to the toaster and surveyed it carefully before loading it up with bread.

Jenny was not done with her useless interrogation. "I like the director guy. Travis. His piercings are _so_ hot. You guys like that kind of stuff, right?"

Claire snickered quietly. "Yeah…sure…" _Poser_, she thought.

"Is he gay? Because I really can't tell…and Alexander…" Jenny sighed, "It's so weird."

"Nope, he's not gay," Eva said. Claire shot her a look, and Eva sent one back saying 'They can't _all_ be gay!' Claire scowled and went back to chopping vegetables irritably.

"Cool. I kinda like him," Jenny said, blushing inconspicuously.

"Really?" Claire said sarcastically. Jenny, of course, didn't notice.

Tobi randomly appeared from the kitchen, surprisingly followed by Pein. Claire and Eva would have glared at him if Jenny wasn't there. They had, after all, taken Jenny away at their own personal expense to keep him safe from her boy-stalking.

"Hi Travis!" Jenny squealed. Pein looked around the kitchen, and almost sighed when he saw who was talking to him. Almost.

"Hi…"

"So you never answered my question."

"What question?"

"Do you like being a director?"

"Uh…sure."

Eva saved Pein the answer of having to answer another of Jenny's questions but cutting her off before she could form one. "So, Tobi, what brings you to the kitchen?"

Tobi jumped slightly and turned. "Tobi is hungry."

"Sorry Tobi, dinner's not ready yet."

"What about the toast?" Claire asked, "It should be ready now, it's been a couple minutes."

Claire looked at the toaster. The timer didn't appear to have moved at all towards zero. She peered in closer, and felt like kicking herself for actually putting Jenny in charge of anything. The heat lamps below the metal grating were a dull black, instead of a fiery red, as they should have been if they were fulfilling their destiny as part of a toaster. She looked around behind the back of the appliance, though she already knew what she would find. The toaster wasn't plugged in.

"Jenny, the toaster wasn't plugged in…" Claire said.

"What?" Jenny was busy hanging on the shoulder of an uncomfortable looking Pein.

"Nothing…" Claire muttered.

xXx

Dinner was very quiet. No one wanted to say anything around Jenny. No one wanted to answer her questions, no one wanted to ask her questions, and everyone wanted her to leave. Or die.

Unfortunately, Jenny was not an easy person to ignore. She would just there and start blubbering or tapping you on the head if you didn't answer her.

"So what's this movie called anyway?"

"It doesn't have a name yet," Claire said, practically falling asleep while resting her head on her hand. She was always the first one done eating, but she was needed to stay and inform Jenny about the movie. Even though the Akatsuki were supposed to be the cast and crew, they weren't exactly well equipped with the knowledge to lie about this kind of thing.

"It doesn't have a name? How silly, what will they say in the commercials? Or when people ask for tickets, how will the ticket-giver-outer-person know what movie?"

"They just haven't given it a name yet. They're still working on it."

"So who wrote the script, shouldn't they name it?"

"Alexander wrote it," Leah said.

"He did? I thought you said he wasn't part of the movie…Oh well, I guess it makes sense. Gay guys are like, good writers!" Jenny explained happily.

There was another ripple of snickering around the table, which was becoming a constant ritual. And obviously, they were laughing at Jenny, not with her. This was not a problem, since Jenny was blind to this fact, as she was with all others.

"So, Winston, what do you do?"

Claire and Eva looked at each other, then at Leah. Leah shrugged imperceptibly. "He's…uh…an extra?" Claire said slowly.

Jenny nodded knowingly. "I guess he can't really be a real actor, with a name like Winston. It would look bad in the credits."

This time, no one could contain themselves, and they all laughed aloud as Kakuzu sunk into his chair and glared angrily at his food.

Jenny blinked and looked around. "Did I say something funny?" she asked innocently.

Eva covered her mouth to hide her laughing and Claire shook her head, but was having trouble speaking. She tried to suppress her smile and faced the table instead. After a while the laughter ceased and Jenny's questions resumed. Unfortunately, everyone was becoming weary of her constant demands for information. She also would not stop flirting with Pein, who had somehow ended up seated next to her despite Claire and Eva's precautions. Konan was looking pissed off. Inconspicuously.

But for some reason, Jenny's constant questioning seemed to be getting faster and more complicated. The girls, not to mention the Akatsuki, were having trouble keeping up with their stories.

"How many movies have you directed?" she wanted to know.

"This is the first one," Eva said, trying to keep it as simple as possible.

"So you're like a movie virgi—"

"—You know, Jenny, I really don't see how this is all relevant," Eva cut her off.

"Well, I don't see why you all have to answer questions for Travis and the others, since I'm talking to them," Jenny pouted.

"If they're as cool as you think they are, maybe they're too high-class to talk to you directly," Claire snapped.

"Hmm. But if they haven't been in any movies before, then how are they so high-class?" Jenny argued.

The Akatsuki members were now switching back and forth to watch the three of them have their verbal battle.

"We didn't say they hadn't been in any movies, we said Travis hadn't directed any," Eva reminded her.

"So have any of them been in any other movies?"

"Yes."

"Who?"

"Tobi."

"Which ones?"

Eva froze momentarily. "Uhh…" She looked at Claire, trying to be indiscreet.

"Uhh…" Claire repeated after Eva.

Jenny turned prissily to look at Tobi, hoping maybe he would answer for once. Tobi jumped. "Uhh…" he said, mimicking the girls.

Claire tried to come up with another excuse, but was starting to panic. "Well…I don't think you would have heard of it…"

"Try me. I've seen tons of stuff," Jenny insisted slyly.

"It's called…er…it's called—"

"—Look, Jenny, there's no movie!"

Every one turned to look at Leah.

"What do you mean there's—"

"—She means there's—"

"—I mean there's no movie! We're all lying!" Leah said. Everyone but Jenny gaped at her. "They aren't actors or directors or writers or anything!"

There was an uncomfortable silence. A couple of them dared to turn to face Jenny.

For whatever reason, she had a small smile on her black lips.

Claire and Eva turned to give each other questioning looks. This was not how they would expect Jenny to react to them having lied to her.

"I knew it!" Jenny said triumphantly. Now this really wasn't making sense.

"…What…did you know?" Eva asked.

"I knew they weren't in a movie," Jenny stated simply. "I knew they weren't who you said they were."

"I think this merits a bit more of an explanation," Claire said, feeling confused.

Jenny straightened up and ran her fingers through her hair idly. "Well, I remembered a while ago when we used to hang out more; you guys liked that one Japanese show thingy. And you tried to get me to watch it, and I did, but only a couple episodes. No offense, it's just not really my thing. I prefer Degrassi. But anyway, I recognized some of these people from the show!" Jenny explained.

"I thought you said she was an idiot…" Deidara whispered to Leah.

"She is…she must just be an idiot with a good memory," Leah replied.

They heard footsteps and Itachi appeared in the kitchen. He stopped when he saw Jenny, and looked around at all the others, sensing something had just happened. "You're still here…?" he said, with about as much emotion as they had ever seen him exhibit sober (though it was really just slight curiosity).

"Uh-huh," Jenny nodded eagerly.

"Apparently…Jenny has…figured out we aren't from a movie," Pein said filled Itachi in.

Itachi's eyebrows drew together. "She knows?"

Most of the people at the table nodded.

Before any of them could react, Itachi's hands drew together. They were a blur as he closed his eyes and formed the symbols. His eyes snapped open and they heard the incantation, just as they had days before:

"Akuma yusouki no jutsu!"

There was a loud crackling, a flash of purple light, and Jenny was gone.

"Oh my god! What did you do?!" Eva screeched at him and stood up away from Jenny's now empty chair.

Itachi was calm, not realizing the error of his actions. "You said she knew who we were. I transported her—"

"—It's not like she was going to kill you or anything!"

"Oh my god, I can't believe we lost Jenny…" Claire mumbled.

"I know exactly where she is. Besides I thought you three hated her," Itachi pointed out.

"She was pretty fucking annoying," Hidan added.

"And you guys were always complaining about her, un," Deidara put in his two cents.

"But you can't just send people you don't like to different dimensions," Leah said numbly.

"I didn't—" Itachi started.

"—You did!" Claire cut him off angrily. She covered her eyes with her hands anxiously, "Oh my god we are in soooo much trouble. Yes, we don't like Jenny, but now wherever she is she's probably all freaked out and gonna have a stroke or something!" She rounded on Itachi again. "You can't send simple-minded preps like Jenny to other dimensions!"

"I didn't—" Itachi said again.

"—Claire is right!" Eva cut him off this time. "I can't believe you just did something like that! You completely over-reacted! You were just mad because she thought you were gay, weren't you?!"

"No, I wasn't—"

"—I don't think Itachi's the type to really care what people think," Kakuzu noted.

"Well, it's easier to just get rid of them," Kisame said.

"We are so screwed," Leah said hopelessly as she sunk back into her chair.

"Would you please listen to me—"

"—_I think you've lost your being-listened-to-privileges, Itachi_," Zetsu's black half snickered.

"This isn't funny!" Claire scolded.

"Claire-san, Tobi does kind of understand why Itachi sent Jenny away. He was just looking out for us. I'm sure it'll be all right…"

"He sure as hell is gonna fix it!"

XxX

There was a bright flash of purple, like lightning, and a huge collection of static energy and sound. Then all was quiet. It was dark on the cobblestone street, except for the soft glow orange glow from the medieval-looking street lamps. A small wind gently rustled the trees of the park across the street, above which the sky was a darkening brown of the lit night. Across the river, a huge metal structure rose from the ground and ended in a point hundreds of feet tall.

Jenny got up off the ground, feeling slightly amnesic. She couldn't remember exactly what happened, or how she had gotten here, but all of that confusion quickly disappeared and was replaced by glee when she recognized the Eiffel Tower several miles away.

"Oh my god!" she squealed, "PARIS!!!"

Jenny stood happily in the middle of the street, checked her purse for her wallet, and skipped happily off to the town, hoping the high-fashion shopping boutiques would accept American credit cards.

xXx

"She's in _Paris_?" Eva asked disbelievingly. Itachi nodded, feeling wearing after having endured all the arguing while he tried to get their attention.

"Lucky bitch…" Claire muttered. Leah gave her a curious look. "What? Just because I'm not a prep doesn't mean I don't want to go to Paris! It's cool there. Plus, I hate America, remember?" Claire defended haughtily.

Leah shrugged. "It's not that great. The only good parts are the Louvre and Notre Dame."

"Yeah right," Eva scoffed.

The three of them returned their attention to Itachi, anger returning full blast.

"Why didn't you tell us sooner?!"

"I almost had a seizure!"

"I'm not good with stress…"

Itachi, though keeping his composure and not showing his emotion, was thoroughly annoyed. "I _did_ try to tell—"

"—Jenny. In Paris. Probably dreamland for her. With her rich daddy's credit cards I bet she's buying out all the fancy stores in the city," Claire complained bitterly.

Itachi sighed and raised his hands together. "So I'll just bring her back again, then," he said loudly so the three girls would hear him.

"NO!!" they all said in unison.

"…No?"

"She'll be fine. She's in _heaven_."

"Plus, now we don't have to deal with her anymore!"

"I don't think I can handle the tears when she's ripped away from Paris. Not to mention the bragging about getting there in the first place."

"So…you don't want to bring her back?" the grumpy Akatsuki member inquired.

"Nope," the three girls said. They left Itachi alone in the kitchen, and went upstairs to bed.

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: Haw. Subtle PeinxKonan shipping. :D**

**And here's a fact everyone should know—Paris has three things: the Eiffel Tower, lots of prep shopping, and COBBLESTONES. Le duh.**

**If anyone says anything like 'I'm a prep and I don't care about Paris or shopping' (translation: **_**wah, wah, wahhhhh**_**) I may just shoot you. :P**

**You should all know by now I'm just that kind of bitch.**

**Second to last chapterrrr omgggg.**

**You guys excited?! I'm in awe. Really.**

**Eva: I'm starting to love the ship PeinxKonan, though I'm still kinda scared that they're actually related, I doubt it… X-X If they are, I think I might die though. Yes, this is the end of Jenny. I am going to write a lot of this next chapter (Claire does most of the writing…as she's said many times), but I love torturing…well…I'll save that for the next chapter. :D**

**Leah: Want a Charli update? Here it is:**

**Her latest nice act: Memorized and learned her lines and acting in a skit that we had to do for Japanese class (it was a DVD) She learned like, a lot of Japanese in one night...she's a genius and I am proud to be her sister. I don't hate her that much anymore.**

**Her latest evil act: Two of my guy friends were over, one of them being my ex-boyfriend and the other being my current crush. My mom was in the kitchen and Jason was on the computer (all of us were in the same general area). Charli walks in, looks right at the guy I have a crush on and says 'Leah has a crush on you.' He was all like 'Oo', my ex was like 'TT' and I was just embarrassed…Jason laughed and was like 'Charli, that was mean'. But, she managed to get me to admit it in front of my crush and now like a week later…he's my boyfriend now…apparently…he liked me too (is happy).**

**Also, I've been to Paris…I know what I'm talking about. **

**Claire: Also, my new favorite activity is torturing Deidara. It's fun. You should try it sometime. –grins evilly-**


	16. The Beach and Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

**Eva: Holy shit. Last chapter. I wasn't too much help with this one, but I did write more than usual.**

**Leah: Zetsu is my new favorite character…and Eva tortures me…**

**Claire: That she does! The little perv…(Yeah…Eva writes all the pervy stuff in the story, just so you know…-glance-)**

**I can't believe we actually finished! And this is our longest chapter! **

**Only thing I'm mad about is the **_**end**_** end of this. The most annoying thing about this story, Akatsuki and mushy stuff does not mix! IT DOES NOT! So Konan is now kind of lame…(**

**-sniff- I'M SORRY KONAN DON'T KILL ME I KNOW YOU'RE ACTUALLY COOL!!! –dies-**

**P.S. It is recommended that you read this story with a pack of sled dogs, to get you through the mush, or Willy Wonka, to convert all the goo into candy before you drown in it. ) **

**Have fun.**

Chapter 16:

It was one of those extremely rare occasions when Jason was actually home with nothing to do. It was times like these when Leah got to see the weird but funny blonde doctor do what he did best…be absolutely freaking hilarious.

All of them (except for the ever-busy Itachi) were sitting on the couch or the floor that morning in front of the TV watching _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_. The lights were turned off and the blinds were drawn to create a dark, movie theater like atmosphere. Leah had tried many times to leave the room since she absolutely hated horror movies, but Deidara stubbornly kept her on his lap, much to her annoyance. So, Leah instead, hugged him extremely tight at every scary part. He only laughed.

Other than that little tidbit, some of them actually seemed to be a bit freaked out by the movie. It was definitely different from the other ones they've seen. Tobi was suffocating the bunny that he had stolen from Claire the morning that Hidan was attacked with a pancake and Konan held her knees up to her chest, feeling a bit uncomfortable. Eva was hugging Kisame's arm, though an insane look of her appreciation for gore was planted on her face. Claire was content to steal the popcorn from Hidan and proceeded to stuff her face with it. The rest of them just seemed a bit tensed and completely engrossed in the film.

They watched the movie like this for a long time. The suspense began to build, right before the climax of the movie then—

"_**BAH!**_"

Leah, Eva, Claire, Konan, and Tobi screamed. Leah felt Deidara jump and noticed that all of the other Akatsuki members did looked a bit shaken.

Jason began to laugh like the retard he was, "Holy crap! I got all of you! Oh my God," he said between his hysterical laughter. "Oh my God I love that trick," he smiled, wiping a tear from his eye.

"Dammit Jason!" Claire yelled and punched him in the arm.

Jason continued his moronic laughter and rubbed his arm.

"You're an asshole," Eva muttered.

Jason calmed himself down, and seeing that no one war really paying attention to the movie, he asked, "Where's the red-eyed guy? Um, Itachi was it?"

"Coming down the stairs," Zetsu answered dully.

Jason nodded and left the room immediately with no explanation as to why.

Itachi's face was serious, as usual, but it seemed even more so tonight. He looked directly at Pein then nodded towards the TV. Pein paused the movie as everyone in the room looked to Itachi, seeing that he was about to say something important.

"Yes Itachi?" Deidara said impatiently.

Itachi glared a demand for silence.

Deidara rolled his eyes.

Itachi sighed, "I completed the jutsu. The penny arrived in our old hideout outside of Suna a couple hours ago," he informed them.

The twelve of them jumped to their feet and the Akatsuki members all gathered around Itachi and began to ask him annoying questions.

"Are you sure it worked?" Kakuzu asked.

"Positive."

"How much chakra does it use up?" Tobi inquired.

"Not much."

"Then what took you so long?" Deidara demanded.

"Well, I've been working on it nonstop for the last month or so," Itachi replied, somewhat irritably, "And all the consecutive tests drained my chakra."

"So how long will it be before we can go back?" Pein asked.

"Tonight,"

The rest of the Akatsuki erupted into cheers, but the girls were lacking in enthusiasm. With just those two words, the full reality of the situation had hit them: they were leaving. This whole event had been so unreal that perhaps they had taken it for granted. After all, how easy is it to believe that your favorite characters from your favorite TV show have come to life? And beyond that, of all the people in the world it could have happened to, it had happened to them. Now that it was over, it all seemed so much more possible. It was real. And it was sad.

They all looked at each other, and they knew without saying anything that they were all thinking the same thing. So without saying anything, they all headed upstairs to Eva's room.

xXx

It was quiet except for the muffled noise of the Akatsuki still cheering downstairs. The sound only seemed to make it worse. Eva rolled over and hid her face in her pillow. Leah leaned her head against the desk she was sitting against. Claire slumped over on the floor next to Eva's bed. Eventually the cheers died away downstairs, and they were left in near dead silence.

Unable to stand it anymore, Claire decided to break the silence with an obvious statement. "This sucks."

"Everything sucks," Eva mumbled morbidly through the pillow.

"They have to leave though. They don't live here. And I'm sure they want to go home," Leah reasoned, though she was just as sad as the rest of them.

"Still sucks."

"Yep."

"What are we going to do?" Eva asked.

"Whatever we did before they came. Doesn't matter," Claire grumbled.

They sighed, not sure what else they had to say, and not even sure they wanted to say anything.

The door burst open and they all jumped. "Jason, you asshole!" Claire shouted irritably.

"Hey guys, I'm bored so I'm going to the beach. You and all your little friends are coming too, so hurry up and pack your shit," Jason instructed.

The three girls blinked, stunned. "But I hate the beach," Claire protested as Jason retreated down the hall.

"Too bad!" he called back.

They exchanged nervous looks and grudgingly started putting together their stuff to bring to the beach.

XxX

An hour later, having squished thirteen people and six surfboards uncomfortably into three cars, they arrived at the beach. Jason immediately wormed his way into a wetsuit, grabbed a surfboard, and took off screaming towards the water. The beach was surprisingly deserted today, or someone might have called the coast guard expecting the crazy albino midget to drown himself. Kisame and Zetsu had disguised themselves again, though they had been unable to convince Tobi to remove his mask; another reason to be thankful for the poor beach attendance that day.

"So…what are we doing here?" Konan asked. The twelve of them were lined up on the sand, staring out at Jason and feeling slightly out of place.

"I'm not really sure…" Leah said.

"Jason recruited us," Claire offered, though she sounded slightly unsure.

"Why?" Kisame scoffed.

"Because he's Jason."

A couple of them sighed, wondering if this was really the best way to spend their last day.

Eva shook her head, stepping out in front of them. "You guys have no idea how to have fun, do you?"

Several of the Akatsuki raised their eyebrow, and Claire looked like she wanted to ask, 'What the fuck are you doing, you ass-tard?'

"Do whatever you feel like doing. Go into the water, bug Leah, piss off Claire, play with the beach ball, terrorize the tourists…just do whatever," she offered.

"Who feels like shutting up Eva?" Claire asked, genuinely curious.

About thirty seconds later, Eva was tied up in five inter-tubes, Itachi was sitting against a rock, Hidan was flirting with (or rather pestering) a rather unfortunate tourist, and Tobi was playing beach volleyball with a very bored Deidara, who was eyeing Leah mischievously. Pein and Konan were talking off to the side, and the rest of them were in the water.

"I'm bored," Leah complained as she sat next to Claire and the tied up Eva, with specific instructions to _leave_ her tied up.

"Mhmhmmnmmm (_You're _ bored?!)," Eva replied sarcastically.

"Honestly Leah," Claire agreed to whatever it was that Eva had said.

"Mmmsermimmsthmm…themmmcanmmthamfumthemmdomtmmowhow (Seriously though, they can't have fun…they don't know how)," Eva said sadly.

"I can't believe they're leaving after this…" Leah sniffed.

"Mmnmmnmnmm."

Claire frowned, "Meh? What the fuck?"

"MMMM NMMM NM MM."

"Taco?" Leah guessed.

With a sudden burst of ingenuity, Eva bit (hard) into the inter-tube restraining her mouth. It deflated, leaving her free to talk. "I _said_, someone get this fucking inter-tube off me."

"Ah," Claire said without much interest.

Leah giggled, "You caught the Hidan virus…"

"My foot's falling asleep," Eva announced after several moments of silence.

"Which one?" Claire asked.

"The left one."

Leah hung her head down onto her knees, "That's what you said when the Akatsuki first got here," she mumbled sadly.

"Oh yeah…" Eva said solemnly.

They sat quietly for a few minutes, reflecting on everything from Deidara accusing Michael Jackson of being Orochimaru to when they told them about fandom.

"Hey," a voice said from behind them. The girls turned around to see Konan, "What's wrong with you girls?"

"Nothing," Leah muttered.

"Nothing," Claire agreed.

"We're sad," Eva added.

Konan kneeled down on Claire's beach towel in between Claire and Eva, "Why?"

"There's nothing wrong," Leah said firmly, giving Konan a look that said 'drop the topic and move on'.

"Don't want to talk about it," Claire said.

"Yeah," Eva sighed.

"You girls don't want us to leave, do you?" Konan guessed, taking in each of their expressions.

"Damn, she's smart," Claire exclaimed, pointing her thumb in Konan's direction.

She smiled weakly and took a square sheet of paper out of her bag. She aimlessly began to fold it into a bird as she spoke again, "Thank you."

"Um…You guys?" Eva asked, wriggling uncomfortably.

"Yeah," Konan answered.

"Can you get me out of the inner tubes?"

xXx

Walking back from the truck, Eva was holding a basket with an unknown amount of food in its cavity. She sat it down on the blanket she had laid out earlier, taking out the sandwiches and bag of chips she had brought and setting them out in the order that she had written out on a piece of paper. "Food!" she called, and slowly the Akatsuki members (and Jason) gravitated to the lunch spot.

They ate without much talking, at least on the girls' part, and at about the same pace that they arrived, the Akatsuki members left to go back to what they were doing. They started dropping out, until only Jason and Itachi were left.

With a bit of grandeur, Jason stood up, stretching, and announced that he was going to go surf again. Picking up his surfboard, he did just that. Itachi's sharingan was activated and he was watching Jason intently as he rode out into the ocean.

Eva was cleaning up the lunch area, and Hidan had stolen Claire for an argument when he left after eating. Leah was absent mindedly burying her feet in sand, thinking about whether or not Deidara was sneaking up on her or whether she had a few more minutes.

"Um…Itachi?" Eva began hesitantly.

"You don't have to talk."

"Which is the same as saying not to," Eva pouted.

Itachi said nothing, but simply kept staring at Jason, who was now riding a wave.

"Are you checking him out or something?"

"No."

"Then why are you watching him so closely?"

No answer.

"I thought so," she smiled smugly.

Whatever he was doing, three wipeouts later, he seemed to have finished watching. He shed his T-shirt, leaving him in only his swimsuit shorts. He grabbed one of Jason's extra surfboards then headed down the beach and waded into the water. Once he got far enough out, swimming in strong, short strokes to where Jason was. A distant, "Good luck dude," told Eva what he was about to attempt.

She pulled out her video camera.

Jason was on his way back to shore when Kisame, acting on what Eva presumed to be a signal from Itachi, did rapid hand signs, creating a huge wave. Itachi sat calmly on Jason's surf board, then at just the right moment, turned around and paddled his way up the wave, standing on its waxy, shiny surface and cruising easily. Eva watched in shock and Leah stopped drowning her feet in sand to make a face of disbelief. Deidara, who had been sneaking up behind Leah, paused in his tracks to raise an eyebrow at the scene. "Itachi's surfing," he pointed out blatantly.

"Gah!" Leah fell over. "Don't—no sneaking up on me like that!" She made an attempt to be serious, as if she hoped that it would stop him.

He sat down behind her and pulled her onto his lap. "Aw…that was cute. You actually thought it would stop me, un?"

She sighed, resignedly leaning her head onto his shoulder.

It was then he seemed to remember something he wanted to do. "Hey, Leah…there's something I want to show you." He stood up, picking her up and jumping off, running quickly (as in super secret ninja speed) off to the caves that lined the left side of the shore.

Eva decided to not do anything about it, and watched Itachi, a first-time surfer, as he conquered huge waves that Kisame pulled out of the ocean without so much as a stumble.

Claire came over and asked, "Where'd Leah go?"

"Oh…Deidara took her over to the caves about ten minutes ago," Eva snickered.

"Should we go help her?"

"Yeah, probably."

Claire sat down next to Eva as they watched Itachi surf, occasionally glancing in the general direction of the cave.

…

…

Fifteen minutes later.

"Are we gonna go help Leah?"

"Nah…let Deidara have his fun. It's his last day here, after all."

"That's very sadistic of you Eva."

"More empathetic then sadistic, I think."

"That's perverted."

"Only if you take it that way."

XxX

Twenty minutes later, Leah and Deidara still had not returned.

"What the hell are they doing that's taking so long? Counting every single pebble in that cave?" Claire wondered.

Eva looked thoughtful. "Maybe he raped her."

Claire punched Eva in the arm.

"OW!"

Claire was the one who looked thoughtful now. "If she was, um…if she _was_, then it would be your fault for not helping her."

"What?! You're sitting here being a useless lump too!" Eva protested.

"I'm guarding the sand."

"Oh, go fuck yourself."

xXx

Deidara had comfortably positioned himself in a sitting position underneath Leah, and she was wrapped in a tight hug. His arms were criss-crossed in front of her and his hands were holding onto her upper arm. His head was resting on her shoulder.

"What's wrong, un?" He asked her. "I thought this was pretty comfortable."

"Well, that's because you're a pervert."

He snickered. "Did Eva convince you of that, un? Guys with egos are all perverts, right?"

She gasped. "You heard that?"

"Of course. I'm under the impression that you three girls have completely forgotten that we're S-ranked criminals and have each killed hundreds of people without any regrets," he said with a smirk, as if he was hoping it would bug her.

Leah was quiet.

She tried to stand up.

She failed.

Deidara smirked.

They still sat in the same position, but his right hand closed into a fist except for his pointer and his middle finger, which he used to walk up her arm and play with her hair. He started walking up her neck, and his eyes lit up when she giggled.

"Are you ticklish there, un?" He asked her, eyes growing wider and brighter by the second.

"No, no…" She was cut off mid-sentence by more laughter and giggling as he tickled her even more.

"Stop it!" More laughter. "Deidara, Deidara, stop it!"

He decided to take her laughter as a sign that she didn't actually want him to stop.

She fell off of his lap laughing, and her giggling quieted down once he stopped tickling her. He had decided he was too lazy to actually get up, and she was now out of reach.

He gave her a haughty smile as she lay there on the ground, as though he had accomplished something amazing and near-impossible. Since only two other people in the world knew her ticklish spot, it was a bit of an achievement.

Leah was more or less too lazy to get up. Although she would never admit it, she hadn't laughed that long or that hard in a while and now her side hurt. She decided to make sure that Deidara wasn't doing anything inappropriate, and she flicked her eyes over to him. He was staring intently at her chest, without either restraint or shame.

Suddenly extremely thankful she was wearing a big baggy T-shirt, she sat up, glaring at Deidara. He frowned. "Perv," Leah muttered.

"Why do you trust the little hypocrite of a friend you have when she says I'm a pervert?" Deidara asked, his curiosity genuine. "If a pervert calls a pervert a pervert, does it really count as an insult, un?"

"I guess not…"

He smiled, thinking he had won.

"I don't really think she means it as an insult."

He frowned. "Then what does she mean it as? Admiration?" He actually thought that was completely possible and logical.

"I don't think so…I guess you could call it more…" Leah thought for a moment. "…I think she just thinks that it's entertaining to have another pervert in the house. She's probably the most perverted out of us three…and I think she's just happy to not be the only one, for a while at least."

"Eva's…interesting…not in a good way either."

"Meh. It takes a while to get to know her, but when you do she's not so bad."

"We have different tastes in friends."

"Good point."

Neither talked for a moment, then Leah broke the silence with, "So…"

He said nothing, making her nervous.

"What?" Leah asked suspiciously.

"Just thinking about something, un."

"Ah," she replied lamely. The unearthly quiet returned, and she was getting more and more anxious with each passing second. Finally, she figured she better get out before he did whatever mischief he was planning to do.

"Well…I'm bored," Leah began, making her way towards the exit of the cave.

"I am too." Deidara also stood up and took a couple steps to catch up with her.

Internally, Leah frowned; on the outside, she tried to keep a calm expression. Not good. This was _not_ good.

He caught her hand. "You know…I never did get that kiss." He smirked, one of the biggest yet.

XxX

"**SEXUAL HARRASSMENT!**"

Claire and Eva looked up at the sound of Leah's scream, only to see her burst from the cave, running at full speed and wiping her mouth with the back of her hands. Deidara strutted from the cave several seconds later with his arms crossed and a very smug grin on his face.

"What the hell did you do to her?!" Claire demanded of Deidara as Leah ran over to Eva, still rubbing her mouth viciously.

Deidara merely shrugged. Claire wheeled around to face Leah. "Leah, what the hell did he do to you?"

"Did he rape you? If he did, it was Claire's fault. I said we should go help you but Claire—"

"—Shut up, Eva! Leah, speak!" Claire urged.

"He—he—" Leah faltered.

"Leah, what did he do?" Eva repeated.

"He…He…" She paused again, got a disgusted look on her face, and suddenly spit into the sand. "UGG! HE KISSED ME! Ew ew ew ew ew ewwww!"

Deidara snorted. "It was hilarious, un."

"Deidara?" Eva said.

"Yeah?" he responded in between burst of laughter.

"You're an ass."

xXx

"Where did Tobi and Hidan go?" Eva asked, as she joined Claire, Leah, and the silent Pein on the shore.

Leah looked around the beach, counting only seven Akatsuki members on the beach. "I dunno…"

"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!"

"Oh, _hell_ no," Claire muttered.

Tobi was standing on one of the towering cliffs that bordered the beach, waving like a maniac. The faint gleam of Hidan's silver hair could be seen as he stood next to Tobi by the girls and Pein even down below, hundreds of feet away.

"TOBI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Eva yelled to him.

"WATCH!" Tobi replied vaguely.

The three girls were getting an increasingly bad feeling.

Tobi turned away from them to face the ocean.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit! TOBI DON'T DO THAT!" Claire screamed.

Too late.

Tobi had already taken a running jump and dived off the cliff, landing with a barely visible splash into the ocean.

"TOBI!" As they sat and watched in horror, Hidan jumped off, too.

"I wonder if that killed him…" Pein mused. "If it did, we probably got rid of two of the most annoying Akatsuki members."

They each glared at him before taking off to see if Tobi was okay (but not necessarily Hidan). To their relief, Tobi's familiar orange masked face popped up from the water as they neared the water. Hidan came up a few seconds later and promptly punched him in the head.

Tobi held his hands to his head while treading water. "Ow…Hidan-sama, what was tha—"

"—You fucking imbecile, I thought you said that would kill me!"

"Sorry…I don't want you to die anyway, Hidan-senpai!"

"Hn," Hidan grunted as he began to swim back to the shore.

XxX

"Hey Leah," Deidara said, poking her arm.

"Get away from me, freak," she answered distractedly as she sketched out some poses for a dragon that she had been wanting to draw.

"I'm bored, un," he said with a mischievous smirk.

Leah closed her sketch book. "If you kiss me again, I will kick your ass."

He shrugged.

"Wait, what are you going to—Ah! Put me down!" Leah yelped as Deidara put her in a cradle hold, preventing her from moving, and proceeded with carrying her down the beach.

He laughed, "No. You know, you are way too fun to torture."

Leah tried to squirm away as she noticed how close to the water they were getting. She was unsuccessful. "Don't you dare, Deidara!"

He laughed again and waded a few feet into the ocean.

"Dei—Eep!" she squeak as he tossed her into the chilly salt water. She coughed a bit as she resurfaced. She glared at Deidara, "Ass," she muttered.

He smiled smugly. "Like I said, you make it fun."

Leah slapped his chest with the back of her hand and grinned a little despite herself. She looked back at the sand. "What now?"

"I don't know…Let's wait and see what Hidan is going to do to Claire," he suggested, pointing to the two of them as they argued on the beach.

Hidan suddenly picked up Claire in the same fashion that Deidara had Leah and began to jog towards the water as well.

"Hidan, you stupid fuck! Put me down right now!" Claire demanded as she too, tried to escape. "You're a man-whore!"

"Shut up, Bitch!" Hidan yelled and tossed Claire into the water as well.

"You fucking asshole!" Claire yelled as she spit out vast amounts of salty water. She trudged through the water as fast as the rushing waves would allow. When she reached the point where the water was only a couple inches deep, she immediately tried to run after him and beat him up. He easily out-ran her, laughing and shouting back insults as he did.

She gave up a couple minutes later and disappeared from the beach for a while. When she reappeared, she had changed into dry clothes, and was carrying under her arm…a paintball gun? Claire took her newly acquired "weapon" and barricaded herself over by a large collection of sand boulders.

"Um, Bitch, what are you doing?"

"Come near me again and I _will_ shoot you. With paint," Claire threatened, mounting the paintball gun on the nearest rock.

Hidan snickered. "What the fuck will that do? I'm immor—OW! You bitch!"

"That was a warning."

He stood there, mouth agape for a few seconds.

Splat!

"Ow, fuck! What the hell?!"

"That was for not leaving right away."

He scowled at her once more before turning and retreating back to the water.

"Why do you have two pink spots on your stomach?" Kakuzu asked.

"I don't want to talk about it…" Hidan grumbled, scooping up some of the water and trying to wash away the hot pink paint.

xXx

A while later, Claire and Leah had come out from hiding behind the rocks (Leah had joined Claire shortly after Hidan had left, while Deidara sulked a couple hundred feet away), though Claire still had her paintball gun in tow. They had daringly decided to step up to the edge of the water to check on Eva, who had been attempting to learn to surf for the last two hours under Jason's instruction.

"HEY, EVA!" Claire yelled over the roar of the ocean. "HOW'S IT GOING?!"

"WHAAAT?" Eva yelled back, causing her to lose her focus on the surroundings, and she was crushed by a giant wave.

She resurfaced a moment later. Claire and Leah rolled their eyes.

"HOW IS THE SURFING GOING?!" Leah repeated.

Eva nodded in recognition. "I THINK I ALMOST GOT IT!" she exclaimed happily. "WATCH!"

The two of them had their doubts, but were curious anyway. Eva turned the giant foam blue board around and paddled through a couple waves. Finally, she decided that the upcoming wave would be suitable and turned around. She paddled furiously as the wall of water approached.

Jason sat on his own board and called out to Eva, "PADDLE FASTER, YOU OBSESSIVE GOTH-NERD CREATURE!" The wave caught up to him too and flipped him over as Eva shakily hopped up on the board. She wobbled for a moment, falling forward dangerously, but she righted herself at last and stood with her arms out for balance, grinning.

"GO EVA!" Claire and Leah cheered.

Eva grinned wider and gave them a thumbs up.

But then…there was something a couple feet over from her board in the water…

"EVA, LOOK OUT! THERE'S SOMETHING IN THE WATER!" Claire shouted.

Eva stopped smiling and held her hand to her ear. "WHAT?"

"I SAID—"

"**BOO!**"

"AHHHHHH!" Eva screamed and fell off her board. It bobbed away like the innocent inanimate object it was pretending to be. Eva resurfaced to glare at Kisame, who was nearly drowning himself trying to stay above water and laugh at the same time.

Jason, who had rescued Eva's board, swam it back to her. "That was good, except you got scared and fell off. In surfing you have to be constantly vigilant," he instructed sternly.

Eva narrowed her eyes. "Isn't that what your judo teacher used to tell you?" she asked dully.

Jason thought a moment, then shrugged. "Maybe."

This only brought up fresh howls of laughter from Kisame. Eva turned and spit a mouthful of water in his face.

XxX

They arrived home several hours later, soggy, exhausted, and tan (or in Kisame's case, a slightly darker shade of blue). The atmosphere was very calm and cozy for the most part, induced by the very full day they had experienced. But in the calm, the girls settled back into their state of depression as they hour of departure grew closer. But they knew, no doubt since they had had to remind themselves of it innumerable times during their stay, that the Akatsuki were criminals. And men, no less (minus Konan, though she was hardly your average froofy girl). Any mention of sad goodbyes would immediately shut them off, and this unrealistic, but admittedly magical even would be abruptly ended. The situation was basically a dead end.

After dinner, Eva made everyone hot cocoa and Itachi helped them start a fire in the fire place. The bipolar weather of California had turned again, and the day that had been pleasantly warm at the beach was now extremely cold. Deidara took this opportunity to convince Leah to stay with him as they all lounged around on the couches. Or rather, he just did what he normally did and took her hostage, regardless of the circumstances or temperature. Maybe Leah would have a little less motive to miss him…

The Akatsuki were oblivious to the depressing abnormality, and were absorbed in one of the two activities that they participated in when idle: chatting quietly, or watching TV in silence. Since the TV was off (one of the last subtle attempts by the girls to express their sadness), they were involved in the former.

Finally, the predictable happened, and the predictable person wondered aloud, "Why the fuck are we sitting around mumbling. Don't we usually watch TV?"

"If it bothers you that much, get up and find the remote, dumb-ass," Claire muttered, curling tighter into her blanket and glaring at Hidan.

"Well, we wouldn't have to find the fucking remote if you hadn't lost it!" Hidan countered.

"I didn't lose it! You're probably sitting on it with your big fat ass! Just go press the button on the TV, you lazy fuck."

"What is your guys' problem?" Eva snapped at them as they both prepared to yell at each other again.

"I don't have a problem! You three want to be fucking sad sacks? Fine, but you don't have to make the rest of us suffer!" Hidan shouted.

"Suffering from lack of TV…you could be an American so easily…Would you like fries with that?" Claire snapped.

"You're sad? I didn't know! Why?!" Tobi fretted.

"Could you be any more of a loser, un?"

"Don't be mean to Tobi!" Leah flicked Deidara on the forehead.

"Hey!"

Kisame snickered. "You deserved that."

"Shut up, fish-face!"

"Transvestite!"

"Itachi's the transvestite!"

"Itachi's the gay one, you're the transvestite!"

"I'm not gay, we were lying to Jenny."

"Oh, give it a rest Itachi; we've all seen you and Kisame. How come you get along so well?"

"Hey, you leave me out of this, Kakuzu!"

"You were already in it, you idiot."

"You guys are all pricks!" Claire shouted.

Everyone was arguing.

Several minutes later, they were at the point of projectile violence when Eva picked up a Kleenex box from the table and chucked it at Kisame since he had said she was more of a whale than he was.

"You three do seem rather out of it…" Pein noted, being the only one besides Konan who wasn't arguing.

Konan looked at him disbelievingly. "I can't believe you guys haven't figured it out yet. They don't want us to leave."

Everyone looked at Konan for a couple seconds, then slowly turned to fix their questioning stares on at least one of the three girls. Despite their efforts, they couldn't hide their blushes. Eva sheepishly put her right shoe back on, which had been about to follow the Kleenex box. Leah edged away from Deidara, who had released her in surprise. Claire tugged her ear nervously. "Smart _and_ sneaky. Damn…" she mumbled.

"Well you three obviously weren't going to say anything," Konan pointed out calmly. She picked up her mug of cocoa and drained the small remainder of the beverage.

"Why would you guys miss us…?" Zetsu's white half wondered, somehow adding to the awkwardness of the situation.

"Well, I can understand them missing _me_," Deidara sniffed pompously, "But the rest of you…especially Hidan…"

That set off the arguing again.

"Self-absorbed jackass! I'll rip you're fucking head off!" Hidan snarled, jumping to his feet.

"Everyone's so mad…" Tobi shook his head sadly.

"EVERYBODY SHUT UP!" Konan yelled. Silence and staring again.

"You're kind of out of it today too…" Pein muttered.

"You guys really need to stop being such jerks. The whole time we were here, these three have let us stay at their house and made food for us. We probably would have been exposed as freaks if we had gone out there on our own," Konan reasoned.

"We'd just kill the assholes…" Hidan grumbled.

Konan ignored him. "They have been really hospitable. We owe them."

Eva laughed loudly, clearly nervous. "Ha ha! That's okay; I think we owe you, for not killing us and all! Ha ha…ha…heh…"

"Eva's right, it was really no problem. We're glad we're not dead," Claire said, equally nervous. Leah looked too freaked out to speak, so she nodded and made a small incomprehensible noise of assent.

Konan frowned. "I still think—"

"Chill out, woman. They said it was fine," Kisame grinned, showing his sharp triangular teeth.

"So, you're gonna miss us, eh? I have to say, I'm flattered, bitch," Hidan smirked at Claire.

"Don't get used to it…" she grunted.

Maybe they hadn't been bold enough to voice their concerns, but Konan had been. The three of them were secretly grateful to her. The whole experience, from start to finish, had been something unfathomable, weirder than their weirdest dreams. It was definitely a happy one, though. How many other Naruto fans would have the chance to meet their animated idols? Odds were, none. Fate had selected them, from all the fans in the world, and they were glad for that. Knowing that they were more fortunate than any others eased the pain a little bit.

They hoped their meeting hadn't been entirely forgettable for the Akatsuki either. As the tense mood was diluted some by their cheerful laughing and talking, reminiscing about what had happened over the past few weeks and sharing their anticipation for getting home, the girls thought maybe it hadn't been. As pariahs ostracized from their home villages (though some had been intentional) they no doubt lacked what it felt liked to be missed. And what it felt like to have friends. Maybe now, that gap would be a little bit filled.

xXx

Eight o'clock. Itachi interrupted the conversation to tell them it was time. The girls felt their throats tighten, but bravely forced the feeling down. They noted that it would probably be a good idea to clear the furniture out of one room, so Itachi would have room to write the symbols to perform the jutsu.

The twelve of them carried the couches, table, and TV carefully out of the way, outside and into other adjacent rooms. Itachi got another piece of chalk and sketched out the various kanji onto the wooden floor in a much larger circle than they had used for the penny jutsu. Then the nine of them gathered inside the perimeter as the girls stood facing them a few feet outside.

"Anyone have anything to say?" Itachi asked, remaining emotionless even under the one condition emotion would be appropriate. Kisame and Zetsu, standing next to him, gave him small scolding looks, but then turned back to face the girls.

"Goodbye girls," Pein said with a small smile.

"Bye," Kakuzu nodded and shook their hands.

"Formal to then end…" Claire noted. He shrugged.

"See you guys," Kisame said. He patted Eva on the head. Eva blinked meaningfully. Kisame sighed. "Fine."

"Bye Fish-fish-sama!" she squeaked, hugging him tightly.

Eva released Kisame and they said goodbye to Konan. "We'll miss you three," she waved.

"Goodbye," both of Zetsu's halves chorused.

"Claire, Eva," Deidara nodded to them. "Leah…" He winked at her. She did something very un-Leah-like—she hugged him. Without him having to hug her first. Deidara looked the most surprised out of all of them.

"Bye Hyper-Chick, Doormat, Bitch," Hidan said to Eva, Leah, and Claire when they got to him.

Claire punched him in the shoulder and he smirked at her. Claire paused. "Leah's not as much of a doormat anymore," she said.

"Tobi misses you already!" Tobi squealed, making audible sniffles from under his mask.

"Poor Tobi…" Leah patted him on the shoulder.

Then, the thing that most of them would have expected least happened. Claire suddenly burst into tears. Eva, Leah, and the others stared at her. "Dammit, I don't care if you people think I'm a wimp, somebody hug me!" she ordered. Eva and Leah shrugged, tears appearing in the corners of their eyes too.

"Tobi needs a hug too!" Tobi wailed. The four of them glued themselves together in a mass of tears. The rest of them rolled their eyes, some of their mouths turned up slightly at the corners. A couple minutes later, they broke apart, still sniffing slightly.

Itachi shifted and cleared his throat. "Well, if that's it, then—"

"—Wait a second," Eva interrupted him. Her eyes were still slightly red and moist, but she had a mischievous look about her. Itachi glanced at the other two, seeing the effect mirrored.

"What?"

"Before you go, Itachi, we have a request," Claire said slyly.

"What?" Itachi repeated, a small strain of suspicion clear in his voice.

"We want you to smile," Leah said.

Itachi blinked at them. The others snickered. The powerful ninja looked up slowly, turning to Leader with an almost visible pleading expression on his face. Pein shrugged and smiled himself. "Don't look at me, Itachi," he nearly laughed.

"Come on, Itachi," Deidara prodded, "One little smile won't kill you, un."

"This is something I really have to see," Kakuzu mused, raising his eyebrows.

Zetsu's black half snickered, and even his white half appeared to have a little smile of its own.

Itachi looked back and forth, appearing more and more concerned.

"You can do it, Itachi-senpai," Tobi prompted.

Itachi stopped glancing about. His eyebrows drew together and he sighed, knowing he could not escape this. "Fine," he said.

The girls had their eyes fixed on him expectantly, and to his disappointment, so did his fellow Akatsuki members. He raised his head and stretched the unused muscles in his face, attempting to smile.

It was too much. They all burst out laughing. Itachi quickly stopped "smiling", replacing it with a much more familiar scowl. He closed his eyes and cleared his throat several times, trying to ignoring Kisame thumping him on the back and Deidara wiping tears from his visible eye.

It took quite a while before their hysterical laughter was controlled and reduced to the occasional giggle, but the girls stepped out of the circle. "Thanks Itachi," Eva said, smiling broadly in a fashion that showed much more obvious practice. Claire and Leah nodded in agreement, forcing themselves to sober up even more.

The laughter stopped all together. This was their final minute together, and they all felt it. It weighed down the air like a dense fog, seeming intent on separating them more. But it was not sad, it merely marked the end.

"Goodbye," Eva sniffled.

"Goodbye," Claire sighed.

"Goodbye," Leah said.

The Akatsuki echoed out one final goodbye, and then shuffled back to give Itachi a little more room. Itachi closed his eyes and moved his hands together. They started slow, then accelerated, forming the symbols. The windows were again closed, but a wind swept up around the room. The girls stepped back from the circle as red electricity began to dance around the border. The plain chalk symbols drawn on the floor suddenly glowed and shone up to the ceiling, almost appearing to dance like shadow puppets.

The wind swirled faster and the pictures on the walls clanked noisily against them, some even falling down. Unwashed dishes were thrown from the counter and clashed onto the ground, though their shattering could not be heard over the unearthly howling that weaved through their ears.

Their cloaks were suddenly flapping so fast against each other that they appeared only as a mass of black and red. Leah had to duck as a book flew from a bookcase and nearly struck her in the head. When it seemed like if the wind got any faster it would lift them all off the ground. Itachi's eyes snapped open, two pinpricks of red further illuminated by the ghostly glowing light and his voice boomed over the cacophony:

"AKUMA KAWARI YOCHI YUSOUKI NO JUTSU!"

A flash of red lightning, and they were gone.

The dream was over.

The three of them stood there. They did not move for nearly half an hour, save for blinking. No tears fell, no feet shuffled. Jason and Durham were upstairs, forgotten. This moment belonged to only them. And they knew they did not need to say it, the one question going through all of their minds. It was obvious, and slowly, they smiled to themselves thinking it.

_How are we still alive?_

**Author's Note:**

**Claire: -Sniff-**

**-Sniff-**

…**-Sniff-**

**I HATE BEING RETARDED! I'm positively dripping in goo and mush. BUT AT LEAST YOU PEOPLE WERE WARNED! I have to deal with STEPHANIE and her spontaneous ideas! AHH! ALL HER IDEAS INVOLVE MUSH! Ohhh it's so gross. It's so gross, and I almost cried, making it grosser.**

**Way ta ruin the moment, eh? :D**

**I cannot believe it's over. That was so…I dunno what that was. It was something good. It was fun, it was entertaining, it was depressing as hell because it wasn't true. Wait…that's not good…Ah well, I love you guys! –hugs everyone (readers and fellow authors, cuz everyone is awesome)-**

**Something is wrong with me today. My cynicism is broken.**

**Leah: -Brain isn't functioning properly- God, I realized while we were working on this chapter how much I hate being just the idea person. I will write! I will. I swear on it.**

**I agree with Claire, I honestly can't believe we finished it. It's just so…wow.**

**Eva: -Is dead-**

**Claire: …Why does she choose to be dead on the LAST FRIGGIN CHAPTER!? Makes no sense…**

**Know what else doesn't make sense? Having a prep for a brain when you hate preps. Wait…actually I guess that would make sense—FUCK NEVERMIND! (By the way, if you have no idea who Stephanie is and you actually care, check the profile)**


	17. Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

**Eva: -Is still dead-**

**Claire: Surprise! Looky, an epilogue! )**

**Leah: Holy crap! Claire didn't leave a long author's note!**

**Claire: I know! I'm scared too…**

Epilogue:

It was the day before school started. Eva, Leah, and Claire were about to start their last year of high school, and yet they were still moping about their friends moving away.

Except it wasn't so much "moving" as returning to the alternate reality from which they came. And they weren't so much "friends" as violent criminals, who had been very hard to convince to keep the girls alive in the first place that had been staying with them for a month during the break. But now they were gone, and despite the fact that they their admiration for the Akatsuki was pretty much one-sided, they were sad.

Eva had tended to stay in her room for most of the day, blasting music by anyone from Korn to Plain White T's to Marilyn Manson. Claire was swearing even more than usual, but was otherwise prone to copying Eva's habits (though her music was played at a reasonable level). Leah had tried at first to cheer up Claire and Eva a bit, but they refused to come out of their Emo-Bubbles, so eventually she gave up and reverted to her normal activities. This mostly included drawing and occasionally going on the computer.

Other than the fact that school was out, there was one good thing that had happened during the summer. Eva and Claire had called their parents the day before they were due to return home, and surprisingly, their parents had said that they would be allowed to continue staying with Jason and Leah for the rest of school. This had made the two of them happy, particularly Eva, because they had parents that were equally as undesirable to live with as Leah's mother. They later realized that this house held many of the memories they might have been better off forgetting, and living in the house made that impossible.

Now, most people would try to enjoy what was left of their freedom on the last day of summer. And that was what Claire planned to do.

By wasting four dollars of Jason's hard-earned hospital salary on a pay-per-view movie. She felt a little guilty about blocking Leah out for the last two weeks, and for ignoring Eva, so she asked if they wanted to watch it with her. Since they really had nothing else to do, they agreed.

"What are we watching?" Eva asked. Her interest wasn't really sincere, more of just a topic of discussion to end the awkward silence while Claire scrolled through the guide.

"I dunno, I just want to waste Jason's money and I'm bored," Claire responded in a flat tone.

Leah gave a weak chuckle.

"No…" Claire muttered after reading one of the summaries, "No…no…that sucks…Damn, I don't know. What do you guys—Hey!"

The TV had suddenly winked out into blackness. Claire glanced down at the remote, stabbing at the power button.

Eva suddenly snapped out of her trance due to the lack of background commercial noise. "Why'd you turn it off?"

"I didn't! I think it broke…"

Leah stood up and walked over to the set. "Did the plug come out?"

There was a sound, like a little electrical static, a flash, and a nail holding a picture frame to the wall suddenly popped out and bounced to the floor. The glass in the frame fell with it and shattered.

Eva was now fully alert, standing up and looking around the room. "Okay, something weird is going on," she said, a panicky undertone evident in her voice.

"No kidding," Claire agreed, also standing. The static sound echoed out again, louder this time. Now they could distinctly see small slivers of red electricity zapping about the room, striking any metal in sight.

"Eva, look out!" Leah yelled as a shelf over Eva's head was suddenly disrupted. Eva quickly darted to the side before its contents along spilled through the air where her head had been a moment before.

"Everyone get under the table!" Claire shouted over the now roaring sound of the strange red light.

The three of them quickly gathered under the wooden table in the dining room, peering out through the chairs as the room was trashed by the paranormal indoor lightning and violent wind.

All at once, the lightning focused into one spot in the center of the room, flashed brilliantly, and all was still.

"Hi girls!"

"Wha—" Eva started, staring up at the intruders with her mouth open.

"Hm. I kind of expected a better welcome than that, after being gone for two weeks, but I guess it was kind of rude of us to come here without any notice," said Konan.

The girls slowly got out from under the furniture as she walked casually over to the fridge and started rummaging around through it.

Pein glanced around the living room, looking bored. "You're house is quite messy. I would have thought it would be cleaner with nine fewer people living in it."

Claire narrowed her eyes at him in amazement. "Yeah, uh, you guys did that with the red flashy lightning stuff. Why are you…er…here?"

"Sorry. I told Pein he was using too much chakra, but he never listens to me. We'll help you clean up later," the only female member of the Akatsuki offered, emerging from the fridge with a piece of cake that Jason had stolen from the staff room a couple days ago.

"That still doesn't tell us why you're here…" Leah said slowly.

"Oh that. You tell them, Pein."

Pein looked up abruptly, giving his partner a questioning look. "We—or that is, I, as the leader of the Ak—"

Konan cleared her throat. Pein blinked, but resumed. "Anyway. _I_ decided that since we often go on dangerous missions, it would be very convenient of us to have a hiding spot that would be…inaccessible to the enemy. Therefore, we have all spent the last two weeks learning the transportation jutsu from Itachi."

Claire blinked and closed her mouth. "Wait a minute, you can't just do that. We start school tomorrow."

Pein looked genuinely offended. "We aren't children. We don't need to be _watched_."

"That's a matter of opinion," Leah muttered under her breath.

Eva pretended she hadn't heard Leah and returned to the problem at hand. "I think Claire's concern was more about the house than—"

"—Haven't we proved that we can stay here and not destroy your house before?"

"Well, I guess, but—"

"—You left us home with Jason, as an unnecessary precaution, and nothing happened."

"Okay, that's true, but—"

"—So, you admit it. There's no problem then. The matter is settled," Pein said in a manner that portrayed that the conversation was over. Eva turned blankly to face the others as he disappeared into the kitchen too.

Konan walked up to them, happily depleting their supply of cake. "Isn't this cool you guys? We'll be here all the time!"

"Sure…" Claire said unconvincingly. For whatever reason (though it was probably a sugar-induced one), Konan didn't notice, and turned away to chat with Pein.

All of a sudden, the girls had forgotten what had thrust them into a state of depression for the past few weeks.

"All the time…?" Leah repeated.

"How long do people generally live in Naruto land," Eva wondered.

"I don't know…But Hidan is immortal…and I doubt Itachi's going down any time soon," Claire admitted a little less than cheerfully.

The three of them slumped over a little as they surveyed the damage done to their living room. First there was the TV, which upon closer observation appeared to have been cracked by a certain rod of red lightning. The couches had been pushed back against the wall by the force of the wind, the coffee table flipped over with one leg broken off ironically into the fireplace, and the numerous decorations, papers, and other items that were now strewn across the floor. In the kitchen several feet away, the two destructive criminals chatted.

"Oh boy…" they sighed.

**Author's Note:**

**Eva: Sequel coming up next!**

**Claire: …Must you be so blunt?**

**Leah: -Is ignoring both of them- Yeah, check back for a more soon.**

**Claire: -Glares at Leah- You know, I wasn't done. Eva basically said it all though. We're having a sequ****e****l! (Not a **_**sequal**_**. –Glares at Eva who can't spell 'sequ****e****l'-)**

**Gee, I wonder what it's going to be about!? –Sarcasm-**

**Anyway, Leah wants me to tell me (though she could say it herself…dunno why she's not) that we're going to post a note thingy after this chapter-epilogue telling you when we post the first chapter of the Sequ****e****l. So we will. But first, we need a break. **

**In the meantime, Leah (Nairo) has been writing more stories! Yay! So read those too! And I (Jemmi) keep planning to write some stories…although that isn't going as well as I would like…I'll try harder though. Whatever.**

**As for Eva (Xana), she's dead, as far as I know. But that's the way it is. **

**OK, BYE NOW!! P**


	18. Special Secret Chapter of Secretiveness

SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L

SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L

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SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L

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SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L

SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L

SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_**E**_L SEQU_E_L SEQU_**E**_L

Claire: YA GET IT?!!?!?! THE SEQU_**E**_LZ OUT! OMG WE GET TO WRITE STUFF THAT'S NOT IN THE STORY NOT IN BOLD! –feels special-

In other news, I dyed my hair purple! It's cool! Cept I'm sad cuz it's only gonna last three days. The box says 8-10 days, but that really means three.

And at this very moment I am eating my fifth…no…SIXTH suicide prevention card. They give them to us at our school and I find them gay and useless, so I eat them. Not kidding.

My birthdays in nine days! WoooOOOOooooOOoooOOooooo!

Leah: The sequ_**e**_l is called "When Are We Going to Die?" And you can find it on our account so yeah. There it is. So check. And read our other stories as well! Please?

Claire: I finished my suicide prevention card and am now eating a giant cupcake. Yum.

BONUS ACTIVITY OF REDARTEDLYNESS: FIND THE SECOND 'E' IN THE WORD 'SEQU_**E**_L' THAT IS NOT BOLDED! Heh. Have fun. :)


End file.
